Gender Specific Fears: Is Criticism or Failure Worse?

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In summary, the conversation revolves around the claim made by a man on an infomercial that a man's greatest fear is failure and a woman's is criticism. The group discusses whether these claims hold true and whether the two fears are interrelated. Some members believe that fear of failure is more dominant, while others argue that fear of criticism can also be a driving factor. However, they also acknowledge that both fears can be mild and that fear of failure can be a practical mindset. The conversation also touches on the difference between genders in terms of fears, with one member mentioning a unique fear that men have. Ultimately, the group agrees that fear of failure and criticism are not necessarily bad things and can even be beneficial in certain situations.
  • #1
zoobyshoe
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I have the TV babbling in the background as I peruse PF and my ear is caught by a guy on an infomercial who makes the following claim: a man's greatest fear (when undertaking a project) is fear of failure, and a woman's greatest fear is fear of criticism.

His success plan will teach you how to overcome these fears and end up a billionaire, but in the meantime I'm wondering if these thumbnail allegations of a difference between essential fears according to gender hold water.

If you're a guy is the prospect of failure worse than the prospect of being criticized? If you're a woman, is the prospect of being criticized worse than the prospect of failure?
 
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  • #2
It's a sweeping generalisation, but I think that on average a man will be more goal driven (hence the fear of failure), while a woman will be looking for acceptance and confirmation from her peers instead (hence fear of criticism).

Again, this are just broad trends I've observerd. Your mileage may vary.
 
  • #3
I'm trying to figure out how the two aren't interrelated from the start? Don't failure and criticism pretty much go hand in hand? If you're getting criticized, it's generally because you've done something wrong, not because you were a great success. And, if you fail, isn't someone going to come along and criticize you for it?
 
  • #4
Moonbear said:
I'm trying to figure out how the two aren't interrelated from the start? Don't failure and criticism pretty much go hand in hand? If you're getting criticized, it's generally because you've done something wrong, not because you were a great success.
Typical American sentiment. We are not that nice over here in Norway ! :smile:


(After all, a person with success probably has some personal flaws he wants to hide beneath his veneer of success (that's why he has worked so hard to attain it); our job is to uncover those flaws).
 
  • #5
arildno said:
Typical American sentiment. We are not that nice over here in Norway ! :smile:


(After all, a person with success probably has some personal flaws he wants to hide beneath his veneer of success (that's why he has worked so hard to attain it); our job is to uncover those flaws).
:rofl: I suppose that being flawless myself, I never considered someone might be worried about criticism for flaws they are hiding. :biggrin: o:)
 
  • #6
I love to sit down in front of the TV late at night at learn about the psychology of gender inequalities from an expert infomercial actor.
 
  • #7
Moonbear said:
:rofl: I suppose that being flawless myself, I never considered someone might be worried about criticism for flaws they are hiding. :biggrin: o:)
A main flaw with many people is their lack of insight in themselves. They go blithely about believing themselves to be flawless, but we Norwegians know better. :smile:
 
  • #8
So, Moonbear, your answer to the question "Is the prospect of being criticized worse than the prospect of failure?" is...?

Arildno and Rach, your answers to the question "Is the prospect of failure worse than the prospect of being criticized?" is...?
 
  • #9
Fear of criticism? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I may not put up with it but I certainly don't fear it. :biggrin:

Easily, fear of failure dominates when it means getting sued or destroying equipment. When it comes to less critical situations, again, fear of failure because I hate having to do something twice. So I see this as more a practical matter... though I doubt that "fear" is the correct word.

And my two cents worth as it pertains to the premise of this thread: The biggest reason that people never take a risk is not fear, it is laziness.
 
  • #10
Fear of criticism?
Don't think you would do any posting if you had that :smile:
 
  • #11
I'm a man, and I have a constructively mild fear both.
 
  • #12
OK. Assuming NoTime is a guy (the odds favor that assumption at PF) then we have three guys pretty much agreeing failure is a worse prospect than criticism.
 
  • #13
The only fear I have as a man, that I know a woman does not share is having my genitals cut off/skewered/burned (including chemical burns)/hit and basically impacted in anyway with high impulse.
 
  • #14
Gelsamel Epsilon said:
The only fear I have as a man, that I know a woman does not share is having my genitals cut off/skewered/burned (including chemical burns)/hit and basically impacted in anyway with high impulse.
Thanks for sharing!
 
  • #15
zoobyshoe said:
OK. Assuming NoTime is a guy (the odds favor that assumption at PF) then we have three guys pretty much agreeing failure is a worse prospect than criticism.
Yes, your assumption is correct :smile:

Failure? I call that experience :biggrin:
I just try to avoid being repetitive o:)
 
  • #16
NoTime said:
Yes, your assumption is correct :smile:

Failure? I call that experience :biggrin:
I just try to avoid being repetitive o:)

I think for most people, both fears are actually pretty mild. I think there's actually clinical names for people who make too much of a fuss about their fears.
 
