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How do you read the flirting traffic signals women send men?

  1. Sep 30, 2009 #1
    How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    Have you noticed that when you're around someone you feel attracted to, you feel different on the inside than you do when you're around someone you aren't attracted to? Well, apparently we send off subtle body language signals when we feel certain ways around people. How would you feel if you could learn the art of reading whether members of the opposite sex are attracted to you, just like Isaac Newton systemized physical laws in physics? That would be sweet!

    So check this out, I found out about an interesting scientific journal peer-review study (reference 1 at the bottom) where they had hidden cameras in the ceiling of a large singles event with about 200 men and 200 women. They filmed the entire party, including who approached whom, who danced with whom, and who left with whom. Then the researchers rewound the tape and analyzed. They found most of the time when a guy came over to talk to a girl, she had subliminally "lured" him over with one "subtle signal" or another. I would like to get the the actual study; it sounds interesting. It could be useful knowledge. I've heard that other researchers have come to similar conclusions where they found most of the time when a man asks a woman on a date, the woman had already sent off certain types of body language signals beforehand (personally reminds me of the morse code). Most of the time when a man gets rejected by a woman, the woman didn't actually send him these body language signals. Although men do the asking, there is supposed to be a type of flirting traffic signal system going on: 1. Women select a potential; 2. The woman gives the man a green light (regardless of whether she is consciously or subconsciously aware); 3. The man has to take action or else she'll send signals to someone else; 4. If a woman is not interested she will give a red light.

    For example, I was reading there's supposed to be signals such as smiling, looking back a second time after making eye contact, palms facing toward the guy, leaning in toward the guy, personal distance zone and how it changes, brushing her hair back while talking. She may possibly run a finger around a glass, play with something in her mouth when listening, let a shoe dangle on her toes, loosen her clothing. These things aren't supposed to be likely when she's around a guy she's not interested in, which makes sense. I read that apparently this is only the tip of the iceberg in the morse code signals women send. Just like you may pull apart legos to learn the rules that form a system, I wonder if one could learn to systemize all of this Sir Isaac Newton style?

    So a question I have for the women, what advice would you give men in going about deciphering the body language "morse code" signals women send out? How do you read the flirting traffic signals, to tell the difference between "green light" versus other signals? I know women say they feel disappointed when men they like won't ask them out, while at the same time they hate it when men they're not interested in ask them out missing "obvious hints". If men get to know this flirting traffic code book, then I'd think that's good for the women. What hints do you personally use, or are aware of, or even notice that other women use on men?



    1. Moore, M.M. (1985) "Nonverbal Courtship Patterns in Women: Context and Consequences." Ethology and Sociobiology, 6:237-247.

    Another reference that I would be interested in reading the original:

    2. Grammer, K., Kruck, K., Juette, A. & Fink, B. (2000) Non-verbal behaviour as courtship signals: the role of control and choice in selecting partners. Evolution and Human Behaviour, 21, 371-390.

    Reference that many women flirting signals are universal across the world, even if with different variations:

    3. Cook, Mark and Robert McHenry, 1978. Sexual Attraction. New York Pergamon Press
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2009
  2. jcsd
  3. Sep 30, 2009 #2
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    I've heard this one before, but I can't picture it. What stance would you ever be in where your palms are facing somebody?
    I guess if she does that mime trapped in a box thing, then I could see it.

    I think it's silly having "signals". Why are we trying to decipher this code, like some ancient language, when we're all humans and we can communicate with a language we all speak?
    If you like somebody, tell them you like them. It doesn't have to be that straightforward, but straightforward enough that anyone would understand.
    It makes no sense to pass up on guys you like, going from guy to guy until you find one who can crack the code.

    But since some women will always be like that, regardless of what I have to say, I agree that it would be cool if the Isaac Newton of dating would emerge and show us the way.
     
  4. Sep 30, 2009 #3
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?




    That's what I thought too. I think finding a book with actual pictures of what's going on, then do it yourself exercises where you observe the scientific research in the real world, could be helpful.

    Something to consider, I read:

    "When a man and a woman meet for the first time, both are in a difficult, ambiguous and potentially risky situation. Neither person knows what the other's intentions and feelings are. Because stating intentions and feelings verbally involves a high risk of embarrassment or possible rejection, non-verbal behaviour becomes the main channel of communication. Unlike the spoken word, body language can signal invitation, acceptance or refusal without being too obvious, without causing offence or making binding commitments."

    When you think about it, people don't typically just walk up to random people on the streets. If what I read is true, reading body language and testing the waters verbally in indirect ways may be more safe and less likely to explode into hard rejection.

    Also something I found interesting, surveys find that men think of women who do the actual verbal date asking to be more sexually available. Women may avoid that and just send the signals to avoid those impressions.

    So as a guy, that's why I'm interested in reading them. I'm terrible at reading people.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2009
  5. Sep 30, 2009 #4

    lisab

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    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    Have to agree about the palm thing....made me think of something like this:

    2z99t9s.jpg
     
  6. Sep 30, 2009 #5
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    Body language has been around since before a spoken language. For the most part it is done subconsciously. There are plenty of web sites that describe human body language.
     
  7. Sep 30, 2009 #6
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    And a right to the jaw by the champ. :smile:
     
  8. Sep 30, 2009 #7
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    I personally try not to solely dissect body language, because that can sometimes end badly.

