Can I Get to Know Her Without Classes Together?

In summary, this person seems interested in you, but may have reservations about dating someone from your school. You should try to build a relationship slowly by talking to her in private.
  • #1
thatoneguy6531
14
0
So I'm in my final year of high school and there's this girl I think is cute and would like to get to know. However we have no classes together and I've only ever had one class with her back in grade 10. I see her in the halls and the cafeteria, she usually sits at a table near mine. I'm not really friends with any of her friends so just going up to her when she's with her friends would be kinda awkward. Any help in this situation would be appreciated.
 
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  • #2
If this advice was from me to younger me, I'd say do it anyway. Also, don't fret over what may happen, it will only make a simple thing more complicated.
 
  • #3
thatoneguy6531 said:
I see her in the halls and the cafeteria, . . . .
Just start saying 'Hi' while passing in the hallway. No guarantee of success, but at least one tried.

Many of the girls I dated during university did not have classes with me. I usually met them at events outside of class.
 
  • #4
I guess I'll try that... it just seems weird randomly saying hi to her considering we've never spoken before
 
  • #5
Smile at her while saying 'hi'. Make her a compliment. Maybe approach her when she is in group of two or three people and come up with a pretext to ask the group something (have you guys seeing teacher X coming by?).
 
  • #6
Don't be obvious about it, she might think you are interested. Try something subtle like, 'hi, I'm [insert name], would you like to go see [insert event of choice] with me now/tonight/tomorrow/etc.?" Even if her first response is 'drop dead', she will find an excuse to resume the conversation sooner or later. If you do it front of her friends, all the better. They will be quite jealous and might even put a good word in for you.
 
  • #7
If she usually sits by your table I would take advantage of that time build upon it slowly day by day with tiny friendly conversations. This feels a lot for both of you and will make you less nervous without the pressure of thinking you have to win her over within the day and you won't come off as the guy obviously hitting on her.
 
  • #8
Thanks that's what I've been meaning to do but she doesn't actually sit at my table so I would still have to go up to her.
 
  • #9
Believe it or not, she already knows you are interested.
Girls are much more perceptive than guys.
If she hasn't made prolonged eye contact or smiled, you are probably wasting your time.

She may have a boyfriend or just want to get an education. If she's that cute, she probably gets lots of attention and she knows how to deal with it.

Be realistic. Try the X out of 10 appearance system. If she is, say, 8 out of 10 and you are a 5, she will hold out for someone in her league.

People end up with someone roughly as attractive as they are and friendships are usually based on common interests.
So, find out what she is interested in.

Ask one of her girl friends if she has a boyfriend.
The girl will tell her you asked.

Don't walk up to her and try to pick her up in front of her friends. Even if she likes you, she will hate you for doing that. Talk in private.
 
  • #10
She doesn't talk to many guys, I don't think I've ever seen her with a guy and I think she's kind of quiet based on the one class I had with her. I don't really know any of her friends, but I might give that a shot if i have to.
 
  • #11
thatoneguy6531 said:
She doesn't talk to many guys, I don't think I've ever seen her with a guy and I think she's kind of quiet based on the one class I had with her. I don't really know any of her friends, but I might give that a shot if i have to.


You may also find it hard to believe, but not all cute girls are goddesses.
They have different personalities and interests and prejudices and intelligence.

So meeting this girl is just a first step. Can you stand to be with her for hours at a time and still have things to talk about?

You are interested on Science (or you wouldn't be on PhysicsForums) but does she think Science is interesting?

She probably wants a friend she can trust, not someone who embarrasses her in front of her friends.
So wait until she sits alone. Wait until she looks at you then smile. If she smiles back, go sit at her table. Then talk and talk some more.
And listen to what she says.
Keep calm and don't brag.
She wants to hear about you and your family because she is making her own assessment of you.

She wants to know if you say you are going to pick her up at 7pm, you will actually do it.
She may want a friend and it might be you.
 
  • #12
Nothing wrong with a 3 way, invite them both. Seriously, you are too shy. Girls want friends first, not lovers. After that, it gets complicated. Trust is the bridge you are trying to build.
 
  • #13
Say hi to her and smile when you walk past her. Confidence, it's all about being confident. When you get turned down, don't ever think it is you. Being a nice guy is good, but you also have to have ego. If you don't then people will walk over you in general. Last, but not least, just get to know her, when you manage to maintain eyecontact without that tingling sense of the eyes drying up Unimaginably fast ask her out somewhere, have fun doing stupid things together.

You don't have to turn into a womanizer, but I think friends > commitment, especially in school years.
 
  • #14
Also be careful where you get information.

This is a quiet girl who doesn't need someone with fake confidence bossing her around.
Be honest with her, but bring out the confidence if a waiter brings her the wrong dish.

She needs to know you will protect her, not boss her around.
 
  • #15
Just ask her at lunch, this weighing of stratagem is ridiculous. If she shoots you down, ohhhhh weellll, move on.
 
