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Going to feel depressed when I graduate from college

  1. Jan 14, 2008 #1
    I'm currently in my junior year. I've yet to form relationships that are supposed to last a lifetime. I guess its partly due to my condition(I have asperger syndrome). I did manage to form one good potential friendship. I'm not really sure about yet. This person graduates next year , so I probably won't be seeing him as much. Even though I plan on going to grad school, that once you graduate from undergrad, you leave your best years behind you. I guess I really don't want to graduate until I'm fully ready, and four years isn't complete for me. Do any of you feel your best years are behind you once you complete undergrad to head off to grad school or join the work force? Do some of you do your soul searching after you graduate? Are you completely sure of who you are and what your goals in life are? Gosh I'm only 20 and I feel like I'm going through a quarter-life crisis.

    I know the titled of my thread looks incomplete, but I couldn't edited the title of my topic
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2008
  2. jcsd
  3. Jan 14, 2008 #2


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    I know what you mean. I never formed any life-time relationship forming stuff. You might even have some and not even know because it won't come out until after you graduate and bump into them afterwards or work with them and so on.

    I think the best years of life are every year.
  4. Jan 14, 2008 #3
    If you don't make a lot of friends in undergrad don't worry, especially if you plan on going to grad school. Your whole class will be 10-20 people in smaller schools, and you'll all be taking the same classes, teaching similar labs, etc. Its really forced that you become friends fast with the other GTA's/GRA's.

    Also if you don't mind me asking, do you go to a commuter school? Cause that seriously screws most people out of in-college friends. When you're staying in a dorm//apt with other students you're usually forced to interact more and some things can become of it.

    But as for myself, my closes friends are still those from HS, most of the people I was great friends with in college all ended up being successful as well and moving all over the country and we only talk by email occasionally.

    So don't worry too much, you're not alone!
  5. Jan 14, 2008 #4


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    I was in exactly the same situation and never formed any life time friendships at uni. I only thought they were important because I seemed to be the only one unable to form any friendships. Its not the end of the world.
  6. Jan 15, 2008 #5
    Actually, I did make a lot of friends in undergrad, and I admit it was a bit of a drag to graduate. I still try to keep in touch with a few of them. In fact I have one friend from college that I still talk to on the phone nearly every day, and visit from time to time.

    As for grad school, what K.J. said tends to be true. Graduate classes are smaller, and people often become friends quickly. However it isn't always the case. Many of the students in my graduate class are internationals, and they tend to shy away from social interaction with us Americans. And three of the other students in my class are just plain old asses. Of course I have made several friends in my grad class, and I can see how these friendships might get pretty strong as we suffer through the hell of physics grad school for the next 4.5 years.
  7. Jan 20, 2008 #6
    im in a similar position. i've only made 1 potential close friend since transferring to my new school as a junior. this is probably my last quarter to try to be more social as i'll have to do research and harder classes soon.

    as for the comment of living in apt being more social, i disagree when you live with roommates who are strangers - unless you mean getting more interaction with students who arent roommates?
  8. Jan 20, 2008 #7


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    I've kept up with my closest friends, one since 6th grade, another from 9th grade and the rest from university.

    Three colleagues in my company went through the same graduate school program together with me, and we all worked in the same research group. When I visit the corporate office, I stay with one of those guys at his condo. We always have a blast. :biggrin: The last trip, I met his potential fiancee, and I'm hoping she is the one. :approve:

    My closest friends are closer to me than my own family members because of the shared experiences. Even if one does not have close friends from undergrad, there are always opportunities in the future, in grad school and professional life.

    I was eager to graduate from my undergrad program, because I was immediately going into grad school to do some interesting research.
  9. Jan 20, 2008 #8


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    It's interesting to see the responses here from people who didn't make close friends in college. That was my experience, too, but I didn't know it was a common one. My college environment wasn't condusive to forming friends - it was cutthroat competitive.

    Don't worry, Benzoate, most of my close friendships I formed latter in life, at work. There, teamwork is the primary way to get things done, and that's a great way to bond with people.
  10. Jan 20, 2008 #9
    Dont use school as a crutch to make friends.

    Q1: No. Staying up and getting a few hours a sleep every day was not the best years of anything. Being finished with undergrad is fantastic. I would not do it again.

    Q2: What do you mean by soul searching, a woman?

    Q3: Yes

    Q4: You're very young to graduate from college. The fact that your only 20 means you did not go out to bars/clubs with older people. That makes a difference.

    Dont worry, everything is better when you're older. I like the position that I am in now better than ever.
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2008
  11. Jan 20, 2008 #10


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    I have a few friends from childhood and college, but the reality is that the vast majority of friends you make in college don't last long after you go your own ways anyway. If you just have one or two good friends at any stage of your life, you're doing pretty well.

    And, a few people I didn't really talk to around the time I graduated, and we just bumped into each other later, and only then became good friends. So, you never know how things will turn out. You can't force friendships, they just have to happen. Of course, the more people you meet, the more chance that a few of them will become good friends, but you just have to let things take a natural course when it comes to forming lasting friendships.
  12. Jan 20, 2008 #11


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    Geez, Cyrus, do you ever not think about women? :rofl:

    I think the term soul-searching is a reference to introspection. I've engaged in introspection probably since the first grade. I've always wondered how I fit into the world and what my role in the world should be. I've always been curious about the world and the ways of the world. Introspection and curiosity are deeply ingrained in my cerebral cortex. Graduation from HS and univeristy were simply transition points to bigger and better things.
  13. Jan 20, 2008 #12
    Were you actually diagnosed with aspergers?
  14. Jan 20, 2008 #13
    A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
  15. Jan 21, 2008 #14
    yes I was
  16. Jan 21, 2008 #15

    It sounds like you're going through the first of the five stages of grief. It seems to happen when there's a big change in someone's life.
  17. Jan 21, 2008 #16
    Oh God that sucks. I have to commute an hour to get to school. When my friends want to meet up at school at around 8pm to study, I can't, because the buses don't go that late*, plus I'd have to stay in the library for like 8 hours. Great.

    Forget any type of socializing. No buses on Saturday and Sunday.

    *there are, but it would take double the time to get there, because of the other routes not going directly to school.
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