How can I attract him?

  • #1

Main Question or Discussion Point

Hi every one,I have a problem and I want you to help me 4 years ago I had a boy friend and I was in a relation ship but he was unfaithful and he broke up with me and he became friend with my friend after that I was very sad I couldn't continue my usual life and I was not successful in all part of my life so now I don't have any self reliance and I'm very sad and on the other hand I feel lonely and I feel that i really want to forget every thing and start a new life there is a boy and he is my social friend but I really like him and I think he likes me too but he doesn't say any thing.how can I attract him? How can I make him ask me to start a relationship with each other?
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
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If you think he likes you, then you can talk to him and see if he says anything. Maybe you could give him some hints about your attraction towards him.
 
  • #3
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Hi every one,I have a problem and I want you to help me 4 years ago I had a boy friend and I was in a relation ship but he was unfaithful and he broke up with me and he became friend with my friend after that I was very sad I couldn't continue my usual life and I was not successful in all part of my life so now I don't have any self reliance and I'm very sad and on the other hand I feel lonely and I feel that i really want to forget every thing and start a new life there is a boy and he is my social friend but I really like him and I think he likes me too but he doesn't say any thing.how can I attract him? How can I make him ask me to start a relationship with each other?
The best way is to ask him out for daytime tea or lunch or whatever is the custom and then see what happens from there. Maybe you have some common interests that can result in going to the library or see a movie or concert. You can sound desperate and you cant push yourself on him. A good relationship has to come naturally and slowly.
 
  • #4
If you think he likes you, then you can talk to him and see if he says anything. Maybe you could give him some hints about your attraction towards him.
You know in our culture it's not very suitable for a girl to tell a boy that she likes him it makes them deny her.i don't know how to give some hints to him.
 
  • #5
The best way is to ask him out for daytime tea or lunch or whatever is the custom and then see what happens from there. Maybe you have some common interests that can result in going to the library or see a movie or concert. You can sound desperate and you cant push yourself on him. A good relationship has to come naturally and slowly.
It's been near 5 months that we are going to movies concerts and other places with each other we go shopping some time he hold my hands but he doesn't say any thing! And I can't understand is he just my close friend or he likes me?
 
  • #6
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You know in our culture it's not very suitable for a girl to tell a boy that she likes him it makes them deny her.i don't know how to give some hints to him.
But she could express an interest to his female cousin or sister or use the mother to mother connection...
 
  • #7
But she could express an interest to his female cousin or sister or use the mother to mother connection...
Sorry, I'm a girl and I'm talking about a boy !
 
  • #8
But she could express an interest to his female cousin or sister or use the mother to mother connection...
Sorry for wrong reply I can't understand the point of your sentences what do you mean bye them?
 
  • #9
Drakkith
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Sorry for wrong reply I can't understand the point of your sentences what do you mean bye them?
I think they mean talk to a female relative of his and tell them you're interested in him and perhaps they can "pass the message along". That way you're not going directly to him. Or they can pressure him to ask you out without directly telling him you're interested, if that's a little more appropriate.
 
  • #10
I think they mean talk to a female relative of his and tell them you're interested in him and perhaps they can "pass the message along". That way you're not going directly to him. Or they can pressure him to ask you out without directly telling him you're interested, if that's a little more appropriate.
Thanks for your explanation.his sister is one of my close friends but as I said before I don't have self reliance and I afraid of tell any thing about him to any one.specially our mutual friends or the member of his family
 
  • #11
Drakkith
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Thanks for your explanation.his sister is one of my close friends but as I said before I don't have self reliance and I afraid of tell any thing about him to any one.specially our mutual friends or the member of his family
Are you willing to risk never being together because both of you are too afraid to make the first move?
 
  • #12
arildno
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Then you must find out, sharzad1984, where he typically goes, and that are suitable for a girl like you to turn up as well.
Basically, if you feel it socially impossible to make the initiative yourself, then must make it easy for him to take the initiative.
 
