Ok here we go.. (warning: contains angst) Not even sure where to begin. I guess I'll start with my current situation. I failed the first year of my maths course in university. I had several crippling addictions (MUDding and smoking weed) as well as an unhealthy and distorted mindset which resulted in my missing nearly every lecture, and even several of the exams. I applied to retake the year as an external candidate (I could not retake internally). In the run up to the january exams I still had not learned my lesson, and did precious little revision, resulting in my failing three of the four modules. The summer exams start in a week, and I have been revising like never before for around two weeks, and I intend to continue to do so for the rest of the time available to me. Some modules are available to resit in August, though I am not entirely clear on this point. Now for a little more background, which should explain why I still want to pursue an academic career in mathematics. First though, more negatives. I attended four secondary schools, and left unceremoniously from each. First time my parents sent me to a boarding school because I never did any homework, I was expelled from there for smoking weed, by which time my parents had moved to a different part of the country so I had to attend a different state school, during my a-levels I had personality clashes with two of my subject teachers leading to my being thrown of the respective courses, meaning maths and further maths were the only subjects I could take in the second year, whereas the minimum required to stay on was three. Finally I took my final year in another private school. A major factor which held me back during my school life was undiagnosed dyspraxia (difficulty with co-ordination, especially with regards to handwriting). It's not an excuse for my lack of performance but I think it goes some way to explaining it. However in each of the schools I always excelled at maths. In the first one, the size of the year was 120 pupils, and I won a mathematics competition for the whole year. In the second one, the school entered years 10 and 11 into the 'UKIMC' (United Kingdom Intermediate Mathematical Challenge). I was in year 10 at the time, and I won a 'gold certificate', which placed me in the top 6% of entrants (in my school at least only the top set were entered into the competition) as well as the 'best in school' award. During the sixth form there were no competitions as such, but I still obtained an A in maths despite my continued refusal to do any work outside of the classroom. Due to a mix-up with my exam results (Having taken modules in different schools I had two different exam numbers) I didn't get into the course I wanted (mathematics) at the University I wanted despite making the grades, as by the time the mistake was rectified there were no places left on the course. Instead I took a course in computer science, and thoroughly wasted my time doing you can guess what. Which takes us back to my first paragraph, but with the extra condition that I have already had not one but two years of student loans, and I believe the maximum is four. That was a lot of exposition. If you're still with me, the reason I have come to be posting this is that over the past few weeks, I have realised that while I may have forgotten much of what I was taught in school, I am still capable of learning fast, and learning well. What's more I've discovered I actually enjoying learning about mathematics more than I enjoy that waste of life, computer games. Whether I'm capable of learning fast enough and well enough to pass my upcoming exams remains to be seen, but even if I don't I intend on cultivating mathematical knowledge in years to come. It would be an awful shame, however, to be a keen and able mathematician while working jobs I am completely unsuitable for. That is my problem, can anyone give me advice?