Dismiss Notice
Join Physics Forums Today!
The friendliest, high quality science and math community on the planet! Everyone who loves science is here!

How long did it take to move on

  1. Sep 16, 2010 #1

    cronxeh

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    How long did it take you to get over someone? Was it a crush/infatuation/etc? What was the longest, how did it proceed and how did you finally get them out of your head?
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Sep 16, 2010 #2

    lisab

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    My worst heartbreak...it took a long time to really get over. Maybe a couple years. I did try to move on during that time, though. Dated guys here and there, but it was really tough.

    I think it was made worse by how he broke up with me. Just took longer and longer and longer to return my calls, until finally....nothing.

    Eventually time did it, I guess.
     
  4. Sep 17, 2010 #3
    Yeah it tooke me a while to get over a serious relationship. over a year I'd say. Its really not an easy thing to do. Time helps, keeping busy helps, and I just listed all the reasons why we broke up and kept thinking about them... then eventually it all sinks in and you realise you are better off without that person in your life.
     
  5. Sep 17, 2010 #4

    Dembadon

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    I dated a girl for 3 years; the last two years of high school, and the first year of "independence." It was the first relationship I'd ever been in. About 6 months after graduating high school, our desires for the future had changed significantly, and it caused daily struggles between us. We eventually decided that we should "take a break" for awhile.

    About a month or so into our break, I started to feel incredibly lonely, and I asked her where she was at in the whole thing. She was happily moving forward in a relationship with someone she'd met at school and was no longer interested in anything regarding us as a couple.

    I had made being in a relationship with her a big part of my identity, and it gave me an artificial sense of wholeness as a person. I would say that learning more about who I was as an individual and what I wanted to do with my future was the biggest help in my finding reconciliation for our failed relationship. Of course, it isn't really possible to just ignore the pain of rejection, but just know that the issue is usually bigger than that. Make new friends, and lean on current ones, who are mature and share your interests. This will help get your mind and emotions back on track. For me, I'd say it took about a year before I felt mentally and emotionally secure about the whole thing.
     
  6. Sep 17, 2010 #5
    I'm still not over you. :cry: Twas love at first sight.
     
  7. Sep 18, 2010 #6

    drizzle

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Not to worry! After a while you’ll come across this very thread and go like:

    WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!

    :biggrin:
     
  8. Sep 18, 2010 #7

    cronxeh

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Ill be too old to remember what I was thinking
     
  9. Sep 18, 2010 #8

    drizzle

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Are you even thinking! Hehe, no offence but anyway, you've just done the first step to get over it!

    Btw, that wasn't directed to you! But you too have the same problem, so sure it'll help :biggrin:
     
  10. Sep 19, 2010 #9

    cronxeh

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    I've tried a lot of things.. it seems my holographic brain has allocated its own separate neuronet that is hacking away at the rest of my sanity. I don't know what else is there. Its just stupefying and annoying and humiliating and enraging.
     
  11. Sep 19, 2010 #10

    Borg

    User Avatar
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member
    2017 Award

    Sometimes no amount o'scrapin' will remove some barnacles from yer hull. Of course ye could look at it this way.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mdnli52kKOE
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2010
  12. Sep 22, 2010 #11
    There is a small chance that you could totally forget about someone you were utterly in love with at some point in your life. If you don't totally forget, and the memory remains, at what point do you cease to feel the memory of love along with the memory of events? Personally, I would say you can always remember how much you loved someone, even many relationships further - but does that mean you still love them? Not necessarily. So getting over someone is just a question of giving yourself the license to love someone new. If you have no issues with serial monogamy, this shouldn't be a problem. If you believe there is something bad about moving from one relationship to the next, you might avoid seeking a new love to replace the old one.

    Now, here's the big question imo: Is there a culture of coercion when it comes to letting go of past relationships and cultivating new ones to replace them? Or are people really given the same respect if they choose not to let go of a past relationship? It seems like people used to have one relationship in life and if it failed, they spent the rest of their lives mourning the loss. Now it seems like this is considered too much of a guilt-trip or an annoyance for the person leaving - so you have to move on or be pathologized for not moving on.
     
  13. Sep 22, 2010 #12

    Pengwuino

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    I still remember ol whats her name, whoever she was.

    Think it started with an A..... or a 5.

    Point is, this threads awful.
     
  14. Sep 23, 2010 #13

    cronxeh

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Are you familiar with a sound a chainsaw makes as it cuts a penguin into tiny little penguin cubes? :biggrin:
     
  15. Sep 23, 2010 #14

    drizzle

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    I don't think he is. But he's surelly familiar with the sound of a roasted penguin being fried! I just wonder how many times has he gone through that process... :biggrin:
     
  16. Oct 5, 2010 #15
    It took me over a month to stop thinking about her daily and probably a full year to just not care anymore. Trick is to cut off all contact, have your friends stop bringing up his/her name, pick up a hobby or do something new that you find interesting and just continue on with life. Eventually you'll just move on.

    If he/she calls you to just be friends. NO! I'd say ignore the call all together but if you think you're being an ******* by not picking up, if you insist, go ahead. Not until you are completely over him/her.
     
  17. Oct 6, 2010 #16

    The worst psychological stresses take a couple of years to "heal". Take comfort in knowing that after you hit rock bottom, chances are you'll fell better with every day which passes :P

    And may I suggest some other hobbies than cutting penguins with chainsaws ? Try a gym for a change, your body will thank you .
     
  18. Oct 6, 2010 #17
    Another cool thing I forgot was that when I hit rock bottom I learned a lot about myself, what kind of person I want to be and so forth. That was just me though. Take notes
     
  19. Oct 6, 2010 #18
    any good advice on what to do after a break up? to keep sane and not get depressed?
     
  20. Oct 6, 2010 #19
    Don't neglect your friends when you're in a relationship, so they'll still be there after the relationship is over.
     
  21. Oct 6, 2010 #20

    cronxeh

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Embrace the dark side. Wine is good for the soul. Drown a little, breathe a little, drown some more, and then date again.
     
Share this great discussion with others via Reddit, Google+, Twitter, or Facebook