1. Aug 30, 2004

### Gale

I'm starting to seriously consider graduating end of first semester and then moving out. personal reasons, but i'm trying to really do something about how my life is. i'm not sure where i'd go yet, but that'll depend on what i need to do when i move out. mostly my concerns are college, and whether i could handle it on my own. i don't know whether my parents would still help me if i left, but if they don't, i want to know what i'd be facing on my own. I'd bet they'd help me anyways, but just in case. also, i'd only be 17, and i wouldn't turn 18 till after i started college the next fall, so i'd still have insurance from my parents right? for the most part, i'm trying to figure how i can realistically move out, hopefully with my parents' blessing (which is actually possible so long as i approach them logically.) i should be able to graduate with full credits, so that oughtn't be an issue, but i still ask if anyone has any other insights i ought really consider. i promise my situation is enough to call for drastic measures, i don't know really what other steps i can take. mostly i need a new environment. just, any help or information hopefully not too much discouragement would be helpful. At least i can make an educated decision.

~abigale~

2. Aug 30, 2004

### Moonbear

Staff Emeritus
I guess I'm just confused why you would want to rush to move out when you seem to have a good enough relationship with your parents that you think they'd be understanding of this and possibly willing to help support you? Is it really out of the question for you to hang in the additional half year and then just move away for college?

I do understand that urge to get out of your parents' house. By the time I headed to college, I was more than ready to leave the nest and couldn't understand how people could actually be homesick. But it was never to the point where I couldn't wait to just finish high school and move.

Anyway, things to consider...it's expensive! And can be lonely unless you have roommates, and then you have to get along with your roommates! In terms of cost, you can look at the local ads for apartments in the area you plan to live and see how much to expect to pay for rent (don't forget you may also be asked to pay up to two months' cost of rent in advance as a security deposit and to reserve the apartment for you). Then there are utilities. Many apartments include heat and hot water, but usually do not include electric. They may or may not include cooking gas. There's the phone bill too. Being young and having no credit record, most utility companies will expect you to pay a security deposit as well, in case you don't pay your bills. This can be as much as $50 or$100 per utility. Then you have to furnish your apartment. Even with the minimalist look and garage-sale specials, this is costly. You'll be buying your own food too. And what about transportation? When it's time to buy the groceries, do you have a car or do you need to lug groceries onto a bus or pay for a taxi? Cars need gas, insurance, registration, regular maintenance, not-so-regular emergency maintenance (they always break when you're broke).

You need to check with your parents about the health insurance. It may or may not cover you once you move out of their residence. On the other hand, some stop at 18, and others will cover a dependent until the age of 23 if they are still a student (to help out those who go to college and can't afford individual insurance).

What sort of job would you get? Don't forget, you have to pay taxes on your earnings, so whatever you think you'll be getting, expect at least 25% to be deducted for taxes (you may get some back as a refund when you file your taxes, but you can't count on it). It will also affect whether your parents can still claim you as a dependent on their taxes, so may cost them money too.

You asked for a realistic answer, and the realistic answer is that it's very tough to move out on your own while still young and inexperienced in the job market.

3. Aug 31, 2004

### Gale

well i did talk with my mum. She's sorta all for it. She thinks it may even be best. i guess she'd already considered getting me a trailer or something so i could live separately. i have a b it of money saved up, probably enough to live off awhile if i still get a job. I'm thinking i want to travel the states a little bit, or live out on the west coast a few months. mostly, like i said, i'm worried about how it would affect my school career. I dunno if a long break would be helpful or detrimental. I'm going to rearrange my class schedule so i can graduate early if i decide to. the other thing i'm kinda eh about is that i have a lot of clubs that i'd like to follow through the end of the year, but really, i have enough credits and then some to graduate already, and i there's no huge reason to stay. i wanted to take a year off and travel, but i ruled that out because of finances and life insurance. but if i do it while i'm 17 it'd be different. of course then.... i'm only 17, so that might make things a little difficult. but thats why i'm asking for advice.

but thanks, i think my mum might even pay for my apartment for the first few months or so, at least till i get a decent job. my mum's actually moderately supportive, she just wants me to have a set game plan before i go out. My dad however is very much against it unfortunately. but, i think if i can work out some details, it should go over better... i hope. \

anyways, any suggestions about what parts of the state may be cheaper or more accomidating would be nice. and any opinions about breaks before school too.

