Should those in steady relationships tolerate flirting, and if so, to what degree?
Who is doing the flirting? Do you mean other singles flirting with persons in a relationship? If so, are they aware that the flirtee is in a relationship?
I suppose it depends on what constitutes flirting. I would say that much of the way I interact with the opposite sex is not so different than the way I interact with the same sex. Of course if I talk, smile, laugh, touch in a familiar way with a female it is usually automatically perceived as flirting (at least from a third party perspective). If I talk and laugh with the guys, though, and touch them in a friendly way it is not seen as anything (unless I am touching them in certain ways though I guess). People usually simply do not want their significant other interacting with other (usually attractive) people in a very friendly way and probably mostly because they do not trust their significant other.
When one in a couple obviously tries to attract, in turn, the attention of other people they are sexually attracted to.
Oh I see. Hmmm... I can't say that I would like my significant other flirting with others, but, I think that I do it sometimes. So, I would have to say that it might be OK so long as it was harmless and I didn't know about it. We have been together for over 5 years, so I trust her fully and she trusts me.
Flirting whilst in a relationship. The offenders should be sent to the Gulag for that.
Whether you tolerate it or not depends on why she's doing it.
If you're a guy and your girl is flirting with someone else right in front of you it means:
1.) She has only been with you cause nothing better has come along. She wants to jump ship.
2.) She's been outright using you (for money, goods, a place to stay, etc.) She sees someone she actually wants to have sex with.
3.) She's really into you and wants to test how into her you are. She's insecure and wants you to get jealous.
4,) She's into you but she thinks you have a possessiveness issue and she's trying to train you to get over it.
5.) She's into you but things have gotten boring between you lately and she wants admiration from a fresh pair of eyes to feel attractive and sparky again.
And if you're a girl and your guy is flirting with someone else right in front of you it means:(?)
[Your insights fascinate me. I'd like to hear what you think is operating in the opposite direction.]
If this forum had karma you'd get one.
Always a prize to see people realize that one situation can have many different causes, too seldom it is observed.
That you're one boring girl. :tongue:
Nahh, it means what it says right there, you're a girl and you're dating a guy.
Or I'm easily entertained. One or the other. :tongue:
Well, it depends. Is it harmless?
Then don't freak out about it. Nothing is going on- just friendly flirting. That happens. It's even normal and funny.
But if your other has a *problem* with that (in a non-creepy/possessive way), then for god's sake don't do it. That's inconsiderate.
And don't do it to piss off, hurt, or make your other jealous. If that happens in a relationship, someone needs to grow up.
Heehe. Props to that. :D
Not if the non-flirting partner is bothered by it.
This assumes that the person is indeed "flirting" and not just generally interacting with a person, as well that you are capable of telling the difference.
That's the problem, isn't it? :P
It's a continuum anyway.
I think it's pretty straightforward. The list supplied by Zoobyshoe sounds a whole lot like all kinds of game-playing to me, and I really have no time for any of that kind of stuff.
I think there are some pretty easy guidelines. If your behaviour is hurtful to your partner, then don't do it. If that particular behaviour is intrinsic to who you are, then you need a new partner who isn't hurt by it. If your partner is being irrational or over-the-top insecure and/or trying to control you by objecting to your behaviour, then get another partner; that one is broken.
If only love were that simple. I doubt your love life would work that well if you just live by such simple to formulate principles. Also, I enjoy a bit of dubiousness once in a while. Relationships wouldn't be fun without a little bit of battle, trying to control the other party in a battle of wits and duplicity to some extend, makes it more exiting.
Basic relationships and that stuff are built off of "formulated principals". It's not regulated with harsh conditions, but for god's sake, based on personality types, you need some semblance of structure.
That is that simple. Not necessarily love itself.
I don't believe in personality types actually. Different people type the same people differently I've observed. To one person, Picard is a humble man, to another he's an arrogant pompous bragger.
I keep my structure to my programming actually, I live a very unstructured life, my day and night rhythm is out of sync, I like things to be inpraedictable. If there are rules, they should be unwritten.
Why? The world is a complex place, different situations call for different solutions, and the same situation at a different times does so too.
I have no principles to live by, I decide at the moment itself what's best for that specific situation. And I fully believe that it is possible that for instance I would murder a man because there is a possible situation that the pros outweigh the cons, like murdering a man to save two other men.
This is part of the issue. There seems to be an arbitrary cultural demarcation between friendliness and attraction. "Attraction" automatically implies "sexual attraction" and "sexual attraction" automatically implies some impurity or infidelity. It would seem more logical to me to separate the two, a continuum of attraction which may or may not overlap with a sexual context. And perhaps more importantly we should drop the notion that attraction in a sexual context equates to impurity or infidelity.
I would have to agree. I can not imagine tolerating any of those scenarios.
It is possible that my partner's perception of my behaviour is what is hurting them. Their perception of my behaviour could also be hurting me. A relationship without trust does not seem healthy for either partner. If two people love each other then they should be capable of discussing the issue, finding the root of the problem, and fixing it. If it hurts my partner that I am friendly with another person then there seems to be some trust issue. If I simply cease to interact with other persons whom my partner does not trust me to interact with it only ignores the problem, it does not erase the trust issue and it may well manifest in other ways.
edit: I am not disagreeing with you really. I am only adding that there may be more complex issues and solutions depending on circumstances, especially in the area being discussed in the OP.
Well, you don't believe in personality types? Let me try again, it depends on who the people are. People are different, have different opinions/values, etc.
If things are too unpredictable, without any structure, the relationship will not be able to last. There has to be a foundation.
That's why the flirting depends on who is being involved, and the situation.
Separate names with a comma.