Do Physical Appearance and Shared Interests Affect Attraction Equally?

[Evo]

Anyone can be hunky -- by choice -- unless they're disabled. Fat people who complain about not being desired annoy the crap out of me.

- Warren

Actually, it was about facial appearance, not body.

 

[Loren Booda]

Can somebody appear too attractive? I feel profoundly passionate yet somewhat insecure about women whom I have fallen in love with.

 

[JasonRox]

You're only changing it by lying to her. I can go meet a girl, and tell her all kinds of things that aren't true about my interest in her, and I can let it go as far as I want. I just stopped doing that back in high school because it's almost surely going to hurt her, and one-night stands aren't all that great anyway.

- Warren

First, how am I lying?

Second, I already said I don't do one night stands. I'm the one that says no.

 

[Cyrus]

Actually, it was about facial appearance, not body.

I would say there are girls that are pretty and girls that are O.K. Its the OK ones that you have to get to know to really like them more. The pretty ones you just like. Then its a matter of finding out what their personality is like. If they don't have one, then they are just as ugly as the ugly ones. But it should go in order Looks --> Perosnality --> Goals because that's how you get to know someone.

If I were just meeting someone as a friend, it would be Personality --> Goals --> looks.

 

[RetardedBastard]

Can somebody appear too attractive? I feel profoundly passionate yet somewhat insecure about women whom I have fallen in love with.

Being too attractive is like being too lucky, or having too much fun*. If there are downsides... god I hope I find out too.

*without being careless

 

[RetardedBastard]

Other than a really sweet smile, and maybe some tenderness, I don't know of any other specific traits that I HAVE TO HAVE in a woman. I'm physically very active, so I would expect something similar ofcourse. I think those things are enough requirements I have for me to "click" with a woman. And "clicking" is all I'll ever want.

 

[radou]

How would you guys feel if the average sized person you married turned into a 400lb moose (provided that there are no health conditions inducing this)?

I think I'd honestly leave the person if they weren't willing to take care of themselves.

It wouldn't happen. Relationships, and specially marriage, mean taking care of your partner, too.

Like all men (I think), I'm looking for the complete package. That means a girl who is intelligent, motivated, interesting, fun, and good-looking. There are plenty of such women; why settle for anything less?

This is so true. But I know a lot of people who do settle for everything less all the time, and complain to me about not doing the same thing. And then I seem like a complicated person to them. Right.

 

[slugcountry]

If you think that you can only have enjoyable sex with women who are stunners, you have not had much experience and can be excused.

I think you missed the point - I prefer to have sex with people I'm ATTRACTED TO. lol.. why would I have sex with someone I wasn't?

 

[Loren Booda]

When I was young and arrogant, I was slim and muscular, as well as an Ivy League student (and a pot head). I doubt I realized one decent date back then.

Now, approaching 50 years of age, I take a vital medicine that adds ~50 pounds to my weight (I quit pot over 22 years ago), I work where I can contribute meaningfully to the world community - and now have great rapport with women, some of them reminding of my own youthful personality. It could well be more than just rapport, but I am in a dedicated relationship, the best kind.

 

[turbo]

I think you missed the point - I prefer to have sex with people I'm ATTRACTED TO. lol.. why would I have sex with someone I wasn't?

Because sometimes the closeness of having sex (or at least some intimate moments) can unlock an attraction that you didn't know was there. Do you think that a drop-dead gorgeous woman is going to stay that way all her life? What if she's bulimic and will stop puking up her meals when she snags a guy who is fixated on her looks? What if she develops a medical condition that ruins her looks (for you)? You may not have a goal of finding a compatible mate that you can share your life with, but it's best to keep your options open so you don't get cheated out of that possibility.

 

[JasonRox]

Do you think that a drop-dead gorgeous woman is going to stay that way all her life? What if she's bulimic and will stop puking up her meals when she snags a guy who is fixated on her looks?

1 - That's why you don't get married if that's an issue.

2 - What if she's so obese and she's at high risk of heart disease? It's easy to point out problems in skinny girls, eh.

I hate the whole hot girls are uptight and are dumb. Ugly girls are just as uptight and dumb.

 

[Smurf]

I hate the whole hot girls are uptight and are dumb. Ugly girls are just as uptight and dumb.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

and that's all i have to say about that

 

[Moonbear]

Like all men (I think), I'm looking for the complete package. That means a girl who is intelligent, motivated, interesting, fun, and good-looking. There are plenty of such women; why settle for anything less?

You are correct that some things can grow on you with time and become more attractive, so, to me, "good-looking" is not an idealization. I often find myself most attracted to women other people would describe as cute, rather than meeting stereotypical standards of supermodel beauty. These sorts of girls definitely do grow on me, and become more and more attractive as I get to know them.

I think if someone has all the other qualities, seeing them as "good looking" sort of naturally grows on you, even if it doesn't start out that way.

I have to admit that some physical characteristics will never grow on me, however. Mainly, I mean weight. The honest truth is that I view being overweight as a character flaw, in the same vein as being an alcoholic. It's even worse than alcoholism in the sense that it affects not only my opinion of her personality, but of her looks as well. It also indicates to me that she's probably not going to enjoy any of my active hobbies, etc.

So -- if a girl is "not physically attractive" because she's very overweight, I won't be interested, even if she is very engaging. If she's "not very attractive" because I don't like her hair style or her clothing, that's something I could overcome in time.

- Warren

But, is that really an issue of physical attraction, or just that someone who is overweight is unlikely to share your interests either? You're a very active person, into biking and fitness in general. Someone who is overweight isn't going to share your interests, so there's more to it than just the physical appearance. I think the reason appearance does play into attraction is that we use our physical appearance to project information about who we are, whether it's that we enjoy physical activities, or the latest fashion trends, or don't spend a lot of time dwelling on clothing, if we are modest or flamboyant, etc.

I find myself laughing when I hear guys say things like, "I don't want a high maintenance woman" and then only pick up the women with their hair done up with all sorts of goop, face plastered in make-up, nails perfectly manicured, wearing the latest designer clothing, all perfectly accessorized...what part of that says "low maintenance?" So, there are things about appearance that do tell something about the person, and I think it's useful to pay attention to that, and does play into our attraction for a person, but I also agree with you that trying to adhere to some "idealized" concept of "good looking" doesn't work.

 

[slugcountry]

I hate the whole hot girls are uptight and are dumb. Ugly girls are just as uptight and dumb.

not to mention bitter because they're ugly lol

 

[slugcountry]

But, is that really an issue of physical attraction, or just that someone who is overweight is unlikely to share your interests either? You're a very active person, into biking and fitness in general. Someone who is overweight isn't going to share your interests, so there's more to it than just the physical appearance. I think the reason appearance does play into attraction is that we use our physical appearance to project information about who we are, whether it's that we enjoy physical activities, or the latest fashion trends, or don't spend a lot of time dwelling on clothing, if we are modest or flamboyant, etc.

haha come on you can't be serious ... physical attraction (as from a first impression) has zero to do with shared interests... especially if, for example, its just a headshot on a website or something. Studies have shown that attraction is consistant around the world, it has nothing to do with interests.

And the part about phyical appearance projection information about who we are - yeah you might be right there as far as health goes. If someone is a fat slob its a safe bet they're not a healthy choice for a mate (from a surivival of the fittest point of view)... for that matter neither is an anorexic. I think these things are pretty obvious without having to be debated...