Get my friend to use her head?

  • Thread starter honestrosewater
  • Start date
  • Tags
    Head
In summary, my friend is trying to decide whether or not to pursue a crush on this guy, and she's feeling really sad and frustrated. She's been trying different techniques to not think about him, but it's not working. She's also been trying to find reasons why he's not right for her, but that only made things worse.
  • #36
arildno2 said:
Good heavens!
To possesses more than one penis?
that's perverse..
Hence possible.

WHY ARE YOU A TWO?!?
 
Physics news on Phys.org
  • #37
El Hombre Invisible said:
Hence possible.

WHY ARE YOU A TWO?!?
I FORGOT MY PASSWORD!
 
  • #38
Yes, he lost his password and penes.

El Hombre Invisible,
Later when I can think straight, I'll respond. Thanks. :smile:
 
  • #39
Why does El Hombre call himself Invisible, by the way?
 
  • #40
honestrosewater said:
Later when I can think straight, I'll respond. Thanks. :smile:
Is that possible?

BTW, I've only lost redundant items in my life; the invisible guy can have them if he can find them. :smile:
 
  • #41
arildno2 said:
I FORGOT MY PASSWORD!
All right, don't have a paddy. When you disappear and reappear under a new username then have the first post I see deleted I get worried that you've been riling up the admins.

arildno2 said:
Why does El Hombre call himself Invisible, by the way?
Is that a dig at my overnumerous posts or a real question about my etymology? I had a Burroughs biography on my desk when I registered. Couldn't think of anything better at the time. Sorry, it's not a very interesting reason. I should start telling people it was a scientific experiment gone wrong. I was trying to append a second pe-
 
  • #42
honestrosewater said:
I'm seriously not telling anyone. I want to know what matthyouaioauw's story is. What obstacles? We won't tell anyone. o:)

If you can be mysterious, so can I :tongue:
(It's not that interesting, really.)
 
  • #43
honestrosewater said:
Thanks, you guys are great. :biggrin:
loseyourname, you made me tear up a little. (I actually started to describe the guy, and he sounded a lot like you. It’s not you though – I’d have no problem telling you.)

I can think of only one person near our age (though he is actually a few years younger than you and I) that lives near you, and he does not seem to post much these days.

I won't make any explicit guesses, though. So you'd actually tell me, huh? You feel that comfortable even though we've never once had any personal conversation?

If you replace ‘poetry’ with romantic ‘relationships’, this 'poem' can help sum up my current position (without reading too much into it).
I’ve been put off by some of the fakery, but I’m still interested. I’m just not ready for the real toads yet. For now, I want to work and enjoy my picnics insect-free. (Erm – maybe that didn’t explain anything – or maybe the fact that that’s the only way I can explain it explains everything.)

The fact that you can still only think of the insects as something that might interfere with the picnic, rather than add to it, sums up everything perfectly.

Try this:

(Okay, anyway, I'm working on a poem now for you. I'm not satisified as of yet, so you'll have to wait for me to post it.)

Anyway, I get the impression (in fact, I am damn near completely certain) that you never got the opportunity to indulge your schoolgirl flights of fancy. They aren't going to go away, and I don't agree that putting them off indefinitely is a better strategy than simply dealing with them now. Heck, allow yourself to be completely delusional for twenty minutes every day. Spend that time imagining yourself in Italy with this guy, fifteen years from now, exploring Verona and acting out Romeo and Juliet. I do that stuff all the time and there's no harm in it.

I think that what you need to learn is the proper boundary between fantasy and reality. The only way to get a good grasp of what is and is not feasible (obvious examples like Shakespeare in Verona set aside for the moment) is trial and error, I'm sorry to say. You really don't have any choice but to put yourself out on a limb every now and then. Herein lies the key difference between you and I: I believe anything is possible and I'm even delusional enough to believe that I can bring these possibilities to fruition*; you, on the other hand, seem to think that nothing is possible.

*Actually, I think I should be excused here, as I actually have brought situations analagous to the reciting of Romeo and Juliet in Verona to fruition. It's just that making these fantasies a reality for any extended period of time is exceedingly difficult, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying.
 
  • #44
Eh, I wasn't thinking clearly when I wrote that first post. To clarify it and some other things that have come up:
  • I do not think I'm in love with this guy, nor do I think I have any reason to be in love with him.
  • Perhaps instead of crush, I should've said infatuation: 'a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.'
  • He doesn't live in my area.
  • I've never met him in person.
  • I didn't say he wasn't around much (I'm not confirming or denying this though). I said, "She gets happy when he's around, even though he's not really even around her." This wasn't a rational kind of happiness but, you know, those involuntary reactions that you have. I had this reaction even when I just happened to see that he was online (he's not even around me), which I think is silly. That was part of the problem.
  • I'm not against those kinds of reactions or emotions per se; They were just unwanted and unjustified in this case.
  • I have a handle on the situation now, and you guys did help. Thank you.

