Father puts .45 rounds into teenage girl's laptop

[Char. Limit]

after she calls him every dirty name in the book and thinks he won't find out, of course.

Article here: www.zdnet.com/blog/igeneration/father-puts-45-through-teen-daughters-laptop-over-facebook-post/15147

After a 15 year-old U.S. teenager wrote an angry note about her parents but hidden from them on a social networking site, the girl’s father took matters into his own hands to teach her a lesson in online etiquette.

The teen’s father managed to take the ‘To my parents’ note off his daughter’s Facebook wall. Reading it, the note ranted about how she ‘was not their slave’ and ‘we have a cleaning lady for a reason’. She should also not have to get a job, and ‘you could just pay me for all the stuff I do around the house’.

The father, Tommy Jordan, who apparently works in Information Technology, decided to take a novel approach to parenting after his daughter wrote this letter on her Facebook profile and attempted to hide it from his notice.

Now opinions will vary on this, but I for one have to agree with the dad. If you read the article, you see that he had warned her earlier about how if she abuses her privilege again, he'll put a bullet in the laptop, and she did just that. This is definitely novel parenting, but I think it's good parenting.

Note: Link contains 8 minute video from the father in question.

 

[I like Serena]

Oh man!
I've always had it easy myself and hardly had to do any chores.
Whenever I really wanted something my parents made it happen.
But then, I wasn't disrespectful to my parents.
Up to this day I still don't really understand why my parents did so much for me.
As I understand it, it's just how parent are (or can be).
Either way, I am grateful to them.

 

[micromass]

I actually laughed at that complete overreaction.

But anyways, I feel that that father has some skewed visions of parenting. Firstly, respect must be earned. If your daughter is disrespectful, then it is her choice. The parent shouldn't punish her for that.

 

[I like Serena]

I have seen kids like that before.
Their parents do everything for them (probably too much) and the kids only take it for granted.
In a way it breaks my heart.
I can respect a father that finally draws a line, even if it may be a little bit too much and a little bit too late.

 

[Moonbear]

I saw it yesterday and loved it! I did feel a bit sorry for the innocent laptop (he could have sent it to me, I'd have given it a new home and taken care of it), but I think more parents need to be stricter about enforcing rules and expectations of respectful behavior from their teens, and that includes taking away privileges and toys/gadgets when they do not use them appropriately. If he wanted to use the laptop he paid for as target practice after taking it away from her, that's his right.

I hope her chores doubled or tripled too, since she was going to have a lot more free time not being able to post long rants about her parents on Facebook. I'd have definitely added cleaning bathrooms to the chore list as punishment for a potty mouth.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

Personally I think the dad acted like a petty child: "you complain about me and rather than sitting down and having a calm rational discussion with you I'm going to take my killing machine and destroy your property." Clearly he and his daughter have some issues (even if they are just the usual teenage issues) but responding like this is way over the top.

 

[micromass]

Personally I think the dad acted like a petty child: "you complain about me and rather than sitting down and having a calm rational discussion with you I'm going to take my killing machine and destroy your property." Clearly he and his daughter have some issues (even if they are just the usual teenage issues) but responding like this is way over the top.

I'm also worried about what lesson this teaches. It's basically: "Disagree with somebody? Use violence".

 

[Ryan_m_b]

I'm also worried about what lesson this teaches. It's basically: "Disagree with somebody? Use violence".

Me too, the news reported on it tonight and said that the father found her private note (posted on a limited setting on her facebook so that only certain friends could see it) when he was working on her laptop. He then recorded himself doing this and uploaded it to her account and on youtube (though I don't see how unless he somehow took the log on details from her account and used another computer). So there is no indication that he even attempted to act like an adult about this.

I don't doubt that the teenager did something wrong and probably holds some unreasonable ideas about her parents but for my standards of parenting this father just really failed to deal with this properly.

 

[drizzle]

Personally I think the dad acted like a petty child: "you complain about me and rather than sitting down and having a calm rational discussion with you I'm going to take my killing machine and destroy your property." Clearly he and his daughter have some issues (even if they are just the usual teenage issues) but responding like this is way over the top.

You've said it, I don't think the daughter would even bother to listen to whatever discussion from her father.

 

[I like Serena]

When things are not working out, I believe it's best to start with a soft hand.
If that does not work, a harder hand is needed (but with silk gloves).
Ultimately boundaries have to be set in a way that are as clear as possible.