  • #17
zoobyshoe said:
OK. Assuming NoTime is a guy (the odds favor that assumption at PF) then we have three guys pretty much agreeing failure is a worse prospect than criticism.
If the criticism isn't because you've failed, then sure. I'd rather take "friendly fire" to prevent failure than to screw up because I was too arrogant to listen to criticism from someone who was just trying to help.

I can't quite see how fear of failure is a bad thing though. Afterall, generally it is something one should try to avoid, and if you just run into everything head first without thinking about what you're about to do first because you don't care if you fail, then you're bound to fail a lot more than someone who stops to think first.
 
  • #18
Moonbear said:
If the criticism isn't because you've failed, then sure. I'd rather take "friendly fire" to prevent failure than to screw up because I was too arrogant to listen to criticism from someone who was just trying to help.

I can't quite see how fear of failure is a bad thing though. Afterall, generally it is something one should try to avoid, and if you just run into everything head first without thinking about what you're about to do first because you don't care if you fail, then you're bound to fail a lot more than someone who stops to think first.
Sure, you do what you can to avoid failure.
But, when you're going for something that hasn't been done before, then I would say it's inevitable.
Testing in a controlled environment is key to minimizing the impact.
Even then the real world, seems to have a knack for coughing up a hairball or two.

Criticism is fine as long as it's constructive.
 
  • #19
Moonbear said:
If the criticism isn't because you've failed, then sure. I'd rather take "friendly fire" to prevent failure than to screw up because I was too arrogant to listen to criticism from someone who was just trying to help.

I can't quite see how fear of failure is a bad thing though. Afterall, generally it is something one should try to avoid, and if you just run into everything head first without thinking about what you're about to do first because you don't care if you fail, then you're bound to fail a lot more than someone who stops to think first.
I think the kind of criticism implied here is along the lines of "Oh, right! You're going to go into business for yourself! Good luck, sistah!"

The fear of failure under discussion is the crippling kind that makes a person give up before they start: "It's never going to succeed so why bother?"
 
  • #20
zoobyshoe said:
The fear of failure under discussion is the crippling kind that makes a person give up before they start: "It's never going to succeed so why bother?"

I'm one of those that believes you can do anything you put your mind to. The major obstruction of production for me is lethargy.
 
  • #21
zoobyshoe said:
Thanks for sharing!

No problem. As for failure, sure it'd be freakin' awesome to be a rich famous physicist that like unifies GR and QM. But as long as I have enough money to buy video games to play 24/7 I probably won't care if I fail or not. I do however take a lot of pride in my intellect and logic, losing something like that through a physical accident or something would devastate me.

~Gelsamel

Edit: On the topic of the fear of criticism I find ALOT of people doing this, especially online. Which I find extremely bizzare. Firstly people online have never seen you, nor heard you or in anyway have insight into who you are. Secondly criticism is good for personal developement, criticism which is false and you know is false is easily ignored. Despite this often you'll have people online go utterly balistic when someone criticises them, you'll see people deleting bad comments on their personal pages etc. simply because it's a bad comment. On Youtube for instance often people lock votes or delete people's posts simply because the post is against them. Is this a cause of low self esteem?

Edit2: I agree with Ivan, a lot of not doing something is due to laziness, I'm like the laziest person alive. When at home and extremely bored with nothing to do, I'd rather do NOTHING then do my homework, I'd rather be bored and do nothing then not be lazy for a while. It isn't as if my grades are encouraging me to do homeowork though.
 
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  • #22
Gelsamel Epsilon said:
The only fear I have as a man, that I know a woman does not share is having my genitals cut off/skewered/burned (including chemical burns)/hit and basically impacted in anyway with high impulse.
oh, I'd say there are a few million little girls in Africa who share your fear. (Just so you don't feel alone in this.)
 
  • #23
I know people who would rather work somewhere where they know nobody will intrude on them and nobody will try talking to them. They cannot stand it when they are working and someone asks them how they are doing or something. I am not really sure why... I know both males and females alike who are like this.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I forgot to say my fear...heh. I usually have a fear of failure, until I see that it is inevitable... Then I think "heh, this probably doesn't matter that much anyway". With regards to criticism, I try to follow the "what do you care what other people think" role. However, there have been a select few times that I have done exactly what my pre-edit post says.
 
