Corporate Chaos: The Dangers of Buzzwords and Faddish Business Philosophies

[Dembadon]

While on a conference call, I learned a new word: cross-collaboration. Neat, huh? I almost spit-up my coffee. My boss and I had a good chuckle, while on mute, and it wasn't until an hour or so later that it actually began to really irritate me.

This person, who probably makes a nauseatingly high salary, consistently uses a cut-and-paste method when forming words and/or sentences. Oh no, not just verbally, but also in his writing; bleeding from the eyes should not be a symptom of reading emails.

You know, if he weren't so arrogant, I don't think he'd elicit such vehement responses from people. It disgusts me that he occupies a position of such power and control without the ability to form and communicate a coherent thought. Not only that, he is unorganized; dishonest; and does not follow through with anything. He is completely unprepared every single week. I feel like screaming, "What do you do all day?!

"Power-tie¹"

You are atonal.
Your "contributions" shipwreck effulgent ideas.
The pile of excrement, floating lazily in your cerebrospinal fluid,
is the vanguard of our pathetic, weekly encounter.
Through the door you hold open with an ignorant courtesy,
run savage, murderous conglomerations of words; relentlessly slaying anything
that resembles structure, intelligence, or beauty.
May God have mercy on our souls.

-Dembadon

1: Name(s) have been changed to reveal the true identity of the individual(s) in the story.

 

[Cyrus]

LOL..."You're fired."

 

[Dembadon]

LOL..."You're fired."

Power-tie has no way of proving who I am.

 

[hotvette]

While on a conference call, I learned a new word: cross-collaboration

My favorite word to hate is using 'solution' as a verb ("How are you going to solution this?") Fortunately, I don't hear it much anymore...

 

[lisab]

My favorite word to hate is using 'solution' as a verb ("How are you going to solution this?") Fortunately, I don't hear it much anymore...

Mine is "tasked": "I've been tasked with creating an inventory of the lab."

 

[Dembadon]

Here are a few more:

Action items: "What are the action items for this week?"

Reaching out: "I'll reach out to so-and-so and see if they can give me a status report."

Synergy, synergize, or any other form of this repulsive "word," makes me want to vomit.

Having the ball: "Who has the ball on this?"

 

[lisab]

Actually, the most annoying thing I've heard on a conference call is someone breathing with a whistle in their nose. Seriously, I couldn't think of anything else that whole time.

 

[hotvette]

tie-out: "I'll tie out with so and so"

leverage: "Let's leverage our relationship with ..."

on the same page: "Let's make sure we are on the same page..."

keyboard typing sounds

cell phone conversations (i.e. forgot to hit the mute button)

sneezing (or other bodily sounds)

dogs barking

 

[leroyjenkens]

I hate "irregardless".

 

[Borg]

Action item has always had a different meaning since I found out that it referred to a superhero. :tongue:

 

[Dembadon]

Action item has always had a different meaning since I found out that it referred to a superhero. :tongue:

:rofl: Excellent find! The links to the photos are broken, but Googling "professional superhero" led me to the site.

 

[Borg]

:rofl: Excellent find! The links to the photos are broken, but Googling "professional superhero" led me to the site.

I had to upload a copy that I had. It seems that the site rotates the URLs for the image.

 

[turbo]

How would you like to be "incentivized". I worked in a small company in which the owner (dumb!) let himself fall prey to his GM (dumber!) that lured him into more and more ignorant business philosophies. Tossing around buzz-words, and keeping up with all the latest faddish "success" books can keep one in in favor, as long as you are working for ignorant people.