How can I attract him?

  • #71
arildno
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Another thing:
You seem to be really worried about him being not more direct in his words towards you.
It might well be shyness on his part, but if you think about it:
If he really respects and loves you, and is on his own part quite certain you reciprocate HIS feelings, he might still hold back precisely because he respects you.
He might feel that it wouldn't be right to progress further until YOU are sufficiently comfortable around him to express that you like his signs of affections he is giving you.
He might regard you as yet hesitant, not quite yet decided in your feelings, and he is basically waiting for YOU to come around.

Isn't that type of respect for YOUR feelings what you would like a boyfriend to have?
That he doesn't take any liberties, but feels as deeply as you do, that MUTUAL respect, trust and affection should be the basic "language" in the relationship?
And therefore, if one of the partners is lagging behind a bit in, say, trust, then the other has no problems about waiting, and being patient?
 
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  • #72
shahrzad1994
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Well, since he already wants to be close with you, and shows his affections in a gentle, respectful way like this, I don't think it will be the last time such a moment presents itself (perhaps you could "engineer" it, like suggesting you two take a walk or something? Is it, perhaps, a nice spot by the river you like to sit by in the evening?)
Next time, say,if he is stroking your hair, just tell him you like him doing so.
So, honesty from your part is in order here!
But, you should also clarify your own feelings as to what you think is appropriate behaviour between you at this initial stage.
And, nobody can really help you with that, only yourself know whether, say, a kiss is a bit too intimate to begin with. After all, natural behaviour in a relationship is as much about the level of trust and understanding between the two of you, not just the type of physical acts by which you show each other affections.

So:
Know your own limits, what you are comfortable with, and what you'd rather wait with until your relationship matures, and be prepared to tell him you are not quite there yet.

Well actually we spend at least five days a week together,and most of the time we go to a place which is near the mountain and you can see the whole city from there,we talk about every thing, we listen to music we drink some coffee and I guess on those time both of us have the chances to say any thing or having some physical acts,but most of the time we discuss scientific issues!
O,o it's very hard for me to tell such these things to him...although I have many sentences that I want to tell him in my mind,but I feel shy! It's very bad it seem I have problem with having part in these section!
In all aspects I trust him a lot,I went to their home for many times but he was just like the times that we are out of the house,he just showed me his books and his pictures!
But I guess if I want to be with him first of all I should change myself
 
  • #73
arildno
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But I guess if I want to be with him first of all I should change myself
You are too self-critical here, as if you aren't really worthy of him before you undergo some sort of personality change.
don't you think it is actually up to him to decide that YOU are the girl he loves?

True, I think you DO need to change a bit:
You need to grow a little bit more courage and self-confidence, but you are as worthy of him now as you will ever be.

And, most importantly:
Tell your friend how you like being with him.

That should be your first act of newfound courage, in a setting you find comfortable.

Remember:
To him, you are ALREADY worth everything in the world!
:smile:
 
  • #74
shahrzad1994
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Another thing:
You seem to be really worried about him being not more direct in his words towards you.
It might well be shyness on his part, but if you think about it:
If he really respects and loves you, and is on his own part quite certain you reciprocate HIS feelings, he might still hold back precisely because he respects you.
He might feel that it wouldn't be right to progress further until YOU are sufficiently comfortable around him to express that you like his signs of affections he is giving you.
He might regard you as yet hesitant, not quite yet decided in your feelings, and he is basically waiting for YOU to come around.

Isn't that type of respect for YOUR feelings what you would like a boyfriend to have?
That he doesn't take any liberties, but feels as deeply as you do, that MUTUAL respect, trust and affection should be the basic "language" in the relationship?
And therefore, if one of the partners is lagging behind a bit in, say, trust, then the other has no problems about waiting, and being patient?

Hmmmmm,I think that's one of the important things that I'vent think about it yet...but there is a problem,I guess all over the world girls like to hear that some one loves them instead of feeling that with some physical act,and if it's in a way that you are explaining for me it's his mistake not mine,cause he should have known my personality yet and he should hav understand that at this level it's hard for me to answer his physical acts with physical acts to show my interest! Instead if on time only one time he speaks to me clear and say for example I'm interested in you then I will answer him clearly I will accept him and I can tell my feelings too,if he had chosen this way for starting our relation ship it's not a good way!
 
  • #75
shahrzad1994
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You are too self-critical here, as if you aren't really worthy of him before you undergo some sort of personality change.
don't you think it is actually up to him to decide that YOU are the girl he loves?

True, I think you DO need to change a bit:
You need to grow a little bit more courage and self-confidence, but you are as worthy of him now as you will ever be.

