Exploring the Subjectivity of Attractiveness: A Scientific Perspective

[SpaceTiger]

This subject came up in HRW's thread about dating, but I didn't want to drag it off-topic. The question is, what do you mean when you use the words in the subject heading, specifically when in reference to someone of sexual potential? This topic seems to have come up in conversation with virtually every one of my past girlfriends, so I want to know what everyone here thinks. Here's what I mean when I use the words on a member of the opposite sex:

Cute - Attractive like a kitten or puppy. Someone I would feel bad never calling back and would be more prone to want to date long-term.

Hot - Makes me think of (and want) sex. Someone I would enjoy dating, but who would have to go a out of their way to convince me they were long-term material.

Pretty - Not a person-specific adjective, but one that's saved for events in which the person in question looks more attractive than usual. A more extreme version of the same thing is "gorgeous". Very appropriate for dates.

Beautiful - To me, beauty is something much deeper than any of these other terms. I think of beauty in the "American Beauty" sense; it involves a sort of elegant complexity...something I would write a song about.

Feel free to write about other common words -- handsome, attractive...scrumptious. Don't hesitate to give examples, but be nice. :tongue2:

 

[tribdog]

I use every one of those words interchangably. they all mean "this is a word to say to make someone feel good about themselves." I'm really not hung up on looks and I'm a lot less shallow than most people think. Everything I say or do is designed for one purpose. To make someone else feel good, whether it is through laughter or building self esteem or by sticking up for someone. I'm always suprised when I get in trouble for things I say because there's never any malice when I write them, but I frequently get taken wrong. I'm not complaining, I don't expect most mortals to be able to grasp my superior thoughts and motives. <---example

 

[Cyrus]

Cute - I want to have sex with you, in a soft cuddly kind of way.

Hot - I want to have sex with you, in a rough kind of way.

Pretty - I want to have sex with you, next to the fire.

Beautiful - I want to have sex with you, on a bed of flowers

Spacetiger, did I tell you that you are a HOT physicist!?

 

[tribdog]

pretty beautiful- I want to have sex with you on a burning bed of roses

 

[Cyrus]

Tribdog, you know my legs are always open for you.

 

[SpaceTiger]

they all mean "this is a word to say to make someone feel good about themselves."

In other words, you don't mean them? I don't like saying things just to make people feel good, it makes me feel dishonest.

I'm really not hung up on looks and I'm a lot less shallow than most people think.

These words aren't just about looks. Being "hot" or "cute" is also about personality, behavior, etc. For example, I hope Hurkyl won't mind me quoting something he said in reference to HRW:

I must admit that after this thread, you suddenly seem cute. I had simply never thought anything about it before. I imagine "real-life" effects would be similar.

I'm always suprised when I get in trouble for things I say because there's never any malice when I write them, but I frequently get taken wrong.

A professor of mine once compared humor to violence. I don't know if there's a philosophical origin for the analogy, but it's something worth considering.

 

[SpaceTiger]

Spacetiger, did I tell you that you are a HOT physicist!?

As long as I get laid, you can call me whatever you want.

 

[tribdog]

If it would be dishonest to tell someone they look beautiful I don't say anything, unless it would get a laugh. and if you call me violent again I'll kick your butt.

 

[SpaceTiger]

If it would be dishonest to tell someone they look beautiful I don't say anything, unless it would get a laugh. and if you call me violent again I'll kick your butt.

Just a kick? Shucks.

 

[Monique]

Cute - innocent
Hot- sexy
Pretty - good looking
Beautiful/ handsome - more attractive than good looking

 

[Joel]

Well, in this instant, I kind of pile all the adjectives that arouse me sexually under "attractive". That includes "hot", "pretty", "cute", etc. All of those can mean I'm attracted, but doesn't necessarily, all depending on my own mood. For example, I was on party last friday and they played good music, so I was mostly attracted to the girls who knew how to shake it. On a quite home party at 6am, I could be more attracted to a sweet girl, whom to hugg in the corner of the sofa. Sexual attractiveness can be anything from animalistic desire to a need for little closeness and a hugg, or from estetic pleasure to a feeling of a deepper connection. As long as there is passion of some kind.

With beuty and a "fine person", on the other hand, I mean those more complex things, alá american beuty. This is the sum of her morals, social skills, descissions in difficult situations, emphaty and overal character. I mean things that you can't see on a picture, but that tends to reflect on her essence in a real life situation. And for some reason, a girl displaying potential of being a "fine person" increases her sexuall attractiveness, which kinda brings me to my only question...

