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Hamster Power Is Now A Reality

  1. Jun 24, 2004 #1
    Since the domestication of the hamster and similar creatures who demonstrate a proclivity for running in wheels that go nowhere and do nothing, mankind has dreamed of the day technology would evolve to the degree that this wasted energy could be tapped and turned into a useful source of power.

    Hamster power is now a reality:


    Engineer DanF, staffmember of the Otherpower.com organization, has succeeded in isolating and overcoming all the final hurdles that have been standing in the way of utilization of this important power source, and created a means for his stalwart hamster, Skippy, to generate electricity.

    The primary problem has always been that hamsters don't turn their wheels at fast enough revolutions per minute to operate conventional alternators or generators. DanF's breakthrough was in the design of a special low-RPM alternator which overcomes the inherent slowness of the hamster by greatly increasing the number of North and South poles that pass the stationary coils per revolution. In this way Skippy has been enabled to generate current at a pressure of two volts!

    Skippy now effortlessly lights two red LEDs without breaking a sweat. Advanced tests have shown that he is able to light as many as six LEDs with no apparent trouble.

    Unless these claims by DanF have been grossly overstated and get flushed down the same toilet as claims of cold fusion once were, I think that the transition to hamster power is a forgone conclusion.
  2. jcsd
  3. Jun 24, 2004 #2
    Post your reactions to the hamster power breakthrough, and your speculations about the brave, new hamster-powered world that upon whose brink, we now stand.
  4. Jun 24, 2004 #3
    I see a vision where acre after acre of photovoltaic panels produce electricity during daylight hours while simultaneously providing shade for sleeping hamsters. During the dark hours the hamsters pick up the slack, picking up where the panels left off. Those performing community services can be used to clean the cages and feed the little animals. Warfare will undoubtedly cease to exist, returning man to a state of innocence and peaceful coexistence in Eden… :approve: :biggrin:
  5. Jun 24, 2004 #4
    Until the great revolt to free the indentured hamsters erupts, flamed, fueled and fanned by the bleeding heart liberal hamster activists. The world would divide into free hamster / slave hamster camps. Power outages will sweep the nations and the freed hamsters will revert to their savage nature and run wild in the streets, attacking the ankles of their former taskmasters. Anarchy.
  6. Jun 24, 2004 #5


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    From eden to anarchy, lol :biggrin:
  7. Jun 24, 2004 #6
    Not since Thomas Edison's concerted attack on Alternating Current, when he falsly claimed that with AC everyone would be getting electrocuted, have I seen such dastardly propaganda.

    The facts:
    Hamsters are cute and furry and friendly. There is just no downside to hamster power.
  8. Jun 24, 2004 #7


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    I see they've gotten to you too... :uhh:

    Fortunately, we have people who can deprogram you back at the underground KFH headquarters...
  9. Jun 24, 2004 #8

    Ivan Seeking

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    Last edited: Jun 24, 2004
  10. Jun 24, 2004 #9
    No one will use the hamster prod once they realise it takes more energy to operate once than you can get out of a hamster in a week. You are trying to inflame the liberal hamster activists.

    You and Artman are clearly agents provocateurs from the Association For The Advancement Of Electric Eel Power.

    Sure, there's alot of power available from the average electric eel, but they're not cute, and you can't pet them.
    They require expensive, massive water-filled containment facilities. Electric eel power will just lead to more big, price-controling, centralized utility companies since people won't want to keep them in their homes.

    With electric eel power, every side is a down side.
  11. Jun 24, 2004 #10


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    KFH??? Kentucky Fried Hamster? :surprise:
  12. Jun 25, 2004 #11

    Math Is Hard

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  13. Jun 25, 2004 #12
    Although there used to be giant Guinea pigs, there were never giant hamsters. Guinea pigs are still quite a bit larger than hamsters today. That is why we won't be messing with guinea pigs.
  14. Jun 25, 2004 #13


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    Reminds me of "Hamster Love".

  15. Jun 25, 2004 #14
    You see. That battle lines are being drawn in the sand right now.

    Sure, pre-power generating hamsters are cute and fuzzy, but after long hours without adequate breaks, for days on end, of grueling power production (they have no effective union, so their breaks are at the discretion of their taskmasters), their haunches will develop into massive sinewy tissue and soon their temperment will deteriorate into growling, hissing, fits of anguished frustration (afterall, the wheel never actually takes them anywhere).

    In short, you "cuddle them, and you won't play the guitar again." (Faulty Towers - Basil the Rat)

    Now eels on the other hand, are a ready source of power, already involved in the production and distribution of electricity and long for a chance to tie into the grid. One day you will see the light, and the power will be supplied by eels.
  16. Jun 25, 2004 #15
  17. Jun 25, 2004 #16
    I have never heard such a distortion of the facts. Hamsters have been running in wheels of their own volition since the first kind person who thought to give them something to excercize with put one at its disposal. One does not have to prod a hamster to run! They love doing it, and spend hours at it every night in sheer ecstasy! The cruelty would be in trying to stop them from running.
    Eels cannot be picked up and cuddled. They are cold blooded. They are fish. They are very strange fish on top of it. They have ugly faces, even by fish standards.

    All that is moot anyway, since none of the engineering problems in tapping the eels electric power have been solved.

    The facts:

    Eel power is only a dream.

    Hamster power is a reality!
  18. Jun 25, 2004 #17
    Evo, I'm shocked. :eek:

    (Eel Power Rules!)
  19. Jun 25, 2004 #18
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2017
  20. Jun 25, 2004 #19

    Pioneer of Hamster Power a martyr to the cause!

    RIP Skippy
    Address:http://www.fieldlines.com/story/2004/1/21/13619/6305 [Broken]
    Last edited by a moderator: May 1, 2017
  21. Jun 25, 2004 #20
    We at E.E.L., Eel Electric and Lighting, would like to express our condolances and have prepared a statement:

    "While we do not see eye to eye with those of the hamster camp, we at Eel Electric and Lighting (E.E.L.), are heartily saddened by the apparent demise of this our gallant competitor. The electric power generating industry will certainly mourn Skippy's loss."

    We further would like to state that the fact that this statement was prepared several days ago, should in no way implicate us of any wrong doing in the apparent demise (we just like to plan for any eventuallity).

    E.E.L. "The future of power."
    Last edited by a moderator: May 1, 2017
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