El Hombre Invisible said:
Could I just say, in the hope that you don't take this the wrong way, that, if PF is all you know this person from, then the idea of them you have is in all likelihood not the person who logs in under that username? That's not to say they are not as nice as they seem, they may be great, but nonetheless to develop a crush on someone you rarely see around on PF presumably requires some filling in of the blanks, dare I say some element of fantasizing. I mean to undermine neither this person's character or your feelings for him, but it could be you are projecting your idea of the perfect man onto the most apt user on PF, rather than falling for this person themselves. Maybe not, I'm just putting it out there since, if it were true, it may be easier to disassociate your feelings from this person.
Yes, I try to be aware of the filling in the blanks thing, and if I wasn't being vigilant enough before, I am now.
Why do you think I was likely deceived? Was it something I said? Or that I only 'know' him online? I mean, peoples' ability to deceive and be deceived certainly isn't confined to written communication. Heck, for a recent and, yes, extreme example, consider Dennis Rader, a.k.a. BTK. I think I manage to exercise a healthy degree of skepticism. And language is the best means that I know of to learn about many of the things that matter most to me (thoughts, opinions, beliefs, etc.).
Let me illustrate. Before I moved away from my hometown, I was in a very close, very tight group of friends I loved dearly. I was in love with the girlfriend of a very close friend of mine. My principals told me I should, as you are trying to, forget all about it. To some extent I did, but not without first and only once making clear my feelings for her, not in a way that would upset my friend, but in a way that would be made clear to her. A year later, they broke up for reasons that have nothing to do with me. I did not make any advances on her since she broke up with him and that would hurt him. A year after that, she told me she felt the same way. That's two years later. Six years later still, we are still together and happier than ever. It has been a blissful and loving relationship and took only one act on my part which I never believed would come to anything. If I had just dismissed my feelings, even on the strongest possible principals, I would not have this happiness.

Oh, and she's just told me she just got a distinction for her masters degree. \o/ Come on! Way to go, girl.
I'm very happy for you. Congrats to both of you. :smile:
 
Last edited:
  • #45
matthyaouw said:
If you can be mysterious, so can I :tongue:
(It's not that interesting, really.)
I'm really not trying to be mysterious - I just don't want to embarrass the poor guy. But grrr... fair enough; consider it dropped.

___
P.S. loseyouname, I didn't forget you; I just have to go now. Who was your guess? dduardo?
 
Last edited:
  • #46
honestrosewater said:
I'm really not trying to be mysterious - I just don't want to embarrass the poor guy. But grrr... fair enough; consider it dropped.

Thanks :smile:
I'm not normally so secretive, but posting things you'd rather some people didn't know on a busy public forum isn't nessecarily wise.
 
  • #47
I haven't read past the first page. If I'd responded sooner, it would have been almost exactly like lyn's post (#9).
 
  • #48
honestrosewater said:
P.S. loseyouname, I didn't forget you; I just have to go now. Who was your guess? dduardo?

DissidentDan, but that is only because he lives in Florida and hasn't been around much lately. I don't really see why I would remind you of him, though, and he is younger, so it wasn't a very strong guess. Now that you say the guy doesn't live around you, I pretty much know it isn't him.
 
  • #49
It's Clausius2, I'm sure of it.
 
  • #50
honestrosewater said:
  • I do not think I'm in love with this guy, nor do I think I have any reason to be in love with him.
  • Perhaps instead of crush, I should've said infatuation: 'a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.'
  • He doesn't live in my area.
  • I've never met him in person.
  • I didn't say he wasn't around much (I'm not confirming or denying this though). I said, "She gets happy when he's around, even though he's not really even around her." This wasn't a rational kind of happiness but, you know, those involuntary reactions that you have. I had this reaction even when I just happened to see that he was online (he's not even around me), which I think is silly. That was part of the problem.
  • I'm not against those kinds of reactions or emotions per se; They were just unwanted and unjustified in this case.
  • I have a handle on the situation now, and you guys did help. Thank you.