Hot - Makes me think of (and want) sex. Someone I would enjoy dating, but who would have to go a out of their way to convince me they were long-term material.

Why would a person who at first sight appears hot and sexually attractive have any less character? If you think of the classical god and bad girls, then surely the bad girl is unreliable and maybe partly because of it extremely hot. But couldn't it just be a cute girl letting loose? For me, those who can host a wild side without loosing perspective are the true candidates.

 

[Moonbear]

Well, most of those terms would be a negative if I was using them to describe the sexual potential of someone. I do sometimes use them to refer to some men, but I sure wouldn't to their faces.

Cute is okay. Much of the time, if I refer to a guy as cute, it means they have more of a "boyish" charm. Sweet, nice to look at, maybe some potential if they can show me they have a mature aspect to their personality too, but mostly, someone who's probably too young for me. The kind of guy that I think, "If I was 10 or 15 years younger, I'd have been all over him." Cute can be a personality characteristic as well...and if I see someone doing things that are cute, then it's often referring to something stupid they've done, but hasn't come across as pathetic. I have no idea how to explain this concept well. I think it's reserved for a guy I'm already interested in, and his flaws are not looking like flaws anymore, but just part of his charm. Sort of, "It was so cute the way you were swearing under your breath the whole time you were trying to fix that computer."

Hot...hmmm...a purely physical attraction. Someone who I enjoy just watching from a distance, can even fantasize about being swept away to a hotel room with him, but don't give any consideration to him as relationship material.

Pretty and beautiful are negatives for men. Fine features, effeminate traits, whether he's gay or not, that's what's registering in my mind.

When I'm REALLY into a guy, I don't say much at all. I don't have a single word that would suffice as a description.

 

[tribdog]

If you think of the classical god and bad girls,

i know it's just a typo, but if you think of girls as gods you'll get along much better.

 

[tribdog]

just like I always do I'm going to steer things into a discussion of me. I want to know if you see me as cute, hot, pretty, or beautiful or pick the adjective of your choice.

 

[Joel]

Sweet, nice to look at, maybe some potential if they can show me they have a mature aspect to their personality too, but mostly, someone who's probably too young for me. The kind of guy that I think, "If I was 10 or 15 years younger, I'd have been all over him."

Aha! Thanks for that clarification, now I know what they've all been telling.

 

[Joel]

i know it's just a typo, but if you think of girls as gods you'll get along much better.

And if I think of them as the devil I survive much longer?

 

[SpaceTiger]

Why would a person who at first sight appears hot and sexually attractive have any less character?

Good question. In my experience, girls/women that go out of their way to make guys think of sex (especially if it's on a regular basis) are doing more than just looking for a boyfriend. I find that they're usually looking for attention; in particular, a kind of attention that is much easier to get from guys than other girls. This can be a result of an artistic flair in association with sex, a histrionic personality, or even nymphomania, but it usually isn't a good quality for a relationship.

That said, there are girls/women that I find "hot" who obviously aren't trying very hard. In those cases, I would be less wary about a relationship with them. Either way, though, if they're really long-term material, they'll prove it to me eventually.

 

[Joel]

just like I always do I'm going to steer things into a discussion of me. I want to know if you see me as cute, hot, pretty, or beautiful or pick the adjective of your choice.

At first glance, you look innocent, until you open your mouth. Then you come across as witty, which increases the hottness level for me with many degrees. After a good pile of posts your sweetness and hard working nature shines through thou.

I hope you don't mind that I took the liberty of assumen you where asking both sexes. :)

 

[Moonbear]

Aha! Thanks for that clarification, now I know what they've all been telling.

Well, I should probably clarify that when I WAS 15 years younger (erm...maybe 20 years younger), cute was the highest compliment I could give a guy. Actually, it was, "He's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!" It meant I very much wanted him to ask me out, but got too tongue-tied around him to even let him know I was interested. Now I'm just too old for guys my age to be cute. I still associate cuteness with the younger guys, so it's no longer something I associate with any sort of sexual attraction, just something I notice in the doting auntie sort of way...the kind of guy I like to see find a nice, sweet, young lady.

 

[enlil]

As a woman, I get called by all of these names but I have noticed that all men usualy mean simular things when they call me by some.
Before they have sex with me, they usualy deskribe me as cute, after sex or during-hot, all men in general(including my male friends) find me pretty and only if they get to love me-they say that I'm beautiful.

