From the sublime to the pirate

  • #1
From the sublime to the pirate :)

I hope I'm not breaking any rules here by proselytising but come on we got italian food.:biggrin:

Ok FSM is the one true way of belief, and I have recently converted, anyone else in :smile:

MK, that's fine if you intend to devote the next ten years of your life to the subject. Otherwise, do-it-yourself science is for crackpots. The controversey wrt this subject is all the more proof that this is the domain of experts.

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/7348/piratesarecoolct8.jpg [Broken]
[/URL]

Anyone know who produced that graph.

I'll let you in a little secret.

It's FSM, my religion of choice as an agnostic and evolutionist.

We got pirates and pizza, cmon over to the dark side, you know you want to:)

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Category:FSM

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster

him2.jpg


Sorry it's so long, really needed a sort of spoiler tag, but I don't think PF does it.

Overview

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a composite deity composed of two separate, and distinct parts. It is the central point of worship in the religion commonly known as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism or Pastafarianism, according to which it is The Creator and Overseer, watching our lives and our world, changing them as it sees fit. Bobby Henderson is the guru of this religion. He too, has huge, spicy meatballs.

Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most edible and fastest-growing religion.
The One True Monster

Though he is called Monster, he really is not one, he is the love of all lives, hence "Flying Spaghetti Lover" (yes with BIG BIG Noodly Appendages, so non-gays BEWARE). As previously noted, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is composed of two separate, and distinct parts (three if it happens to be covered in Parmesan cheese):
The Major Pastaer

* The Flying: This part of the Flying Spaghetti Monster gives it flight, allowing it to span infinite distances in infinitesimal spans of time. This part is irreducibly complex, hyper-real (see Weird Calculus), and cannot be broken down into components. Doing so – if it were even possible, and it isn't – would incur the wrath of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It is proven by this series of math-like squiggles:

math.png



math2.png


The original formula revealed to Pastafarian scholars did not include the butter and toast element, which is necessary to relate kittens to antigravity. The Flying Spaghetti Monster inspired this revision one day He skipped breakfast.

* The Spaghetti Monster: This is commonly recognized as the "body" of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and, unlike its other major counterpart, is composed of several smaller sections. These are called the Minor Pastaer.

The Minor Pastaer

* The Meatera:It is a symbol of strength and fortitude. This is the source of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's power.
* The Spaghettien: Proceeds from the Meatera. Also known as the "Noodly Appendage," this allows for the Flying Spaghetti Monster to extend its grasp across the reaches of the universe, affecting everything and anything.
* The Saucon: Issues forth from the Meatara and the Spaghettien. This is the veil of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Through this, it is unseen and intangible, but allows it to affect anything and everything at will. There is a great deal more documentation on this phenomenon, but I wish to keep this section from being too lengthy. It also allows the Flying Spaghetti Monster to cloak itself as different images, such as Dinosaurs.

Religion

“Arrrr. To be a good follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, ye should drink much rum and surround yerself with as many buxom wenches as possible.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Flying Spaghetti Monsterism
The largest and most widely recognized church of His Noodliness, the United Church is often said to have existed since the dawn of midgits

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the sole deity in the monotheistic religion known as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSMism pronounced 'effessmisum'). It has widely been accepted as fact that this, and only this is the true religion, just as the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the true Creator and Overseer.

Like the Bible, much of Flying Spaghetti Monsterist lore was passed from generation to generation, much like The Odyssey, The Iliad, and The Simpsons. This was, of course, until it was codified in 1492. There are numerous records of this event as well. The foremost expert on this matter, Bobby Henderson (pasta be upon him), is a descendent of the original codifier.

Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the true religion. Much like the trickster, God, of Christianity, the Flying Spaghetti Monster also deceives the scientific world. This is possible only because the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the only all-powerful being, and only all-powerful beings can change laboratory results unbeknownst to their finders, showing that the Flying Spaghetti Monster must, in fact, exist. Bear in mind that His ways are mysterious, and there are numerous texts that explain why.