Ha ha, that's all? Heck, I get happy when you're online, or hypnagogue, or Sleeth, just because I know there will likely be some good, well thought-out posts following shortly. If you mean that you IM this guy, though, I usually have the opposite response, because then I have to be vigilant with my away message to ensure that people don't bother me while I'm busy with something else (I'm not much of a multitasker).
 
  • #51
arildno said:
It's Clausius2, I'm sure of it.

Our newest southern Californian member. A good choice if so, but does he not have a girlfriend?
 
  • #52
arildno said:
It's Clausius2, I'm sure of it.
:rofl: Lucky him who has a good friend like you!
 
  • #53
loseyourname said:
DissidentDan
:rofl: Sorry, that deserved smileys. He's nice, just not my type.
So you'd actually tell me, huh? You feel that comfortable even though we've never once had any personal conversation?
I didn't want to tell him because he barely knows me, and I don't know how to explain things in a way that wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed or anything; I would tell anyone else that knew me well enough to be pretty sure that I wasn't crazy (but not well enough to be pretty sure that I was crazy). It's not even like this is a big deal; I wanted to stop it from becoming a big deal.
Ha ha, that's all? Heck, I get happy when you're online, or hypnagogue, or Sleeth, just because I know there will likely be some good, well thought-out posts following shortly. If you mean that you IM this guy, though, I usually have the opposite response, because then I have to be vigilant with my away message to ensure that people don't bother me while I'm busy with something else (I'm not much of a multitasker).
No, I don't do IM, and I avoided PMing him because I thought that might just add fuel to the fire. And don't laugh - it was more than normal, friendly happiness. And there were other things too, but all of the examples I can think of would give him away.

Anyway, I give up trying to make sense of my feelings immediately or control them or talk about them without rambling or contradicting myself. I don't understand everything that I feel or what exactly I want or don't want or am willing or not willing to do. I tried to start in on that Latin book, but I couldn't concentrate. So I printed out your (loseyourname's) post, grabbed some poetry books, and curled up on the couch.
(Oh, and here's one for you:

Jenny Kissed Me

Jenny kiss'd me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
Sweets into your list, put that in!
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
Say that health and wealth have miss'd me,
Say I'm growing old, but add,
Jenny kiss'd me.

- James Leigh Hunt)
I thought about how I've dealt with this situation and how I feel about love - whatever it happens to mean at the moment - and what you guys said and things from my past and watched the rain and guess what I realized. I love reading Shakespeare. And courtly love makes me want to vomit sometimes and love this even more

MY mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,—
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

and I don't know if he meant it but I love him if he did and I love thinking about what kind of person he may have been and what we may have talked about - this is not really new - I just finally don't feel guilty about letting myself feel happy and in love even though I don't know what all of the reasons are or whether they're logical or right - it isn't a selfish indulgence anymore.
The thinking that nothing is possible or not dreaming enough is so not me in other areas of my life but was right when it comes to love. I'm not afraid of loving someone else and even thinking that someone like that exists makes me so incredibly happy and I'm not afraid of getting hurt. I just didn't think such a person could possibly really love me and I was afraid that I might end up hurting them or disappointing them. This was surrounded by lots of crying. Eh, I've been crying a lot the last few days. Hell, I'm crying now - but happily. Okay, I stopped. Ah, I don't know what to say. I think I want my version of Shakespeare's version of Aristotle's perfect friendship. I realized much more, but I think I've gone on enough.

Anyway, that wasn't about this guy. But I sort of want to tell him now because... well I don't know why. What would you do? Nothing else regarding him has changed. And I still don't want to make him feel really weird. Eh, is it too late for that? Actually, maybe I should think about this a bit.
 
  • #54
You should be careful with your use of love when describing your feelings. Remember you don't know this person..
 
  • #55
HRW, my advice, for what it's worth. Don't think so much about it. Just be normal, be yourself, you said "She wants to learn about things that he's interested in just so she can talk to him", that can lead to problems later on if you're not genuinely interested in those things.

Instead of plotting this relationship out, just contact him, be honest and see what happens. If it doesn't click, that's ok. You're smart, you seem nice, and you're likeable. If he rejects you, just let us know and we'll stone him. :devil:
 
  • #56
Well I know its not me. 1) I am a jackass, and 2) how would she know that I do not live close to her.

Smurf is a jackass too, so it can't be him. I think we can rule yomamma out. Arildno can be ruled out, as can Danger, imo.

Does this person post in gd often?
 
  • #57
whozum said:
You should be careful with your use of love when describing your feelings. Remember you don't know this person..
Dude... you're married to Gale! :rofl:
 
  • #58
mattmns said:
Well I know its not me. 1) I am a jackass, and 2) how would she know that I do not live close to her.

