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Friend angry at me

  1. Feb 6, 2013 #1
    Ok, so I borrowed a friends video camera to do a film, and its memory was full after about 10 mins of shooting. So I told my friend who was filming to delete the scenes that were bad, and we still ran out of memory too fast.

    I then deleted a video project that my friend and I made last year, because I figured it wasn't that important compared to her personal family videos.

    Well, somehow it seems that all the footage on the camera was deleted and I didn't even know it until right now, a few days after I gave it back to her. Now she is pissed off at me since those family footage is now gone.

    I have to admit she told me not to delete anything, but the memory card was full after 10 mins, so I had to delete something, so my intention was to delete something not very important.

    Basically now she isn't on speaking terms with me and it is awkward being in the same class, since we share a lot of mutual friends etc.

    I can't go back in the past and not do it, and I can't retrieve the deleted stuff I think, so everything is sort of out of my hands.

    How do I approach this? Do I explain that it happened and I can't change it and I am sorry for accidentally doing it, or do I leave her alone and let her steam off and wait for her to finally get over it.
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 6, 2013 #2


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    She said not to delete anything. Why would you go against what she told you? If I was her, I'd never trust you again. I don't think there is enough you can ever do to make up for what you did. Did you consider buying a new card instead of messing with hers?

    There is a huge difference between an accident as in she old you to go ahead and delete stuff, but be careful, and a selfish, deliberate act that went against what she told you for your own personal gain.
  4. Feb 6, 2013 #3
    Apologizing 101-
    1) Do it quickly- Our minds tend to make terrible stories about the other person during negative emotional periods.
    2) Do it in Person
    3) Be sincere and simple- Tell them what you are sorry for and why. Avoid lengthy conversations.
    4) Don't expect anything in return- whether it be friendship or forgiveness.

    I might say something like,
    "I'm really sorry _________. It was wrong of me to delete those videos. It was a big favor for you to lend me your camera and I messed up big time. I know the videos are irreplaceable and how much your family means to you. I'm really sorry _________."

    If she doesn't have the capacity to forgive, she won't be a friend anymore. It would be great if you had some constructive female insight to help you figure this out. I guess the main question is, how good of friends you were in the first place?
  5. Feb 6, 2013 #4


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    She doesn't need to forgive, she can just realize it's a lesson learned that some people can't be trusted.

    Why female insight? Are females different? I'm female.

    The question is, can your friend ever trust you again, and why should they? Do you deserve their friendship? Did you act as their friend when you selfishly disregarded what they told you? Friendship must be earned, it's not a given. "Oh, they're my friend, so I'll just disregard their wishes and generosity and do what I want". She was nice enough to lend you her camera, did it ever occur to you to go buy your own card if you needed more space?
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2013
  6. Feb 6, 2013 #5
    You have to realize that your actions were very selfish and inconsiderate. If you realize that and if you make this clear to your friend, then she might forgive you. Forgiving is the easy part though. The hard part is to make her trust you again. That requires time and effort (from both sides).
  7. Feb 6, 2013 #6
    I think that is a terrible lesson to suggest learning. She needs to forgive for herself. Bad to carry that stuff around, ya know?

    Sometimes, males and females see things differently. It is good to have both lenses, if they are constructive and contribute to the conversation.

    Whether she can trust Woopydalan with her camera again seems trivial compared to their friendship. I probably wouldn't or I would back up the footage before letting him use my camera. I've had good friends let me down and lost some because of it. Regardless, the true ones always stay.

    Let me know how things turnout for you Woopydalan. Oh, and don't hate O chem because of this. It is really an exciting subject.
  8. Feb 6, 2013 #7


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    Just give it a rest. Raising the subject while she is still annoyed is like picking at a scab, it just inflames the injury and prolongs the healing process. She already knows you regret the incident and there is little you can say beyond an initial apology that will be comforting. In the mean time, continue being respectful and friendly.
  9. Feb 6, 2013 #8


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    Not really, it's a valuable lesson learned. Unfortunately it came at the loss of her family video. Trust less, "yeah you can borrow my camera, but you can't be trusted, go buy your own video card". She learned that lesson at a great emotional loss.

    What happened to trust, respect, and common decency?

    It's like if someone borrowed my car, drove it until it ran out of gas, then sold the tires to get a trip back and left my car abandoned by the side of the road. Except I can buy new tires.
  10. Feb 6, 2013 #9


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    Do you know if the deleted video was recorded over or not? Usually when something is deleted from a memory card, it's not actually erased immediately - it's just inaccessible until something is written over the video (or picture, etc). So, there may still be a slim chance that the videos could be retrieved by a professional at a computer store. You may want to look into it or mention to your friend the possibility (or get someone else to mention it to them if your friend won't listen or talk to you). Just be aware that while there is a chance the videos are still on the card, it may indeed be the case that the videos are gone for good.
  11. Feb 6, 2013 #10


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  12. Feb 6, 2013 #11


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    All this is really over some photos? Lol just move on man I'm sure you have more important problems in your life.
  13. Feb 6, 2013 #12
    It's a video camera...I know I didn't tape up the entire card, my whole movie is like 4 minutes long with maybe 3 minutes worth of clips that were not used. So I know the card could handle more than 7 minutes of footage. I don't even know how the stuff was deleted to begin with, I know we were deleting individual clips from the camera, I don't know if somehow the entire folder containing the previous stuff was deleted. I definitely didn't film over an entire memory card though
  14. Feb 7, 2013 #13
    Stop making a big deal over a few videos. Its not like she had footage of the Kennedy assassination or you that you did this to be malicous . Say your sorry and admit you were being selfish and cannot follow instructions. This is an absolutely stupid reason to end a friendship - coming from me who has ended many friendships due to interpersonal problems.. Give her a week or two to calm down.
  15. Feb 7, 2013 #14


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    The root reason is probably that she herself forgot to backup these videos and took the risk of loaning it out.

