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Father puts .45 rounds into teenage girl's laptop

  1. Feb 10, 2012 #1

    Char. Limit

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    after she calls him every dirty name in the book and thinks he won't find out, of course.

    Article here: www.zdnet.com/blog/igeneration/father-puts-45-through-teen-daughters-laptop-over-facebook-post/15147

    Now opinions will vary on this, but I for one have to agree with the dad. If you read the article, you see that he had warned her earlier about how if she abuses her privilege again, he'll put a bullet in the laptop, and she did just that. This is definitely novel parenting, but I think it's good parenting.

    Note: Link contains 8 minute video from the father in question.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2012
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  3. Feb 10, 2012 #2

    I like Serena

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    Oh man!
    I've always had it easy myself and hardly had to do any chores.
    Whenever I really wanted something my parents made it happen.
    But then, I wasn't disrespectful to my parents.
    Up to this day I still don't really understand why my parents did so much for me.
    As I understand it, it's just how parent are (or can be).
    Either way, I am grateful to them.
     
  4. Feb 10, 2012 #3

    micromass

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    I actually laughed at that complete overreaction.

    But anyways, I feel that that father has some skewed visions of parenting. Firstly, respect must be earned. If your daughter is disrespectful, then it is her choice. The parent shouldn't punish her for that.
     
  5. Feb 10, 2012 #4

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    I have seen kids like that before.
    Their parents do everything for them (probably too much) and the kids only take it for granted.
    In a way it breaks my heart.
    I can respect a father that finally draws a line, even if it may be a little bit too much and a little bit too late.
     
  6. Feb 10, 2012 #5

    Moonbear

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    I saw it yesterday and loved it! I did feel a bit sorry for the innocent laptop (he could have sent it to me, I'd have given it a new home and taken care of it), but I think more parents need to be stricter about enforcing rules and expectations of respectful behavior from their teens, and that includes taking away privileges and toys/gadgets when they do not use them appropriately. If he wanted to use the laptop he paid for as target practice after taking it away from her, that's his right.

    I hope her chores doubled or tripled too, since she was going to have a lot more free time not being able to post long rants about her parents on Facebook. I'd have definitely added cleaning bathrooms to the chore list as punishment for a potty mouth.
     
  7. Feb 10, 2012 #6

    Ryan_m_b

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    Personally I think the dad acted like a petty child: "you complain about me and rather than sitting down and having a calm rational discussion with you I'm going to take my killing machine and destroy your property." Clearly he and his daughter have some issues (even if they are just the usual teenage issues) but responding like this is way over the top.
     
  8. Feb 10, 2012 #7

    micromass

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    I'm also worried about what lesson this teaches. It's basically: "Disagree with somebody? Use violence".
     
  9. Feb 10, 2012 #8

    Ryan_m_b

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    Me too, the news reported on it tonight and said that the father found her private note (posted on a limited setting on her facebook so that only certain friends could see it) when he was working on her laptop. He then recorded himself doing this and uploaded it to her account and on youtube (though I don't see how unless he somehow took the log on details from her account and used another computer). So there is no indication that he even attempted to act like an adult about this.

    I don't doubt that the teenager did something wrong and probably holds some unreasonable ideas about her parents but for my standards of parenting this father just really failed to deal with this properly.
     
  10. Feb 10, 2012 #9

    drizzle

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    You've said it, I don't think the daughter would even bother to listen to whatever discussion from her father.
     
  11. Feb 10, 2012 #10

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    When things are not working out, I believe it's best to start with a soft hand.
    If that does not work, a harder hand is needed (but with silk gloves).
    Ultimately boundaries have to be set in a way that are as clear as possible.

    A threat is only useful if you're ready to back it up.
    I believe it's part of earning respect.
    I think the father did the right thing.
    It's not really violence IMO, since he did not hit his kid or anything.
    He only made a dramatic statement on a piece of equipment that he paid for himself.
     
  12. Feb 10, 2012 #11

    Moonbear

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    No, he didn't destroy HER property. That's the point. It was HIS to destroy. She was disrespectful and took for granted everything her parents were giving her. That, to me, is the ONE rule you absolutely, positively, MUST follow in life...be respectful of others and appreciative of the things people do for you...especially your parents. I'd rather a kid be late for curfew or get caught out sneaking a drink than to disrespect their parents.
     
  13. Feb 10, 2012 #12

    Integral

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    There are times and places for using guns. This was not one of them. Why not just cut her laptop off from the internet, put it in the closet, make her post an apology. The list of alternative actions is long, there is no place in the home for firing weapons. He should be arrested for endangerment.
     
