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Friday laughs

  1. Oct 17, 2014 #1


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    A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
    The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
    The husband was still feeling fine.
    The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing.
    At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
    The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
    When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.


    A guy walks into a bar with a monkey . The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them . Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them . He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls . To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole .The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your Monkey just did?"
    "No, what?"
    "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table . . . whole!"
    "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball . "The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the Monkey ate and left .

    Two weeks later the guy came back, and had his monkey with him . He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar . The Monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar . He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it .

    Then the monkey found a peanut, and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it . The bartender asked, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
    "No, what?" replied the man .
    "Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!"

    "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy .
    "He will eat anything, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first

  2. jcsd
  3. Aug 6, 2016 #2
    Bahahaha. The first one got me.
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