  • #16
I don't think it would be a great idea to ask her out without ever talking to her, especially in high school.
 
  • #17
Why?
 
  • #18
Well considering she doesn't know me at all it seems a bit quick.
 
  • #19
thatoneguy6531 said:
I don't think it would be a great idea to ask her out without ever talking to her, especially in high school.

Yes. She would have to be crazy to go out with someone she's never met.

It wouldn't be much safer than hitch hiking.

The caveman approach of just asking lots of girls and accepting a lot of refusals just gets you a bad reputation.
Girls talk to each other.
If you like a girl, do her the courtesy of getting to know her before expecting her to go out with you.
 
  • #20
How do you expect for her to get to know you without asking?

Your not asking her to let you have your way with her, you're asking her for a chance to get to know each other.
 
  • #21
vk6kro said:
Yes. She would have to be crazy to go out with someone she's never met.

It wouldn't be much safer than hitch hiking.

The caveman approach of just asking lots of girls and accepting a lot of refusals just gets you a bad reputation.
Girls talk to each other.
If you like a girl, do her the courtesy of getting to know her before expecting her to go out with you.

This makes no sense, how do you get to know a girl you don't interact with, without asking her out?

I've asked plenty of girls out, bars, restaurants, gym, school, work, without ever knowing them before. They shoot you down on occasion, turn out to be married or in a relationship, but they also say sure. I seriously doubt they find such things offensive, I'm quite sure it's flattering or at the worse neutral.

Hopefully you aren't in a society were they're overly prudish or take offense to asking a girl out on a date.
 
  • #22
Student100 said:
How do you expect for her to get to know you without asking?

Your not asking her to let you have your way with her, you're asking her for a chance to get to know each other.

Yes, but it matters where you want it to happen.

If you ask her to go out with you, she can't get to know you safely, so she will say "no".

Chatting in the school lunch area is safe, but she is still likely to refuse and she is entitled to do that.
 
  • #23
vk6kro said:
Yes, but it matters where you want it to happen.

If you ask her to go out with you, she can't get to know you safely, so she will say "no".

Chatting in the school lunch area is safe, but she is still likely to refuse and she is entitled to do that.

Okay she refuses, so what?

Safe? I don't understand your culture I'm afraid.
 
  • #24
Student100 said:
Okay she refuses, so what?

Safe? I don't understand your culture I'm afraid.

This is in a high school not a bar.

You don't understand the need for safety in dating? Really?
 
  • #25
vk6kro said:
Yes. She would have to be crazy to go out with someone she's never met.

It wouldn't be much safer than hitch hiking.

The caveman approach of just asking lots of girls and accepting a lot of refusals just gets you a bad reputation.
Girls talk to each other.
If you like a girl, do her the courtesy of getting to know her before expecting her to go out with you.

The bold: I laughed. My thought was, well how can you like her if you don't know her? But then, I'm female :wink:.
 
  • #26
lisab said:
The bold: I laughed. My thought was, well how can you like her if you don't know her? But then, I'm female :wink:.

Thanks for joining in.

We males can certainly like a girl without knowing her. I won't describe this process, but it is pretty superficial and I imagine girls know how to enhance the process.

This poster described the desirable one as "cute", so he already likes her.
Getting to know her could take forever.
 
  • #27
Make the first 'date' something social where she will not feel anxiety. I've had plenty of 'dates' where we just hung out and observed the festivities. Hanging out with mutual friends is ideal. There are plenty of opportunities to socialize. BTW, I prefer the term 'socializing' over dating. Dating comes after you get comfortable socializing together. And remember, if she says no with an excuse, it only means she needs to think about it. On the other hand, a flat out NO and a walk off, or, go away you [insert appropriate expression of contempt] dog, usually signals a disconnect that is probably unbridgeable - i.e., you need to seek greener pastures. But, remember, as Jim Carrey once said "One in a million? That means I have a chance!".
 
  • #28
Chronos said:
Make the first 'date' something social where she will not feel anxiety. I've had plenty of 'dates' where we just hung out and observed the festivities. Hanging out with mutual friends is ideal. There are plenty of opportunities to socialize. BTW, I prefer the term 'socializing' over dating. Dating comes after you get comfortable socializing together. And remember, if she says no with an excuse, it only means she needs to think about it. On the other hand, a flat out NO and a walk off, or, go away you [insert appropriate expression of contempt] dog, usually signals a disconnect that is probably unbridgeable - i.e., you need to seek greener pastures. But, remember, as Jim Carrey once said "One in a million? That means I have a chance!".

Yes. Agreed 100%.

I think maybe we should just leave them to it.
 
  • #29
lisab said:
The bold: I laughed. My thought was, well how can you like her if you don't know her? But then, I'm female :wink:.

I don't know if I'll end up liking her, I'd just like the chance to get to know her. I think I just need to wait till I see her alone in the hallway or something... she's always with this one other girl at lunch, who I also have never spoken to.
 
