Guys' Rules for Women

  • Thread starter Gokul43201
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  • #1
Gokul43201
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Found this in an old email...what points do you guys and gals agree or disagree with ?

GUYS' RULES FOR WOMEN:


> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
> 2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
>
> 3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
>
> 4. Crying is blackmail.
>
> 5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
>
> 6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
> 7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> 8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
> 9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
> 10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
>
> 11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
>
> 12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> 13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
> 14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
>
> 15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
>
> 16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
>
> 17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> 18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
> 19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
> 20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
>
> 21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
>
> 22. You have enough clothes.
>
> 23. You have too many shoes.
>
> 24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
>
> 25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
 

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  • #2
Moonbear
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Gokul43201 said:
Found this in an old email...what points do you guys and gals agree or disagree with ?

GUYS' RULES FOR WOMEN:
LOL!!! Being female, I of course need to argue with a few of them :wink:


> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Actually, you do need the seat down about half the time. Well, maybe more than that by the amount of time men disappear into the bathroom for after picking up a magazine. Both the seat AND LID belong down (otherwise when you flush, all the germs from the bowl get sprayed all over the bathroom...including onto your toothbrush. :yuck:

>
> 2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Okay, but remember, Sunday afternoon is when women have the highest probability of being "in the mood"...if you'd rather watch sports, we can wait a week :biggrin:

> 4. Crying is blackmail.

:cry: :cry: :cry:

> 8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Agreed, especially since the best cure for a headache is just what that excuse is trying to avoid. However, headaches rarely occur on Sundays (see #2).

> 9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

Nah ah, no way! There's no statute of limitations for incriminating comments! If you don't want it admitted into a later argument, don't say it. :approve:


> 10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

We'd dress like the Victoria's Secret models if you got the hint when we left the catalog out on the table opened to that page with that little teddy circled. :blush:

> 11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Not getting an answer to this question causes headaches. Getting the wrong answer to this question causes headaches. There is only one acceptable answer to this question, memorize it: "Of course you're not fat, it's those horrid jeans that just make you look that way! Here's my credit card, go buy something that will show off your beautiful figure better." :tongue:


> 15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

And Christopher Columbus was trying to get to the West Indies. :eek:


> 16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Mauve is simple, sort of a cross between a strawberry and lavender, with just a little shadow. :rofl:


> 18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

When we say, "nothing," it means it's YOUR fault. :grumpy: We know if we told you the truth, you couldn't handle it. Ignoring us will only make it worse. The only way out is to pretend shopping is a sport.

> 25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

That's good since the screen we've been nagging you to fix is still broken, so you'll be sharing the living room with a whole squadron of mosquitoes :devil: ...just like real camping.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
  • #3
loseyourname
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Moonbear said:
> 11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Not getting an answer to this question causes headaches. Getting the wrong answer to this question causes headaches. There is only one acceptable answer to this question, memorize it: "Of course you're not fat, it's those horrid jeans that just make you look that way! Here's my credit card, go buy something that will show off your beautiful figure better."
This is why I don't date anyone over 140 lbs.
 
  • #4
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I don't understand... :confused: When my lady does something I don't like, such as speak when not spoken too, I just throw her in the closet for a few days. Just make sure you've thoroughly crushed their self-esteem or else they might try and contact the outside world. :devil:


Just kidding of course. :wink: I'm usually a sucker for being conned into things by women. Nice guys finish last as they say... :mad:
 
  • #5
Moonbear
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Entropy said:
Just kidding of course. :wink: I'm usually a sucker for being conned into things by women. Nice guys finish last as they say... :mad:

:biggrin: Just my kind of guy! You don't happen to have a prominent scar, do you? Holly says I'm supposed to find a guy with a scar :biggrin: Then again, you're probably too young for me...so many men around these forums and most of them are half my age! :cry:
 
  • #6
Evo
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Moonbear said:
Then again, you're probably too young for me...so many men around these forums and most of them are half my age! :cry:
I know all of these men are SO YOUNG. Where are the men our age?

Oh, I forgot, I only date much younger men. Never mind. :blush:
 
  • #7
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Just my kind of guy! You don't happen to have a prominent scar, do you? Holly says I'm supposed to find a guy with a scar Then again, you're probably too young for me...so many men around these forums and most of them are half my age!
As a matter of fact I have three prominent scars. One from my apendix which burst, so its a lot bigger than just having an normal inflamed apendix. Then two from the steel bar in my chest. Too bad there operation scars and not scars from some horrible accident like from a bar fight or wrestling a shark... Oh wait I have some others from went I totalled my first car. I broke the driver side window with my elbow and got glass shards in it.
 
  • #8
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Wow, Entropy. Glass actually went inside your elbow??
 
  • #9
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Entropy said:
I don't understand... :confused: When my lady does something I don't like, such as speak when not spoken too, I just throw her in the closet for a few days. Just make sure you've thoroughly crushed their self-esteem or else they might try and contact the outside world. :devil:


Just kidding of course. :wink: I'm usually a sucker for being conned into things by women. Nice guys finish last as they say... :mad:
Man I know what you mean.