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  • #24
moose said:
I know people who would rather work somewhere where they know nobody will intrude on them and nobody will try talking to them. They cannot stand it when they are working and someone asks them how they are doing or something. I am not really sure why... I know both males and females alike who are like this.
This is probably fear of criticism. I'm like this about stuff before it's at a stage where it's presentable. I don't want people seeing, or prying into, projects that are still undeveloped and confused in my mind.
 
  • #25
Moonbear said:
I can't quite see how fear of failure is a bad thing though.

It depends on what you have at risk.
 
  • #26
Math Is Hard said:
oh, I'd say there are a few million little girls in Africa who share your fear. (Just so you don't feel alone in this.)

Yay, I'm not alone(!)

Seriously though I didn't want to know that just as much as you didn't want to know about my fear. I guess we're even.

I'd have to say though I'd never not do something I wanted to do because of fear of something. Be it failure or criticism. How ever there are many things I won't (I don't even want to do) for fear of pain etc. Like trying to do a front flip off the floor when I don't know how, or jump off a bridge. Or do something which would have legal repercussions.

Yeh come to think of it I don't have many fears, afraid of being seriously wounded - maybe. And sure failing at something sucks, being hurt sucks etc. but I don't really have many fears of these things that stop me from doing things I want to do. At least not any that I can think of at the moment.

~Gelsamel
 
  • #27
Does anyone fear speaking in front of a crowd?
 
  • #28
Ivan Seeking said:
Does anyone fear speaking in front of a crowd?

I did, and probably still do a bit, especially if it's a topic I don't know about. And it's not even a logical fear. I know whenever I stand up in front of a class they're not going to a give a **** what I say, and I honestly don't care if they think I'm a good speaker or smart or not so my fear of that is very very irrational. But recently we had to do an oral presentation in which we got to choose the topic, I chose Nuclear Power and how über it is and it went really well I got an A. :D

~Gelsamel
 
  • #29
I have to agree that laziness is the biggest problem for most people (including myself).

Aside from that, I would say that as a woman my fears are generally concerned with what others will think of me. If they are strangers I fear they will criticize or think less of me. If they are friends or family I fear I will disappoint them or not live up to their expectations of me. With people close to me I don't anticipate them openly criticizing me, but rather feel they'll be silently disappointed in me.

It's been *my* experience that women rely more heavily on the opinions of others than men do. Men fear what they see as a failure, women fear what they think others will see as a failure.

(Hope that made sense? I'm sleepy)
 
  • #30
Ivan Seeking said:
Does anyone fear speaking in front of a crowd?

it depends. If you mean formally, yes (as in a communications class assignment, where it's expected of you to give a speech, or for some sort of functin where you get elected speaker.)

If I have something to say because I don't like a situation or I feel the need to preach or whatever, though, I will stand up and speak my mind. It has to be genuine, I guess.
 
  • #31
Ivan Seeking said:
It depends on what you have at risk.
I'd say the more at risk, the healthier it is to have a bit of fear of failure keeping you on your toes.

Of course, there's a difference between a mild, healthy fear that keeps you paying attention, and a crippling fear that stops you from doing anything at all, as someone else pointed out earlier.
 
  • #32
winterorchids said:
I have to agree that laziness is the biggest problem for most people (including myself).

Aside from that, I would say that as a woman my fears are generally concerned with what others will think of me. If they are strangers I fear they will criticize or think less of me. If they are friends or family I fear I will disappoint them or not live up to their expectations of me. With people close to me I don't anticipate them openly criticizing me, but rather feel they'll be silently disappointed in me.

It's been *my* experience that women rely more heavily on the opinions of others than men do. Men fear what they see as a failure, women fear what they think others will see as a failure.

(Hope that made sense? I'm sleepy)
Thanks for the post that's on topic.

The assertion in the infomercial made me prick up my ears because it seemed to explain a difference between the way guys talk to each other and the way women seem to talk to each other. Women are "nicer", much more delicate, and if anything like a confrontation arises, which is much less frequent than with guys, it's much more subtle.

If it's true that men are naturally preoccupied with fear of failure and women naturally preoccupied with fear of criticism, with each not realizing the other has a different overriding concern, it could easily lead to communication problems.
 
  • #33
Moonbear said:
I'm trying to figure out how the two aren't interrelated from the start? Don't failure and criticism pretty much go hand in hand? If you're getting criticized, it's generally because you've done something wrong, not because you were a great success. And, if you fail, isn't someone going to come along and criticize you for it?
In my (admittedly narrow) experience, men tend to judge themselves whereas women tend to allow themselves to be judged by others. This is the difference between fear of failure (judgement by oneself) and fear of criticism (judgement by others). Men tend to have (or at least, express) more confidence in themselves.


The usual disclainers such as 'results not typical', YMMV, 'just because I observe it doesn't mean I like it', etc.
 
