Funniest song lyrics ever

  1. If you want my body and you think I’m sexy
    Come on honey tell me so
    If you really need me just reach out and touch me"
    - Rod Stewart"
    http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rod-stewart/117185.html

    "Sexbomb sexbomb you’re my sexbomb
    And baby you can turn me on turn me on darlin’
    Sexbomb sexbomb you’re my sexbomb sexbomb
    You can give it to me when I need to come along
    Sexbomb sexbomb your’re my sexbomb
    And baby you can turn me on

    You can give me more and more counting up the score
    Yeah
    You can turn me upside down inside out
    You can make me feel the real deal uh uh
    I can give it to you any time because you’re mine
    Ouch, sexbomb, aw baby

    Sexbomb sexbomb you’re my sexbomb
    And you can give it to me when I need to be turned on
    No, no
    Sexbomb sexbomb you’re my sexbomb
    And baby you can turn me on turn me on
    And baby you can turn me on turn me on
    Baby you can turn me on turn me on
    Ooh baby you can turn me on turn me on
    Baby you can turn me on oh
    Baby you can turn me on oh
    Baby you can turn me on
    Well baby you can turn me on"
    http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tom-jones/138371.html""]http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tom-jones/138371.html"[/URL] :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


    What song lyrics do you all think are funny?
     
  2. jcsd
  3. :yuck: :yuck: :yuck: :yuck:

    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

    It's called "Touch my bum" by the Cheeky Girls. They're two Romanian twins. I think this song reached #2 or #3 in the UK a few years back...cringeworthy.

    What about Sarah Brightman "I lost my heart to a starship trooper"
    I think I'm gonna hurl...excuse me...
     
  4. Good Grief Charlie Brown

    http://www.xs4all.nl/~josvg/cits/sb/singles/starship.html

    I've never heard this song before, but by looking at the lyrics. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  5. bob marley - i smoke 2 joints

    I smoke two joints in the morning
    I smoke two joints at night,
    I smoke two joints in the afternoon
    and it makes me feel alright
    smoke two joints in time of peace
    into the time of war
    smoke two joints before i smoke two joints
    and then i smoke some more

    yeah thats what i do, hey

    mama she always told me son you really have it bad
    mama she always told me son you do the best you can
    then one day i met a man she came to me and said
    i work good and i work fine but first take care of him

    i smoke two joints in the morning
    i smoke two joints at night
    i smoke two joints in the video game
    and it mkes me feel alright
    i smoke two joints in the time of peace
    into the time of war
    smoke two joints before i smoke two joints
    and then i smoke some more

    ooh ooh ooh ooh

    one peace one time
    funny days, funny days
    gimme that bassline

    fellas fellas


    --------------------------------------------------------------
    the way i mate - rednex

    The way I mate, the way I mate, the way I mate
    I call a girlie girlie in a wae-oh
    I call a girlie girlie in a wae-oh

    I call a hubby hubby, eep-eep-eep

    Girls, come on let's have a good time
    It is the day to get wild
    Do you feel like going down

    Mating seasons in heat
    Come on and get to your feet
    To get laid we eep-eep-eep

    Time to go-go
    wae-oh wae-oh

    Bushes are moving around
    All the beavers have fun
    They are playing with their guns

    Guys are chasing around
    Getting ready to beep
    When they all hear our eep-eep-eep

    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    hey - pixies

    Hey
    Been trying to meet you
    Hey
    Must be a devil between us
    Or whores in my head
    Whores at my door
    Whores in my bed
    But hey
    Where
    Have you
    Been if you go I will surely die
    We’re chained

    Uh said the man to the lady
    Uh said the lady to the man she adored
    And the whores like a choir
    Go uh all night
    And mary ain’t you tired of this
    Uh
    Is
    The
    Sound
    That the mother makes when the baby breaks
    We’re chained
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    monkey's gone to heaven - pixies

    There was a guy
    An under water guy who controlled the sea
    Got killed by ten million pounds of sludge
    From new york and new jersey
    This monkey’s gone to heaven

    The creature in the sky
    Got sucked in ahole
    Now there’s a hole in the sky
    And the ground’s not cold
    And if the ground’s not cold
    Everything is gonna burn
    We’ll all take turns
    I’ll get mine, too
    This monkey’s gone to haven

    Rock me joe!

