Is this website serious or just a joke?

  • Thread starter megashawn
  • Start date
In summary: To avoid getting divorced, do not neglect to have sex. Do not neglect to get your daughter married off soon after she starts her periods and starts to bleed periodically. Do not neglect to marry your daughter off when she is old enough to reproduce and is ready. Do not neglect to have children. Do not neglect to take care of your own body. Do not neglect to eat right. Do not neglect to get enough rest. Do not neglect to pray. If married and there is a GOOD reason to, then you can have sex in the missionary position.
  • #1
megashawn
Science Advisor
451
0
http://www.tedjesuschristgod.org/tjcgttb/tjcgttb_thetjcgcommandments.htm [Broken]

hehehe, this is too funny, its a huge list of "Do not do" that essentially forbids everything but eating, breathing, and married sex.

Here's some of my favorites:

Do not have sex with any child and a child is religiously defined to be any that are not old enough to reproduce.

Do not neglect to marry off your daughter soon after she starts her period and starts to bleed periodically because when doing this she is adult for a human and is old enough to reproduce and is ready and is old enough to be and should be getting married!

If in a marriage and a wife do not try to compete with or be above the husband.

Do not if a women or female ride horses or riding animal straddling the horse or riding animal because this can and does make her have orgasms and multiple orgasms and is considered having sex with that animal.

Do not if a women or female straddle a motorcycle and ride a motorcycle or be given a ride because this is not proper and she can have orgasms from the vibrations.

Do not video tape any sex act.

Do not video record persons having sex without their consent.

_____

So, the question, not that it really needs to be asked, is this guy for real? He sure seems to think so. My question, how has he avoided the psycholigists for so long?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Physics news on Phys.org
  • #2
That's the funniest crap I've seen this week!
 
  • #3
TED DAMNIT!

I forgot, remember Omega Christ?

Well, I tried pulling his site up now, it seems a german has taken it over and posted 3 pictures of kittens.

Dang, I was going to suggest a duel between the 2 on live tv to see who the real savior is.

Ted Christ vs Omega Christ

Fight to the death

Pay per view only!
 
  • #4
He forgot to forbid exercise bikes.
 
  • #5
Well, as long as it is properly installed, and doesn't vibrate, it shouldn't provoke multiple orgasms, so one shouldn't have to worry about having sex with a bike.

Ted bless you
 
  • #6
Well, this commandment explains why he's not taking his meds:

"Do not take any over the counter and prescription and illegal Drugs also called Pharmaceuticals. These can and many do cause PERMANENT DAMAGE to vital organs. This is 100 to 1000 to 10K times more lethal for you than the eating of pork and unclean meats!"

Also, I thought this commandment would have been closer to the top of the list:

"Do not be an Atheist."

"www.tedjesuschristgod.org/tjcgttb/tjcgttb_thetjcgcommandments.htm"

(I am putting the link in quotes to see if I can get the whole address in)
 
  • #7
Some of Ted's more relavent commandments:
-Do not verbalize Ted in a swearing tone.
-Do not Mass Murder.
-Do not cut of the balls of any man that is called castration.
-If a Human then do not have sex with animals.
-Do not get into the movie or television or entertainment industry.
-Do not eat people.
-Do not make hard core pornography.
-Do not Mickey anybodies drink.
-Do not defecate on anybody for any reason or rub this on anybody for any reasons including for sex.
-Do not pee on anybody for any reason including for sex.
-Do not commit sodomy and then have sex with her in the vagina after that because this causes her to get infected.
-Do not strangle anybody while having sex.
-Do not bite anybody too hard while having sex.(I guess god thinks nibbling can be sexy?)
-Do not participate in Exotic Erotic Balls.
-Do not put or rub semen on a women or female that you were having sexual intercourse with.
-Do not put your penis between a women or females breast and have sex and then ejaculate on her.(Jeez, god wants to take all the fun out of sex...)
-Do not threaten people unless these deserve to be threatened.
-Do not take source code from anybody if you do not have complete permission.
-Do not participate in wishing or wishing wells or wishing before blowing out the candles of a birthday cake or the making of wishes.
-Do not watch and listen to rock concerts. Almost ALL of this is from Evil. These are NOT LightSide Humans. These are DarkSide Humans. Satan or Devil and Demons possesses the audience. Satan or Devil and Demons are pupating or Possessing the performers.
-Do not have sex with self.
-Do not make bombs and have fun with them.
-Do not fart out loud or around people. Do this in a bathroom if possible.
 