thanks
~abigale~

4. Aug 31, 2004

### Zantra

I hate say it, but I have to mirror moonbear's thoughts. It's rough on your own. Your old friend "bill" is a frequent and persistent visitor you can't escape. I speak from experience, as I moved out when I was 18. Of course I was already working at a good job, so it was a little easier, but it was still rough. If you want to travel, you can do that without moving on your own. Being independent has pros and cons. Just make sure you understand the cons before you burn any bridges. You'd be amazed at how little things like food and basic necessities add up. And if you want to live on your own, work, and go to school- plan on getting a roommate. Unless you have enough money saved to pay your \$400+ rent (probably double that in NH) until you graduate, you won't be able to swing bills on a part time job. The othe option is FT work, PT school, which doubles the time it takes to graduate.

Living with the parents can be trying at times, but if they are paying the bills while you go to school full time, best to suck it up, finish your school, then move out on your own terms. On the other hand, if you don't feel you have that option, then you have some tough choices ahead. Take whatever assistance your parents give you, and don't take it for granted.

On taking a break from school, it's not an academic issue - a lot of people take a break for a year to "find themselves". On the other hand, the longer you're away from school, the harder it gets to go back.

Last edited: Aug 31, 2004
5. Aug 31, 2004

### BobG

Another thing to consider is whether you're planning on getting tuition assistance for college.

As unfair as it might be, students are expected to be poor. The amount of money you can make before it starts reducing the amount of tuition assistance you're eligible for is incredibly low. In other words, you're paying a lot higher tax rate on your income than you'd think just from the amount withheld from your paycheck. Of course, having any decent amount of money saved up in your name also reduces the amount of tuition assistance you'll receive.

Of all the ironies, both my daughter and I are attending school. I qualify for tuition assistance - she doesn't. She makes around 6 to 7 dollars an hour working in a daycare - I make a pretty decent living working with satellites. I'm a head of household, plus I can get credit for her attendance in school. She's a single student and can't get credit for me going to school (this changed sometime in the last 10 years - too many parents were taking 'interesting' courses at local community colleges to increase the amount of tuition assistance they could get for their kid(s)).

6. Aug 31, 2004

### Gale

hmm, ok, so right now the biggest worry is expenses in various forms eh? well, i'm not leaving my family, just the house. My mum and dad will still help me with college so long as i promise to go. They may even help pay for while i'm away. i right now have enough money to live easily for a month, i could stretch it to two. i wouldn't stay away for likely longer than 4 or 5 though. i'll be saving some more before i go. So as long as i can get a job within 2 months that pays decent, i should be ok i think. Plus my parents will be there to help me. They're not unsupportive. I talked with my mum, and we both think that it may help me a bit.

mostly i need to figure where to go, and what i'm going to do, for how long and when. Our first semester ends in january, and nh winters can be harsh, so i don't know if i'd leave right away. it depends. i want to get far away from new england though. we traveled tons when i was little, a new state every few months, but we haven't moved from nh in over 10 years, and i definetly want to get away. so i'm think out west or down south.

~abigale~

7. Aug 31, 2004

### merak

deal with whatever the problem is.running away wont help.
if you take time off you may never go to college... (un foreseen things happen)
go on to college (now)!!! get a degree in any thing..with out it you'll end up in some dead end job....Then the problems you have now will seem distant and soooo trivial.

8. Aug 31, 2004

### jimmy p

That fills me with confidence.... (I'm not going to uni... bad grades)

9. Aug 31, 2004

### Gale

you'll be fine jimmy, just work hard, grades aren't everything. I have mediocre grades, but i'm confident i can get into a good school still.

and anyway... i think some of you have the impression that i'm just running away. i'm not. i don't have huge problems where i am... i just want to go out and live a lil' before i start college next year. My parents agree with me. i'm just the kind of person who needs a little more than what i'm getting here, and seeing as i've pretty much completed highschool already, and i don't have any other reasons for hanging around, i have the opportunity to go explore the world while i'm still young. Doesn't anyone have a sense of adventure? i just want to have some could old fashioned fun that will encourage me to stick with my college plans so that i don't have to live that way forever. But say i go to school, and get a nice job with pleanty of growth ops. then i'll likely just work until i get a family and blah... just typical stuff. I just want to see what else is out there before i pursue conformity. eh?

