Get the point across nicely?

  • #1
honestrosewater
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If you're romantically interested in someone, what can they say to make you completely abandon your pursuit of them but not make future interactions with them awkward? Yes, it's me- one of my brother's friends has taken a liking to me, and nothing I've said seems to have worked. :frown:
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
hypatia
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Tell him you view him like a little brother, and pinch his cheek?
 
  • #3
wolram
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honestrosewater said:
If you're romantically interested in someone, what can they say to make you completely abandon your pursuit of them but not make future interactions with them awkward? Yes, it's me- one of my brother's friends has taken a liking to me, and nothing I've said seems to have worked. :frown:

Invite him round for dinner, and serve him doughnuts and coke.
 
  • #4
Antiphon
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wolram said:
Invite him round for dinner, and serve him doughnuts and coke.

I disagree with this one.

Tell the truth which is almost never told. "You're cool but I don't have those
kinds of feeling for you."
 
  • #5
dduardo
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You've got rabies?
 
  • #6
Jelfish
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Tell him that you're not interested in men. That way, he'll think it's out of his control and not feel too bad.

You could also say that you're just not interested in a relationship right now. And if you are, you could say that you're seeing someone else (if you haven't already admitted to being single).

It'll probably be difficult to eliminate any feelings of akwardness, since no matter what you say, it'll still be a rejection. Perhaps in light of that you should just do as Antiphon said and be honest. He might appreciate that too.
 
  • #7
hypatia
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I'm thinking if you chew up a marshmellow real good and go with the rabies idea, it might work.
 
  • #8
zoobyshoe
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honestrosewater said:
...but not make future interactions with them awkward?
This is out of your hands. The greater or lesser awkwardness of future interactions is contingent on how well the person can take the information that you're not interested.

The best you can do is gear your "talk" toward that part of him you feel could handle it the best. What I mean is talk to his adult side, from your adult side. If you can do that, then future interactions should be the least awkward.
 
  • #9
quantumdude
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honestrosewater said:
If you're romantically interested in someone, what can they say to make you completely abandon your pursuit of them but not make future interactions with them awkward?

If I'm interested in a woman and she tells me that she's either interested in someone else, or still has a thing for an old flame, I abort the mission immediately. Been there too many times to want to do it again.

So just tell the guy that you're totally in love with this guy named Tom who you know from online, and you're off the hook... :!)
 
  • #10
Math Is Hard
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Tom Mattson said:
So just tell the guy that you're totally in love with this guy named Tom who you know from online, and you're off the hook... :!)
I use that one constantly. :biggrin:
 
  • #11
Jelfish
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Tom Mattson said:
So just tell the guy that you're totally in love with this guy named Tom who you know from online, and you're off the hook... :!)

Tom? Personally, I think it would be more effective if she used a name like, say, Jelfish. :wink:
 
  • #12
quantumdude
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Oh no, another suitor from Troy, NY! :grumpy:

All I can say is that you had better not be one of my students! :biggrin:
 
  • #13
honestrosewater
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I'm not interested in having a relationship with anyone- even if my absolute dream man came along, it would just have to wait. Honestly. I've already said this. I even guessed at how long the wait would be- 8 years. Maybe I need to change my tone a bit. What means more to you guys- words or tone?
 
  • #14
Jelfish
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Tom Mattson said:
Oh no, another suitor from Troy, NY! :grumpy:

All I can say is that you had better not be one of my students! :biggrin:

I don't know about 'student,' but we may have had some of the same professors.
 
  • #15
Lisa!
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honestrosewater said:
If you're romantically interested in someone, what can they say to make you completely abandon your pursuit of them but not make future interactions with them awkward? Yes, it's me- one of my brother's friends has taken a liking to me, and nothing I've said seems to have worked. :frown:
I know wht you mean! :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
 
  • #16
quantumdude
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honestrosewater said:
I'm not interested in having a relationship with anyone- even if my absolute dream man came along, it would just have to wait. Honestly. I've already said this.