  • #8
I don't think the New Testament ever covered this subject...

"If married and there is a GOOD reasons for this and the husband SPANKS the wife it is that she is NOT to call the police on the husband unless this is too severe and she is bleeding or enormously bruised. This is NOT to be too severe and you spank children and you can SPANK your wife and this minimum! You can and are to have her strip nude or strip her nude and then SPANK her hard to enormously hard on her butt and only there and NOT her back or legs with a hand or paddle or belt if she deserves this! TJCG does NOT agree with slapping the face or slapping or a fist or fists getting used on a wife. TJCG is INSISTING that sometimes a wife can be and is to be treated like a child that NEEDS to be trained."

-The Book of Marriage and Living Together and Living With, TJCG

 
  • #9
I still can't get the link to his commandements to work. Does this mean I'm not saved?
 
  • #10
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I still can't get the link to his commandements to work. Does this mean I'm not saved?
Sorry, eternal hell fire for you zooby. Broken one of those commandments, eh?
 
  • #11
NOOOOOOO

Zooby, I'm sorry, I have corrected the link, hopefully ted will bless us for my mistake and forgive us both.

and in case it quits working again, try this one;

http://www.tedjesuschristgod.org/ [Broken]

on the left, click "Third testaments to the Bible", then scroll down until you see the link titled "TJCG Commandments"

anyone see his views on energy? Check this out:

TJCG is asking what percentage of the electricity in Ancient Heaven currently is from Solar Energy? This is less then 1 percent. Who reported that? Michael the Angel. Then what is this mostly currently? This is currently mostly Nuclear Electricity.

http://www.tedjesuschristgod.org/tjcgttb/tjcgttb_energy.htm [Broken]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #12
Oh, my goodness, THANKS megashawn!

It works now. That was close! (I could feel the heat!)

-Zooby
 
  • #13
stupid, its too bad he doesn't have Do not be blasphemous.
 
Last edited:
  • #14
"Do not verbalize God in a swearing tone.

Do not verbalize Christ in a swearing tone.

Do not verbalize Lord or anything similar in a swearing tone.

Do not verbalize Jesus in a swearing tone.

Do not verbalize Ted in a swearing tone"


I particularly like that last one.

Njorl
 
  • #15
Teddammit, Njorl! You're always right!
 

What is "Everyone bow to TED CHRIST"?

"Everyone bow to TED CHRIST" is a phrase often used in the scientific community as a way to acknowledge the groundbreaking work and contributions of TED CHRIST, a renowned scientist and researcher.

Who is TED CHRIST?

TED CHRIST is a highly respected scientist and researcher who has made significant contributions to various fields of science, including biology, chemistry, and physics. He is known for his innovative ideas and groundbreaking discoveries.

Why is everyone bowing to TED CHRIST?

Everyone is bowing to TED CHRIST as a sign of respect and admiration for his exceptional work and contributions to the scientific community. He is highly regarded and recognized as a pioneer in his field.

What are some of TED CHRIST's notable achievements?

TED CHRIST has made numerous notable achievements in the scientific world, including the discovery of a new species of bacteria, the development of a groundbreaking drug for cancer treatment, and the invention of a new method for extracting renewable energy from natural sources.

How has TED CHRIST impacted the scientific community?

TED CHRIST's work and contributions have had a significant impact on the scientific community. His discoveries and innovations have advanced our understanding of the world and have paved the way for further research and developments in various scientific fields.

Similar threads

  • General Discussion
Replies
15
Views
2K
Replies
14
Views
2K
  • General Discussion
Replies
6
Views
2K
Replies
29
Views
6K
Replies
4
Views
1K
  • General Discussion
Replies
2
Views
1K
Replies
24
Views
9K
Replies
119
Views
20K
Replies
7
Views
2K
  • General Discussion
Replies
13
Views
14K
Back
Top