~abigale~

10. Aug 31, 2004

### Moonbear

Staff Emeritus
Will you be applying to colleges to begin next Fall? If all you really want to do is get out of NH and see more of the country, why not just apply to colleges in a variety of places around the country and take long trips to visit them and the surrounding areas? And a year from now, you can move out to a dorm wherever you go to college and make the "great escape" from your parents' house. Around most universities, there are plenty of summer apartment rentals for students who don't want to go back home for the summer and instead want to stay in the college town and work there. And after a year in dorms, you'll know some other people who would make good roommates to help share the expenses of living in an apt and who you know you can live with.

11. Sep 1, 2004

### Gale

Ok, well this is sorta different topic... but same really.

I decided that i think i will graduate early and hopefully move some where. There's no point in staying in school. Right now my schedule consists of advanced songwriting, art and woodshop... and sadly, thats honestly the best i can do. I'm just not interested in the other classes i could take, and the one's i would conflict with my calc class at the local college. I've enough credits to graduate, so i may as well, its either that or art or gym the rest of the year.

I'm wondering if i could possibly get a job in like a lab or as an intern some place where i could do some sciency or math stuff. I really don't want to stop with science or math, thats pretty much all i live for these days. Thats why i'm graduating... because there's no sciences i can take... and i'm not even go to my school for the math. but i really hope there's something i can do at 17 so that i keep with the math and science. I'll be going to college next fall, so i'm hoping there's some place, anywhere in the states, that i can work from like jan- aug. or less. I'm praying that maybe someone somewhere might pity me... i really want to learn, but i'm not doing that at high school. hopefully wherever i can manage to find a place won't be in nh, but there is a few leads i have here that might work. But i'd really rather go some where else.

If anyone has any ideas, or any place they know that might like to hear from me that'd be awesome. I'll have finished calc 3 by the time i've graduated, as well as Ap physics- mechanics and E&M. i'm going to major in math at college. 1460 on sats... 800 math. i mean really, my stats are impressive enough i think. I'm hoping someone will want to help out a smart girl who has nothing to do and nowhere to go, who just wants to learn, and is just waiting for college now. my fingers are crossed that someone will have some sort of avenue i can look down and hopefully find something. I know its far fetched... but i'm really praying i can get something to work.

thanks.
~abigale~

12. Sep 1, 2004

### Zantra

choppy go to community college if you must, beef up your gpa, then apply to a uni. I'm assuming you're in the US, but I thought you may have been UK?

There's always a way if you're committed to trying

13. Sep 1, 2004

### Zantra

Abby the best advice I can offer is this: find something that you enjoy doing in your free time, or something that you enjoy doing so much that you'd be willing to do it for free-then find a way to make a living at it. Do this and you'll be sucessful in whatever you choose to do.

14. Sep 2, 2004

### Dagenais

Go to the United States, you'll have no problem with getting into college. They let people with 2.5GPA study at some colleges. You should have no problem getting a post-secondary education down there.

American teenagers are sure independent. Leaving home at age 18, getting jobs at age 16. Always rushing to live the adult life. :yuck:

15. Sep 2, 2004

### Gale

heh, you're right i guess. My dad says maybe i ought try to just go to college second semester if i can. And a teacher of mine said maybe i ought even go military. Thoughts?

16. Sep 2, 2004

### deltabourne

Why are you rushing to leave home? You'll have all of your life to be an adult, why start now?

America is kind of sad in this respect - it's almost like kids and parents are strangers that have an 18 year lease between them. I don't think "family" means much anymore here.

17. Sep 2, 2004

### Dagenais

Military? You're joking right?

18. Sep 2, 2004

### Gale

aye!

i don't feel like i'm rushing first off... maybe thats hard to understand. But most people around me agree... i really belong elsewhere... not in highschool. My former math/ physics teacher was trying to convince me to stay too, he said, "just stay and take some classes you'd be interested in."
me, "like what?"
"math."
"which i can't take here."
"science."
"which i also can't take here."

