Dealing with Rejection: Tips and Strategies for Overcoming Setbacks

[Vahsek]

Hi all, it's been a long time since I last posted on PF. I think I need some help regarding the following. Thanks in advance for the input. (I hope I'm not being awkward...)

Well, I've heard a lot about the general pieces of advice about how to approach girls/women: be confident, be polite , don't be creepy etc. But, I just realized that I don't really know how to deal with rejection effectively.

For instance, when I was about 14 and I asked a girl I knew for her number, she kinda said no. So, I guess I simply awkwardly walked away. And she told her friends about it and they laughed and all that and it really hurt me.

So, I was wondering what would be a nice way to "walk away" once you get a "no"? Like, what would be the best thing to say (if any) and how to deal with it?

Everything I can come up with seems lame:
1. "Oh okay, have a nice day." (Too dry/weird)
2. "Alright. Sorry for having bothered you." (I would facepalm myself to death if I ever said that)
3. Simply walk away. (Really...??)

By now, you must have a good idea to what I'm getting at right now. I'd greatly appreciate your help.

 

[jim hardy]

How about

"Well then, I thank you for that pretty smile,"
and smile as you turn to leave.

Always be kind.

 

[dipole]

Depends what you're being rejected from. If it's just a phone number, you could just say something along the lines of "Aw that's too bad, well here's mine in case you change your mind."

Girls can be fickle, and persistence can go a long way.

 

[Vahsek]

How about

"Well then, I thank you for that pretty smile,"
and smile as you turn to leave.

Always be kind.

Nice. I wonder why I've never thought about that one. It does sound a little cheesy though. And what if she didn't smile?

 

[Vahsek]

Depends what you're being rejected from. If it's just a phone number, you could just say something along the lines of "Aw that's too bad, well here's mine in case you change your mind."

Girls can be fickle, and persistence can go a long way.

Yes sometimes this is really the case. For instance, the girl in my opening post later got my number from one of her friends...

 

[epenguin]

FWIMBW

Song: Why so pale and wan fond lover?
BY SIR JOHN SUCKLING
Why so pale and wan fond lover?
Prithee why so pale?
Will, when looking well can’t move her,
Looking ill prevail?
Prithee why so pale?

Why so dull and mute young sinner?
Prithee why so mute?
Will, when speaking well can’t win her,
Saying nothing do’t?
Prithee why so mute?

Quit, quit for shame, this will not move,
This cannot take her;
If of herself she will not love,
Nothing can make her;
The devil take her.

 

[Vahsek]

Thank you all for your inputs. I guess I'll have to be a little more creative. :)

 

[Ryan_m_b]

I think dealing with rejection, of multiple kinds, is less of how you specifically act and more how you perceive yourself and the situation. It's a bit like meeting someone and wanting to flirt with them, you could memorise all sorts of "chat-up lines" but that's not going to get you anywhere versus feeling happy, confident and not that bothered about the outcome. Same with dealing with someone turning you down, you could memorise all sorts of witty comebacks or things to say but at the end of the day you just need to think about it in terms of it being no big deal.

I've found that over the last three or four years (I'm in my mid-twenties now) I've had a lot more fun dating than before, mostly because my attitude towards it is much more casual. If I met a girl I liked I'd just chat and enjoy the evening, I might have it in my head that perhaps I'll ask for her number but then again we might just finish our drinks and never see each other again. Doesn't really matter, either way the night is a fun one. Conversely when I was younger, late teens, I used to fret and worry about where everything was going, agonise over whether saying or doing certain things might ruin things. That's a rather pointless and unhelpful train of thought to have.

I'm not sure how useful any of that is as advice but it's the best I can think of.

 

[Choppy]

Response depends on context.

Under most circumstances it can seem a little creepy and forward to ask someone for their phone number if it's the first time you've met or spoken with each other - and particularly if it's been a brief conversation. If you've been talking for an hour or so and she seems interested in you then it's probably okay. If you used some cheesy pick-up line and directly asked for her number you're not going to have a lot of success.

And why not start with offering yours? That puts the ball in the other person's court and will likely make that person feel a little more comfortable.

And if you do get rejected - don't rely on a standard script. You just have to roll with it. The good thing is that in the adult world most people will actually be happy to have been noticed.

 

[Vahsek]

Thank you guys for your advice and suggestions. All this was so enlightening! :)

 

[Jacob Griffin]

How about

"Well then, I thank you for that pretty smile,"
and smile as you turn to leave.

Always be kind.

Yeah. I like this one. Nice move...