The Bob (2004 ©)
 
  • #10
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Moonbear said:
:biggrin: Just my kind of guy! You don't happen to have a prominent scar, do you? Holly says I'm supposed to find a guy with a scar :biggrin: Then again, you're probably too young for me...so many men around these forums and most of them are half my age! :cry:
Evo said:
I know all of these men are SO YOUNG. Where are the men our age?

Oh, I forgot, I only date much younger men. Never mind. :blush:
You only as old as you feel. :wink:

The Bob (2004 ©)
 
  • #11
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Moonbear said:
Mauve is simple, sort of a cross between a strawberry and lavender, with just a little shadow. :rofl:
GRRRRR! :mad:
 
  • #12
Gokul43201 said:
5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
:rofl: Reminds me of the old line: "Why are men so insensitive? You should just know".
 
  • #13
Tabby
2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

So long as the same rules apply to our watching of HGTV :wink:

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

This is not acceptable. Try again

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

disagree

7a. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

*slap* There. I hope your girlfriend feel sorry for ya :rolleyes:

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you act like a soap opera guy then chances are you're sleeping with our best friend anyways....let her wear that stuff for you.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

liar

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

we feel the same way....especially when we are supposed to meet you at your mothers house for another wonderful round of her famous bean chili. :rolleyes:

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking...

Men think? :confused:
 
  • #14
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you know what, I liked the rules. Thats probably the reason why I don't have a girlfriend.
 
  • #15
jimmy p
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DarkAnt said:
you know what, I liked the rules. Thats probably the reason why I don't have a girlfriend.
Me too. Especially


Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Us poor men can never win. Which is why I stopped playing women's games. I am my own man, and there aint nothing they can do about it... other than avoid me like the plague, but when I am a successful single man with my own house and nice car, I will become irresistable, and will have women diving for my wallet. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :devil: :devil: :devil:


Oh yeah Moonbear. Strawberry is a RED fruit. Lavender is a blue/purple/pink/ flower (I forget which it is :redface: ).
 
  • #16
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The Bob said:
You only as old as you feel. :wink:
No, no, you're only as old as the woman you feel.
 
  • #17
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cragwolf said:
No, no, you're only as old as the woman you feel.
Oh dear. Watch out for this name. :biggrin:

The Bob (2004 ©)
 
  • #18
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jimmy p said:
Us poor men can never win. Which is why I stopped playing women's games. I am my own man, and there aint nothing they can do about it... other than avoid me like the plague, but when I am a successful single man with my own house and nice car, I will become irresistable, and will have women diving for my wallet. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :devil: :devil: :devil:
Perhaps I should follow your way of thinking, Jimmy.
 
  • #19
devil-fire
those rules are so true...although for mostly single men (the rest hit the jackpot!)
 
  • #20
Moonbear
Actually, you do need the seat down about half the time. Well, maybe more than that by the amount of time men disappear into the bathroom for after picking up a magazine. Both the seat AND LID belong down (otherwise when you flush, all the germs from the bowl get sprayed all over the bathroom...including onto your toothbrush.
That is the most disturbing thing I have ever heard, tell me it's not true.
 
  • #21
NateTG
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kcballer21 said:
That is the most disturbing thing I have ever heard, tell me it's not true.
It's not entirely accurate. The germ content of toilet water is generally relatively low and the quantity of water that gets splashed up is quite small. However there are other things in it that I would probably not want to have atomized and sprayed on my toothbrush. Feel free to make your own descisions.
 
  • #22
Njorl
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After having kids, my wife and I realized that the battle of the sexes was small potatoes. We long for those petty squabbles in the days before we were enslaved by our tyrannical and diminutive underlords. :frown: "Yes master, I will change your diaper. There is no need to pull it off yourself and whirl it about the room as a demonstration of your power."

Njorl
 
  • #23
selfAdjoint
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kcballer21 said:
Moonbear


That is the most disturbing thing I have ever heard, tell me it's not true.

Not only is that true, but putting the lid down doesn't help one bit. There was an old book called The Secret House that showed how we live among literally millions of life forms from bacteria to mites in our eyelashes, and never dream they are there.
 
  • #24
Moonbear
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selfAdjoint said:
Not only is that true, but putting the lid down doesn't help one bit. There was an old book called The Secret House that showed how we live among literally millions of life forms from bacteria to mites in our eyelashes, and never dream they are there.
:grumpy: Hey, don't tell them putting the lid down doesn't help! It's the only reasoning that usually gets men to comply with that little etiquette rule.

But I figure if I expect the seat down, then it's only fair that I put the lid down too. Actually, it's just much easier to not share living space with the opposite sex.
 
  • #25
Not only is that true, but putting the lid down doesn't help one bit. There was an old book called The Secret House that showed how we live among literally millions of life forms from bacteria to mites in our eyelashes, and never dream they are there.
I guess if I have survived this long...

The biggest problem in my household is the issue of which one of us is the one using too much toilet paper. (it's not me)
 

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