Thats what i'm interested in. But i'm too advanced, my school has nothing left for me to take. There aren't even any other acedemic classes really. All the english and history science in the higher grades are AP level, which i don't qualify for. I could do a typical college prep class... but i've taken all of them for those subjects too. I'm not leaving because i want out. I just think i ought stop complaining and just go do something with myself.

After talking to my teacher some more he just mentioned military. Ideally he meant an acedemy, but i'm not good enough for that. But really, joining has a lot of perks. I can travel, which i desperately wish to do, and i could go to any school i want, i wouldn't be limited to state schools because thats all we could afford. Plus there'd still be pleanty of people my age, and so long as i don't get involved with the war, its not terrible. I'm not dreadfully fond of it, but i am considering it.

i really don't know what to do, i'm not sure how many people have been in my situation. Really smart kid... but too much of a slacker. Only mediocre grades but too advanced for the school system. i just don't like the idea of hanging around highschool taking art, gym, and woodshop all year, which are pretty much my only options. I want to do something....

~abigale~

19. Sep 2, 2004

### Dagenais

Pfffff, "college prep." That's the euphemism for "average students," since that's what a lot of them take.

Although I'm sure you've seen me whine about American University and education, there are some pretty good state schools out there. UCLA and UC-Berkely are examples.

That's not a good behavior trait if you're thinking about joining the military.

Any school you want? Any?!

There's still a slim chance that you can get pulled into war. And you don't make that much money in the military either, which is another downside. It isn't as if it's an easy job or anything...

20. Sep 2, 2004

### Hurkyl

Staff Emeritus
I had a similar experience; my last math class through my school system was in 7th grade -- instead I took one math class per semester at a local university. You should see if that's a solution for you.

With the extra time, I took every music class I could, just because I loved it so much! You sure there isn't something similar you can do? Nearly half of my senior year was music classes! (though, that's counting the fact that my lunch hour was merged with my marching/symphonic band hour)

I kinda don't want to suggest it, another thing I did to pass the time in my classes was to do math on my own. Sure, it's not the optimal use of your time, but it was fun!

Why don't you qualify for AP classes? Is it just because of your grades? Try and talk to your teachers; they might make an exception if they know you're a bright student and have shown a lot of interest in the subject.

21. Sep 2, 2004

### Gale

Yes, i've done all the average history and english classes. I have no desire for Ap in either, though i wouldn't mind a few more average level classes on different subjects... we don't have those though.

On slacking...
Well, my slacking would hopefully be cured there eh? i wouldn't suppose there'd be much room for otherwise. And i don't need a GED, i'm getting a full credit diploma, no different than anyone elses, i'm just getting it a little earlier, because i can, and i've no reason not too. I'm not taking any shortcuts, i just went through the system fast is all.

Well, i am taking classes at a local uni. I'm currently in calc 3 and multivar. I'm studying AP E&M on my own as well. I love music, but unfortunately my calc class is at the same times as most of the school's music classes. I am in the only one i can be in though, and it is fun. But its just one class... and the only one i have aside from gym.

And i do math a lot for kicks. But it strains my social life... which eh, i don't care much about. I'm sorta like that popular girl who suddenly dissapeared. People see me in the halls and they're all hey! abby! and i smile say something witty and walk away. I dunno, i'mm antisocial suddenly. But no one's realized it... makes things awkward, hmm. Anyways, ya i do math, but i want to study it. And thats what schools for... and i'm in school... but i can't do math there... hence why i'm so eager to go.

As for APs, like i said. No, i don't qualify because of grades, but no i don't want in them. AP history and English aren't exactly my cup of tea. i took AP calc and AP physics and thats enough for me. I could've tried for AP chem or bio... but i did poorly in honors chem and bio... so i decided not to.

Did i make things a little clearer? i just don't feel like sitting around doing nothing for a year, which i know sounds odd for a slacker. But i don't want to be a slacker, i am, but i'm really trying not to be, and it doesn't help when i'm forced to do nothing....

~abigale~

22. Sep 2, 2004

### Mattius_

Gale, I think ive had about the same situation as you last year. I was pretty much unhappy with the way things were going at my house, not that there was too much friction, but that relationship with my family was pretty much not there; I came and went as did they, no talking, no conversing, just business. I lived with my mom and brand new step dad and my sister was 2 years gone into college.