A threat is only useful if you're ready to back it up.
I believe it's part of earning respect.
I think the father did the right thing.
It's not really violence IMO, since he did not hit his kid or anything.
He only made a dramatic statement on a piece of equipment that he paid for himself.

 

[Moonbear]

Personally I think the dad acted like a petty child: "you complain about me and rather than sitting down and having a calm rational discussion with you I'm going to take my killing machine and destroy your property." Clearly he and his daughter have some issues (even if they are just the usual teenage issues) but responding like this is way over the top.

No, he didn't destroy HER property. That's the point. It was HIS to destroy. She was disrespectful and took for granted everything her parents were giving her. That, to me, is the ONE rule you absolutely, positively, MUST follow in life...be respectful of others and appreciative of the things people do for you...especially your parents. I'd rather a kid be late for curfew or get caught out sneaking a drink than to disrespect their parents.

 

[Integral]

There are times and places for using guns. This was not one of them. Why not just cut her laptop off from the internet, put it in the closet, make her post an apology. The list of alternative actions is long, there is no place in the home for firing weapons. He should be arrested for endangerment.

 

[Char. Limit]

Just wondering, are you guys reading this part of the article?

The last time she did something completely inappropriate, she was grounded from the Internet for three months. The very day she got it back we had a nice long amicable talk about what was and was not acceptable and that I wanted her to have a chance to prove she was responsible enough to utilize the internet unsupervised.. by exercising her renewed freedom in a responsible way.

The point of this being that proving you can be trusted to be responsible in one venue can lead to increased freedoms in other venues. I ended that conversation with a warning. I told her if no uncertain terms that we had already taken it away from her once. The next time, there wouldn’t be the same chance. If it happened again, “I’ll put a bullet through it.”

Clearly the father and daughter HAD a rational discussion. And it didn't work.

 

[jedishrfu]

I saw something similar many years ago when I worked in a dept store. A kid was caught stealing LP records (okay many many years ago). The Dad came to pick him up and paid for the records which was about 20 or so. He asked to have a moment alone with his son. A moment or so later we heard a loud crack. He had broken the records in half on a table edge.

Personally I felt it was the wrong approach as he had probably yelled and berated the kid many times before. It would have been better to have the kid pay for them and then break the records one by one.

In this case, I think he should have given the daughter a choice to write a series of apologies and remember the good things that she's been given and post them on her account one per day for several days before she gets the use of the laptop back. If she failed to live up to the bargain to wipe the disk and give the laptop to charity so she can earn the money to get it back.

Do it without any anger or violence action of any sort. Your kids will learn from your actions.

 

[I like Serena]

Just wondering, are you guys reading this part of the article?

Clearly the father and daughter HAD a rational discussion. And it didn't work.

Yes, that's what I meant with: "A threat is only useful if you're ready to back it up."
He said it. Perhaps he didn't really mean it at the time, or perhaps he did.
Either way, since he said it, he was committed to it, so he was right to make it into a dramatic statement.

 

[micromass]

Clearly the father and daughter HAD a rational discussion. And it didn't work.

First of all, I wonder what kind of rational discussion you can have with people putting bullets through laptops. THE FATHER said he had a rational discussion, that's his word. I have no reason to believe it.

Secondly, there are better forms of punishments than putting a bullet through a laptop.

Thirdly, maybe the daughter disrespected her father because he disrespected her daughter first? There are so many unknowns here. But this very example (whatever the circumstances) smells of failed parenting.

 

[Moonbear]

There are times and places for using guns. This was not one of them. Why not just cut her laptop off from the internet, put it in the closet, make her post an apology. The list of alternative actions is long, there is no place in the home for firing weapons. He should be arrested for endangerment.

I can't think of a BETTER use for a gun than target practice on an inanimate object. Clearly, he had already tried those other things before the first time she was in trouble, and as soon as she was given the laptop back, she did the same thing again. She needed a stronger message, and this time it was that she was NEVER getting that laptop back. It wasn't going to sit in a closet where she might think she just had to act nice for a week or two and get it back. I think it was a very calm and reasoned approach. He wasn't screaming or shouting, he wasn't threatening to shoot his daughter, or kick her out of the house, he was just making it very clear that she had permanently lost the privilege of having a laptop to use.