    As we don't know whats on the videos they could be very precious to her and we should respect and not trivialize it.

    I know how it feels to have lost some old video due to a camcorder malfunction and not knowing about until years later when I decided to back them up. They were some of the last videos I had of my son.

    Only she can decide how big a deal it is and whether to keep or break the friendship.
  16. Feb 7, 2013 #15
    Its just some videos. Why make a big deal out of it? Nothing serious happened. Just tell her that you accidentally deleted that and you are sorry. She has no reason to be angry with you as you did not know what you were doing.
  17. Feb 7, 2013 #16
    You told a friend one thing and another friend another.

    No, YOU decided what was important.

    "Somehow"? Machines don't improvise. If everything disappeared, it means the person who deleted it opted to delete everything. Probably confirming the action in the process.

    You HAD to? No, you WANTED to. Very different. We have to eat, drink, breath and expel waste. We don't HAVE to make movies.

    Put yourself in her shoes: you lend your camera and it comes back clean of everything you did. How do you enjoy that?

    You decided to have it out of your hands as soon as you disrespected her instruction. And it's not out of your hands, it's called "consequences of your acts."

    "Accidentally"? How comes? You dropped the camera and the rebounds pressed the wrong buttons? There is nothing accidental in this.

    Somehow, I feel like you didn't consider stopping shooting your film when you saw that everything went away. If I am wrong, there may be a slight chance of recovering the content of the card by using a tool like "foremost." This implies that only a minimal amount of data was written to the card after the deletion. And of course that the card was not filled by someone needing space for a movie ...
  18. Feb 7, 2013 #17
    First off:
    Whoa there...never trust this person again? That's a little overboard, I think.

    The OP indicated that he/she told the friend to delete scenes they had already filmed. Deleting the bad stuff to make room for more good stuff.

    The OP decided that deleting a video project that the OP and the friend had made the previous year was more appropriate than deleting the friend's personal videos. The OP was trying to delete a video that he/she had partial "ownership" of.

    With that said, OP, why not just call the friend and ask if it was ok to delete the video to make room? Make sure that, if in the future you feel the need to go against someones wishes/instructions, you discuss with them your reasons behind it and get their support.

    Other people's camera's aren't always so intuitive. People make mistakes.

    Why are people being so hostile toward the OP?

    Obviously the OP understands that the friend is mad, and is sorry.

    Me personally, yea I'd be upset. But I sure as hell wouldn't get so mad so as to not be on speaking terms. That person bears some of the blame. If you have data on an electronic device that you cannot bear to see deleted, back it up. Should the OP have been deleting things when the friend said not to? No, of course not. But it wasn't malicious, these things happen.

    How do you know. I have accidentally clicked delete on a file before, and then proceeded to click the "yes I'm sure" button when I intended to click "No please god don't delete this!". Not my proudest moment, but sometimes people mess up.

    I'd keep filming. If you already deleted the stuff, you know you'll face the friend being upset; you might as well get your movie out of the deal.
  19. Feb 7, 2013 #18
    I didn't know the whole file was deleted until at least 3 days after I gave the camera back, so yes I was unaware at the time. Me and my OTHER friend were doing the filming and I had him delete the files because he knows more about cameras than I. I wonder if it would be possible to retrieve the video back? We didn't overwrite the whole memory card.

    Also to the purchase your own memory card, obviously I don't have a camera, so I wouldn't have a memory card for a camera. I didn't even know if memory cards were specific to certain cameras, as I am sort of clueless about them.
  20. Feb 7, 2013 #19


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    There is fault on both sides here, but again: get the card to someone who knows how to undelete stuff. Chances are, almost all of the lost data is recoverable.
  21. Feb 7, 2013 #20
    Russ is right,

    Deleting is removing from the Table of Contents. Overwriting is something else. And yea, if the contents of the card were irreplaceable at least back it up, or something before lending it out.
  22. Feb 7, 2013 #21


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    :rofl: You forgot to mention letting random strangers drive it.

    I doubt that you can fix this with her. If you can't abide by the rules when you borrow something, then don't borrow it. Deleting another person's photographs (or instructing someone else to) after being expressly told not to delete anything is incredibly selfish. I wouldn't trust you in the future. And, if your other friend knew about the request not to delete anything, I also wouldn't trust him. However, I wouldn't be dumb enough to loan out a camera with pictures that I didn't have backed up either.

    You have some interesting excuses for how and why the pictures got deleted and how you didn't mean to delete all of them. Your priorities were backwards. When you borrowed her property, her wishes took precedence over your 'needs' - not the other way around. If you felt so strongly that you had to make space at that very moment, you could have at least backed up the memory card on a computer until you were finished. I understand that you probably didn't think of that but then your decision should have been to not delete anything and wait until she backed up the pictures herself.
  23. Feb 7, 2013 #22
    You sound like the Three Stooges to me. The part I like best is when Moe puts the claws of a hammer into Larry's nostrils.
  24. Feb 7, 2013 #23
    OMG that is hilarious! Picturing it now...
  25. Feb 7, 2013 #24


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    All of the people being harsh and saying you should never be trusted again are a bit nutty. Jeez, get a grip people. This is such a minor thing. I generally try not to hold grudges against people, especially over stuff like this. I've had a crazy boss fire me over a much smaller mistake. People are crazy.
  26. Feb 7, 2013 #25


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    :rolleyes: This is not a big deal. Quit holding grudges...it's not healthy.
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