    If man is 5 [3x]
    Then the devil is 6 [5x]
    Then God is 7 [3x]
    This monkey’s gone to heaven
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    gigantic - pixies

    And this I know
    His teeth as white as snow
    What a gas it was to see him
    Walk her every day
    Into a shady place
    With her lips she said
    She said

    Hey paul, hey paul, hey paul, let’s have a ball (3x)

    Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
    A big big love
    Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
    A big big love

    Lovely legs there are
    What a big black mask
    What a hunk of love
    Walk her every day into a shady place
    He’s like the dark, but I’d want him

    Hey paul, hey paul, hey paul, let’s have a ball (3x)

    Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
    A big big love
    Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
    A big big love

    Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
    A big big love
    Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
    A big big love


    is she implying black dudes got gigantic...?

    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Mr. Bungle - aqueeze me macaroni



    I wanna lock Betty Crocker in the kitchen
    And knock her upper during supper
    Clutter up her butter gutter
    Hostess Ding Dong wrapped an eggroll around my wong
    While Dolly Madison proceded to ping my pong
    Your Milky Way is M'n'M in your britches
    And I'll tell you Baby Ruth it looks mighty delicious
    Keep blowing my gum, cuz here I come
    I'm gonna get you all sticky with my Bubble Yum
    Knick knack paddywhack and give your dog a bone, baby
    I was givin' some head to some french bread
    It was a four course orgy on the spread of my bed
    French kissin' french fries in my Fruit of the Looms
    I get deeper penetration with a fork and a spoon
    I got yogurt meat loaf smeared all over my ass
    I stick my weiner in two buns and and then give it the gas
    Sour cream from my spleen into Levi jeans
    Gonna bust the seams with my refried beans
    Ronald McDonald just loves to be fondled
    With Big Mac he'll **** it like a Chicken McNugget
    Colonel Sanders wants to goose Granny's loose caboose
    He's gonna give her a boost with that Kentucky fried juice
    Sooper doop poop scoop, loop de loop, chicken coop
    Shoot some hoop, top sirloin from the groin
    Topped with dick cheese, sneeze, wheeze,
    From the skeez disease, wooi!
    Take a dump, baby, squirt some gravy
    Pour some sugar on me, honey, make it brown & runny
    Give a little Flavor Flav, back from the grave
    Gonna burn some toast, pump some humpin' rump roast
    Knick knack paddywhack, jump in the sack, in fact
    Jerk the smack and crack Jack from the back
    Bananarama or ramabanana
    ****in' Barry Manilow on the Copa Cabana
    Squeeze me macaroni, slop your face with my bologna
    You gotta syphon the spinach, you gotta cream the corn
    Sperm scrambles the eggs and a meal is born
    Cookin' like a beginner, but I'm goin' up in her
    I had Fritos for lunch I'm havin' bush for dinner
    Chef Boyardee and the Three Muskateers
    Shove Charleston Chews in their rears like queers
    Holy moly, guacamole! said my Chips Ahoy
    I'm gonna pinch a ravioli on the Pillsbury dough boy
    Knick knack paddywhack and give your dog a boner, baby
    We came to pottie...we came to pottie down your throat

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------


    had enough yet?
     
  6. :yuck: That last one makes me wanna gag.
     
  7. by the way, in case you gave up on my long post... i saved the best for the end. :biggrin:
     
  8. The Lumberjack Song from "Monty Python's Flying Circus"
    Continued from Petshop, Barber, or a variety of other Python sketches....

    I never wanted to do this job in the first place!
    I... I wanted to be...

    A LUMBERJACK!

    (piano vamp)

    Leaping from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of
    British Columbia! With my best girl by my side!
    The Larch!
    The Pine!
    The Giant Redwood tree!
    The Sequoia!
    The Little Whopping Rule Tree!
    We'd sing! Sing! Sing!


    Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
    I sleep all night and I work all day.

    CHORUS: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
    He sleeps all night and he works all day.

    I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
    I go to the lava-try.
    On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
    And have buttered scones for tea.

    Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
    He goes to the lava-try.
    On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'
    And has buttered scones for tea.