  • #13
Are you willing to risk never being together because both of you are too afraid to make the first move?
Oh that's the point,I'm not wiling for that actually I afraid of that! But you know I don't want to start it,last not I said to him if you like a girl you should tell her and he said if a gir likes a boy she should tell him..so?
 
  • #14
Then you must find out, sharzad1984, where he typically goes, and that are suitable for a girl like you to turn up as well.
Basically, if you feel it socially impossible to make the initiative yourself, then must make it easy for him to take the initiative.
But how can I do that?
 
  • #15
jtbell
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in our culture [...]
I guess from your username that this is an Islamic culture, correct?

Your problem is surely a common one for women in such cultures, and they have developed strategies for dealing with it. However, I don't think we have many women on PF who have experience with this. Most of the advice you get here will probably be from an "outsider's" point of view.
 
  • #16
I guess from your username that this is an Islamic culture, correct?

Your problem is surely a common one for women in such cultures, and they have developed strategies for dealing with it. However, I don't think we have many women on PF who have experience with this. Most of the advice you get here will probably be from an "outsider's" point of view.
Yeah you're right I'm living in Iran.so you mean because of I'm a person who is dealing with Islamic culture no one from outside can help me??
 
  • #17
Student100
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Yeah you're right I'm living in Iran.so you mean because of I'm a person who is dealing with Islamic culture no one from outside can help me??
It would be hard, because we do it differently in western culture.

The only thing I can think to tell you is to not try so hard, maybe even pretend to lose interest in this boy. That may trigger a response in him to pursue you more vigorously.

That normally works universally.
 
  • #18
It would be hard, because we do it differently in western culture.

The only thing I can think to tell you is to not try so hard, maybe even pretend to lose interest in this boy. That may trigger a response in him to pursue you more vigorously.

That normally works universally.
All right,I have a question.is it suitable for a girl to ask for a relationship in your culture? Don't you think if a girl do this it makes the boy feeling important and selfish so that he starts to deny her instead of being interested in her? I think the mens are mens ! And it's their nature and this is some thing separated from any culture..and thanks for your advice! I guess it will help! :)
 
  • #19
arildno
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"Don't you think if a girl do this it makes the boy feeling important and selfish so that he starts to deny her instead of being interested in her? "

Nope.
Boys are certainly dumb and vain, but they are not duplicitous. That's a girl thing (in MY opinion!). BOys tend to be overjoyed that a girl could possibly take interest in them, and have strong difficulties hiding it (up to a point, that is, don't overdo it).

The important thing for you to remember, particularly within your cultural setting is to ALWAYS care about your own dignity (or what others regard that as), meaning specifically that if the boy is overeager, YOU are the one to keep the strict limits you think is appropriate.

To express, or let him know that you have warm feelings towards him should NOT lead him believe he can take advantage of you, and if he does, tell him straight out you are very disappointed he did not show more respect towards you.
---:
 
  • #20
Drakkith
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All right,I have a question.is it suitable for a girl to ask for a relationship in your culture? Don't you think if a girl do this it makes the boy feeling important and selfish so that he starts to deny her instead of being interested in her? I think the mens are mens ! And it's their nature and this is some thing separated from any culture..and thanks for your advice! I guess it will help! :)
Actually I had a girl ask me out recently.
It was awesome.
 
  • #21
arildno
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Your culture can seem very forbidding and harsh to us, in particular on those matters that matter most for most of us humans (wherever we live!), namely those matters concerned with love and personal relationships.

You need to keep a cool head about this, and how to proceed.
Do you have an older relative you really trust, like a grandmother or uncle?
Or is it some local holy man or imam who you really feel is a good, generous and considerate and discreet person, who might give you some good advice? Especially how to make your interest known, without compromising expectations of propriety on your part?
 
