Hyphenated Last Names: Where Does it End?

[Evo]

Where does it end?

I was channel surfing and was stopped at a group of couples with obvious emotional problems on Oprah.

The first woman "I was about to have our son when friends said to me" if you don't add your last name to your husbands, then who is your son to you?" "How will you connect to him?"



Maybe because he's your son?

Ok, so first we have Abramson-Johnson marries Stofanich-Sobieski. Now we have a kid with the last name of Abramson-Johnson-Stofanic-Sobieski. Then she marries John Stewart-Gibson-Carson-Lettermen, So their kid is Cindy Abramson-Johnson-Stofanic-Sobieski-Stewart-Gibson-Carson-Lettermen.

Ok, maybe I am just old-fashioned, but there is a practical reason for a tradition of taking one last name.

These people made it sound like if you don't insist on passing your own last name onto your child that you will never bond with them and they will never know your side of the family. Some of the couples were in counseling over it.

How do people get to the point that something like this brings them to the verge of a nervous breakdown? Now I admit that shows like Oprah look for the people that are borderline psychotic because it makes for a more interesting show, but still, these people are out there.

One husband was saying that the last names were getting ridiculous and wanted to revert to a single last name.

At what point does a three page last name become ridiculous? Or do you think that a child should have the last name of every family member throughout history? Because that is the trend that has started.

 

[mgb_phys]

Most of the managers at a previous employer seemed to have solved the problem.
I'm convinced their parents must have had the same surname before they were married.

 

[Cyrus]

That's your own fault for watching tv, Oprah none the less.

You have to remember, these shows are pointless. They need SOMETHING to talk about day in, day out. Its the same reason Leno or Letterman's jokes suck. They have to have new ones every single night. There just not well thought out. Neither is the point of Oprah. Now, at least with Maury you KNOW its going to be a 'whos the babbies daddy' or 'guess which woman has man junk' ...

Personally, I don't even have a middle name.

 

[LowlyPion]

It's really economics isn't it? If the men are paying the freight, then they get the name over the door looks like the real tradition. I doubt it will be soon broken so long as men are predominately and nominally the bread winners.

 

[Evo]

My mother doesn't have a middle name. :uhh:

And I always made WAY more than either of my husbands. As a matter of fact I supported both of my husbands after becoming separated, even though they worked.

 

[binzing]

Meh, nearly as bad are some of the paternal names in my ancestry in Norway (I don't know the term for that type of name...)

Cyrus, that's why I watch about 10 channels.
Nat Geo, Science Channel, VH1 and VH1 Classic, Fuse, the Travel Channel, some stuff on Discovery, and Cartoon Network for Family Guy. Oh, and occasionally Comedy Central when they actually have GOOD comedian on.

 

[rewebster]

I was flipping back and forth from football (the American version) and the Olympics, and both of the American males in that one swimming event, had hyphenated last names.

 

[Cyrus]

Meh, nearly as bad are some of the paternal names in my ancestry in Norway (I don't know the term for that type of name...)

Cyrus, that's why I watch about 10 channels.
Nat Geo, Science Channel, VH1 and VH1 Classic, Fuse, the Travel Channel, some stuff on Discovery, and Cartoon Network for Family Guy. Oh, and occasionally Comedy Central when they actually have GOOD comedian on.

Enjoy as much TV and online computer games before college comes and destroys your life. I mean, before you have so much fun and free time while in college!

 

[Evo]

The British used to do it to some extent, but, well, they're British and don't even know the difference between biscuits and cookies.

I believe the rule though for names, if the husband's last name was Berkshire-Hathaway that the woman would take her new husband's last name and not hyphenate her own onto it, so it never became a train wreck.

 

[rewebster]

'Harold Everett Burne-Jones Biscuit-Cookie'

 

[binzing]

I have to figure out what I'm doing with my life before going to college, although I'll most likely go to Oregon State.

 

[mgb_phys]

The British used to do it to some extent

It was common when the wife had a rich relative you wanted to 'honour', or if the wife came from a powerful family. Now it's generally just trying to sound posh.

A more modern problem is what to call the kids if the wife doesn't change her name - a friend suggested that the girls take the mother's surname and the boys take the father's. It might just be easier to go back to the ...son and ...dochter

 

[lisab]

I remember trying to decide if I should keep my name, or take my husband's, or hyphenate. I didn't like the hyphenated choice. But it's not an easy decision...I felt torn between loyalty and independence.