  14. Feb 10, 2012 #13

    Char. Limit

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    Just wondering, are you guys reading this part of the article?

    Clearly the father and daughter HAD a rational discussion. And it didn't work.
     
  15. Feb 10, 2012 #14

    jedishrfu

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    I saw something similar many years ago when I worked in a dept store. A kid was caught stealing LP records (okay many many years ago). The Dad came to pick him up and paid for the records which was about 20 or so. He asked to have a moment alone with his son. A moment or so later we heard a loud crack. He had broken the records in half on a table edge.

    Personally I felt it was the wrong approach as he had probably yelled and berated the kid many times before. It would have been better to have the kid pay for them and then break the records one by one.

    In this case, I think he should have given the daughter a choice to write a series of apologies and remember the good things that she's been given and post them on her account one per day for several days before she gets the use of the laptop back. If she failed to live up to the bargain to wipe the disk and give the laptop to charity so she can earn the money to get it back.

    Do it without any anger or violence action of any sort. Your kids will learn from your actions.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2012
  16. Feb 10, 2012 #15

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    Yes, that's what I meant with: "A threat is only useful if you're ready to back it up."
    He said it. Perhaps he didn't really mean it at the time, or perhaps he did.
    Either way, since he said it, he was committed to it, so he was right to make it into a dramatic statement.
     
  17. Feb 10, 2012 #16

    micromass

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    First of all, I wonder what kind of rational discussion you can have with people putting bullets through laptops. THE FATHER said he had a rational discussion, that's his word. I have no reason to believe it.

    Secondly, there are better forms of punishments than putting a bullet through a laptop.

    Thirdly, maybe the daughter disrespected her father because he disrespected her daughter first? There are so many unknowns here. But this very example (whatever the circumstances) smells of failed parenting.
     
  18. Feb 10, 2012 #17

    Moonbear

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    I can't think of a BETTER use for a gun than target practice on an inanimate object. Clearly, he had already tried those other things before the first time she was in trouble, and as soon as she was given the laptop back, she did the same thing again. She needed a stronger message, and this time it was that she was NEVER getting that laptop back. It wasn't going to sit in a closet where she might think she just had to act nice for a week or two and get it back. I think it was a very calm and reasoned approach. He wasn't screaming or shouting, he wasn't threatening to shoot his daughter, or kick her out of the house, he was just making it very clear that she had permanently lost the privilege of having a laptop to use.
     
  19. Feb 10, 2012 #18
    Ah the classic "be a good parent and talk to your children don't use any other form of punishment" line (or at least the start towards that trail of thought).
    I grew up with a simple system. Do something wrong - get a stern few words, that's your warning. Keep pushing it, get shouted at. Continue and you knew a smack was on the way - it rarely had to get there because you knew what was coming.

    Because of that, I never pushed things (at least not very often) and if I did then I always knew what it would end with. Simple. The threat of a bit of pain was enough to quell any rebellious thoughts I had.

    I was also brought up to respect people and their property (etc) and acting like a spoilt brat (although I was spoilt) wasn't tolerated. It achieved nothing so after the first few tantrums I stopped doing it.

    From what I see across the UK (based on where I travel) there are a number of growing trends amongst and teenagers. They include a severe lack of respect, a lack of fear of consequences for their actions and two beliefs that a) they are entitled to an opinion and b) their parents are supposed to provide everything they want. These kids deserve to have some 'tough' times to show them it's not all about them and that they can't get away with whatever they want.

    Personally, I'd have confiscated it first for a period of time and if that didn't stop it, then put a few rounds through it.
     
  20. Feb 10, 2012 #19

    Ryan_m_b

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    I don't think we know enough about the daughter to make that judgement and even if she wont listen to him perhaps that's because of who he is. Like micro said respect has to be earned both ways. There is of course a possibility that she is an absolutely unreasonable teenager in which case I still don't support the use of a weapon here.
    See above. I think the "dramatic" nature of this statement is crossing a line.
    I hardly think it is his property just because he paid for it. Regardless I don't think we know enough to say if she was being unreasonable towards him nor do we know what type of parent he really is. Respect has to be earned and just because you provide food, money etc that doesn't automatically make you a good parent. I have plenty of friends who grew up in a house with food on the table, things when they needed it but still had awful to the point of abusive parents.
    Agreed. Guns are weapons designed to kill people. Using them for dramatic statements is incredibly irresponsible and hardly sends out a good image to follow: "I'm angry so I'm going to take my gun and damage something"
     
  21. Feb 10, 2012 #20
    If you're going to give people guns, don't get annoyed when they legally use them.
     
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