Favourite Quotes

  • #26
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0
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
Maj. Gen. John Sedgewick, killed by a sniper in 1864 at the battle of Spotsylvania

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that the English language is as pure as a crib-house whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
James D. Nicoll

English was a language invented by Norman invaders to pick up
Anglo-Saxon barmaids. It retains much of this character.


Only crackpots think the plural of anecdote is evidence
 
  • #27
Ivan Seeking
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How do you get a giant squid through a revolving door? - Lazo-Wasem, Zoologist
http://leisure.newstimes.com/story.php?id=65188 [Broken]

Now there's a problem that I never considered.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #28
1,100
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'The only way to improve at something is to start from the beginning and work up again.'
- The Bob (unless anyone knows someone who said it first)

The Bob (2004 ©)
 
  • #29
"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."

-Victor Frankl
 
  • #30
Gokul43201
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The_Professional said:
"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us."
-Victor Frankl
Riddle : What came first, the Frankl or the JFK ?

They were contemp's, weren't they ?
 
  • #31
Janitor
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Said by a weary wife in Chicago:

Da Bulls. Da Bears. Da-vorce.
 
  • #32
Janitor
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Said by Coach Frank Kush after his placekicker missed a field goal that would have won the game:

He couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a handful of popcorn.
 
  • #33
Moonbear
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"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
George Burns

I just came across this one recently and really thought it was great (George Burns was such a great comedian).

There are some more serious ones I'm fond of, but I'd have to look them up to get them right.
 
  • #34
Gokul43201
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This is all your fault, Moonbear.

Here's a few Woody Allen gems :

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
 
  • #35
2,425
6
BoulderHead, that is really outrageously gross :eek: :eek: :yuck: :yuck:

:rofl:
 
  • #36
Gokul43201
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Like I said before...

Now it's too late to stem the flow of crassitude.
 
  • #37
Moonbear said:
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
George Burns




I just came across this one recently and really thought it was great (George Burns was such a great comedian).

There are some more serious ones I'm fond of, but I'd have to look them up to get them right.
simply wonderful, thank you for bringing it here...
 
  • #38
356
2
"Ideas are far more powerfull than guns, we don't let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have Ideas"
-Josef Stalin

"Religion is the opiate of the masses."
-Karl Marx

"If women are expected to do the same work as men, we must teach them the same things as men."
-Plato

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
-Aristotle

"I am dying with the help of too many physicians."
-Alexander, King of Macedon.
 
  • #39
"Religion is the opiate of the masses."
this sucks...
 
  • #40
356
2
you suck...
 
  • #41
Gokul43201
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The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners. - unknown
 
  • #42
Smurf said:
you suck...
f... u

I did not say anything to u...

I said to what Marx said.
 
  • #43
356
2
Gokul43201 said:
The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners. - unknown
I don't get that, weren't vacuum cleaners around before Microsoft??
 
  • #44
Smurf said:
I don't get that, weren't vacuum cleaners around before Microsoft??
he is saying that the vacuum wont suck up dirt and stuff, therefore it wont suck, nd it doesnt matter if microsoft was around before or after vacuums
 
  • #45
here is one i like
"tread softly, for you are treading on my dreams"yeats

"some poeple dont see the light until it comes shining through bullet holes"
 
  • #46
BoulderHead
humanino said:
BoulderHead, that is really outrageously gross :eek: :eek: :yuck: :yuck:

:rofl:
Yeah, after the drugs wore off I decided to delete the post...but, here's a couple more from the same animal;


I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only using blanks.
-Emo Phillips

I ran three miles today, finally I said "lady take your purse."
-Emo Phillips

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
-Emo Phillips
 
  • #47
jimmy p
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358
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"I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Weggie Kray."

I like that one!
 
  • #48
271
3
Here are a few I like from 2 favourite shows, I had quite a bit of trouble choosing:

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.



Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.


Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.


"I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum."
- George, in "The Parking Garage"



"So you feel 'women and children first' in this day and age is somewhat of an antiquated notion."
"To some degree."
"So, basically, it's every man, woman, child and invalid for themselves."
"In a manner of speaking."
"Well, that's honest."
"She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals."
"Well, perhaps when she's released from the burn center she'll see things more clearly."
- Jerry and George, in "The Fire"


"You don't know my name, do you?"
"Yes I do."
"What is it?"
"It, uh, rhymes with a female body part."
"What is it?"
"Mulva..."
- Dolores and Jerry, in "The Junior Mints"



"We only wake you up for the important meetings."
- Yankee exec, to George, in "The Comeback"
:biggrin:
 
  • #49
356
2
You forgot:
Homer: If at first you don't succeed, cheat untill caught, then lie.
 
  • #50
ShawnD
Science Advisor
668
1
Trying is the first step towards failing.
 

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