 

[JaredJames]

Personally I think the dad acted like a petty child: "you complain about me and rather than sitting down and having a calm rational discussion with you I'm going to take my killing machine and destroy your property." Clearly he and his daughter have some issues (even if they are just the usual teenage issues) but responding like this is way over the top.

Ah the classic "be a good parent and talk to your children don't use any other form of punishment" line (or at least the start towards that trail of thought).

I'm also worried about what lesson this teaches. It's basically: "Disagree with somebody? Use violence".

I grew up with a simple system. Do something wrong - get a stern few words, that's your warning. Keep pushing it, get shouted at. Continue and you knew a smack was on the way - it rarely had to get there because you knew what was coming.

Because of that, I never pushed things (at least not very often) and if I did then I always knew what it would end with. Simple. The threat of a bit of pain was enough to quell any rebellious thoughts I had.

I was also brought up to respect people and their property (etc) and acting like a spoilt brat (although I was spoilt) wasn't tolerated. It achieved nothing so after the first few tantrums I stopped doing it.

From what I see across the UK (based on where I travel) there are a number of growing trends amongst and teenagers. They include a severe lack of respect, a lack of fear of consequences for their actions and two beliefs that a) they are entitled to an opinion and b) their parents are supposed to provide everything they want. These kids deserve to have some 'tough' times to show them it's not all about them and that they can't get away with whatever they want.

Personally, I'd have confiscated it first for a period of time and if that didn't stop it, then put a few rounds through it.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

You've said it, I don't think the daughter would even bother to listen to whatever discussion from her father.

I don't think we know enough about the daughter to make that judgement and even if she won't listen to him perhaps that's because of who he is. Like micro said respect has to be earned both ways. There is of course a possibility that she is an absolutely unreasonable teenager in which case I still don't support the use of a weapon here.

When things are not working out, I believe it's best to start with a soft hand.
If that does not work, a harder hand is needed (but with silk gloves).
Ultimately boundaries have to be set in a way that are as clear as possible.

A threat is only useful if you're ready to back it up.
I believe it's part of earning respect.
I think the father did the right thing.
It's not really violence IMO, since he did not hit his kid or anything.
He only made a dramatic statement on a piece of equipment that he paid for himself.

See above. I think the "dramatic" nature of this statement is crossing a line.

No, he didn't destroy HER property. That's the point. It was HIS to destroy. She was disrespectful and took for granted everything her parents were giving her. That, to me, is the ONE rule you absolutely, positively, MUST follow in life...be respectful of others and appreciative of the things people do for you...especially your parents. I'd rather a kid be late for curfew or get caught out sneaking a drink than to disrespect their parents.

I hardly think it is his property just because he paid for it. Regardless I don't think we know enough to say if she was being unreasonable towards him nor do we know what type of parent he really is. Respect has to be earned and just because you provide food, money etc that doesn't automatically make you a good parent. I have plenty of friends who grew up in a house with food on the table, things when they needed it but still had awful to the point of abusive parents.

There are times and places for using guns. This was not one of them. Why not just cut her laptop off from the internet, put it in the closet, make her post an apology. The list of alternative actions is long, there is no place in the home for firing weapons. He should be arrested for endangerment.

Agreed. Guns are weapons designed to kill people. Using them for dramatic statements is incredibly irresponsible and hardly sends out a good image to follow: "I'm angry so I'm going to take my gun and damage something"

 

[JaredJames]

There are times and places for using guns. This was not one of them. Why not just cut her laptop off from the internet, put it in the closet, make her post an apology. The list of alternative actions is long, there is no place in the home for firing weapons. He should be arrested for endangerment.

If you're going to give people guns, don't get annoyed when they legally use them.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

Ah the classic "be a good parent and talk to your children don't use any other form of punishment" line (or at least the start towards that trail of thought)

Not at all but thanks for strawmaning an argument that I didn't even start. If this is going to go down the road of "it's my roof and I feed you and I made you and I can shout and smack you when you need it because being nice doesn't work" then I'm out. Later.

 

[micromass]

If you're going to give people guns, don't get annoyed when they legally use them.

Nobody said that what he did was illegal. We're just saying it's bad parenting. Feel free to disagree though

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I think he showed a shocking lack of judgment. A 12 gauge would have made it a lot more interesting.

This strikes me as a form of intimidation. So I don't like it. In the proper situation, perhaps where humor was intended, it might be okay. But making a statement with a gun is never a good idea unless it is a life or death matter.

