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I can't get a date

  1. Jan 15, 2013 #1
    Its probably fake. And yes I disagree strongly with the nerd stereotype. I have trouble meeting women because of my degree title alone (no its not in rapeology) - so I just dumb it down and say I am a writer or artist...
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Jan 16, 2013 #2
    Go up to a girl and tell her your an aerospace engineer and time how long until she disappears.
     
  4. Jan 16, 2013 #3

    Ryan_m_b

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    Perhaps your current lack of success in getting a date stems more from your generalisations of women than your chosen profession. In other words if you hold the opinions that for all women profession is a deal breaker and that aerospace engineering is not just undesirable but flat out repulsive then you've got some serious misconceptions that are bound to come across in other ways.

    Lets have less of the casual sexism shall we?
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2013
  5. Jan 16, 2013 #4

    Pythagorean

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    Going up and telling somewhat you do and the way you do it might be the repulsive behavior (and not the name of the profession itself).
     
  6. Jan 16, 2013 #5
    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    Wait, is that your pick-up line? "Hi, I''m an aerospace engineer!" To be fair, that would be a turn-off no matter what your degree or profession was.

    EDIT: Bah! Pythagorean beat me by 1 minute.
     
  7. Jan 16, 2013 #6

    Evo

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    I've dated a number of aerospace engineers. Have you considered that you might be approaching the wrong type of woman?
     
  8. Jan 16, 2013 #7

    Averagesupernova

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    I think this would show arrogance. Wouldn't have worked for me. Consider the following:

    What do you do?
    I'm a student.
    Ok. Tell me more.
    I'm a grad student.
    Woman thinks to herself: "Hmmmm, didn't matter what he went to school for, he just wanted to let me know he likely has more education than I do. Note to self, avoid this guy the rest of the evening."

    Maybe it works for you, maybe it doesn't. But the way you presented it caused the above scenario to play out in my mind. Maybe you are more tactful than that, I don't know.
     
  9. Jan 16, 2013 #8

    Ryan_m_b

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    I agree with Averagesupernova, I can't see this coming across well. Especially considering telling people what you do and having a discussion around it is a very normal part of meeting people. In my experience people do expect scientists to be above average intelligence but I don't see that as a hinderance to telling someone straight out what you do, if it comes up simply address it in a friendly manner like you say.
     
  10. Jan 16, 2013 #9
    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    To affirm my point, I am going to tell you two stories, one of myself and one of my friend and our encounters with women.

    My story:
    I was sitting outside a bar with my friend smoking a cigar. We were talking, he gets up and leaves to get a beer. A good looking girl approaches me...the scene has been set!
    Girl: Is this seat taken
    (This is a paraphrase of something that happened like 2 months ago)
    Me: Well kinda, my friend was getting a beer but I don't think he'll mind.
    Girl: Oh well I hope he doesn't.
    Me: If he does I'll be there to comfort him.
    Girl: laughs
    The conversation continues, we hit it off well. She tells me shes was a graduate student in sociology (graduated), we discuss some of the work she is doing/has done...

    After a long pause (not really an awkward silence, just the topic ran dry) she asked me:
    Girl: So, what are you doing
    Me: Actually, I'm a graduate student in aerospace engineering
    Girl: Oh, wow! What are you studying within that field.
    Me: Are you sure you want to know? It's really involved and highly specific. Its one of those things where if you are in the field its easy to talk about, but otherwise its foriegn to most people.
    Girl: Oh cmon tell me.
    Me: Ok... Im looking to research hyper-velocity projectiles. Maybe something in detonation propagation in supersonic/hypersonic flow. I'm also interested in turbulence too, so ideally my research project will encompass those concepts.
    Girl: Oh, thats..ummm, interesting!
    Me: It's ok, like I said its very specific to someone not in engineering.

    Our conversation doesn't go anywhere after , I break the awkward silence with a bold question, knowing that I have no hope of talking to her again.

    Me: Can I ask you something, in your honest opinion.
    Girl: Yeah sure.
    Me: Is there something about me that is intimidating or off-putting? I don't mean to be rude or put you on the spot, but every time I begin discussing what I do, girls stop talking to me. I always feel like girls are afraid to approach me, I have no idea why. Can you tell me the truth? I want to know because I don't understand.
    Girl: Umm..well... your not intimidating to *me*, but I could definitely see why *most* girls would be. I mean, your really articulate and its obvious your intelligent. You're attractive, that coupled with being smart can definitely be intimidating to *many* girls.

    I clearly caught her off guard, feeling bad I thanked her for her honesty. Shortly after she left, just after my friend returned from the bar. Another lonely night!


    Here a story my friend (same one from above) shared with me over Christmas Break:

    Basically, he was in a bar and met a cougar (a 'cougar' to you people who aren't savvy with modern culture is an older woman who's hot) things were going good with the cougar, until she saw some guy she knew and started hanging around him. My friend, feeling disgruntled, stuck around the bar for a while but then decided he'd rather go home. As he was leaving the cougar went up to him.
    "Wait where are you going?!" she asked, clearly wanting him to stick around.
    My friend, in a split split decision, said the follow: "Actually, I have to get going. I have a lot to do tomorrow. You see....I'm a Writer."
    For the record, my friend is an aerospace engineering grad student too, also good looking, and thinking about going into structures. Well let me tell you, the girl was all over him for the rest of the night. Asking him many, many questions about his "work" in "writing". He played it well, got her number, got a kiss, she even wanted to see him the following day to take care of some "business". He didn't bother to call her back in fear of getting an STD and the fact that she was 20 years older than him - although she looked like she was 25 (hes 23).
     