Have you told him the "f-word" yet? "Let's just be blackfffriends?" That takes the wind out of most guys' sails.

I even guessed at how long the wait would be- 8 years.

Heh. What'd you do, solve an equation to get that figure? I can see it now, "Let's see...libido times sense of romance squared, minus inability to commit and divide by career goals...carry the one...A-HA! 8 years!" :biggrin:

Seriously, an 8 year forecast for your love life is bound to be less reliable than an 8 year forecast for the weather. But you'll find that out for yourself.

Maybe I need to change my tone a bit. What means more to you guys- words or tone?

Pictures. We're not that smart.
 
  • #17
honestrosewater
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I've used the 'other person' excuse before, it's quick and easy but doesn't phase some people. And while I was madly in love with the men of Troy, I've gotten over it. And he's my brother's friend so will find out if I lie.
 
  • #18
Lisa!
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honestrosewater said:
I've used the 'other person' excuse before, it's quick and easy but doesn't phase some people. And while I was madly in love with the men of Troy, I've gotten over it. And he's my brother's friend so will find out if I lie.
You don't need to tell him lies.what would he do if you were in love with you and he didn't love you?
 
  • #19
zoobyshoe
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honestrosewater said:
I'm not interested in having a relationship with anyone- even if my absolute dream man came along, it would just have to wait. Honestly. I've already said this. I even guessed at how long the wait would be- 8 years. Maybe I need to change my tone a bit. What means more to you guys- words or tone?
Thing is, there's no "you guys." Every guy is different and you have to figure out what works on this one.
 
  • #20
Townsend
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honestrosewater said:
Maybe I need to change my tone a bit. What means more to you guys- words or tone?

It depends the the guy? For me it depends on who is saying it. For example, it a girl tries to give me harsh tone to emphasize something I usually reply with a much deeper tone and try to assert a certain amount of control over the conversation. I don't even mean to do it, it's like an involuntary reaction to stimuli, it just happens.

On the other hand, if a guy tries to bring a harsh tone I usually raise an eyebrow and look at him like, "what do you think you are trying to do?"

I think your best bet is to be very mature and serious. You know, like corporate CEO type of attitude. When you're all business, professional and stone faced, people tend to listen. Use an emotionless monotone voice that is slightly lower than normal.

I think that will fix the situation. Just make sure you have your heart in what you're saying and be serious. You will get the point across.

Regards
 
  • #21
honestrosewater
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Tom Mattson said:
Have you told him the "f-word" yet? "Let's just be blackfffriends?" That takes the wind out of most guys' sails.
Indirectly. I just met him yesterday morning. And he came over last night to "see my brother". But didn't say two words to him.
Heh. What'd you do, solve an equation to get that figure? I can see it now, "Let's see...libido times sense of romance squared, minus inability to commit and divide by career goals...carry the one...A-HA! 8 years!" :biggrin:
I had already been through "I'm focused on school..." So 8 years sounded about right.
Seriously, an 8 year forecast for your love life is bound to be less reliable than an 8 year forecast for the weather. But you'll find that out for yourself.
I haven't been involved with anyone since I was 16. So it's already been 6 years. I'm really focused on my education and work.
Pictures. We're not that smart.
Hm, is a STOP sign too blunt?
 
Last edited:
  • #22
Pengwuino
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hypatia said:
Tell him you view him like a little brother, and pinch his cheek?

that'll amke him commit suicide haha
 
  • #23
mapper
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Tell him your a man trapped in a womans body but still prefer men which makes you not a lesbian, but still gay. Gay men are picky most times, tell him you are just like that and not into him. Weather he's confused or not, it should get him off your back.
 
  • #24
honestrosewater
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Yes, Lisa!, I want to be honest.

zoobyshoe said:
Thing is, there's no "you guys." Every guy is different and you have to figure out what works on this one.
Sorry, I meant 'all of the people reading this' not just the men. But I see your point.
 