I also had that adventurous feeling big time, but mostly to satisfy that I would just go for long drives in my car in/out/around town and go to the public library a lot and read. I told my parents once that I was at a friend's house but actually I kinda just camped out in downtown Omaha one night to see what it was like to be a bum, (its not bad for one night). I picked up a manual labor job during the summer and worked 50 hour weeks which helped pay for me to go to Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, and Atlanta with various groups of friends during the summer. These are all solutions to get you away from your routine life Gale. I got work experience, I saw a lot of the country without my family, and I still had a free place to put my head most of the time.

Anyways I just started college 2 weeks ago and I can tell you that 3 weeks ago I was considering going out on my own because I was soooo bummed about home life. I got in a big fight with my parents and my dad put me in a head lock just to give you an idea. Anyways I shipped off to college, and I can say that all of the wait was WORTH IT. College Rules, nuff said.

YOU DONT WANT TO GO OUT ON YOUR OWN, from what Ive heard from you anyways, because I was in the same situation (I think) and I still pulled through.

Waiting for college is worth it, and you can do things in the mean time to get a sense of independence.

And if you ever get too bummed, just get out of the house and drive around for a while, it helps.

23. Sep 3, 2004

### merak

~abigale~[/QUOTE]

when you are unable to make a decision, sometimes its best to do nothing.

if you were hanging around highschool taking art,gym, and woodshop.it would keep you kinda ocupied and give you time" to "think.

24. Sep 4, 2004

### JasonRox

Learn Special Relativity, from the bottom up, so you can Celebrate 100 Years of Einstein's work next year. Don't be one of those "clever" kids who know e equals energy.

I feel the same way about school. They teach you in a sssssllllllooooowwwww manner. Learn the material yourself.

The funny part is, you will go to college, and they will slow you down. That's very annoying! Most or all, the students don't want to get ahead either. It seems like everyone is in school for no reason, but for that piece of paper. I hope things will be different in my Physics/Math program at university. I'm actually a business student, with no scheduled business classes. I took away a competitive seat from a student who wanted it; that's all I really did.

Believe it or not. I'm the kind of guy who wants what they want, or I'll go somewhere else (or pay more). I may even change schools again, just so I can get more in scholarships, and demand more because I'm an annoying prick. :)

Nevermind me.

Learn! Don't make stupid mistakes, like I have made, by not going beyond what I can do. Don't be afraid to get into something that may not lead you nowhere(Cosmology). I dropped out of Accounting for Physics/Math because I enjoy it better. Studying accounting felt like work, and I hated that very much.

Back to moving out.

See I was in that same position last year. I decided not to because of money. I would love to move, but I don't want to fall in financial ruin. Not to offend anyone, but I've seen stats from the USA, and the average debt per citizen from personal related items is insane. Everyone is trying to live a dream they can't afford. Just being alive is a dream for me, and I'll make the most of it. Don't spend so much that you spoil the rest of your life. Some people say live like there is no tomorrow, and spend all your money. WHAT IF, there is a tomorrow?????? NOW YOUR FU(K3D OUT OF YOUR MIND! I worked my ass off this summer, and I had a ****ty one too. I lost some friends while at it, but I'm not too worried because I'm going to a new school, so naturally you make friends. I did this because I didn't want to work 30+ hours/week during school, like I always do. I want to go skiing on weekends, spend weekends skiing, go to the clubs with tha ladies, and maybe even plan a ski trip on christmas break. I managed to get a season pass to a ski resort, and ski's along with that. I can also work less! Only 20 hours a week! THAT IS A DREAM COME TRUE TO WORK THAT LITTLE! I never had a week off in 3 years dammit! All I had to do was work full-time steady midnights, and work some overtime on days, for 3 months.

Do what the guy/girl did earlier. Work, and go on trips and stuff.

You seem to be trying to live in a fast paced world that doesn't even exist. I felt like it was fast paced before, but I changed my ways, and things are a lot better.

Last edited: Sep 4, 2004
25. Sep 5, 2004

### Zantra

Young people are trying so hard to grow up while older people are wishing they had a few years to do it over again.

I wish I was 18 again with my whole life ahead of me. I'd have made a few choices differently for sure. But I am here were I am for a reason, and there's nowhere to go but forward.