Guilty About Not Allowing Others to Smoke?

[SamuelGreen800]

I try to be considerate of most smoker's feelings, but I will not allow smoking in my house or car, no ifs ands or buts about it. There is nothing to feel guilty about, as the things honestly just stink. I don't let people rub skunks and dog crap in my carpets and curtains, and I don't see much of a difference in not letting them smoke either.

Part of that is being a former smoker though. The smell drives me crazy, and the hardest times to keep my self away from ciggarettes is when I can just catch a faint whiff of them, which is every day for the next year if someone lights up in the house or car.

The other part is that I still live at home. My family does not need to put up with my friends smell in their own home, and I would never think to ask them to. Smokers go on the porch or deck, and no where else.

 

[Evo]

I don't let people rub skunks and dog crap in my carpets and curtains

Well, that I'm ok with, but cigarette smoking is a no no.

 

[Loren Booda]

If you mean by "guilty" retaining both lungs...

 

[arildno]

As an ardent smoker, I would say that of course non-smoking people should be the ones deciding whether or not guests may smoke in their own homes, or at the work-place (even if the smoker is a co-worker of the non-smoker).

After the introduction of the general ban on smoking on restaurants and bars in Norway, I've basically changed my initial negative doomsday view on this; it's okay, I guess.

I reserve to myself the right to smoke in my own home, though..

 

[Zantra]

I don't know how quickly they know. If a kid in a nonsmoking home starts smoking, yeah, the parents are going to know either they are smoking or their friends are smoking, because you just have to smell it on them. But if the kid is living in the home of a smoker, if they stay out of view, I don't know how the parents would notice since the smoke smell itself won't be a tip off. The problem probably is more that there are enough parents who don't care that it becomes accessible...all you need is one parent who doesn't give the kid a hard time when a pack goes missing from the carton every now and then for that kid to supply the cigarettes to the others.

As for the earlier comments on peer pressure, I really wasn't trying to suggest I'm some special person with amazing internal fortitude, I'm not. I just didn't associate with friends who would try to push me to do things I didn't want to do. Perhaps there was positive peer pressure, but if you're doing something good for yourself, it's not like you'd have a reason to resist the suggestion either, so how much pressure is really necessary?

I was confused that you suggested it was a necessary part of the social dynamic, like you can't have friends who don't push you to do things you don't want to do? Maybe I misunderstood what you were trying to say. If someone started pushing me to do something I didn't want to do, then I'd hardly consider them a friend. I don't tolerate people who are pushy or think you need to do something to conform in order to associate with them. If someone pulls that nonsense, I tell them to get lost in no uncertain terms. Why would you call someone a friend who asks you to put your health at risk to be their friend? I don't even like pushy salespeople, so why would I want a pushy friend?

Here's a different example. I have a lot of friends who are really into sports...like totally nuts when it comes to sports. They'll get together to go to a game, and they always invite me along. I can't think of a more boring thing to do with my day than sit around watching sports...they can't quite understand why I find it boring and I can't quite understand what excites them about it, but okay, that's just our differences. So, I decline their invitations. It's that simple. They go off and do what they enjoy doing with those who enjoy it. No need for me to go along and be grumpy about it. And when they do something I do enjoy, such as seeing a movie I want to see, then I go along. Maybe someone else decides not to join us if they've seen the movie already or it's something they really won't enjoy (one friend will NOT see any sort of horror movies). We don't all have to do everything together as a giant group to be friends...we know we have different interests and different personalities and that is why we enjoy each others' company and why nobody forces anyone to do something they don't enjoy. I don't want to hang out with people who just go along with everything or who are all just like me, that's boring.