    *Bad memories*

    However it does play a huge role and for the most part is pretty accurate. As for that funny feeling inside, well we all know what that is like. It's like a strange combination of fear and excitement.

    :uhh:

    I actually find it kind of neat watching how these shifts happen in people. It's actually kind of funny observing the sudden differences in behaviour.

    It's all part of this fun little mechanism that nature set up to trick us into reproducing. We see someone we like, we try to get their attention.
     
  9. Oct 14, 2009 #8
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    Ha ha! That was funny. :rofl: Actually I just found out one thing they're referring to. While sitting and listening to a man, a woman may rest her chin/jaw on her knuckles. Visualizing it or trying it yourself, if she faces her palm toward the man while resting on her knuckles, that's more of a sign that she's attracted. If she has her palm facing toward herself and away from the man, she's supposed to be neutral. If she makes a fist, then that's supposed to be not so good feelings. And of course it said you don't look for one signal, but rather that body language works by observing multiple signals/patterns.
     
  10. Oct 14, 2009 #9
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    Here are some body language signals I read about that women send subconsciously when feeling attracted to a man:

    She may perk up/sit up straight when the man walks into the room, perhaps all of a sudden shoulders back and chest out. Or in some situations she may try an attractive pose. If two women are talking to each other and young, they may peek at the man and giggle or might even cuddle with each other and point. Older women may whisper to each other in a more sophisticated way.

    A woman feeling attracted may look "down and away" and then within the next minute look back at the man, as opposed to looking to the side or up and away. She may peek at the man over a book or something else she's looking at. She may give him repeated sidelong glances.

    When she notices the man, she may adjust her clothing or remove some like she thinks its warm in the room. She may let a shoe dangle on her foot or toes, which apparently isn't supposed to be as likely around a man she doesn't care about. She may try to subtly show off with her legs, perhaps pull her skirt up to show more leg or some other way to draw attention with them. She may raise her arm, putting her hand behind her head, and flash her underarm.

    http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs001.snc1/4143_91946035368_19614945368_1840717_5543840_n.jpg [Broken]

    However usually with just one arm.

    We all have personal space zones, and she may stand or sit closer than one normally would. Or if not her body, she may do it with a limb or object she's using. She may try to innocently touch the man, maybe the hand or arm. Or if she can't do that she may try to lean toward him and into his personal space.

    She may tug or play with the jewelry she's wearing. She may rest her head on her knuckles with her palm facing toward the man rather than toward herself. She may try to expose her neck, or pull her hair aside in the process. She may primp in front of the guy. She may use a hand to caress herself while the guy's watching. She may play with her hair.

    If she's hanging out with the man, she may act goofy. She may also do a shoulder scrunch, acting like a little girl. She may try copying the man's body movements; when he moves to drink with one hand, she may try to mirror.

    If she's really into the man, she may lick her lips. She may use her finger to pet the rim of a bowl or the stem of a glass. While listening, she may stick a swizzle stick, spoon, etc in her mouth, or maybe a finger.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2017
  11. Oct 14, 2009 #10
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    What does it mean if she disrobes and does jumping jacks?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2017
  12. Oct 14, 2009 #11
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    LOL, I would guess that means you're already married or in some type of relationship :smile: That would be funny. The body language signals above are just what I've heard is some of the research done. Being a guy, I know that guys do the perk up/sit up straight thing too just like it was saying about women sometimes doing it. Then there's the lip lick, and I know some guys will do it occasionally and very briefly, when around really good looking women.
     
  13. Oct 14, 2009 #12
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    Realize that some people also know how to lie with body language. (Ever heard of a "false tell" in poker?)
     
  14. Oct 14, 2009 #13
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    You're not suggesting that a woman likes to dangle a shoe on her foot or toes, or lick her lips, when she sees a guy she thinks is a pig? :confused: I guess I could understand if it's a psychopath trying rip people off for their money, but in almost all normal situations :confused:

    People can lie with anything, but most can lie verbally a lot easier than multiple channels of body language.

    And how do we explain the Scientific Method about women sending out non-verbal signals the majority of the time a man asks a woman on a date?
     
  15. Oct 14, 2009 #14
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    Real life example: A girl was trying to get a job that I was in a position to give her. She was working one day as a sort of try-out. At one point before she was going to leave, she asks "So you'll call me about the job right?" and flips her hair then touches my wrist. She was younger, and it was sort of obvious that in this context it was not a subconscious "I think you're attractive" but moreso an "I want you to believe that I think you're attractive because I want this job." As I recall there was an eye lash batting in ther somewhere too. It was sort of amusing because it was very unsubtle body language, and also pretty phony seeming.
     
  16. Oct 14, 2009 #15
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    Again with the palm.

    On second thought, I do sometimes stand in my Jesus pose.
    clouds-jesus.jpg
     
  17. Oct 14, 2009 #16
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    I for one can't get enough of those pits. Guys, who's with me? :biggrin:

    (P.S lisab, I loved teh kitty pic)
     
  18. Oct 14, 2009 #17
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2017
  19. Oct 14, 2009 #18

    Born2bwire

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    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    Incorrectly.
     
  20. Oct 14, 2009 #19
    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    That is one of the best lines ever.
     
  21. Oct 14, 2009 #20

    BobG

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    Re: How do you "read" the flirting traffic signals women send men?

    My first guess would be that you have to look at them, but after the last thread we had about that, I'm not so sure anymore.

    I am looking forward to seeing that xkcd cartoon about 5 or 6 more times, though.
     
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