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How to Fix a Relationship

  1. Oct 7, 2013 #1
    I might as well start from the beginning here.

    My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for a little over 6 months now. We had some problems in the beginning, but we worked them out. For 5 months, we not only had the epitome of perfect relationships, but we were best friends. Every day we spent together, I was entirely and completely happy.

    We have so much in common, too. We both love musical theatre. I usually get myself season tickets for the local opera productions, and this year I got her a seat as well. We often thought things almost as if we were both thinking with the same head.

    She doesn't like math, but...I've long forgiven her of this. :tongue:

    She's smarter than most of the people I know. I'd probably trust her judgement over anyone else's, including my own. She's the most fun person I could ever imagine being around. She sings like an angel, and whenever she speaks to me it sounds more amazing than anything I've ever heard before.

    In addition to all of this, she's incredibly beautiful. Her greenish brown eyes are more than dazzling. Her smile melts every thought of worry or sadness or grief. She is, for all intents and purposes, an angel.

    A while ago, she told me that she loved me. I told her I loved her, too. As naïve as it may sound, I really do love her. I don't know quite how to convey how absolutely I feel this. It's like a deep, glowing feeling that makes everything else seem completely obsolete whenever she's with me.

    I've never felt this way before. And yet, something happened, and I don't know what.

    She wanted to go to homecoming at our school. Thus, naturally and unthinkingly, I asked her to the dance.

    I have had, for as long as I can remember, a profound fear of loud, chaotic rooms. I discussed this with her before, but I don't know if she remembered.

    On that night, we were at the dance, and I started to feel nauseous after being there for about an hour. I had expected that. However, when I went out to get some air, she came after me and started crying. I held her and tried to understand, but all she could say was that she had hurt me and she couldn't stand it. She said I should leave, and so I did.

    Near silence for two days, which is unnatural for us. Then, I got to school today and there was a rumor floating around that she was cheating on me with some other guy. I didn't understand, because she's not that type of person.

    Now, she's texted me. She says we need to talk tomorrow. I think she's going to break up with me.

    Can anyone tell me what I should do? :cry:
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Oct 7, 2013 #2

    lisab

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    You need to tell her (well, remind her) about your anxiety.

    Can you send her a text saying, Do you remember when I told you about the anxiety I have in loud rooms?
     
  4. Oct 7, 2013 #3

    Choppy

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    All I can say is talk with her, listen to her, hear her out.

    Based on your description is does sound like something happened... maybe another guy made a move on her, kissed her or something. And I'm almost afraid to say it, but it's also possible she could have made a move on someone else too.

    You not being there really has nothing to do with it.

    So now you have to figure out how to move forward. If she wanted something to happen with someone else... whether or not it did... you might have to let this one go I'm afraid.

    On the other hand it's also possible that she didn't want anything to happen. Maybe someone else tried something on her and she's feeling guilty because she wasn't able to say no. Or worse - she did say no and something happened anyway. In this case, try not to blame her for anything.

    Good luck with it.
     
  5. Oct 7, 2013 #4
    I did that a while ago. She just got more irritated at herself. I don't know if there's anything else left to do. :frown:
     
  6. Oct 7, 2013 #5

    Evo

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    Maybe she just wants to clear up the rumors. Hopefully it's not as bad as you fear. Her behavior doesn't make any sense.
     
  7. Oct 7, 2013 #6
    Dont waste your energy trying to stick with a cheater. I did that for 2 years. The good news is that shortly after me she got knocked up by a guy 10 years younger than her:)


    Also, expect her to not tell you the whole truth. Cheaters usually are too weak too express integrity. If she couldnt talk to you for 3 days, she is clearly guilty of something bad. I could go into how I found out about my ex, but I wont.

    When you meet her you will want to believe only the positive. "We can work through this" and "I forgive you" are the blatant wrong answers to think. Being critical in this sensitive time will help you think more objectively.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 7, 2013
  8. Oct 7, 2013 #7

    MathematicalPhysicist

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    That's why I don't have a girlfriend...
    cxpYN-NK54Y[/youtube] At least you still have math.
     
  9. Oct 7, 2013 #8

    Mentallic

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    Well, at least she cares enough about your feelings to not want you to find out about the cheating. If many others know about it, then that's probably why she was really upset at the party. It's no longer about her appearance, but about you finding out, which as you can tell has her tied up in knots.
     
  10. Oct 7, 2013 #9
    Keep us posted.
     
  11. Oct 7, 2013 #10

    Office_Shredder

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    Well the best case scenario is that she was upset with herself for making you go to the dance and causing you great discomfort, at which point reminding her that you were uncomfortable would only make her feel worse!

    (I don't consider this to be very likely, but it's always good to keep an eye on the optimistic side)
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2013
  12. Oct 8, 2013 #11

    Chronos

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    Sounds like a girl looking for an excuse to end a relationship that has become inconvenient.
     
  13. Oct 8, 2013 #12

    Ibix

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    It doesn't sound great, does it?

    Be ready to hear that she doesn't want to be with you any more, but do not panlc. Gossip is sometimes just that, and rumours can be started maliciously.

    I would suggest that your only graven-in-stone goal should be to understand why she was crying and why she stopped talking for two days - which might be a long story or a short one. All your choices need that understanding to be anything more than guesswork.

    A couple of thoughts.

    She's probably upset too - even if she's dumping you. Listening, making it easy for her to talk, helps with understanding her position (whatever it is) and might tip a balance your way.

    If she did cheat, why would she be the one demanding a breakup? Maybe she wants to get together with the other guy, as Chronos is hypothesising. Maybe she did something stupid and now feels she needs to fall on her sword. Maybe there's something else going on.

    Good luck.
     
  14. Oct 8, 2013 #13
    Well, I thought it was a knot, but a couple Reidemeister moves later...:tongue:

    Savanna broke up with me today. She had good reason for it, though. From my understanding (she was crying, and I didn't want to push too far for answers), her parents had decided that the way she had handled the homecoming incident was unacceptable, and that she wasn't able to date anymore. She didn't know how to tell me.

    I know she wasn't cheating. The guy in question I happen to know is gay.

    I'm hoping I'll be able to talk with her parents. I hope they'll let her come back to me.

    I'm a little more level-headed now. I can work with this, I think. She keeps telling me she loves me, and I believe her.
     
  15. Oct 8, 2013 #14

    Mentallic

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    What was the homecoming incident exactly? Why was she crying? Still so many questions have been left unanswered!
     
  16. Oct 8, 2013 #15

    lisab

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    Her parents decided...? How old is she?
     
  17. Oct 9, 2013 #16

    Chronos

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    I'm not qualified to comment on teen relationships. They make even less sense than adult relationships [which are often unfathomable].
     
  18. Oct 16, 2013 #17
    alone, if you like math maybe it is provable your wife/gf exists and is unique to maintain some hope.
     
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