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Great one-liners

  1. May 29, 2006 #1

    Ivan Seeking

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    This morning, while I was getting ready to go out and run the chainsaw for a few hours, Tsu was talking with my mother on the phone.

    On my way out the door I said to Tsu, "tell mom I'm whining because I have to run the chainsaw and my arthritis is acting up".

    Later I learned that mom's response was: "Tell him to put Ben Gay on the parts that are getting old and don't work any more".

    I did hear Tsu respond by yelling out to me: "She says to put Ben Gay on your penis!!!"

    Okay, that was good. :rofl:
     
  2. jcsd
  3. May 29, 2006 #2

    dav2008

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    Well did you?
     
  4. May 29, 2006 #3

    Ivan Seeking

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    No, but I am taking a second look at that Billy Goat Weed.
     
  5. May 29, 2006 #4

    Math Is Hard

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    When I first started reading this I was thinking, "now why would she suggest putting Ben Gay on the chain saw?":biggrin:
     
  6. May 29, 2006 #5

    Danger

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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    I have 2, but for now I'll just tell the one that 99.5% of the people that I mention it to don't understand. That's the great thing about PF; you'll all get it.
    I used to belong to an SF club. Although I was 23 at the time, my 3 best friends were two 17 year-olds and one who was 15 (little bastard did calculus in his head :grumpy: ). Another member of the club was the manager of a theatre, and he arranged a private club viewing of 'The Muppet Movie' when it was still new. The mall that the theatre was in had a defective roof, and it was just pissing down rain.
    As we were standing in line waiting for the previous audience to leave, one of the 17 y-o kids was standing beside me. A puddle was forming on the carpet at our feet. He looked down, puzzled, then visually traced the stream up to the ceiling. The water was dripping off of the bulb in a pot light. He stared at it for a second, then turned to me and said, "Hmmm... liquified electrons."
     
  7. May 30, 2006 #6

    Mk

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    Oh, so this thread is about you telling us your penis doesn't work?
     
  8. May 30, 2006 #7

    Ivan Seeking

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    Well, if that's what makes you happy...
     
  9. May 30, 2006 #8

    Danger

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    Our happiness is not at issue. Let's hear from Tsu. :tongue:
     
  10. May 30, 2006 #9
    Since when did aliens start have penises ? :uhh:
     
  11. May 30, 2006 #10
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Funniest thing I've heard in a long time...!!
     
  12. May 30, 2006 #11
    Your wife wants you to place something "gay" on your penis?
     
  13. May 30, 2006 #12

    Danger

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    Is everyone else as surprised as I am that Arildno hasn't shown up yet? :confused:
     
  14. May 30, 2006 #13

    Math Is Hard

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    Now that you mention it.. yeah. *shrug* So much for gaydar.
     
  15. May 30, 2006 #14

    Ivan Seeking

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    Abuse like this is the reason I married her. :biggrin:

    ...the subject was good one-liners.

    Did you hear about the iron worker who walked into a bar?
     
  16. May 30, 2006 #15
    Yes, yes it is. But then you say this...

    o:)

    Actually, that game me a chuckle...
     
  17. May 30, 2006 #16

    Hurkyl

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    The gag in the opening post isn't even a one-liner! It required several lines of setup! :tongue:
     
  18. May 30, 2006 #17

    Danger

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    Since no one else seems to have anything, I'll relate my second one... which due to my being a dirty old man, is my favourite.
    On my last bartending job, the manager was a friend who had worked as a bartender/waitress at the cowboy bar where I was before. One of her best friends came to work for her. She was (and still is) an incredibly beautiful lady who I ignored for several years in the previous place because she sort of looked like the kind of airhead woman who thinks that her **** don't stink. The first time that I worked with her, it immediately became clear that she was very intelligent and one of the nicest people that I've ever met. We're still very good friends. She was in her early 30's, divorced, with 3 kids, and looked about 23. Now, at over 40, you'd swear that she wasn't over 30. (Must have some Evo genes.)
    Anyhow, it was our custom, when we were both working day shift, to sit at the serving end of the bar and have a couple of beers together. If any of you have any experience with pop dispensers, you know that when the syrup tank or the CO2 tank goes low, the nozzle sputters like a Gatling gun. We were sitting there while the night bartender was pouring a rye Coke for someone. The tank blew, and we both got sprayed. The bartender was shocked, and immediately started apologizing to both of us. Her last sentence was, "I don't know... I thought this thing was empty, and it just went off again!"
    Without a second of hesitation, Leslie said, "Hmmpphhh... tell me about it. That's how I ended up with twins."

    edit: Sorry. I've been watching TV. I just now noticed that others posted after MIH. (Not that I missed much.)
     
  19. May 30, 2006 #18

    Math Is Hard

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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Priceless!
     
  20. May 31, 2006 #19
    A duck walks into a drug store and says, "Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill."

    :biggrin:
     
  21. May 31, 2006 #20

    Math Is Hard

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    A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
     
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