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How do you deal with people?

  1. Jul 22, 2011 #1
    I still feel shy in front of people. I feel odd saying this because I always associated shyness with children. Whenever talk to new people iI start to sweet and I sound different and I say things I would never say in my head. This has caused me problems at my new job in a store where I am interacting with customers and people.

    Of course, I'm more relaxed when I'm with the people I really know. Although this group is small and consists of my family. Sometimes I get shy in front of them. I think that because I'm shy I say stupid things which in turn effects my confidence when speaking to people. I just hate dealing with people. What shall I do?
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Jul 22, 2011 #2
    I would try looking into Cognitive Therapy. A guy named David Burns has a book titled "Feeling Good" which is the easiest read on the subject. It is mainly aimed at depression but all of it would apply to extreme shyness as well.
     
  4. Jul 22, 2011 #3
    I used to be very shy. The "cure" for my shyness, so to speak, was my first job... as a cashier at a hardware/grocery store. I discovered quickly that I could either quietly scan away, or talk to the customers about what they were buying. I decided to do the latter.

    Examples: If corn was on sale that week, I'd talk about getting a 3-year old neighbor into thinking chucking corn was fun (so I didn't have to do it). If strawberries were on sale, I'd talk about how we used to pick them at a place where they would weigh you + the bucket when you came in and left. If someone was buying some odd-looking piece of hardware, I'd ask what it was. If someone was buying a huge brown bag of wood-screws, I'd ask what they were building.

    Some people really liked this. (I also wore some tan suspenders that I'd embroidered with white flowers that many of the old guys, or their wives, liked.) Others probably didn't, and tried to avoid my line. I had at least one person come through twice on the week strawberries were on sale and say they already heard that story and to give them a new one. But I do know that at least one contractor came through on my last day (before I returned back to college) with a handful of screws just to say goodbye.

    Now I teach up to 200+ student classes, and only sometimes get a few jitters on the first day, mainly because for those classes, the lecture hall is so HUGE and full. Then I just dive in and do it.

    Be glad your present job is giving you the chance to perhaps build this skill... and after a little time, you perhaps won't sweat it anymore.

    Also remember, shyness itself "bad," some people are perhaps too loud, obnoxious, and intrusive to others. Take heart also that some useful and fulfilling jobs don't involve interaction with others so much... Just don't let it impair you now (and the bosses haven't fired you or warned you yet, have they?).
     
  5. Jul 22, 2011 #4
    Please realize that when you meet someone, the other person is just as shy as you and as scared of making an idiot out of themselves. Some people cover over their shyness by being the loud, pushy, obnoxious but that might not be the way to go. Others who are born that way, in which case do you really care what they think since they have an ingrained fatal flaw way more serious than shyness and will be that way all their life. If you know how to be polite, how to say please and thankyou, then you are just fine, as these are quallities I find enduring.
     
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