 

[Evo]

I disagree with the father's actions. Since when is a child not allowed to vent their frustrations to their friends? I wouldn't be surprised if preventing this child a healthy way to blow off steam among friends ends in a tragedy.

 

[JaredJames]

Like micro said respect has to be earned both ways.

Legally, a parent only has to provide a limited number of things for a child when brining it up - a safe home, food, etc (you get the idea).

Anything else, quite simply, is a luxury and the fact the parent is willing to provide them to the child free of charge should demand respect from the child. If they are in return for basic tasks around the house, then it is a sign of respect both ways (you do some work around the house, we reward your effort and show we appreciate it).

Any child who gets more than the essentials when brought up should consider themselves lucky and certainly shouldn't take it for granted.

The parents need to take a line and bring the child up to understand this - you do something wrong, we remove / don't buy you that new item.

 

[JaredJames]

Nobody said that what he did was illegal. We're just saying it's bad parenting. Feel free to disagree though

I didn't say anyone said it was illegal.

I was commenting on the complaint of them using a gun how they feel, moral arguments aside, it was perfectly acceptable to do it (RE: all that 'endangerment' nonsense).

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I disagree with the father's actions. Since when is a child not allowed to vent their frustrations to their friends?

That too. What I read wasn't THAT bad. I probably said much worse in private when I was a kid.

Though I must say, "spoiled little brat" did come to mind as I read her posts.

 

[JaredJames]

Not at all but thanks for strawmaning an argument that I didn't even start. If this is going to go down the road of "it's my roof and I feed you and I made you and I can shout and smack you when you need it because being nice doesn't work" then I'm out. Later.

No strawman intended. I've seen many a debate start with those exact words and spiral outwards.

For the record, at least in the UK smacking a child is perfectly legal so long as it doesn't leave a mark. So yes, if you want to smack your child when he/she misbehaves, that is completely your up to you.

Don't know where you live, but I've been places (my home town) where being nice simply doesn't work and a clip round the ear is all they listen to.

 

[micromass]

I disagree with the father's actions. Since when is a child not allowed to vent their frustrations to their friends? I wouldn't be surprised if preventing this child a healthy way to blow off steam among friends ends in a tragedy.

Right! Who here was never frustrated a child and talked about it with their friends? I know I have done so. My parents probably knew I did and did nothing about it. I still turned out to be reasonably ok.

 

[drizzle]

I think he showed a shocking lack of judgment. A 12 gauge would have made it a lot more interesting.

This strikes me as a form of intimidation. So I don't like it. In the proper situation, perhaps where humor was intended, it might be okay. But making a statement with a gun is never a good idea unless it is a life or death matter.

Probably that wasn't his first warning to his daughter, and maybe he made that final one to his 'teenage' daughter because he wanted her to 'listen'.. And, she is 'his daughter', he won't shoot her.

 

[JaredJames]

Right! Who here was never frustrated a child and talked about it with their friends? I know I have done so. My parents probably knew I did and did nothing about it. I still turned out to be reasonably ok.

Probably that wasn't his first warning to his daughter, and maybe he made that final one to his 'teenage' daughter because he wanted her to 'listen'.. And, she is 'his daughter', he won't shoot her.

There's nothing wrong with a person venting. But there is a difference between private and public.

If it was the first time and he just reacted like that then he should be in an asylum.

However, given the way kids are nowadays (holy s*** I'm 22 and used that phrase) I get the feeling it wasn't the first warning and this might have been building.

 

[Jasongreat]

That too. What I read wasn't THAT bad. I probably said much worse in private when I was a kid.

Though I must say, "spoiled little brat" did come to mind as I read her posts.

I think that was mostly what he had a problem with, she was not venting in private to her friends, she was doing it in a highly public place.

She can still vent, one doesn't need a laptop for that, although it does diminish her audience.

I agree that a 12gauge would have been better, especialy with some 3" 00 buckshot.

 

[Borek]

Young guy ask his older colleague at work about how to raise kids.
- You see, when we married, I had three theories about parenting.
- Yes?
- Now I have three kids and not a single theory.

 

[drizzle]

:rofl:

 

[Evo]

There's nothing wrong with a person venting. But there is a difference between private and public.

It wasn't public, she had everything set to "private", but he's in IT and he hacked into her computer and her FB page.