And, most importantly:
Tell your friend how you like being with him.

That should be your first act of newfound courage, in a setting you find comfortable.

Remember:
To him, you are ALREADY worth everything in the world!
:smile:

:) :) I've told you at first that I don't have any self-reliance and I mentioned the reason!
I wish him to be like that!
Well,I think after discussing my problem with you and others and think about every thing now it's time for me to have the first steps and first of all I should change a little! :)
And after that I feel I have enough courage I will tell our mutual friends some thing about him,and I'll try to answer his physical acts by some limited physical acts! :)
 
  • #76
arildno
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..and I'll try to answer his physical acts by some limited physical acts! :)
I'm sure that if you reciprocate with the glad, happy smile you so far have suppressed from showing him when he is physical, he will get that hint that you really like him. And, he will radiate from that smile of yours!
:smile:
 
  • #77
shahrzad1994
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I'm sure that if you reciprocate with the glad, happy smile you so far have suppressed from showing him when he is physical, he will get that hint that you really like him. And, he will radiate from that smile of yours!
:smile:

:)
I think I'm going to see him tomorrow night,let's see what will happen!
I'm excited as like as a child who is going to experience new things!
 
  • #78
arildno
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:)
I think I'm going to see him tomorrow night,let's see what will happen!
I'm excited as like as a child who is going to experience new things!
All the best to you both!
:smile:
 
  • #79
shahrzad1994
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All the best to you both!
:smile:

Thank you very very very much,you know I don't know who are you ( I guess I found you on fb and I've sent a friend request for you! ) but It was interesting for me to get help,hearing advices,solving my problems with a person far from my country and I saw that you solve problems mentally and you don't decide by feelings,and if you are in relation ship I think she should be a lucky girl for having you! :) :)
 
  • #80
arildno
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Thank you very very very much,you know I don't know who are you ( I guess I found you on fb and I've sent a friend request for you! ) but It was interesting for me to get help,hearing advices,solving my problems with a person far from my country and I saw that you solve problems mentally and you don't decide by feelings,and if you are in relation ship I think she should be a lucky girl for having you! :) :)

I am not on Facebook (it is a time stealer, I think. My name is not that uncommon, so it wouldn't be too odd if you have found another person with the same name).
But it has also been very rewarding to me to be attentive to what you have said, and tried my best to give you good advice.

As I've said many times, from what you have told, I cannot understand it any differently than that your friend is deeply in love with you already.

Perhaps it was just that outsider perspective I could offer on your situation you really needed in order to clarify matters for you?

The best of luck and happiness to you both!
:smile:
 
  • #81
shahrzad1994
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I am not on Facebook (it is a time stealer, I think. My name is not that uncommon, so it wouldn't be too odd if you have found another person with the same name).
But it has also been very rewarding to me to be attentive to what you have said, and tried my best to give you good advice.

As I've said many times, from what you have told, I cannot understand it any differently than that your friend is deeply in love with you already.

Perhaps it was just that outsider perspective I could offer on your situation you really needed in order to clarify matters for you?

The best of luck and happiness to you both!
:smile:

Oh,really? You know why I thought that he should be you? Because there was only one person with your name there and also he was living in Norway too! :D
I think you did your best and I appreciate that..
It was worthy to me and I think we made the best desicion,it will ansewr,I hope!
Best wishes for you!
:)
 
  • #82
arildno
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It is a dozen or so totally unrelated persons in my country with my exact name, so it is HIGHLY probable at least one of them uses that name on Facebook.

Best wishes! :smile:
 
  • #83
shahrzad1994
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It is a dozen or so totally unrelated persons in my country with my exact name, so it is HIGHLY probable at least one of them uses that name on Facebook.

Best wishes! :smile:

Oh,you're right and it was clear !
You know it's just the result of lack of sleep! ;)
I guess my Brian has stopped working!
 
  • #84
arildno
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:smile:
 
  • #85
Lisa!
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Yeah you're right I'm living in Iran.so you mean because of I'm a person who is dealing with Islamic culture no one from outside can help me??

I also live in Iran and I know women who've made the first move.I mean it wasn't very common in the past for women but things have changed a lot especially in big cities. Of course I don't suggest you to do that since I guess you are very young and maybe if he'd reject you or the relationship wouldn't work well it might have a very bad effect on you.
BTW, I also don't think that people around here could be much of help since they almost know nothing about our country and culture but I recommend you to post your problem here :
http://doctorshiri.com/fa/topics/blog/همه-مطالب-وبلاگ/
 
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