I think we're going around in circles moonbear. The examples you're giving me sound more like typical adult behavior. Anyone who's older should be making their own choices. I'm speaking more in terms of teens and preteens. Peer pressure is pretty evident at those ages. Kids in general are still struggling with their identity and trying to "fit in". those are the times where peer pressure is most prevelant. As an adult, or even older teenager you can't really use peer pressure as an excuse. It's the typical school yard behavior where other kids (not necessarily even close friends) pressure you into certain behaviors. Anyone who's been in school knows what I'm talking about. It's not about your ability to be an individual or resist temptation, it's the fact that the temptation is there that I'm referring to. Maybe I'm not understanding here, but it seems like you're trying to say that there is no such thing as peer pressure, or that only weak minded people experience it. Or am I misunderstanding?

 

[Evo]

I have to agree with Moonbear about the lack of "peer" pressure as I grew up. Of course I only associated with a couple of geeks on a regular basis and we prided ourselves on being diffferent from everyone else. Maybe that's the difference, we didn't want to "fit in" with the "cool" kids because we thought they were a buch of idiots and they considered us a bunch of anti-social freaks. We didn't attend pep rallies or school functions or football games. So while they were smoking and drinking we were discussing books and art.

 

[Moonbear]

I have to agree with Moonbear about the lack of "peer" pressure as I grew up. Of course I only associated with a couple of geeks on a regular basis and we prided ourselves on being diffferent from everyone else. Maybe that's the difference, we didn't want to "fit in" with the "cool" kids because we thought they were a buch of idiots and they considered us a bunch of anti-social freaks. We didn't attend pep rallies or school functions or football games. So while they were smoking and drinking we were discussing books and art.

I guess that's pretty much what I'm trying to say. Though, I had more than just a few friends, we weren't really interested in "fitting in" with any "crowd." I'm not saying it doesn't exist, just that I wasn't one of the people who experienced it. Oh, wait, there was once I succumbed to peer pressure...I bought fluorescent socks in the 80s when everyone was wearing those bright, fluorescent clothes. I didn't get any other fluorescent clothes, just one pair of socks. It's the one time in my life I've ever given into fashion trends just for the sake of the fashion.

 

[Evo]

Oh, wait, there was once I succumbed to peer pressure...I bought fluorescent socks in the 80s when everyone was wearing those bright, fluorescent clothes. I didn't get any other fluorescent clothes, just one pair of socks. It's the one time in my life I've ever given into fashion trends just for the sake of the fashion.

I bought those John Lennon granny glasses that were so trendy at the time. And then I made my eyes up like Twiggy's.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I don't let people rub skunks and dog crap in my carpets and curtains...

Well, that I'm ok with, but cigarette smoking is a no no.

ROFL! I love you, Evo. You're one of the few who has discovered the exact anatomical location of the zoobie funny bone.

 

[Evo]

ROFL! I love you, Evo. You're one of the few who has discovered the exact anatomical location of the zoobie funny bone.

Aw, I love you too zoobie, I wanted to tell you that the other day.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Aw, I love you too zoobie, I wanted to tell you that the other day.

Now, I can barely type from the warm fuzzies.

 

[Gabrielle]

I'm resurrecting this thread because something came up about cigarette smoke recently. My next-door neighbor has two young nieces in Rhode Island and she and her sister and brother-in-law (the grandparents) make regular visits on birthdays and holidays.

Charmion, my neighbor, is a smoker. However, neither her sister, brother-in-law or extended family are smokers. In the beginning, my neighbor and her sister would alternate using one car or the other. However, my neighbor told me that they now use her sister's car exclusively as they're bothered by the smell of cigarettes in the car even though she doesn't smoke when they're in the car together. I don't know if the smoke can be transferred to your clothing by sitting in an already smoky car from the upholstery. I imagine it could. The car is well over ten years old so she's been smoking in her car for a long time.

My brother, also a smoker, thought that this was insulting to my neighbor. It seems that it's usually fellow smokers who are the quickest to come to another smoker's defense. I suppose this is natural. I don't think it's really insulting. She was already aware that her family didn't like being around cigarette smoke anyway and her sister and brother-in-law are saving her additional wear and tear on her own car by offering to take theirs. I guess they take turns driving on the way down and back. So I wouldn't be offended.