There are at least 18,000 Flying Spaghetti Monsterists in the world today, but due to persecution, they often remain in hiding. However, a recent movement by Bobby Henderson, the foremost expert on Flying Spaghetti Monsterism and descendant of The Codifier shows promise in bringing them into the spotlight.
Monsterist Sects

There are various known sects of modern Monsterism, from the tight-knit Orthodox Monsterist Church of West Virginia and Southern Québec, to the loosely associated Pastapharians of the Caribbean, to the Flaspamonists of South Central Los Angeles, the Underground FSMer's of Westford, the Mystical Order of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Moomin Church of His Spaghettiness of Jersey (channel Islands), the other Moomon Church of His Spaghettiness, and the open-minded, deeply Piratian First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

A heretical sect, the Reformed Church of Alfredo, is in deep opposition to the mainstream Monsterists, as is SPAM (Spaghetti & Pulsar Activating Meatballs), another FSM splinter group. Claiming to have The One, True Letter to the Kansas School Board, SPAMation's founder, Skamfor Profit, has warned that those who believe in Henderson's FSM version of the Letter will be sent—with only waxed-paper wrapping to protect them—into the sub-zero void of interstellar space, where they will be subjected to eternal freezer burn.

Loosely allied with the Alfredists, is the Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God. The First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (obviously) was the first gathering of like-minded followers at Dell Inc. The first order in Germany is called The holy Teutonic crusaders of yumyum and they want to declare the saucy beliefs transnational. The deeply zealous Castigate Order of the Church of the Children of the sauce follow the teachings of their first "Profit", The Captain (of The Captain and Tennille). The Sunni and Cher, Shiite and other Bowel Movement is an alliance of Muslims who believe Allah was an incarnation of the Great Spaghetti Monster. They believe that the GSM's spirit is best enjoyed in ketchup and they believe that those who die for their faith will get 57 varieties of virgins in the afterlife.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Answers and Replies

  • #2
3,763
9
Am i supposed to read all of this ?

marlon
 
  • #3
Am i supposed to read all of this ?

marlon
No not unless you want to it is hilarious. But it's entirely your choice :smile:

Point taken though.

Absurd humour is distinctly British I'm sure no one will get it, it's the best ironic document I've seen in years. But it's probably lost on the US. And no your not from the US Marlon but it is distinctly British humour in the way it is presented. Some people don't get The Onion, I think it's satire at it's finest.
 
Last edited:
  • #4


OK for those who aren't getting the joke or haven't seen it before it's obviously a parody of intelligent designers arguments. In the same way the Invisible Pink Unicorn is a parody of theism. It had me and a friend in stitches, but it's very Monty Pythonesque in it's style of humour :smile:

"It is easier for lasagna to pass through the holes of a colander than it is for a rich person to enter Paradise." - Ishmali Canuwundra.

For those who want to know how to make the sign of FSM to let others know your part of the fastest growing most delicious religion.

HOW TO GENUFLECT:

STEP 1: Bow the head

STEP 2: Close the eyes

STEP 3: Place the palms of the hands firmly over the ears.

STEP 4: Sing "Lalalalalalalala!" in loud monotone until hoarse.

Some physics:-

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Image:Noodle-light.gif

Perhaps one of the more important of the recent theories in the field of Pastafarianism is PENILE (shorthand "noggin" speak for "Pastafarian-Encouraged Noodle-Influenced Light Effect"). The maths involved in fully explaining this effect is completely incomprehensible to anyone but doctors, or someone wearing a hat that has "Doctor" or some derivative thereof written on it; however, the overall effect is simple, logical, and impervious to criticism. Quite simply, light traveling from a light source (the sun, a flashlight, or This guy) is influenced by the Flying Spaghetti Monster according to His will, and then received by our undeserving eyeballs. How this influencing comes about is as of yet uncertain - current theories range from interception and retransmission, to an external quantum transfer of information, to "just because He damn well wants to" - however, the end result is certain: we only see what He wants us to see.