  • #34
i myself don't care much about other's criticism, only when they remind me of something i have already pointed to myself as a weakness.
so basicly, i don't care much for other's criticism, since I am already open with myself, so i think i know myself pretty good, so if there is something wrong, probably, i will be the first to know.

though I am not sure which sort of faliure are you people are talking about. if faliure is the diminish of self pride, then i care not, since I am not competitive with anyone(or atleast I am teaching myself not to be one, and it kinda works), so there is no pride to lose. i believe that it is better when one can define his own goals, than relying on other's(and being competitive means relying on other's condition in respect to your own)

though if it is the fear practical loss in taking a risk, then i do not know the answer, I am still young, so i didnt really have the chance to put that in test.

one thing i sure know, laziness drives me, i don't remember myself filled with innitiation to do something, like the motion law of aristotle, i tend to stop moving. I am kinda like a corpse. the funny thing is, i don't care =).
sometimes i think i could have been a great bedouin, just sitting on a carpet under a tent, smoking shishi(nargila, or however you americans call that device used for smoking through that pipe) all day, feeling the dry breeze of the desert, ahhhh, that could have been nice.
 
  • #35
DaveC426913 said:
In my (admittedly narrow) experience, men tend to judge themselves whereas women tend to allow themselves to be judged by others. This is the difference between fear of failure (judgement by oneself) and fear of criticism (judgement by others). Men tend to have (or at least, express) more confidence in themselves.
That's not my experience at all. Most people I know are hardest on themselves...regardless of gender. The few people who aren't, generally are totally oblivious of their own weaknesses...or in denial...and then they also don't take criticism well at all either. I'm not sure they have a fear of criticism though; it seems more like they just are easily offended when someone is honest with them about their weaknesses. Again, I've seen that in both men and women.
 
<h2>1. What are some common gender-specific fears related to criticism?</h2><p>Some common gender-specific fears related to criticism include the fear of being judged or criticized for not conforming to traditional gender roles, the fear of being seen as too aggressive or assertive, and the fear of being labeled as emotional or sensitive.</p><h2>2. Is criticism or failure worse for individuals with gender-specific fears?</h2><p>This can vary from person to person, but in general, criticism can be more damaging for individuals with gender-specific fears. This is because criticism often reinforces societal expectations and stereotypes, while failure can be seen as a learning opportunity.</p><h2>3. How do gender-specific fears affect one's ability to handle criticism?</h2><p>Gender-specific fears can make it more difficult for individuals to handle criticism because they may internalize the criticism and see it as a reflection of their entire gender, rather than just their individual actions or behavior. This can lead to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and a fear of speaking up or taking risks in the future.</p><h2>4. Are there any strategies for overcoming gender-specific fears related to criticism?</h2><p>Yes, there are several strategies that can help individuals overcome gender-specific fears related to criticism. These include building self-confidence, challenging societal expectations and stereotypes, seeking support from others, and reframing criticism as an opportunity for growth and learning.</p><h2>5. How can society address and reduce gender-specific fears related to criticism?</h2><p>Society can address and reduce gender-specific fears related to criticism by promoting diversity and inclusivity, challenging gender stereotypes, and creating safe spaces for individuals to express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism. Education and awareness about the impact of gender-specific fears can also help to reduce their prevalence in society.</p>

1. What are some common gender-specific fears related to criticism?

Some common gender-specific fears related to criticism include the fear of being judged or criticized for not conforming to traditional gender roles, the fear of being seen as too aggressive or assertive, and the fear of being labeled as emotional or sensitive.

2. Is criticism or failure worse for individuals with gender-specific fears?

This can vary from person to person, but in general, criticism can be more damaging for individuals with gender-specific fears. This is because criticism often reinforces societal expectations and stereotypes, while failure can be seen as a learning opportunity.

3. How do gender-specific fears affect one's ability to handle criticism?

Gender-specific fears can make it more difficult for individuals to handle criticism because they may internalize the criticism and see it as a reflection of their entire gender, rather than just their individual actions or behavior. This can lead to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and a fear of speaking up or taking risks in the future.

4. Are there any strategies for overcoming gender-specific fears related to criticism?

Yes, there are several strategies that can help individuals overcome gender-specific fears related to criticism. These include building self-confidence, challenging societal expectations and stereotypes, seeking support from others, and reframing criticism as an opportunity for growth and learning.

5. How can society address and reduce gender-specific fears related to criticism?

Society can address and reduce gender-specific fears related to criticism by promoting diversity and inclusivity, challenging gender stereotypes, and creating safe spaces for individuals to express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism. Education and awareness about the impact of gender-specific fears can also help to reduce their prevalence in society.

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