  11. Jan 16, 2013 #10
    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    What if said person doesn't want stigmas or stereotypes being attached? Or what if the person just doesn't want a bunch of questions being asked to him in relation to physics or something else? Sometimes people just want to do/discuss things different from their interest/profession. It isn't that they are arrogant but if you do something, say, study/work in research on physics/math/etc... for hours every day, and you actually go out to meet different people and discuss matters completely separate from your field of study/work, you don't want to then have to divulge what you do and the other person interested in what you do make the conversation about that and related topics to your field of work.

    Sometimes when a person is seeking something new, they want to do something new. I never like the question, "what is your profession/study/etc...?" I may like what I do but that doesn't mean I want to talk about it when trying new things or meeting new people. I'd rather a conversation start off based on something rather inane and continue from there-on, and not something tired and routine as, "what's your profession?" I don't feel like going through the motions. But he may be thinking of something entirely different from what I am posting but that is just me on this specific issue.
     
  12. Jan 16, 2013 #11

    Ryan_m_b

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    Aero51 are you serious lol? In a moment supposedly awkward* you throw out a fairly intense question and on the basis of this one girl's answer** you think you have firm evidence that women are intimidated by aerospace engineers? You realise that people are diverse yes? Women just as much as men.

    Regarding your friends story I'm really tempted to ask if you're being serious again. A different setting with different people and a different profession and you think that firms up the idea that aerospace is something that universally puts women off? For all you know she could have been really interested in aerospace. That argument is like me concluding that its impossible to get a date if you're a biologist because on a hypothetical night I didn't manage to get one but my friend who's a carpenter did.

    *Which purely from your description of it I would put down to explanation on your part. Obviously there's no other answer to the one she gave because she had no idea what you were talking about. When people ask me what I do I pitch it in terms a layman will understand and add on why the research is useful because throwing out technical jargon doesn't leave room for further discussion and it can come across as arrogant (the subtext being that they should know what you're talking about).

    **Her answer being a very general "smart and attractive people can be intimidating" which is not specific to aerospace engineers.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2013
  13. Jan 16, 2013 #12
    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    It wasn't what you do that put her off. It was the way you claimed, and then proved, that she wouldn't be interested. You told her there was a huge gulf between you, thereby driving her into silence. You basically drove her away by saying, "Your attempt to choose what I do to chat about was ill-conceived and doomed."
     
  14. Jan 16, 2013 #13
    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    To Aero51:

    Learn how to articulate what it is you do, and what you research, to lay(wo)men. Judging from your story, she was interested in the fact that you are in graduate school for aerospace engineering, but was turned off the moment you started using field-specific terminology which, as you pointed out, is really only understood by fellow engineers. It's not that difficult to take "hyper-velocity projectiles", "detonation propagation in supersonic/hypersonic flow", and "turbulence" and dumb then down a bit, so that it isn't as off-putting.

    EDIT:

    It appears I have been beaten to the point.... twice. But on a side note, if you really want to use anectodal evidence from a bar as a way to generalize an entire field as being unnattractive to women, then I suggest you call up your sociologist friend and see what she thinks of it :approve:
     
  15. Jan 16, 2013 #14

    Ryan_m_b

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    Great minds people :wink: though I think you both put it much more succinctly than me.
     
  16. Jan 16, 2013 #15

    WannabeNewton

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    Woah this thread escalated quickly lol. I just want to say very quickly that if one blames his failure to not get girls solely on him being a science student then in reality he probably just sucks at getting girls which is a science in and of itself.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2013
  17. Jan 16, 2013 #16
    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    Well, I don't know what to say. You're going to tell me not to feel what I feel based off of the experiences I've had. I think anyone knows that doesn't make sense. Perhaps you want me to produce every experience I have had on this subject? I can certainly do that, but it seems that the majority of you are convinced that personal experiences are worthless, which is sad, so why waste the time?
     
  18. Jan 16, 2013 #17

    Ryan_m_b

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    No we find your conclusions at odd with reality as we've experienced it, then questioned you on the basis of that and still not been convinced by your conclusions after hearing your experiences.
     
  19. Jan 16, 2013 #18

    WannabeNewton

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    No I think the point being made is that your anecdote isn't supportive of your claim because explaining something to a random girl with very pretentious and esoteric verbiage will obviously not interest him/her in general. If a girl asks you what you do and you respond riemannian geometry and she asks oh what is that and you go ahead and initiate a cacophony of technical definitions and ideas regarding the subject then she has all the right not to be interested. There is a time and place to sit on one's high horse and there are many a times and many a places where one must get off of it.
     
  20. Jan 16, 2013 #19
    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    Its obvious weve had different experiance, considering Ive never had a healthy relationship with a woman. Thatis the nature of my argument. Personally, I think our experiances may be uncompairable. Thats all Ill say
     
  21. Jan 16, 2013 #20

    Ryan_m_b

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    Re: King of the Nerds... exploitative or genuine?

    The nature of my argument is that the reason you've not had a healthy relationship is not that you study aerospace engineering. No amount of anecdotal evidence would convince me as such given my own experience that women are just as diverse as men and there is not a single attribute that is universally disliked to such a deal breaking extent. Couple that with the fact that I'm willing to bet that there are female aerospace engineers and male ones in a relationship I can't help but conclude there are other reasons you are single.

    Now that's not to say you won't find someone by any means, just that you haven't and perhaps there are things you can change to give yourself an easier time of it. Such as taking the advice given by multiple people now on how to talk about what you do in an accessible way.
     
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