This explains a multitude of issues that until now remained complete mysteries, for example:

Why even with today's modern photographic technologies, ninja remain completely invisible to the human eye. The PENILE theory gives us the obvious conclusion: how can we see something that He wills us not to? These deflected images are referred to as "artifacted light", and quite possibly the hallucinations given by kitten huffing are due to some feline ability to absorb these images and store them in their soul.
Why His image is perfect - every day he creates His image in the minds of millions, and every image is perfect in all His meaty glory. The image is adjusted to suit the mind for truly global appeal. Except if he hates you. Then he sends images of gay porn. This, coincidentally, explains why priests are so very fruity. This is referred to as the "noodlyfying" of the light.
Why Lindsay Lohan has suddenly become anemic, seemingly against all logic. Remember: we only have eyes for Him. He has the ability to destroy all visual competition with merely a sleight of noodle.
This theory, however, is often maligned in the eyes of both rabid Pastafarians, and vehement opposers of Pastafarianism. Many Pastafarians put forth the logic that His creation is exactly as he planned, from the beginning until forever, and requires no such tricks to sweep inconsistencies under the rug, as it were. However, He wishes us to feel as if we're in control of our destinies, whether for greater pasta, or for linguini. This is his opiate of the masses.

Theory of Gravity and FSMism
New theories suggest that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is responsible for the illusion of gravity. Like Intelligent Falling, it is believed He is responsible for pushing objects back to the ground with the glorious multiplicity of his noodles, rather than any kind of gravitational attraction. This would solve the conflict between relativity and quantum mechanics.

Spaghetti-Meatball Duality
Ever since it's discovery the concept of wave-particle duality has confounded scientists. Obviously something cannot be a wave and a particle at the same time, if you have a single brain in your head you would know that. But as with all things in life it becomes clear when FSM is applied. You see, elementary particles are actually tiny meatballs and the waves that they are one with are actually spaghetti noodles. This phenomenon is a mechanism created by FSM so that he could easily change appearance and can only be seen by his followers.
 
Last edited:
  • #5
J77
1,076
1
...but where are the ninjas?
 
  • #6
Was not Mohammed greeted by Ninjas in the dessert when he mislaid his piza?

Loosely allied with the Alfredists, is the Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God. The First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (obviously) was the first gathering of like-minded followers at Dell Inc. The first order in Germany is called The holy Teutonic crusaders of yumyum and they want to declare the saucy beliefs transnational. The deeply zealous Castigate Order of the Church of the Children of the sauce follow the teachings of their first "Profit", The Captain (of The Captain and Tennille). The Sunni and Cher, Shiite and other Bowel Movement is an alliance of Muslims who believe Allah was an incarnation of the Great Spaghetti Monster. They believe that the GSM's spirit is best enjoyed in ketchup and they believe that those who die for their faith will get 57 varieties of virgins in the afterlife.
 
  • #7
J77
1,076
1
Was not Mohammed greeted by Ninjas in the dessert when he mislaid his piza?
Praise the lord!
 
  • #8
Indeed brother, I do so every day, when I am eating the sacrement I like to think I'm absorbing a little peace of heaven.

Go with Noodle, Ramen(in faith and trust)

My favourite bit is the explanation of how Evolution works:smile:

The Flying Spaghetti Monster has provided guidance for the world's youth so that they might better understand his creation.