Smurf is a jackass too, so it can't be him.
What are you talking about? It's a known fact that women are attracted to jerks!
 
  • #59
You are right! I guess I can't rule out anyone, well I still think, hope, we can rule out yomamma :smile:
 
  • #60
mattmns said:
You are right! I guess I can't rule out anyone, well I still think, hope, we can rule out yomamma :smile:
Oh course, HRW only dates brotherhood members. she has standards y'know.
 
  • #61
Smurf said:
Dude... you're married to Gale! :rofl:

Yeah what does that have to do with anything?
 
  • #62
whozum said:
Yeah what does that have to do with anything?
INFIDELITY ALERT!
 
  • #63
Yeah. What he said!
 
  • #64
Wow, so this thread moved me up a rung on the crazy ladder. I can see up Smurf's dress now! Or at least I think it's Smurf? Eh, live and learn. I'm sure one public breakdown every few years is perfectly normal by someone's standards anyway. The thing with the guy doesn't bother me anymore. I'm happy and getting back to feeling like myself again.
loseyourname said:
Actually, I think I should be excused here, as I actually have brought situations analagous to the reciting of Romeo and Juliet in Verona to fruition.
Care to tell us what you did? I don't want to be the only one making a fool of themselves around here.

If I ever proposed to someone (please don't misinterpret this - I'm on my twenty minute delusional time), I might consider a variation on Portia's three caskets. It makes even more sense after today.

The first of gold, who this inscription bears,
Who chooseth me, shall gain what many men desire.
The second silver, which this promise carries,
Who chooseth me, shall get as much as he deserves.
This third, dull lead, with warning all as blunt,
Who chooseth me, must giue and hazard all he hath.


I don't know how I would change it though...
whozum said:
You should be careful with your use of love when describing your feelings. Remember you don't know this person..
Oh, I was talking about Shakespeare. I've loved Shakespeare for a long time and have no problem with it. It may not be the kind of love you're thinking of.

And once more for the record: I overreacted. I didn't want any kind of special relationship with the guy. He's just cool.
 
Last edited:
  • #66
honestrosewater said:
And once more for the record: I overreacted. I didn't want any kind of special relationship with the guy. He's just cool.
Aww gee, I think you're cool too HRW!
 
  • #67
Evo said:
HRW, my advice, for what it's worth. Don't think so much about it. Just be normal, be yourself, you said "She wants to learn about things that he's interested in just so she can talk to him", that can lead to problems later on if you're not genuinely interested in those things.

Instead of plotting this relationship out, just contact him, be honest and see what happens. If it doesn't click, that's ok. You're smart, you seem nice, and you're likeable. If he rejects you, just let us know and we'll stone him. :devil:
Thanks. I'm not worried about it anymore. I am interested in the subject, though I didn't have any plans to study it until I happened upon one of his threads. I still want to learn more about it for different reasons.
I'm just odd and freaked out about some silly things. I don't think telling him would do anyone any good, but who knows, something might change.
 
  • #68
Yep, she need not even tell us: Smurf and cool are definitiely synonymous.

Uh oh, no spell check, hope I got that right :smile:
 
  • #69
honestrosewater said:
Care to tell us what you did? I don't want to be the only one making a fool of themselves around here.

I did many things. If I'm ever in the Tampa area, I'll stop by and we can talk. (Note: I don't anticipate ever being in the Tampa area, but you never know.)

If I ever proposed to someone (please don't misinterpret this - I'm on my twenty minute delusional time), I might consider a variation on Portia's three caskets. It makes even more sense after today.

Wouldn't you need three men to choose from in order for this to work?
 
  • #70
loseyourname said:
I did many things. If I'm ever in the Tampa area, I'll stop by and we can talk. (Note: I don't anticipate ever being in the Tampa area, but you never know.)
Okay, I'll keep a light in the window.
Wouldn't you need three men to choose from in order for this to work?
In the original setup, one of the caskets contains her picture; One suitor at a time chooses; If he chooses the casket containing her picture, they marry; If he chooses one of the others, they don't marry - ever (IIRC). Eh, I would probably change the last part anyway.
 

Similar threads

Replies
6
Views
981
  • General Discussion
2
Replies
63
Views
3K
Replies
12
Views
916
  • General Discussion
Replies
24
Views
1K
Replies
3
Views
1K
  • General Discussion
Replies
14
Views
832
  • General Discussion
Replies
10
Views
787
Replies
8
Views
789
Replies
3
Views
726
  • General Discussion
Replies
11
Views
1K
Back
Top