  • #22
"Don't you think if a girl do this it makes the boy feeling important and selfish so that he starts to deny her instead of being interested in her? "

Nope.
Boys are certainly dumb and vain, but they are not duplicitous. That's a girl thing (in MY opinion!). BOys tend to be overjoyed that a girl could possibly take interest in them, and have strong difficulties hiding it (up to a point, that is, don't overdo it).

The important thing for you to remember, particularly within your cultural setting is to ALWAYS care about your own dignity (or what others regard that as), meaning specifically that if the boy is overeager, YOU are the one to keep the strict limits you think is appropriate.

To express, or let him know that you have warm feelings towards him should NOT lead him believe he can take advantage of you, and if he does, tell him straight out you are very disappointed he did not show more respect towards you.
---:
Hmmmmmm,so you think should I tell him directly that I like him or should I show him some thing that makes him understand that I like him? If the answer is yes how? As you said I don't want to overdo it. I'm worried about it too.and the rest of your advices was really helpful and I will use them! Thanks . And I appreciate you didn't dissappointed me because of my culture despite the others!
 
  • #23
arildno
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Hmmmmmm,so you think should I tell him directly that I like him or should I show him some thing that makes him understand that I like him?
Here, I think you first and foremost must judge for yourself!
But, perhaps:
Is it something you know HE is very interested in?
You shouldn't play totally false in pretending you are as interested in the subject (say, he loves to go bird watching, or do calligraphy, or whatever) as he is, but if you really like him, aren't you also, on your own part a bit interested in what he finds interesting in the subject he likes?

Thus, if you could express an interest in something he really likes, perhaps you can get together in a socially acceptable way due to a common interest, and let the relationship develop from there?
 
  • #24
Your culture can seem very forbidding and harsh to us, in particular on those matters that matter most for most of us humans (wherever we live!), namely those matters concerned with love and personal relationships.

You need to keep a cool head about this, and how to proceed.
Do you have an older relative you really trust, like a grandmother or uncle?
Or is it some local holy man or imam who you really feel is a good, generous and considerate and discreet person, who might give you some good advice? Especially how to make your interest known, without compromising expectations of propriety on your part?
"Your culture seem very forbidding and harsh to us" I don't know why is that? Why you think this way? I don't know about other Islamic countries but in Iran nowadays it's not like that....this beliefs is just for our republican and their relatives because of their benefits! And if you heard the news our people hate them . If you visit Iran you will see the boys and girls are having relationship with each other they start it usually from high school in most cases their families know about it and even in higher levels they go to each other's house.the problem is because of we are living under the Islamic republic we are having a paradoxes for example high school's student have boy friend or girl friend but if they talk about it in school they will be fire ! They don't teach us any thing about these thing we just study physics and formulas in our school that's the reason why I come here and ask you how can I attract him??? And the answer to your question is yes and all of my family know him my sister is friend with him but I don't talk a lot about him they know that I like him but in home I deny it and I say we are just friends! I don't think our holy man or imam want to hear about these things at all ! But maybe a psychologist can help.
 
  • #25
Here, I think you first and foremost must judge for yourself!
But, perhaps:
Is it something you know HE is very interested in?
You shouldn't play totally false in pretending you are as interested in the subject (say, he loves to go bird watching, or do calligraphy, or whatever) as he is, but if you really like him, aren't you also, on your own part a bit interested in what he finds interesting in the subject he likes?

Thus, if you could express an interest in something he really likes, perhaps you can get together in a socially acceptable way due to a common interest, and let the relationship develop from there?
Why should I judge myself??
Yeaaaaaah we become friends because of our interest. Both of are astronomer he has studied physics and I'm studying physics both of us are interested in classical music and we go to concerts,we go to scientific clubs.we talk about our interest for hours, but I haven't seen any effect of them for our relation ship!
You know I was thinking maybe it's not good that both of us are scientific persons maybe he need a girl who make up for him who change the color of the heirs every month and you know I'm not like that! Some times I doubt that I'm a girl and maybe that's the point.
 

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