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Giving unrequited love

  1. Apr 25, 2006 #1
    It's a long time since I wanted to tell this to somebody, and now I decided to finally do so.

    I have a brother who's a few years older than me. In his very early years he fell into the boiling water and a few months after he had been identified with an epilepsy. He was assigned some medicine which was supposed to 'cure' him. He had frequent seizures, about 3 to 7 times a week. When people met him, they knew right away that something is wrong with him. He was very ashamed of people, he didn't want to meet with people. He would always go and walk alone. And he did in school much worse than any other students in his class. Though he was much slower and 'weirder' than others, he had a great courage and always tried to put as big effort as he only could in something he was doing. I remember when I with the rest of the neighborhood started to play soccer for the first time. From then on we played almost everyday. I've never realized that my brother wanted to play with us. He always took a ball and played alone. Soon, he got better than any of us, but he still didn't want to show what he had learned while everyone was watching him. I remember also when almost all the kids in our neighborhood started to play Quake 2 and so was my brother. He was the only person who could actually finish the game at all. The rest always got lost somewhere in the middle of the game. There were many other things he was better than any of us, except for school. But since he was 'weird' and always the topic of conversations I became ashamed of him. I tried to pretend that he's not my brother. Even when I met him with my friends walking alone, I wouldn't exchange a word with him.

    It was in his 5th grade when he supposely was getting better, so the doctor delated some medicine out of his daily trial. Soon after that first signs of unusual behavior started to show. I remember where once in school he was showing his genitals to students. My mom was called to school, and I'm sure she felt humbled. Months after, during a visit to another doctor, my mom got to know that the previous doctor took off the medicine he shouldn't and they can do nothing about it now. My mom didn't go anywhere, she didn't try to go to court, but simply kept silent and watched. When he was about 14, he started to show violent behavior. He was getting angry whenever you refused him or told him something he didn't like. There were days when he could beat my mom, sister or even me. My mom has been living in fear. In a short while, doctors identified him with autism and schizophrenia. He kept being violent and my mom just had enough. He was placed in a center for mentally challenged people.

    It's 3 years since I haven't seen him. Now I realized that I could never show him the love he needed. I also realized that I shouldn't ever be ashamed of him. He was my brother whom I love and now I want to have him back and give him the love he had never gotten from me. I shouldn't ever be ashamed of him, he should be ashamed of such brother as am I. Later on, when he became violent, and didn't care about my mom and her feelings, I've concluded that he might not actually love her or feel any kind of sympathy to her or any of us. Although my mom really loved him and tried, it was only unrequited love. Was it really?

    That's all I wanted to say about my brother. For all these years, I haven't been thinking about him, and now I wanted to tell somebody that I'm not ashamed of him anymore and I love him.

    I was thinking about it for quite a few hours, and I can't imagine what the mind of such mentally challenged people may look like. Are they able to freely think, and then there's something blocking them off from normal functioning and not allowing them to live the way their mind wants? Or is it that their mind is already shaped in a way that they aren't able to think normally at all? What do you think? I also don't think that there is such a thing like unrequited love to another person, a love from only one side. I think that another person, although unable to express his/her feelings, or ashamed to also show the feeling of love, or even thinking that that person doesn't feel love to him/her, also feel the love. I can't support this by any facts but I believe that love is the thing that both people feel, although sometimes looks like only one person, love is an amazing feeling. But does even the strongest love have power to move the mountains?
    What do you think about the feeling of "love"?
    What are your ideas about it?

    Thanks, and I would appreciate any responds,
  2. jcsd
  3. Apr 26, 2006 #2
    From what I know of autism, part of the problem is that they simply don't think of other people as other people. They can't associate what makes *them* a person with what makes *you* a person.

    As an example, pointing. Babies master the art of pointing at what they want pretty early on. Around the same time they start talking, IIRC. It comes pretty naturally to them that their finger could be used as a directional indicator. It becomes a natural instinct for us as humans to react to someone pointing by trying to locate what they're pointing at.

    People with autism don't quite get it. Or at least not as easily. Point to something and they just see your arm waving around. What does your single extended finger have to do with a direction? To get them to understand, you might have to actually *say* "Look in the direction I'm pointing!" in order to let them understand. Ever try to get a cat to look at what you're pointing at? Same sort of deal, I expect.

    Anyway, the missing element is that even though someone with autism might know enough to point themselves, they don't understand that when *you* point, that you're just doing what they would do in your stead.

    And thus, things like empathy, and therefore morality are somewhat more of foreign concepts to them. Unacceptable social behaviors like "don't show your genitals in public" just don't sink in. It's not necessarily that their power of thought is any less, but they're sort of in their own little world-- very distinct and seperate from the common world we share as a society.

  4. May 1, 2006 #3


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    Possibly. You really have to know him better. Its not wrong to think that he did not love back. He seems possibly a bit sociopathic.

    What about psychiatric conduct disorder?

    Last edited: May 1, 2006
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