So I kept my name when I married. But for family functions I take my husband's name. It's less confusing than you might think - my career and my family are completely separate.

I'm very happy with my decision. After I was hired at my present job, I learned of a serindipidous encounter that helped tip the hiring decision in my favor. There was an incidental contact where my name, "Lisa B," was mentioned as a possible hire. Someone I worked with years ago was there and gave me a glowing recommendation. Had I taken the name "Lisa W" I would not have received that endorsement - he wouldn't have known me!

But the hyphen thing just didn't appeal to me.

 

[~christina~]

I was channel surfing and was stopped at a group of couples with obvious emotional problems on Oprah.

I had to go out and missed watching Oprah, today. Darn it, now it reminds me that I missed the soap operas today that are always before Oprah...

The first woman "I was about to have our son when friends said to me" if you don't add your last name to your husbands, then who is your son to you?" "How will you connect to him?"

LOL, maybe through conversation, because he lives in your house. (good grief, I can't believe that they need to think about that)

Ok, so first we have Abramson-Johnson marries Stofanich-Sobieski. Now we have a kid with the last name of Abramson-Johnson-Stofanic-Sobieski. Then she marries John Stewart-Gibson-Carson-Lettermen, So their kid is Cindy Abramson-Johnson-Stofanic-Sobieski-Stewart-Gibson-Carson-Lettermen.

Well I'm just wondering how you remember all those names, the spellings, and the order of them. : Photographic memory?

These people made it sound like if you don't insist on passing your own last name onto your child that you will never bond with them and they will never know your side of the family. Some of the couples were in counseling over it.

That is crazy. The whole bonding thing is based on how much you interact with them and how good your relationship is with them. As for the, "side of the family," issue, they would not know your side of the family unless you introduced them to your own family. Their way of thinking is quite strange.

How do people get to the point that something like this brings them to the verge of a nervous breakdown? Now I admit that shows like Oprah look for the people that are borderline psychotic because it makes for a more interesting show, but still, these people are out there.

I haven't been married but I would say that this conflict, may be reflecting an underlying rift in the marriage. They may be unhappy together and this is a way to just argue about something. If they really got along, it wouldn't really be an issue and it would be quickly solved, in my opinion.

At what point does a three page last name become ridiculous? Or do you think that a child should have the last name of every family member throughout history? Because that is the trend that has started.

It becomes ridiculous, when you can't even remember your whole name or your child's own name for that matter.

 

[rewebster]

I have to figure out what I'm doing with my life before going to college, although I'll most likely go to Oregon State.

well--keep reading those things that interest you --on your own time--as many as possible

 

[lisab]

I have to figure out what I'm doing with my life before going to college, although I'll most likely go to Oregon State.

Go Beavers! But give the Huskies a consideration, too...

 

[iBop]

Are your sure you are not making him imagine your verbs more than an encouragement ?

 

[wolram]

The British used to do it to some extent, but, well, they're British and don't even know the difference between biscuits and cookies.

.

Cookies

 

[rewebster]

there's a real easy solution--

don't marry anyone unless they have the same last name

 

[LowlyPion]

there's a real easy solution--

don't marry anyone unless they have the same last name

If they have the same last name do you just use an exponent then?

 

[moe darklight]

I have both my parents' last names, plus a middle name, so my whole name ends up at 33 letters. not to mention the confusion it causes when I fill out legal forms... is this your last name and your middle name? is that all your last name?

usually I just shorten it to Noam GR. Maybe I'll legally switch it to that just to make life easier.

I've thought about morphing both my last names into one, but my dad is from Italian descent and my mom from Jewish descent. The result comes out as Noam Gagliardovich, which is ridiculous.

 

[lisab]

I have both my parents' last names, plus a middle name, so my whole name ends up at 33 letters. not to mention the confusion it causes when I fill out legal forms... is this your last name and your middle name? is that all your last name?

usually I just shorten it to Noam GR. Maybe I'll legally switch it to that just to make life easier.

I've thought about morphing both my last names into one, but my dad is from Italian descent and my mom from Jewish descent. The result comes out as Noam Gagliardovich, which is ridiculous.

