How can I sell myself better, be more attractive, keep a conversation interesting?

  • Thread starter powerflow
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  • #26


I'm not too old (24y) and thus don't have lots of experience(2 long term relationships, one still going). But if I gave advice, it'd be something like this:

First, try to identify what kind of girl you would like to have beside you with as much accuracy as possible. For example, my prerequisites for any girl:

1)take care of themselves physically (have some exercise during the week, eat well, sleep well, etc)

2)take care of themselves mentally (allow themselves free time each week to hang with friends, or watch an interesting documentary or read a book)

3)are intelligent. Actually I would prefer her to be a bit more intelligent than me, it'd give me something to learn.

These are the characteristics that I find essential to her. It will make me like her or make her a friend of mine, but not fall in love with her. To that:

1) She has an open mind. I don't care about her dogmas or disorders or anything (unless they somehow affect me) but I ABSOLUTELY INSIST that she is willing to discuss everything. If this is not the case, I could never maintain a relationship with her. One reason I like long term relationships is that I learn everything I can about the person. It makes me better too. If she is not willing to let me know her, then I lose this.

2) She leaves me alone when I ask her. Of course I too have no problem to discuss anything, but there may be not enough time! I WILL continue any conversation she asks me but there may be more pressing matters at the moment (like homework). I want her to understand that.

After that, I consider some things as a bonus like:

1) She likes to achieve. I like that too and that makes us understand each other.
2) She studies the same things. In this I am lucky, my girlfriend and I are in the same undergrad. We can NEVER find moments when there is nothing to discuss. On the other hand someone might find it a disadvantage that we mix work with a relationship, and sometimes it is.

Well there you are. Have your own list of things you look for! After that it's pretty easy, all you have to do is to develop strategies to attract that kind of girl. That comes only with experience, but not too much. Don't feel bad if you fail sometimes, just live and learn! Don't get attached too soon or you might get hurt. Also know that what you look for in a mate changes with time.

For example such a girl as I have described above certainly likes an intelligent conversation. Try reading philosophy and bringing it in a conversation. Don't go too far since some people might freak out if you go on them like "there is no god" or "the world might be a dream". People don't like it when you doubt their most basic believes, especially if they don't know you well enough. If you study the same things, this should be much easier. Also this gives you an incentive to be a good student, if you can outsmart her in certain subjects, she will certainly be interested! But don't belittle her.

Anyway I have been writing for too long, but I think I gave an idea of what I mean!
 
  • #27


constantinos i totally agree with you
 
  • #28
Lichdar


Concerning women, I definitely have to go with Lichdar and kramer. According to my experience, being the nice guy is the easiest and most surefire way to avoiding romantic relationships. I have been a master practicioner of the nice guy way for years and now want to break out.
The thing is, ironically, I don't disagree with turbo-1 once he demonstrated his example. I don't believe his definition of a 'nice guy' is the same of ours; he definitely displays how to be assertive, shows a great deal of comfort and probably wouldn't go too out of his way to be nice.

The problem is that a lot of guys, and possibly yourself(as was myself) conflated 'nice' with 'doormat'. Its certainly more than acceptable to be nice, and I think that I'm a pretty good guy; being a doormat and passive is just going to get yourself stepped on, though.

Constantinos said:
etc
Some of your positions seem self-contradictory - you allow for disorders, but insist on them "taking care of themselves" mentally and physically. The reason why such disorders are persistent usually lies in some lack of care in themselves.

But I like the idea of having a goal and working to achieve it, definitely, allowing for the fact that love is often not predictable.
 
  • #29
119
2


The problem is that a lot of guys conflated 'nice' with 'doormat'. Its certainly more than acceptable to be nice, and I think that I'm a pretty good guy; being a doormat and passive is just going to get yourself stepped on, though.
Yeah I agree. I think girls generally dislike doormats! We want confidence, not arrogance. Nice, but still able to take control! Its just more attractive...
being a doormat might get you stepped on, but it just isnt gonna get you a confident girl. it might get you a controlling one.
 

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