Dismiss Notice
Join Physics Forums Today!
The friendliest, high quality science and math community on the planet! Everyone who loves science is here!

I am SICK of being the friend

  1. Feb 14, 2006 #1
    I'm always the freaking come to guy for most of the girls i know. I don't wanna hear anymore freaking problem about the guys that they like or don't like, or aren't sure if they like.

    What makes them think that I would rather talk about the guys they wanna be with then actually being with them :mad:
    I'm just sick of it, no one EVER likes ME. :cry:
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 14, 2006 #2
    See, the problem is that you've fallen into the trap of 'friendom'. We've all been there… heck, some of us still are. If you're really interested in a girl don't wait TOO long to tell her otherwise you’ll lose any chance you might have with her. And even if at one point early on in your friendship might have considered going beyond just being friends with you, because you hadn’t made a move they might just have assumed you weren’t interested like that and would find it really hard to like you again in that way. You’re other problem is that you’re helping them out too much. They appreciate you as a friend for your advice and sensitivity but deep down they don’t want a nice sensitive guy. They want a jerk. Why else do see so many girls with guys who treat them like crap and keep on going for the same type of guy?
  4. Feb 14, 2006 #3
    The girls know a kind heart, and its not a bad quality. In time someone will love you for it. Just keep being you.
  5. Feb 14, 2006 #4


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    dont settle for being just friends if u wanna be more than just friends.
  6. Feb 14, 2006 #5


    User Avatar
    Science Advisor

    Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Tell them to take a flying leap. Tell them you are more than an emotional dishrag they whip out everytime they make a mess. That's what Oprah and the Lifetime channel are for.

    As a side note, the whole "I'll be friends with her first and then she'll fall for me because we're such good friends" angle NEVER works.
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2006
  7. Feb 14, 2006 #6


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    I don't know, perhaps you're too nice to them. They can't see you because they think they already have you. So they might want to see if they can find a better 1. Being alittle rude to people isn't bad all the time. I mean they want to talk to you about their kind of man, ok you start talking about your kind of woman as well or tell them you have other important things to do now and might listen to them later. :zzz:
    Anyway I guess as they grow up they value your kindness more.
  8. Feb 14, 2006 #7
    yeah - it's not necessarily being rude. it's acting like you couldn't give a damn (or simply not giving a damn).

    but yeah, i've got the shirt too. the good news is it comes in a lot of sizes and colors.
  9. Feb 14, 2006 #8


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    But of course I should add that that's not a good to show that you don't give a damn to it. Perhaps it causes he even lose his friendship with those girls. You must show that you might want to be more than a friend to them.( forget about my previous post. It doesn't work well)
    You know when I talk to a man about other men and he doesn't show any emotions(like feeling a bit jealous ) that means he doesn't think of me as a person who want to date. Perhaps it's better to listen to them but don't saty quiet and not comment. Act like what she's saying make you think of whether you're close to what she wants or not.
  10. Feb 14, 2006 #9
    hmm, tell me more about this shirt :tongue2:

    Ok, so basically, I have to stop being nice, and stop acting interested in the girls i'm interested in... makes sense :bugeye:

    Ok, well, i'm more just trying to plan for the future girls i meet, cause currently, all my girl friends I have been friends way too long with to do anything about. There's only two girls that I've met in the last month now (and am friends with) Now that i've gotten to know the one, she is way too f'ed up to even consider being with. and the other I work with on a co-op job. Her I could still see something happening with... potentially... maybe...possibly

    thanks guys/gals
  11. Feb 14, 2006 #10


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    You are best off without them, they are a totally strange off shoot of man, the first guy that understands the multiple female mind will be rich beyond his dreams, the thing is, you can not do without them:cry:
  12. Feb 14, 2006 #11


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    :bugeye: :rofl: No, be nice but not too nice! Let them know you might want to date them not only meet them as a friend!:confused: (Does anyone understand what I said because I can't get it either!:tongue: )
  13. Feb 14, 2006 #12
    Yes, early on, say "hey, you want to go out to a <insert activity that invovles communication.. i.e. NOT the movies>"

    and the "go out" part is important because it is a hint that you want to date.