  • #30
vk6kro said:
This is in a high school not a bar.

You don't understand the need for safety in dating? Really?

How safe can you ever be? You could get to "know" someone and think your safe, but hey, they turn out to be an axe murderer.

In high school I asked plenty of girls out, and had an enjoyable time doing so. I met my ex-wife in high school actually.

Cornering her when's she alone sounds more creepy to me, and also makes you look weak and the whole ordel premeditated in my eyes.

Regardless, just be casual about it, "Hey |insert chicks name| Right? I'm |insert your name| I've seen/noticed you around |someplace| and wondered if you like to grab a bite/coffee/whatever sometime?" Or if a good opportunity presents itself to break the ice in a more personal manner go with that.

If yes, "Cool, how about this weekend? what's your number I'll call/text/snap chat/whatever you kids are doing these days the details."

If no "Oh well, maybe some other time." And walk away.

If maybe "alright, here's my number, later"
 
  • #31
You think too much. Go and get her.
 
  • #32
lendav_rott said:
You think too much. Go and get her, Tiger!

Fixed that for you :wink:.
 
  • #33
Hah, all in all @OP - women like confidence. You don't have to ask her out anywhere ever, just muster your courage and talk to her about nothing. It doesn't matter if she's with her friend, threesome is also a healthy solution ^^

Sleep well
 
  • #34
lendav_rott said:
Hah, all in all @OP - women like confidence. You don't have to ask her out anywhere ever, just muster your courage and talk to her about nothing. It doesn't matter if she's with her friend, threesome is also a healthy solution ^^

Sleep well

Pretty brave predicting what all women like.
I wouldn't even predict what one woman liked, let alone all of them. Maybe chocolate.

If you aren't confident, are you going to pretend you are? For how long?
What if that makes you look arrogant?

The threesome idea is good. It might stop the knee jerk reaction of telling you to get lost.

You don't have to immediately say which of them you are interested in, so each would be reluctant to speak for the other.

However, you might just become the third member of their gang, stuck in permanent mateship.
 
  • #35
Will you forever and ever keep on contemplating what someone might like or not like? The same way as I am talking to you, now, I am not thinking what kind of attitude personally, appeals to you most. I am, however, not insulting you or thrashing your opinion, because in general that's what people don't like. Whether or not you like me as a person means nothing to me, you don't know me, I don't know you.
It is my general experience that women do like confidence. What if this and what if that is kind of pointless to worry about.
One cannot appeal to everybody, if they keep on thinking what they Should do and how they Should act yade yade yade, it's all to eventually Not be themself. What is that people say all the time? Be yourself!
 
<h2>1. Can I get to know her without taking classes together?</h2><p>Yes, it is possible to get to know someone without taking classes together. You can try joining the same clubs or organizations, attending events or activities together, or simply striking up a conversation with her.</p><h2>2. Is it more difficult to get to know her if we don't have classes together?</h2><p>It may be slightly more challenging to get to know someone if you don't have classes together, but it is definitely still possible. You just have to be more intentional and creative in finding ways to spend time together.</p><h2>3. Will she be interested in getting to know me if we don't have classes together?</h2><p>It depends on the individual. Some people may be more open to getting to know someone outside of class, while others may prefer to keep their social and academic lives separate. It never hurts to try and get to know her and see where it goes.</p><h2>4. Are there any benefits to getting to know her outside of class?</h2><p>Yes, there can be many benefits to getting to know someone outside of class. It can help you form a deeper connection and get to know each other on a more personal level. It can also give you the opportunity to see different sides of each other that may not come out in a classroom setting.</p><h2>5. How can I get to know her better if we don't have classes together?</h2><p>There are many ways to get to know someone better without having classes together. You can try hanging out in a group setting, going on a casual outing, or even just having a conversation over coffee. It's all about finding common interests and making an effort to spend time together.</p>

1. Can I get to know her without taking classes together?

Yes, it is possible to get to know someone without taking classes together. You can try joining the same clubs or organizations, attending events or activities together, or simply striking up a conversation with her.

2. Is it more difficult to get to know her if we don't have classes together?

It may be slightly more challenging to get to know someone if you don't have classes together, but it is definitely still possible. You just have to be more intentional and creative in finding ways to spend time together.

3. Will she be interested in getting to know me if we don't have classes together?

It depends on the individual. Some people may be more open to getting to know someone outside of class, while others may prefer to keep their social and academic lives separate. It never hurts to try and get to know her and see where it goes.

4. Are there any benefits to getting to know her outside of class?

Yes, there can be many benefits to getting to know someone outside of class. It can help you form a deeper connection and get to know each other on a more personal level. It can also give you the opportunity to see different sides of each other that may not come out in a classroom setting.

5. How can I get to know her better if we don't have classes together?

There are many ways to get to know someone better without having classes together. You can try hanging out in a group setting, going on a casual outing, or even just having a conversation over coffee. It's all about finding common interests and making an effort to spend time together.

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