I agree that beauty does emply something much, much deeper than just looks and I have my expirience to proove it, but these words also give me a very good picture of what to expecte from a guy!

 

[Joel]

Well, I should probably clarify that when I WAS 15 years younger (erm...maybe 20 years younger), cute was the highest compliment I could give a guy. Actually, it was, "He's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!" It meant I very much wanted him to ask me out, but got too tongue-tied around him to even let him know I was interested. Now I'm just too old for guys my age to be cute. I still associate cuteness with the younger guys, so it's no longer something I associate with any sort of sexual attraction, just something I notice in the doting auntie sort of way...the kind of guy I like to see find a nice, sweet, young lady.

Well, I appear to be somewhere between the cute and charming age. Younger girls have told me I'm cute and I'm sure they've meant a lot with it. Girls around my age and in my surrounding tend to use "charming", "handsome", "elegant" and "eloquant" to give the highest marks. It is ladies in their prime who again start to see the cute side in me. So, I like hanging aorund with people in different ages, I learn so many more good (and VERY, VERY few bad) qualities in my self that way.

 

[NateTG]

Obviously these are a bit fuzzy, and examples are more based on celerbrity personae than anything else.

Cute - Sympathetic. (Jeneane Garaffelo)
Hot - Arousing. (Angelina Jolie)
Pretty - Matches social norms for beauty. (Cameron Diaz)
Beautiful - Asthetically pleasing. (Camryn Manheim)

 

[tribdog]

At first glance, you look innocent, until you open your mouth. Then you come across as witty, which increases the hottness level for me with many degrees. After a good pile of posts your sweetness and hard working nature shines through thou.
I hope you don't mind that I took the liberty of assumen you where asking both sexes. :)

hell yeah. I'll take a compliment anywhere I can get it.

 

[DaveC426913]

Obviously these are a bit fuzzy, and examples are more based on celerbrity personae than anything else.
Cute - Sympathetic. (Jeneane Garaffelo)
Hot - Arousing. (Angelina Jolie)
Pretty - Matches social norms for beauty. (Cameron Diaz)
Beautiful - Asthetically pleasing. (Camryn Manheim)

"Why Ms. Diaz, You are really matching the social norm for beauty today!"

 

[___]

Don't know why but I never found the word "Hot" nice.

 

[Bladibla]

Cute - a harp seal
Hot - Inaudible
Beautiful - Scarlett Yohansson
Pretty - Stars, Starfish, Sea slugs.

 

[Joel]

Good question. In my experience, girls/women that go out of their way to make guys think of sex (especially if it's on a regular basis) are doing more than just looking for a boyfriend. I find that they're usually looking for attention; in particular, a kind of attention that is much easier to get from guys than other girls. This can be a result of an artistic flair in association with sex, a histrionic personality, or even nymphomania, but it usually isn't a good quality for a relationship.

Good point. I agree that all those qualities may be bad for a real relationship. But I'm still somewhat sceptical towards how one could notice them based on appearance and behaviour in a flirty environment. Most sensible girls and boys that I know like to let loose once or twice a month, and when we do, we dress attractivly, flirt and in general explore our cool or more shallow side. Yet, many couples live happily together and singels, like myself, feel pretty balanced.

That said, there are girls/women that I find "hot" who obviously aren't trying very hard. In those cases, I would be less wary about a relationship with them. Either way, though, if they're really long-term material, they'll prove it to me eventually.

Yeah, some are just naturals. Or maybe they are just so darn good and subtile that we don't get it?

And speaking of that comedy and violence thingy... I've also heard it, the explanation was that before violence was a way of getting authority in social hierarchies, but in today's WAY more civilized cultures, humour is used for the same purpouse. It is very easy to undermine someone's entire point by rediculating it. But like many things, properly used I think it's just damd fun. (no pun to drugs intended, honest!).

 

[Moonbear]

Don't know why but I never found the word "Hot" nice.

It certainly isn't the way SpaceTiger and I use it. It doesn't mean we couldn't discover someone was more later, but at first, it does imply we're thinking more along the lines of a sex object than a person when calling someone "hot." Well, maybe I shouldn't speak for ST on that, but it sounds like he uses it similarly to the way I use it from what he's posted here. It may be said as a compliment, but it's not very complimentary...if that makes any sense at all.

