Become Emperor of the World: Would You Take the Job?

[Ivan Seeking]

1) Would you want the job?

2) What actions would you take?

You have absolute political power and you control of the world's military forces. But of course, at any time there are about a billion people who would like to see you dead. Any action that you take might result in localized revolts, minor civil wars, terrorist activities, etc. But you also have the power to enact fundamental change worldwide.

 

[Pengwuino]

Never

The penguin revolution is here!

 

[franznietzsche]

Leave me in peace, foul temptress!

 

[Astronuc]

Leave me in peace, foul temptress!

Or in Pengwuino's case - fowl temptress.

 

[franznietzsche]

Or in Pengwuino's case - fowl temptress.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Are penguins technically fowl? I mean, I know they're foul but...

 

[Lisa!]

Leave the world in peace, Ivan!
some people around here could be worse than any politician I think of.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The first thing that I would do is to make a law: Penguins shall replace turkey for all holiday feasts.

 

[Pengwuino]

The first thing that I would do is to make a law: Pengwuin shall replace turkey for all holiday feasts.

fascist!

 

[loseyourname]

I'd take the job, delegate all responsibility to my advisors, and enjoy the South Pacific island I'd have my palace built on and my 10,000 woman harem.

 

[Lisa!]

10.000?

 

[franznietzsche]

10.000?

What he doesn't realize is that they'll all still have their periods at the same time.

 

[Lisa!]

that must be a really big room that 10,000 people could live in it.

I put a period instead of , in my previous post!

 

[scott_alexsk]

Would I be considered a fascist if I decided to ban smoking? My friend and I were in an argument the other day about it, and he suddenly called me a fascist for wanting to get rid of smoking companies. Though the idea is not the least bit pratical it is for the benefit of the population and not the buisnesses. Am I correct to consider that idea socialist?
-scott

 

[brewnog]

I'll take the job.

I'll turn the world into two big countries: France, and England. Everyone gets a choice of which country they live in. In France, you get really nice food, but smoking is allowed. I'd ensure that the weather was pretty good there too, warm in summer, and snowy in winter for some skiing. In England, you also get really nice food, but it's not as garlicy or slimy, and it's probably a fair bit worse for you too. Smoking is banned, and so are all other forms of antisocial behaviour. Anyone found disobeying the laws will be sent out to sea on an island made from Coke bottles.

Global policies will include:
- Free cheese for under 30's
- Compulsory woodwork and metalwork lessons in schools
- Wednesdays are days when over 50's are banned from the roads, they can go and play cribbage or something instead
- Banks will open on Saturdays, and until 6pm on weekdays
- We will all worship a common deity, - 'The Dragon'.

I fail to see how anyone would be unhappy under this reigime.

 

[ZapperZ]

I'd take it and turn it into the Happiest Planet in the Universe. All government employees will be called Cast Members, and before they take the job, they have to undergo 4 months of Traditions training. The currency to be used will be pins, a different one released every day, and more on special occassions.

Every day, at around 3:00 pm, we'd have a parade going through downtown of many cities, and at night, there will be a fireworks show. In the cities, there will be no vehicles allowed. Everyone will ride the monorail, ferries, or special busses that emit noxious fumes.

Of course, our flag will have the symbol of a mouse head, and our national anthem will be "It's A Small World".

You WILL be assimilated. Resistance is Futile.

Zz.

 

[Bladibla]

I'd take the job. Under my governemnt:

- Protesting is illegal
- Old people will be payed to stay in their houses.
- Whales will be slaughtered
- Lawyers will become unemployed
- Organized religion is banned
- Stem cell research will be made legal. Complaining will result in death
- Blogs will be named 'journals' and those who disagree will be rammed with genetically engineering centaurs
- Journals that do not talk about the following: Book review, Science review will be banned.
- Jail will be replaced with gladitorial games
- Musicians will be forced to play an instruement.
- Rap music, R&B music will be banned.
- ADD will be classified as being dumb than a psy disorder.
- Bible and the Quran will be placed in the fiction section of the library
- MTV is banned
- Celebrities will be taken away their money and riches and forced to work in slave labour.
- Drug taking is legal, but there will be heavy taxes. When I mean heavy, i MEAN heavy.
- Oprah and Dr phil will be banned.
- Scientists and teachers will be payed as much as doctors.
- Religious places of worship will be bulldozed down.
- Animal rights activists will be forced to play gladitorial games against grizzly bears.
- Mentally disabled people will be no longer be classifed as disabled.
- Smilies will be banned.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

1) Would you want the job?