Are you kidding - that's a great name! Well...then again, you would have to spell it out to everyone, for the rest of you life. I guess you could just get a clean start and go with Smith.

 

[rewebster]

I have both my parents' last names, plus a middle name, so my whole name ends up at 33 letters. not to mention the confusion it causes when I fill out legal forms... is this your last name and your middle name? is that all your last name?

usually I just shorten it to Noam GR. Maybe I'll legally switch it to that just to make life easier.

I've thought about morphing both my last names into one, but my dad is from Italian descent and my mom from Jewish descent. The result comes out as Noam Gagliardovich, which is ridiculous.

you'd might as well add '-son' on the end of that-----Noam Gagliardovichson

 

[mgb_phys]

Perhaps a little geeky for here, but the perfect name to call your kid.
http://xkcd.com/327/

 

[moe darklight]

Are you kidding - that's a great name! Well...then again, you would have to spell it out to everyone, for the rest of you life. I guess you could just get a clean start and go with Smith.

Smith Gagliardovich? how does that help?

I dunno... Gagliardovich just sounds so funny to me I think I would crack up laughing every time somebody calls my name. It sounds like the name for an evil Russian dictator for an 80's James Bond movie or something.

Perhaps a little geeky for here, but the perfect name to call your kid.
http://xkcd.com/327/

:rofl:

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I was discussing this very problem last night with Olivia Newton-John Travolta. She suggested I spend a romantic evening alone, but not in those words.

 

[Redbelly98]

At least she didn't accuse you of being romantic with your mom.

 

[BobG]

We just gave all of our kids an extra middle name so my wife's maiden name would be included. We could have just made my wife's maiden name their only middle name, but then how would we have included our parents' names, brothers or sisters names without actually having to call them by one of those names?

Middle names are great. They're almost as useful as an attic.

On the other hand, LisaB's example points out one reason a woman might want a hyphenated name, if she changes her name at all. My sister had already made a strong reputation for herself before she married and you hate to have that get lost. She settled on a hyphenated name.

On the third hand, I'll probably never marry LisaB. I just can't imagine us hyphenating our names to be the B-G's. I hate disco.

 

[Moonbear]

My mom has a hyphenated last name...my father's last name hyphenated with my step-father's last name. She only did it because she thought it was less confusing to the schools if she still had the same last name as her kids (this was before hyphenated names or women keeping their own names was common). She drops the hyphen for most uses, though.

As for me, I simply have no need to do something silly like change my name for marriage. I don't understand the whole need to change one's identity to get married. And what a hassle too! Filling out forms to change your name, change your driver's license, passport, credit cards, bank accounts, etc. Bleh, too much waste of time and effort to satisfy some guy's ego.

As for the kids, I dunno, pick a name. If one name is horrible to pronounce, commonly misspelled, or prone to jokes and teasing, then use the other. Though, on my father's side of the family, it's traditional for children to be given their mother's maiden name as their middle name and their father's last name as their surname. It does make it easier for tracing ancestry, though. As soon as you know an ancestor's full name, you then can trace back the mother's family tree more easily too.

Thankfully, my parents broke that tradition (it didn't exist on my mom's side of the family). My middle name is my mom's first name instead. I would NOT want to be saddled with my mom's maiden name as my middle name. :yuck:

In a way, I think giving kids their father's name helps make up for the uncertainty there. Afterall, nobody ever questions who the mother of a child is, that's a certainty, but that doesn't mean the father is the person you expect. So, to console them, we let them give the kid his name.

In today's society, it hardly matters at all though. We're so used to blended families with kids with different names from their parents, even families where each kid has a different last name than the other kids, that it really doesn't much raise an eyebrow let alone confuse anyone anymore. If it's such a concern, go back to the old way of giving the kid a surname based on the place they are born. "John County General"

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

And what a hassle too!

Either way its a hassle. I've grown accustomed to being called Mr. Kang.

 

[BobG]

Most American names are too short anyway. A person's name should sound like a poem about their background.

Who wouldn't want a name like María de la Soledad Teresa O'Brien?

Interestingly, her father was a mechanical engineering professor and her mother a French and English teacher. She can't speak either Spanish or Gaelic fluently in spite of the sound of her name.