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Here are a few jokes

  1. Aug 26, 2006 #1
    LEAVING THE OFFICE
    EARLY

    Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each
    day, they noticed the boss left work early.

    One day the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right
    behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would
    she know they went home
    early??

    The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,
    spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

    The redhead was elated to be able to get in quick workout at the spa before
    meeting dinner date.

    The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when
    she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and
    quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in
    bed with her lady boss!! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her
    house.

    The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to
    leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with
    them. "No way", the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Sarah walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she
    needed some cyanide.
    > > The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
    > > Sarah then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
    > > The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy. I
    can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!
    > > "I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail, and all
    kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any
    cyanide!"
    > > Sarah reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
    husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
    > >
    > >The pharmacist looked a the picture and replied, "Well, now. You
    didn't tell me you had a prescription.
    > >


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    A man boards a Jet Airways airplane Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As
    > >he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the
    > >plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and
    > >behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a
    > >conversation, he asks "Business trip or vacation?"
    > >
    > >She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists
    > >Convention."
    > >
    > >He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting
    > >next to him, and she's a sexologist!
    > >
    > >Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly
    > >asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"
    > >
    > >"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular
    > >myths about sexuality."
    > >
    > >"Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths are those?"
    > >
    > >Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that Negro men are the best
    > >endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that
    > >trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when
    > >actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential
    > >lover in all categories is the Sardarji."
    > >
    > >Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm
    > >sorry,"
    > >she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your
    > >name!"
    > >
    > >"Venkatraman!" the man blurts. "Venkatraman Mukherjee ! .. But my friends
    > >call me Santa Singh !"
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Aug 26, 2006 #2
    Some more.....

    Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?
    Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
    Teacher : Spell it?
    Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

    ============================================================

    Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
    Banta : How do you know??
    Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..

    ============================================================

    Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
    Police : How the theif did not take TV???
    Santa : I was watching TV na....

    ============================================================
    Thought for the Day!!!

    If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?

    Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

    ============================================================
    Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls"

    Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!

    ============================================================
    When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

    Answer : On their Wedding !!
     
  4. Aug 27, 2006 #3

    Ivan Seeking

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    Bush has a new exit strategy for Iraq

    He's going to leave office.
     
  5. Aug 27, 2006 #4
    How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?

    Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.


    How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

    Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.


    The Lion King is hosting an meeting. All the animals attend... except one . Which animal does not attend?

    The giraffe. He's still in the refrigerator.


    How do you cross a river full of snakes without a boat?

    walk (or swim) right through it. All the snakes are at the meeting.
     
  6. Aug 27, 2006 #5
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  7. Aug 29, 2006 #6
    once opon a time , in an MIT there was a tutorial on electrical
    enginiring in tutorial block of how ac and dc machine works.
    */
    tutor: so tell me dc machine kaisa chalti hai?

    /*
    all student amazed, they rub their head hard ,looking here and there ???
    suddenly one student raised his hand , and said loudly......
    */
    student
    :gharrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..r..r.r..r.r,ghharrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..
     
  8. Aug 29, 2006 #7
  9. Aug 29, 2006 #8

    DaveC426913

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    Gold Member

    The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, "Go forth and multiply."

    A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah.
    "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.

    Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?"

    "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, so we need logs to multiply."
     
  10. Aug 29, 2006 #9

    DaveC426913

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    Gold Member

    A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

    They see two people enter the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

    The physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate."

    The biologists: "They have reproduced".

    The mathematician: "Now if exactly one person re-enters the house, it will be empty again."
     
  11. Aug 29, 2006 #10

    DaveC426913

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Approximately ten excuses for not doing homework:


    • I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
    • I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
    • I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
    • I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
    • I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
    • I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
    • I couldn't figure out whether I am the square of negative one or I am the square root of negative one.
    • I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee, and then I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
    • I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
     
  12. Aug 29, 2006 #11

    Clausius2

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    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    I've got one:

    "Two vectors meet each other in the street and one asks to the other:
    -Hey! Do you have a momenta?--

    :rofl:
     
  13. Sep 7, 2006 #12

    Ivan Seeking

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    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    An older person gets a birthday card.

    The front of the card reads "From God".

    Inside we find, "See you soon".
     
  14. Sep 8, 2006 #13
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