2) What actions would you take?

You have absolute political power and you control of the world's military forces. But of course, at any time there are about a billion people who would like to see you dead. Any action that you take might result in localized revolts, minor civil wars, terrorist activities, etc. But you also have the power to enact fundamental change worldwide.

Is this the same as Douglas Adams's President of the Universe i.e a bumbling fool with the soul purpose of diverting attention away from those who wield the real power *resists temptation to compare this to a real world figure* or does he have supreme executive authority.

If he does then no, too short a careeer before someone assasinates you, if it's just a stooge role then yes, I believe the perks would be great

 

[turbo]

I would not want the job. I fear that anyone with that kind of power (no matter how well intentioned they may be!) would end up inflicting great pain and suffering on large segments of the population, especially if he or she had a team of advisors, each with their own agendas, having been bought by the oil companies, insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, etc. If the interests of citizens are not properly represented (and there are many "democracies" today in which this is demonstrably so) then the "government" is a tyranny, and the tyrant(s) do not have the grass-roots input to make decisions that will benefit the greatest number of the citizens.

 

[scott1]

1)Make the world a demracy*
2)Enslave the Penguins
3) m4ke 1337 teh 0ffic4l 74ngue 0f the w0rld
4)Have a constion to protect personal freedoms**
5)Make Bush the pernment Governer of the comwealth of pronvinces of America(Formllay the United states of america)
6)Ban slavery unless you penguin***
7)Execute Crackpot theorist how challage the laws of physics.
8)You have to belevie in a approved reilgon
9)Mentally disabled will no longer be classifed as disabled but mentally superior and be incharge of pronvinces of my empire.
10)You will executed for any kind of crime.And you will fight to the death in the galaditor games.



















*Only voters who have the highest government authority in the world may vote
**The constion only applies to the ruler of the world
***Unless your that part of the 2/3rds of the Human popluation I enslaved.Penguin are still enslaved

 

[dduardo]

If I was emperor of the world I would enslave the human race and force the people to build the biggest memorial so that all eternity would remember me.

If you've ever seen the Futurama episode were Bender becomes Pharaoh you know what I'm talking about. The gaint gold Bender statue that starts on land and goes into space.

Muahaha!

 

[Just some guy]

I'd smash labour laws into the ground, just to see what would happen. After that I'd artificially create a major source of conflict between several groups in society (any groups, it doesn't matter as long as they're equally populous and equally dispersed throughout the planet), give them excessive amounts of small-arms (but nothing larger) and retire to my large, well-furnished orbital retirement home.

 

[Pengwuino]

I'd take the job. Under my governemnt:

- Protesting is illegal
- Old people will be payed to stay in their houses.
- Whales will be slaughtered
- Lawyers will become unemployed
- Organized religion is banned
- Stem cell research will be made legal. Complaining will result in death
- Blogs will be named 'journals' and those who disagree will be rammed with genetically engineering centaurs
- Journals that do not talk about the following: Book review, Science review will be banned.
- Jail will be replaced with gladitorial games
- Musicians will be forced to play an instruement.
- Rap music, R&B music will be banned.
- ADD will be classified as being dumb than a psy disorder.
- Bible and the Quran will be placed in the fiction section of the library
- MTV is banned
- Celebrities will be taken away their money and riches and forced to work in slave labour.
- Drug taking is legal, but there will be heavy taxes. When I mean heavy, i MEAN heavy.
- Oprah and Dr phil will be banned.
- Scientists and teachers will be payed as much as doctors.
- Religious places of worship will be bulldozed down.
- Animal rights activists will be forced to play gladitorial games against grizzly bears.
- Mentally disabled people will be no longer be classifed as disabled.
- Smilies will be banned.

Sounds awefully like Disneyland...

