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Dating advisment

  1. Jan 29, 2008 #1
    So I'm back dating after a couple years and never realized how much I don't know. I found a really smart woman, PF type, and I'm not sure how to date her without screwing up. She does not play games as far I know. What I'd like to know is how should I draw a line between being serious, goofy, or playing games on a first date. I thought I'd invest my ego on PF before going any further. So any advise is appreciated.
     
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  3. Jan 29, 2008 #2

    Evo

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    I'd just say be yourself and be observant. The last thing you want to do is be something you're not. If you are goofy and playful normally and think you need to tone it down on a first date, that's fine.

    One of the most fun dates I ever went on was with a chemical engineer that I figured would be boring, he also had a law degree, which gave me an even worse idea of what a date would be like. We went to a restaurant that had a great comic band playing, my girlfriend met us there (she was my emergency escape, if needed). She smoked, and while I was talking to her, with my back to him, he had grabbed her pack of cigarettes. When I turned around he was sitting there with a completely serious look on his face with cigarettes hanging out of his ears and nostrils. I loved it.
     
  4. Jan 29, 2008 #3
    :rofl: Yeah, do this on your next date. It's a much better use of cigarettes than smoking them.

    Evo, how did your girlfriend feel about it? I don't think I would want a cigarette that had been in some strangers ears and nose. Was your date a smoker and copping a few smokes, or was this a creative way of saying what he thought of your girlfriend's habit? It would have been even funnier if he put them back in the pack.
     
  5. Jan 29, 2008 #4

    Evo

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    She made him buy her a new pack, but she thought it was funny.
    Neither of us smoked, and it was his way of making fun of smoking. He did put them back in the pack, that's when she sent him to the cigarette machine.

    Now one guy that I did NOT find funny had a PHD in Biochemistry. While I'd be driving my car in the pouring rain he'd be opening the sunroof and playing with all electronic gadgets. His idea of a hot date would be to sit in his apartment and watch reruns of the Golden Girls, he loved that show. It was like dating someone really intelligent, with the sense of humor of a 5 year old and the habits of an old woman.

    I don't date anymore.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2008
  6. Jan 29, 2008 #5
    I don't think there are many tricks to dating. Just be attentive to your date. The trick is in finding someone that is compatible.
     
  7. Jan 29, 2008 #6
    It almost sounds like she's a closer fit to a lot of the women in your past and you don't want to blow it. Is that right?
     
  8. Jan 29, 2008 #7

    Moonbear

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    You invite your girlfriends on your dates? That seems a bit odd. I'd be really annoyed if a guy invited one of his other friends on a date.

    I've been with guys like that too...argh!!!!! Drives me nuts. I swear they're going to break something and it feels like dragging along a misbehaving toddler...not to mention that if they can't keep their hands to themselves, it's ME they should be trying to play with, not all the gadgets and gizmos!
     
  9. Jan 29, 2008 #8
    Cool story. Maybe he was on chemicals?


    Not really, she actually has her act together, and knows what she wants, probably more than me. Women I dated before were alright too, but this one is different somehow. I'm probably hyper-analyzing, grrr.
     
  10. Jan 29, 2008 #9

    Evo

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    To him, she had just stopped in for a drink and we "ran into" each other. But we were getting along great and we asked her to join. It wasn't some hot, romantic date, it was a hamburger joint known for their jalapeno hamburgers, with a bar and an incredibly funny house band. She showed up on cue about 45 minutes after we got there, so after we'd eaten and started doing some serious beer drinking. This was a very popular hangout for the young crowd from NASA, so it was almost impossible not to run into someone you knew, which made the meeting plausible.
     
  11. Jan 29, 2008 #10

    Moonbear

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    I've never plotted anything that elaborate as an "escape" from a date. The most I ever do is make sure someone knows who I'm with and where I'm going if it's a blind date type thing, but beyond that, if it's going so badly that I need an escape, I'm perfectly capable of just telling the guy that I'm ready to go home...though, I can't recall ever going on a date so bad that I needed to escape early and couldn't get through the evening and then just never call again.
     