  • #25
honestrosewater
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Townsend said:
I think your best bet is to be very mature and serious. You know, like corporate CEO type of attitude. When you're all business, professional and stone faced, people tend to listen. Use an emotionless monotone voice that is slightly lower than normal.

I think that will fix the situation. Just make sure you have your heart in what you're saying and be serious. You will get the point across.

Regards
Yes, that's what I meant- a serious, straightforward tone. I'm only aggressive when I need to be.
 
  • #26
Smurf
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Antiphon said:
Tell the truth which is almost never told. "You're cool but I don't have those kinds of feeling for you."
QFE, but also
Townsend said:
I think your best bet is to be very mature and serious. You know, like corporate CEO type of attitude. When you're all business, professional and stone faced, people tend to listen. Use an emotionless monotone voice that is slightly lower than normal.
QFE
 
  • #27
Pengwuino
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Send him a fax haha
 
  • #28
Smurf
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Speaking as a person who's been 'the nice guy' for a good bit longer than he would like; I have only one piece of advice, don't lie.
 
  • #29
quantumdude
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honestrosewater said:
I just met him yesterday morning.

Ah, so he hasn't even really had a chance to develop feelings for you then. You could just stay the course for a while and see what happens.

"Wanna go out?"

"Thanks, but not interested."

"Wanna go out?"

"Thanks, but not interested."

"Wanna go out?"

"Thanks, but not interested."

No normal person could sustain a crush on someone in the face of that kind of uniquivocal, repetitive non-interest. If experience is any kind of a guide, he'll get bored of getting the same response and go looking somewhere else. Just don't be discouraged if you don't get the desired result immediately. You may have to shoot him down a few times.
 
  • #30
Lisa!
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honestrosewater said:
Yes, Lisa!, I want to be honest.

Sorry, I meant 'all of the people reading this' not just the men. But I see your point.
Do what I did.I told him-my brother's friend-"we're not good enough for each other.You're so different from the man in my dreams...".He's fallen in love with another girl now and I think he's happy now.

You said you want to be honest.So if he's not your kind of man you should reject him.You know it's not honesty to pretend to love someone when you don't.
 
  • #31
Lisa!
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Tom Mattson said:
If I'm interested in a woman and she tells me that she's either interested in someone else, or still has a thing for an old flame, I abort the mission immediately. Been there too many times to want to do it again.

So just tell the guy that you're totally in love with this guy named Tom who you know from online, and you're off the hook... :!)
I think all women around here love you esp. because of your warnings! :wink:
 
  • #32
Smurf
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yes, and be sure to use language like 'not good enough'. The demeaning, insultive tone will make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. men love that.
 
  • #33
Pengwuino
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I say go with what other people have said. The ol "tell him your really interested in someone else". But just do it in the flow of a normal conversation with him. Be all meeting with him or something and then just talk about whatever and then maybe ask him for advice about this other guy. When guys are asked for advice from girls on how to 'advance yourself' with another guy, its usually a good shot in the leg. How some people can't be phased by that is beyond me.
 
  • #34
zoobyshoe
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Lisa! said:
I think all women around here love you esp. because of your warnings! :wink:
Hmmmm...what's this about?
 
  • #35
Moonbear
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Well, if you've already told him you're not interested in seeing ANYONE right now, and that didn't get the point across, then it's probably not going to be done in a way that won't be awkward. Since he's your brother's friend, you could have your brother tell him to back off in that over-protective, brotherly sort of way. :biggrin:

There's also the last resort of actually agreeing to go out with the guy and then being the world's most boring and cold date. Barely speak, stare at the floor, if he touches you, pull back like you were just struck with a hot poker, etc.

If I may offer some woman-to-woman type advice though... don't let your focus on school interfere with having a personal life too. You may not be able to hang out with someone you're dating every weekend if you need to study and get work done, but don't dismiss the idea either if someone decent comes along. A good, supportive relationship can actually make the hard work that goes into your education and career goals easier (go for one who cooks and cleans so you can focus on school and work and he'll have home-cooked meals waiting for you at the end of a long day :approve:).
 

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