 

[___]

It certainly isn't the way SpaceTiger and I use it. It doesn't mean we couldn't discover someone was more later, but at first, it does imply we're thinking more along the lines of a sex object than a person when calling someone "hot." Well, maybe I shouldn't speak for ST on that, but it sounds like he uses it similarly to the way I use it from what he's posted here. It may be said as a compliment, but it's not very complimentary...if that makes any sense at all.

I wouldn't call a nice, innocent, charming, beautiful girl "Hot". I would rather call a "sex only material" Hot just like you do. I would not mind calling a prostitute "Hot".

 

[SpaceTiger]

Good point. I agree that all those qualities may be bad for a real relationship. But I'm still somewhat sceptical towards how one could notice them based on appearance and behaviour in a flirty environment. Most sensible girls and boys that I know like to let loose once or twice a month, and when we do, we dress attractivly, flirt and in general explore our cool or more shallow side.

Right, but as an astrophysicist, I'm inclined to average over these states and compute the resulting amplitude.

In my experience, if she's wearing really skimpy clothing and talking to you like she wants to jump you where you stand, the probability of her being long-term material is pretty small. That's not to say I wouldn't want her to jump me where I stand, just that I probably wouldn't want it to go much beyond that.

And speaking of that comedy and violence thingy... I've also heard it, the explanation was that before violence was a way of getting authority in social hierarchies, but in today's WAY more civilized cultures, humour is used for the same purpouse. It is very easy to undermine someone's entire point by rediculating it. But like many things, properly used I think it's just damd fun. (no pun to drugs intended, honest!).

Not to bash on comedy, cause I love it as much as anyone, but I think we should admit that this fun is almost always at someone or something's expense. When I think of the television shows, movies, etc. that I find the funniest, they're all making fun of some person or group of people. Comedy is a breeding ground for social norms and stereotypes -- if it weren't, it wouldn't be funny.

But it makes people happy and a humorless life is a very sad life indeed. I guess this just goes to show that everything comes with a price.

 

[Moonbear]

I wouldn't call a nice, innocent, charming, beautiful girl "Hot". I would rather call a "sex only material" Hot just like you do. I would not mind calling a prostitute "Hot".

Well, I wouldn't go so far as sex for hire, but more referring to the sex appeal of someone. For instance, I would use it synonymously with "sexy." So, if I'm in a relationship with a guy, and he puts on a really well-tailored suit or tux (I'm a sucker for guys in nice suits), I might tell him he's looking very hot, which wouldn't mean I think of him only for sex, but that his sex appeal was definitely at the forefront of my mind at that particular time, and it's definitely a compliment. But that's different than if I don't know anything about a guy and the ONLY thing I know about him are his looks, in which case, it's a very shallow compliment, and possibly even mildly offensive to say he's hot and not take into consideration anything else about him. I take the comment the same way...if a boyfriend tells me I'm hot, I take it as a compliment, and probably an invitation, but if a stranger comes up to me and tells me I'm hot, I just think he's a creep.

 

[matthyaouw]

I think that all of the words are very context dependant. Cute for example: It could mean cute like a baby or a puppy ("aww, how cute") or be pretty much a synonym for beautiful ("Wow, she's cute!"), or anything in between.

I also think that cute and pretty apply more to facial characterictics, where as hot describes both face and body.

 

[SpaceTiger]

It certainly isn't the way SpaceTiger and I use it. It doesn't mean we couldn't discover someone was more later, but at first, it does imply we're thinking more along the lines of a sex object than a person when calling someone "hot."

You may be right, but I find it's the adjective guys my age (including myself) most want to be called. I think it carries status and a feeling of control. When I'm called hot, I feel like I have power over the person who said it. On the other hand, when I'm called cute (particularly by someone my age or younger), I actually feel more objectified and less in control of the situation, like a doll to be dressed up and prepared for tea.

Those are just my gut reactions, though. Through experience, I know that girls sometimes use "cute" when they want to be more subtle. Since this is usually a sign of maturity and discretion, it's getting to the point where I think I'd rather be called "cute" by a potential partner.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

it's getting to the point where I think I'd rather be called "cute" by a potential partner.

Guess what they call you after twenty years. :grumpy:

 

[Evo]

Any man I'm attracted to I call "cute". I would only refer to a guy as being "hot" if he was attractive, but not really my type. The only exception to that is a guy I worked with in New Jersey, Steve, he was also a J Crew model. Now, he was HOT and smart and funny.