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How to do business

  1. Nov 15, 2006 #1
    Let's say you, personally, would stand to benefit greatly if a low-key provision were discretely slipped into a Senate spending authorization. How would you go about accomplishing this? Do you have to go through your home state's representatives, or can you look talk to other senators? Would you talk to the congresspeople directly, through their staff, or through a lobbying firm? Also, what is the price scale for such legislative incentives (i.e., bribes)? Are there fixed rates listed somewhere?


    "If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity." -John F. Kennedy

    "I know that the human being and the fish can coexist peacefully." -George W. Bush
  2. jcsd
  3. Nov 15, 2006 #2
    By the nature of the question... I figure at this point I've already most of my morals...

    So to get the most profit, I'd get my provision in by discretely trolloping about with as many senators/representatives possible.
  4. Nov 15, 2006 #3
    In other words, how does one go about preying on the conceit of congressmen?
  5. Nov 15, 2006 #4
    That's not how it's done. You start by being a campaign contributor. That's often the beginning and end of the matter. Major campaign contributors can always get in to see the representative, and their concerns are always considered.

    If you want to do more, the technique is just like picking up women. Don't offer money as some will be offended, and may even report you to the authorities (outside the state of Nevada, of course). Instead, find out their interests, and express a common interest even if none exists. Either approach the people around the representative, or if you are so lucky, bring the matter up directly with the representative. You are only asking his interests, and just being sociable. There is nothing even remotely wrong with this.

    Now you are all set. If the representative likes golf, invite him along to play golf in some exotic place for a few days. Offer to pay the airfare and use of a hotel (you have extra rooms already paid for that would otherwise just go to waste), but leave some part of the expense for the representative to cover. Congratulations, you just corrupted your first politician.

    Again just as with women or the Mafia, you never attempt to establish a quid pro quo. You do them favors, and they do you favors in return. One of the few places you can make a direct connection is backing a bill in exchange for a large campaign contribution. You can always be outbid, though, and the contributions are not refundable.

    You know the old saying, "An honest politician is one who stays bought." It's very true, and they are very hard to find.
  6. Nov 15, 2006 #5
    or men... :wink:
  7. Nov 15, 2006 #6


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    No, we like being offered money. It's like a double win
  8. Nov 15, 2006 #7
    Actually, that works even better, although the process is a little different. Picking up men usually just involves flashing a little skin, from what I hear. That would work wonders with most representatives.
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