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Don't really know how to put it

  1. May 18, 2009 #1
    I cried last night for and hour and a half and again this morning for another half an hour. (*Im not one to normally cry either*) My brother has a new girlfriend, don't get me wrong, I like her, but there is something that is not right about the situation. I had a nice long talk with my brother about it, I think I will have a 'lil chat with her and find out what it is. My brother is acting differently, but I don't think it's in a good way. I know she is not here to take my spot, but there is something that's making my brother kinda mean and sneaky. I love him to no end, and I don't want to see him get hurt. I care too much for him. I could go on for hours here, but I just don't know what to do or say at this moment. I told mom and she is going to have a talk with him today. She is slightly worried about him too. We know he is a big boy, but we are still family and that will never change.
  2. jcsd
  3. May 18, 2009 #2
  4. May 18, 2009 #3
    That almost sounds about right. She keeps trying to sway my brothers mind on things. I told him he needs to be a man and tell her how it's going to be. There is something that is just not quite right....
  5. May 18, 2009 #4
    ... Get a boyfriend ...
  6. May 18, 2009 #5


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    That doesn't sound like a good solution; one can't go around telling his gf "how it's going to be"!

    You say things are changing, and that he is being mean and sneaky: what does this mean? Is it just towards you that you see this change, or is his interaction between the rest of your family/friends changing? It's obvious that you're a tight family; is your brother's gf somewhat affecting this, or do you see her as trying to muscle in on your brother or something?
  7. May 18, 2009 #6
    He can say how it's going to be, because he already has an engagement ring...he has to be the "ruler" of the house.

    It's mostly him being mean to me and mom. He is never like that, NEVER! I almost think she just wants him for his money, not for sure though. I can't pin point what's so different, but there's something...

    We have this rule, no one of the opposite sex upstairs where the bedrooms are. He broke that rule twice...if not more times that we don't know of. Me, being the sneaky little sister, I snuck upstairs....I heard nothing, but she quickly moved when I went to his room....that says something, they/she was trying to hide something.
  8. May 18, 2009 #7
    Do you have any evidence that something is wrong with the situation besides the fact that he is not as nice as he used to be? It is quite possible that his perceived hostility is simply him expressing his desire to be alone with his soon to be fiance.
  9. May 18, 2009 #8


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    I thought you said this was a "new" girlfriend?

    That isn't really too serious though, is it? How old is your brother? It seems like he just wants to have some private time with his girlfriend.
  10. May 18, 2009 #9


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    So you're concerned about him being mean and sneaky while you're sneaking around spying on him with his girlfriend? Maybe the changes you're seeing are him getting tired of having a mom and sister butting into his relationship when he's ready to move on to being on his own with a fiance. If he needs to be a man and tell someone how it's going to be, maybe he has...and you're just not happy that it's you he's telling things are going to have to change with.

    It seems like you're just trying to sabotage this relationship, telling him things like he has to be a "ruler" of a house.
  11. May 18, 2009 #10
    I'm sure the new girlfriend is completely evil, but that's probably the point. I get the impression there is a possessiveness about him in your family that he is trying to break free of, and the most drastic way for him to accomplish this is to take up with a girl he knows you'll all disapprove of.
  12. May 18, 2009 #11
    First off, what back-water male chauvinistic society were you raised in..?

    Let me get this straight -- your mom made a rule that your brother's fiance is not allowed in the upper half of the house, and they're not allowed to make out. Well, that's just ridiculously rude and unwelcoming of your mother, and it's no surprise that his fiance doesn't like her. Reminds me of the mother in "Carrie."

    Maybe he's tired of being patronized and treated like a child? I doubt your mother's going to change but maybe if you are more accepting of him, he'll stop being mean to you
  13. May 18, 2009 #12
    me of "Everybody Loves Raymond"
  14. May 18, 2009 #13


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    She's interested in him for his money, but he still lives with his parents? That doesn't compute!
  15. May 18, 2009 #14


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    How old is your brother, mcknia?
  16. May 18, 2009 #15
    My brother is 21.

    She did a few more things, that none of us liked after what I told you all earlier this morning. She is acting like a spoiled little brat and a "meanie", that's me being nice about it. My brother sees our point that we made clear and it was made even more clear by how she was acting like a child (she's 26).

    We are a tight family. We all value what the other person has to say about whatever the situation may be.
    Last edited: May 18, 2009
  17. May 18, 2009 #16
    He's 21? Yet he still lives at home? It sounds to me like he's been a little sheltered in his life.
  18. May 19, 2009 #17
    Its a little thing called respect. If its her house then they are her rules. Sneaking around and being a jerk are not respectful means of disagreeing with the rules.
    I once went out with a girl who had agreed to the rule with her roomie that there would not be any hanky panky in the house when they were both home. Is that rude and unwelcoming? Or just the rules?

    Maybe he oughtn't be living with mom then? This seems like the sort of thing that his fiance is probably brain washing him with. And it is something that he should accept as an issue he needs to deal with himself, not something he ought to be taking out on his mother and sister.
  19. May 19, 2009 #18
    I was just thinking about this and realized that I had a girlfriend whose parents were rather traditional conservative types. She lived with them and brought me over a few times. While I was allowed to go into her room with her there was no fooling around allowed. She was quite intent on following those rules and I never questioned it. The idea of fooling around with a girl in her parents house was sort of uncomfortable, and the fact that her father was deputy sheriff only increased that discomfort.
    It seems rather typical that it is considered respectful to not fool around with a girl in her parents house. On the other hand it seems typical to think a male should be allowed to bring the girl home to his parents house (particularly if the father is not around) and do as he pleases.
    Isn't that a bit of a male chauvinist idea?
  20. May 19, 2009 #19
    I lived at home til I was 23 (til I was finished studying), I don't call that being sheltered, I call that not being able to pay for studying and rent without a job, because I was studying full time.
  21. May 19, 2009 #20
    I think getting engaged at 21 is a little early though, but he probably felt like he had to because she is older and her "clock" is ticking, which I'm sure she mentioned. I had a similar situation when I went out with a girl a few years older than me.
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