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Girlfriend troubles

  1. Feb 28, 2013 #1
    I am currently a high school senior dating a junior girl. We have been dating for almost a year and a half now and I just don't know what to do anymore. We have talked about when I leave and we are thinking we should end it. Long distance is something that is not really appealing to either of us. So with this expiration date, I almost don't see the point to continue dating. We barely get to hang out and we mostly only see each other in school which isn't super fun. I think I still like her but not as much a I used to. Also, there are some things that she does that just annoy me. And if I really loved her shouldn't I love those things too? But I don't. I don't know what to do.
    I don't want to hurt her obviously because she is still awesome and want to have her as a friend.
    Advice?
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 28, 2013 #2

    Choppy

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    First off you are allowed to enjoy the relationship for what it is right now. Just because it's not likely to end in a perfectly blissful marriage it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy being teenagers in love together. If that were true there wouldn't be much point in starting any relationship until you had a stable career and strong sense of self.

    Next, everyone has things about them that will annoy their partners regardless of how much in love they are. The real question is how important these issues are to you.

    All of that said, based on the tone in your post it sounds to me like you're trying to rationalize the fact that you don't want to be in a committed romantic relationship with this person. That's perfectly fine. You can still try to be friends, but you have to remember that means you're likely to see her with someone else or vice versa and that can be tough.

    I would avoid dragging it out once you're sure of your feelings. Putting it off will only make it harder. That also makes it easier for that cave man part of your brain to do stupid things to sabotage the relationship and that's never good for anyone.

    Talk to her. Tell her how you're feeling. Dealing with stuff like this in a mature manner is that "life experience" stuff that adults are always going on about.
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2013
  4. Feb 28, 2013 #3

    Drakkith

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    I agree with everything Choppy says.
     
  5. Feb 28, 2013 #4

    Evo

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    I agree with everythinjg drakkith says.

    It sounds like you both are in agreement that the relationship is over, it's now facing the awkwardness of actually making it official. Good luck to you both. You sound like you are mature and have a good head on your shoulders.
     
  6. Mar 1, 2013 #5

    strangerep

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    Nooooo, but if you're sufficiently infatuated you might overlook them -- for a while.

    A proper "relationship" is where you progressively find out lots more annoying things the other person does and are gradually driven stark raving mad thereby.
     
  7. Mar 1, 2013 #6
    Why are you so much concerned about her feelings?
    Just breakup with her.
     
  8. Mar 1, 2013 #7

    jim hardy

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    You're both still growing and changing.


    Scott Peck wrote a good book about growing older, "The Road Less Travelled" .
    It is popular among people a decade or two older than you, but chapter two on "Love" would be worth a look for the two of you together. It's about how relationships mature.
    https://www.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-Anniversary-Edition/dp/0743243153


     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2017
  9. Mar 15, 2013 #8
    In case anyone was wondering, we broke up. I told her how I felt and she kind of agreed we should break up. I don't think that it was her first choice but I just wasn't as into her as I used to be. Anyway, it's done.
     
  10. Mar 15, 2013 #9

    Drakkith

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    I applaud your courage and I completely understand not wanting to hurt someone. It is unfortunate that love can lead to some of the worst emotions and pain ever known. But you can't have the good without risking the bad I suppose.
     
  11. Mar 15, 2013 #10

    Borek

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    Don't be afraid of "just staying friends".
     
  12. Mar 15, 2013 #11
    I was living in Canada for a 10 month period for work. I met a girl there in my first month and we started to see eachother pretty frequently. It got somewhat serious, and we both had strong feelings for eachother. We were both well aware throughout the relationship that, practically speaking, the relationship had an expiration date. But we enjoyed eachother's company and lived in the moment.

    I was eventually put on a project in another country, and we had to say our goodbyes. It was a bummer, but neither of us regretted starting the relationship. We still talk every once in a while to catch up and keep in touch.

    If you like spending time with one another, don't be afraid to keep the relationship going, even if it has an (quote/unquote) expiration date. These situations will help you mature emotionally precisely because they are difficult and confusing. "What's the point?" is the wrong question to ask.
    What would be the point of ending the relationship? What would either of you gain?
    Were you sure you were going to be spending the rest of your lives together before? Well, if not, what was the point in dating in the first place?

    The point is to spend time with people you care about. Who knows what'll happen in the future.
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2013
  13. Mar 18, 2013 #12
    I sort of thought she would agree too. Don't worry you never know what time will bring for the both of you :approve:
     
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