    CHORUS

    I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
    I like to press wild flowers.
    I put on women's clothing,
    And hang around in bars.

    Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
    He likes to press wild flowers.
    He puts on women's clothing
    And hangs around.... In bars???????

    CHORUS

    I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
    Suspendies and a bra.
    I wish I'd been a girlie
    Just like my dear papa.

    Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
    Suspendies?? and a .... a Bra????
    (spoken, raggedly) What's this? Wants to be a *girlie*? Oh, My!
    And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!

    CHORUS

    All: He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy..... (BONG)

    Sound Cue: The Liberty Bell March, by John Phillip Sousa.
    -or-
    ===============================================================================

    Dear Sir,
    I wish to complain on the stronglyest possible terms about the previous
    entry in this file about the lumberjack who wears womens' clothes. Some of
    my best friends are lumberjacks, and only a FEW of them are transvestites.

    Yours faithfully,
    Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong, Mrs.

    P.S. I have never kissed the editor of the radio times.
     
  9. *** I like Chinese
    *** from Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album
    *** transcribed from tape 11/16/87 Daniel Rich <drich@research1.bgsu.edu>

    (spoken)
    The world today is absolutely cracked.
    With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
    There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
    It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why...

    (singing)
    I like chinese,
    I like chinese,
    They only come up to you knees,
    Yet they're always friendly and they're ready to to please.

    I like chinese,
    I like chinese,
    There's nine hundred million of them in the world today,
    You'd better learn to like them, that's what I say.

    I like chinese,
    I like chinese,
    They come from a long way overseas,
    But they're cute, and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.

    I like chinese food,
    The waiters never are rude,
    Think the many things they've done to impress,
    There's maoism, taoism, eging and chess.

    I like chinese,
    I like chinese,
    I like their tiny little trees,
    Their zen, their ping-pong, their ying and yang-eze.

    I like chinese thought,
    The wisdom that Confusious taught,
    If Darwin is anything to shout about,
    The chinese will survive us all without any doubt.

    So, I like chinese,
    I like chinese,
    They only come up to you knees,
    Yet they're wise, and they're witty, and they're ready to please

    Wo ai Zhong-guo ren [Wo, I chumba run]
    Wo ai Zhong-guo ren
    Wo ai Zhong-guo ren
    Ni Hao Ma? Ni Hao Ma? Ni Hao Ma? Zai zhen [Ne hamma? ... Chi Chen]

    I like chinese,
    I like chinese,
    They're food is guaranteed to please,
    A fourteen, a seven, a nine and li-chese

    I like chinese,
    I like chinese,
    I like their tiny little trees,
    Their zen, their ping-pong, their yin and yang-eze

    I like chinese,
    I like chinese,
    (fade out....)
     
  10. the following song has an age limit of 18 :tongue2:
    so if youre too young, you have to get adult supervision or something..


    "Sit on my Face" from "Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl"

    Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
    I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
    I love to hear you moralize,
    When I'm between your thighs;
    You blow me away!

    Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
    I'll sit on your face and let my love be truly.
    Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
    And we'll sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,
    'Till we're blown away!
     
  11. this one is dedicated to Math Is Hard :biggrin:

    My cat,by Jack off Jill.

    My cat
    Cool cat
    Good cat
    Pussy cat

    When I see him walking
    Makes no sense to me
    My cat is everywhere
    We watch him on TV

    My cat is amazing
    He can play the guitar
    He may not be an actor
    But he's a pussy superstar

    My cat
    Cool cat

    My cat is everywhere
    Sees what he can see
    He may not be an actor
    He acts atrociously

    My cat is amazing
    He can play the guitar
    He may not be an actor
    But he's a pussy superstar

    My cat isn't crazy
    He's everything to me
    My cat burns the bible
    And he thinks it's so funny

    He isn't very good
    He isn't very smart
    He may not be Picasso
    But he is a work of art

    Hates me as much as I hate you

    My cat
    Cool cat
    Good cat
    Pussy cat

    When I see him walking
    Makes no sense to me
    My cat is everywhere
    We watch him on TV

    My cat is amazing
    He can play the guitar
    He may not be an actor
    But he's a pussy superstar

    My cat isn't crazy
    He's everything to me
    My cat burns the bible
    And he thinks it's so funny

    He isn't very good
    He isn't very smart
    He may not be Picasso
    But he is a work of art

    My cat is handsome
    He can play the guitar
    He can break my arm in seven places
    He can eat a whole watermelon
    My cat my cat
     
  12. bloodhound gang - hell yeah


    Alright now boys and girls we’ve got another story for you now!
    We want to introduce to you another friend of the bible!