    if you had a good time and chated the time away on that first time out, ask her if you can take her to dinner next time (when you are saying good night to her). that is more serious and it will more formaly cement in her mind the direction that you are heading with her. If she is interested in you in a more romantic way, then she will accept, if not, you will get the kind faced let down... big deal.

    also, make sure not to load on to much or your ego so if you do fall on your face it does not damage you so much.

    oh, and remember to relax before going out on the town with her... being axious is not a plus for a woman.
  14. Feb 14, 2006 #13
    BTW,welcome to the "friends" club, Physics is Phun ! :biggrin:

    This is, IMO, very important:

    But, for example, it might not work (my own experience) doing it like this:

    This IS a HINT to any person relying on logic, intelligence, etc.... but then again this is not always the case. What I did then is just asked directly... I used this almost always as a desparate final attempt :biggrin: , and no surprise here, it led to a failure in 100% of the cases.

    Might be my bad luck, because one of the girl actually said something like "thanks for asking, but i'm not interested. anyway, nice approach, not many have the courage to ask this directly". So in my opinion, it probably depends from person to person. Let's name her Lisa :biggrin: [*] for the purpose of this text, I'll make a reference to her later, so thats why I needed a name.

    Like some people here said (I think it will sound more important if I repeat one more time :), dont wait too long (like I did, for example), otherwise you are just digging yourself in a very deep hole.... deeper and deeper and deeper :grumpy: with every day, until one day you are so deep, there is no way to come out. So then you have to restart over, which is really not cool. From your story it sounds you are "The Digger" (but hey, it seems we aren't the only one :biggrin: ).

    Let's get back to the "Lisa". When I asked a friend to give me her phone number, he said (OMG, this will sound a little wierd in english!) "OK, but can you wait for a few days? I really like her and I've been 'preparing' her for over a month now. So if I fail, you can call her or send her a message.". I agreed, we both failed, but that's not the point. Can you recognize my friend ? Yep, he is also "The Digger". Luckily, I didn't throw away so much time on her, trying to avoid any unneccessary "digging".


    [*] Disclaimer: All names used in this text are purely fictional. Any resemblence any of these names have with other real life or forum persons is purely coincidental. :)
  15. Feb 14, 2006 #14


    User Avatar
    Science Advisor
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member
    Dearly Missed

    Don't act like you haven't got a dick between your legs!
    From what you say, you sound like a confidante, rather than a confidant.
    Girls have girlfriends for that. Show that you are a boy, be a lot more clear in your signals about who you might actually be interested in for your own sake.
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2006
  16. Feb 14, 2006 #15


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    I say you need to whip out some kohones and show her the alpha male is up in this mofo. Confidence is better than bluffing - it works, and it works damn well on females. Come up to any prospective chick and get to know her - not trying to impress her, but scan and profile her to see if you are interested. Remember - the guy picks, but the girl chooses. Your next step is to show her you are interested (verbally/physically/etc) and find out her response. And for the love of Y chromosome, dont ever be shy.
  17. Feb 14, 2006 #16


    User Avatar

    Come again?

    Well make your self the come with guy. :devil:
  18. Feb 14, 2006 #17
    "" ["Quote: I'm sick of being the come to guy]

    Well make yourself the come with guy. ""

    Nevermind, I'll just sit this one out.
    ---- A Dirty Joke.
  19. Feb 14, 2006 #18

    Uh, because you keep acting like a girl? Hence why they come to you as if you were just another one of their girlfriends?

    Sorry, but I'm tired of people whining about this because they don't get it.
  20. Feb 15, 2006 #19


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Franz, men are better gfs for women than girls! They're more symathetic.:tongue2:

    Don't worr! As far as I know we don't have any UN like that around here!:wink:
  21. Feb 15, 2006 #20


    User Avatar

    It is sometimes difficult to understand the inner workings of the mind of another species.
Know someone interested in this topic? Share this thread via Reddit, Google+, Twitter, or Facebook

Have something to add?

Similar Discussions: I am SICK of being the friend
  1. Being sick (Replies: 17)

  2. Am I sick? (Replies: 4)