  12. Jan 29, 2008 #11
    Men aren't that stupid--
     
  13. Jan 29, 2008 #12

    Evo

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    That was the only time I've ever done that, and if I recall correctly, I believe she's the one that came up with the idea and insisted. In hindsight, she didn't want to sit at home on a Friday night and the two of us usually went out together. She probably would have shown up even if I had said no. :biggrin: She used to make me go out with her and her dates also, come to think of it. We were joined at the hip and if either of us were going to date anyone, they had to date us both (to a point), so might as well get that out of the way up front. Funny, no guy ever complained. :tongue2:
     
  14. Jan 29, 2008 #13

    Evo

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    Oh, right. :uhh: :biggrin:

    Waht, I don't think you have anything to worry about, you seem very likeable. I think where people go wrong is when they worry too much about making a good impression. It usually backfires. Just relax and be yourself. Afterall, you wouldn't want someone that wouldn't want you for yourself.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2008
  15. Jan 29, 2008 #14

    RonL

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    There are so many things that could be said, but to keep it simple, "pay attention to her eyes" they will tell you everything you need to know. Hope all goes well
     
  16. Jan 29, 2008 #15

    Astronuc

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    I'm curious. Wasn't there a clue ahead of time that indicated that this guy was a such a yutz? Did you slap his hands to dissuade him from 'playing with all the electronic gadgets'?

    How'd one manage to find these guys? Or how did you manage to let them find one?

    No answer is necessary. The questions are more rhetorical. Well - and the fact that I'm rather curious.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2008
  17. Jan 29, 2008 #16

    Astronuc

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    When I dated my wife (before we got married), sometimes we'd go out to some place and join one or more of her girlfriends who enjoyed the same entertainment. That was no big deal. And we'd often get together with mutual friends for a dinner or party, or an outdoor concert or day at the beach.

    Afterward, we'd usually go back to her place, and enjoy nice conversation - among other things.
     
  18. Jan 29, 2008 #17

    Evo

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    No idea. Apparently as he became more comfortable with me, more of his personality came through. He absolutely delighted in aggravating me while I was driving.

    In a bar.

    He absolutely adored my girls and he was so great with them. They adored him back. They never connected to their own father. To this day they keep asking me why I didn't marry him. He would have made the best dad ever, but he made me crazy.
     
  19. Jan 29, 2008 #18

    Astronuc

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    Don't be too goofy on the first date. One should make a good impression first and be goofy later.

    What does one mean by "not playing games"? As in video games?

    Go out for a nice dinner and get to know one another. If there is a movie or concert the woman has been planning to see, perhaps suggest that for a date. Or just get together during the day for lunch or coffee. How well does one know this woman?
     
  20. Jan 29, 2008 #19

    Moonbear

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    Getting together with friends while dating is different than having friends tag along on a date. I think of a date as a getting to know each other meeting where it's more intimate, i.e., just the two of you focused on each other. Going OUT together with other people is fine once you know each other better (or if you're at a stage of casual interest that's not yet dating), and maybe one might double date with another couple if you're all good friends, but inviting other people along all seems like something that happens once the couple has gotten to know each other enough to want to introduce them to their friends.
     
  21. Jan 29, 2008 #20

    Moonbear

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    I agree. Generally, try to relax and be yourself (I know, easier said than done), but avoid being overly goofy (and NO playing with all the knobs in the car! :biggrin:). Strive to be a gentleman...every woman enjoys and appreciates that. While you shouldn't go to any extremes like tackling her so you can get to the door first to hold it open for her, when you are presented the opportunity, you should do so (and if she's the type of woman who will hold the door open for you as well if she gets to it first, don't argue over that). We know all that stuff often wears off by the third date or so, but it's flattering and fun when a guy is very gentlemanly like that on a first date.
     
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