 

[loseyourname]

I would not want the job. I fear that anyone with that kind of power (no matter how well intentioned they may be!) would end up inflicting great pain and suffering on large segments of the population, especially if he or she had a team of advisors, each with their own agendas, having been bought by the oil companies, insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, etc. If the interests of citizens are not properly represented (and there are many "democracies" today in which this is demonstrably so) then the "government" is a tyranny, and the tyrant(s) do not have the grass-roots input to make decisions that will benefit the greatest number of the citizens.

If you don't have to be elected, meaning you don't have to campaign, and you already have hoards of money, seeing as how you are emperor and can simply tax people to death or confiscate wealth if you wish, how exactly are oil and insurance and pharmaceutical companies supposed to buy you off?

 

[loseyourname]

What he doesn't realize is that they'll all still have their periods at the same time.

The period only affects one point of entry, my friend.

 

[Pengwuino]

I don't trust anyone on this board with the responsibility of ruling over anything more then 10 people.

 

[Bladibla]

Sounds awefully like Disneyland...

That reminds me:

- Disney will be banned.

 

[Pengwuino]

That reminds me:

- Disney will be banned.

my kind of president

 

[Bladibla]

my kind of president

Now, now. Don't force me to give a policy on penguins.

 

[moose]

I'd send all liberals to Canada. I would then build a huge wall around Canada. Woot

 

[scott1]

That reminds me:

- Disney will be banned.

I wonder will Zz say he post...

 

[Bladibla]

I wonder will Zz say he post...

Probably nothing, when he sees the extra dollars in his bank account

:)

 

[QuantumDefect]

I would divide the world up into provinces, each with a "governor". There would be one currency and a required language, although other languages will still be allowed. For one, each person will give his fellow man and women, the proper respect they deserve. Each citizen will be garunteed rights. Although at first, many countries will still be in poverty, the first years we will work to provide each person with housing, food,ect. They will live like a person not an animal. After that your life will be forfeit if you decide to infringe upon any person's rights(stealing, murder, ect) and will be shot, ect immediatly if there are eye witnesses that see the crime(within reasonable limits). If not, then you will be put to trial and given the benefit of the doubt. If you are found to be guilty, beyond no shadow of a doubt, then you will be executed. After all, the moment you decided to hurt someone else, you were no longer human. We will set up local government houses, as it is impossible for one person to govern many billions of people. Kind of like the U.S of A's federal gov. People will govern themselves with laws pertaining to their situation and my laws as a sort of background at which they govern themselves, with me being a sort of a watcher in the background. All religions will be free to practice, however no religious bigotry toward others will be tolerated. None of this God wants me to kill all sinners crap. Everyone will be treated fairly. I still haven't figured out how to stop governmental corruption yet, as it will happen. Any ideas? Any bids for offices in my government?

 

[turbo]

If you don't have to be elected, meaning you don't have to campaign, and you already have hoards of money, seeing as how you are emperor and can simply tax people to death or confiscate wealth if you wish, how exactly are oil and insurance and pharmaceutical companies supposed to buy you off?

They don't have to influence me directly - they need only buy off some of the hordes of people that I would require to help administer the whole shebang. In the US, bribing public officials is legal - it's called "lobbying" and only the most extreme cases are ever prosecuted. This practice makes certain that the concerns of the wealthy and powerful are addressed, regardless of the common good. If someone had dictatorial powers over the whole world, you can bet that his/her staff would be bought off very promptly. I guess that the emporer could make bribery a capital crime and publicly execute both parties involved with no right to appeal - that might curb it a bit.

 

[loseyourname]

Or just pay his staff extremely well and make illegal all lobbying. When you have dictatorial power, there is nothing compelling you to follow a US model of bureaucracy.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I would fire all politicians and lawyers. All governments would have their constitutions and laws placed on probation (including all religeous political organizations such as the Vatican and Mormon temple) until the newly formed government think tank has evaluated and updated said documents and laws. The think tanks would be formed of nothing but scientists. All full members will have PhDs. Those who have yet to complete their doctorat may serve apprenticeships as aids to the full members of the think tanks. After the think tanks have been established and all politicians and lawyers fired I would fire myself and retire.