Biological evolution postulates an unguided natural process that has no humanly discernable direction or goal. The directions and goals of the Flying Spaghetti monster can only be known by HIM.
The presence of the same materials and processes of heredity (DNA, replication, transcription, translation, etc.) is used as evidence for the common Flying Spaghetti Monster ancestry of modern organisms.
Patterns of diversification and extinction of organisms are documented in the fossil record. Evidence also indicates that simple, bacteria-like life may have existed billions of years ago. However, in many cases the fossil record is not consistent with gradual, unbroken sequences postulated by biological evolution and obvious Flying Spaghetti Monster Tampering.
The distribution of fossil and modern organisms is related to geological and ecological changes (i.e. plate tectonics, migration). There are observable similarities and differences among fossils and living organisms due to the whims of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The frequency of heritable traits may change over a period of generations within a population of organisms, usually when resource availability and environmental conditions change as a consequence of extinctions, geologic events, and/or over production of strippers.
The view that living things in all the major kingdoms are modified descendants of a common ancestor (described in the pattern of a branching tree) has been challenged in recent years by:
Discrepancies in the molecular evidence (e.g. differences inrelatedness inferred from sequence studies of different proteins)
Evidence of the existence of a benevolent Flying Spaghetti Monster
A fossil record that shows sudden bursts of increased complexity (the Cambrian Explosion), long periods of stasis and the absence of abundant transitional forms rather than steady gradual increases in complexity due to the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s direct intervention.
Studies that show animals follow different rather than identical early stages of embryological development as according to HIS design.
Genetic changes occur only in individual organisms. New heritable traits may result from new combinations of genes and from random mutations or Flying Spaghetti Monster intervention. Except in very rare cases, mutations that may be inherited are neutral, beneficial, or for the amusement of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Natural selection and genetic drift occur within populations or organisms.
Variation among individuals in a population allows individuals to respond differently to environmental challenges.
Separate populations within a species may become sufficiently different enough that new species develop. This process is called speciation.
Changes in inherited traits accumulate in populations.
Historically only a small percentage of species have survived to modern times.
Whether microevolution (change within a species) can be extrapolated to explain macroevolutionary changes (such as new complex organs or body plans and new biochemical systems which appear irreducibly complex) is obvious to the reasonably intelligent. However, these kinds of macroevolutionary changes can also be explained by the existence of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Heritable variation exists in every species: New heritable traits result from new combinations of genes and from mutations or changes in The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s desires.
Variation of organisms within and among species increases the likelihood that some members will survive under changing environmental conditions.
Times, populations, or entire lineages become extinct. One effect of this is to increase the differences between the surviving lineages.
Favorable heritable traits are more advantageous to reproduction and/or survival than others.
There is a finite supply of resources available for offspring; therefore not all survive.
Individuals with beneficial traits generally survive to reproduce in greater numbers.
Favorable heritable traits tend to increase in the population through time if the selective pressure is maintained.
Organisms are classified and according to the rules of nomenclature, and are given scientific names.
The behavioral, physical, and genetic characteristics upon which these classifications are based are used as evidence for common descent.
Natural selection, genetic drift, genomes, and the mechanisms of genetic change provide a context in which to ask research questions and help explain observed changes in populations. However, reverse engineering and end-directed thinking are used to understand the will of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Some additional beliefs include:
A evidence of a “primordial sauce” or a chemically hospitable pre-biotic atmosphere;
The lack of adequate natural explanations (aside from the existence of The Flying Spaghetti Monster) for the genetic code, the sequences of genetic information necessary to specify life, the biochemical machinery needed to translate genetic information into functional biosystems, and the formation of proto-cells; and
The sudden rather than gradual emergence of pasta
In 2005, the University of Phoenix campus in Kansas added a Bachelor's of Divinity in Creation program, with an emphasis in Flying Spaghetti Monster theory.
 
Last edited:

Related Threads on From the sublime to the pirate

  • Last Post
Replies
18
Views
3K
  • Last Post
2
Replies
26
Views
5K
  • Last Post
Replies
24
Views
3K
  • Last Post
Replies
16
Views
1K
Replies
5
Views
2K
Replies
11
Views
2K
Replies
11
Views
2K
Replies
7
Views
3K
  • Last Post
4
Replies
75
Views
6K
Replies
41
Views
2K
Top