    Hell yeah
    Hell yeah
    Hell yeah
    Hell yeah

    If I were God there would be no explicit sex on t.v.
    Like little opie eating pie when he made it with aunt bea

    If I were God thou shall not worship false billy idols
    And thou shall add the book of flavor flav to the bible
    Thou shall make fun of hindus thou shall not make a speed 2
    If I were God that’s what I’d do heavens no

    Hell yeah
    Hell yeah
    Hell yeah
    Hell yeah

    If I were God I’d get a bunch of slaves to do everything
    Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing

    If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with flip-flops
    Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
    Thou shall resist the olsen twins, thou shall not cut footloose
    If I were God that’s what I’d do, heavens no

    Hell yeah
    Hell yeah
    Hell yeah
    Hell yeah

    And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
    I’ll tell them I found jesus that should throw them off
    He goes by the name jesus and steals hubcaps from cars
    Oh jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
    To pry these God damn nails out they’re beginning to hurt
    Crucified and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
    I can’t believe it’s not butter! I’ll sing as I’m flogged
    Yeah that’s what I would do if I were god
    So vote for me for savior and you’ll go to heaven
    Your lame duck lord is like kevin spacey in seven
    With creepy threats of h-e-double-hockey-stick
    You just can’t teach an old God new tricks
    But would I be a good messiah with my low self-esteem?
    If I don’t believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
    Just sport some crummy holier than thou facade
    Yeah that’s what I would do if I were god
     
  13. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
    hehe, it seems im just singing to myself :biggrin:
     
  14. well, i couldnt help myself...

    Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
    Some things in life are bad,
    They can really make you mad.
    Other things just make you swear and curse.
    When you're chewing on life's gristle,
    Don't grumble, give a whistle!
    And this'll help things turn out for the best...
    And...

    the music fades into the song

    ...always look on the bright side of life!
    whistle

    Always look on the bright side of life...
    If life seems jolly rotten,
    There's something you've forgotten!
    And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,

    When you're feeling in the dumps,
    Don't be silly chumps,
    Just purse your lips and whistle -- that's the thing!
    And... always look on the bright side of life...

    whistle
    Come on!

    other start to join in
    Always look on the bright side of life...
    whistle

    For life is quite absurd,
    And death's the final word.
    You must always face the curtain with a bow!
    Forget about your sin -- give the audience a grin,
    Enjoy it -- it's the last chance anyhow!

    So always look on the bright side of death!
    Just before you draw your terminal breath.
    Life's a piece of sh*t,
    When you look at it.

    Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
    You'll see it's all a show,
    Keep 'em laughing as you go.
    Just remember that the last laugh is on you!

    And always look on the bright side of life...
    whistle
    Always look on the bright side of life
    whistle
     
  15. Now I just want to call someone sex bomb and see what kind of absurd reaction I get. :D
    And yeah, fargoth you're songs were pretty damn funny.
     
  16. "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" by the Bloodhound Gang
     
  17. BobG

    BobG 2,340
    Science Advisor
    Homework Helper

    John Prine has a couple of classics.

     
  18. I have always liked Rock Lobster but when I looked up the lyrics I realized that they aren't really funny if you just read them.

    Bands I like with funny lyrics would have to include They Might Be Giants, Darkest of the Hillside Thickets, Soul Coughing, and Tom Waits.
     
  19. Sublime- Date Rape

    That's when things got out of control.
    The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny.
    But that's the way it had to be.
    They locked him up and threw away the key.
    Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
    even though he now takes it in the behind.
     
  20. Gokul43201

    Gokul43201 11,141
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    A funny songs thread without Weird Al ?


    Here goes :

     
Know someone interested in this topic? Share a link to this question via email, Google+, Twitter, or Facebook

Have something to add?