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I had something with my boss/friend. And now?

  1. Mar 26, 2010 #1
    Hi there:

    Finally, it happened. And yet, it is supposed not to happen any more.

    I'm a 32 year old guy. I've been working in my company for 6.5 years now. Last year, we travelled a lot due to work reasons. In the last of these business trips, two months ago, I got to do one the things I knew I had to do before I die: kiss my (girl)boss.
    We've been through many things together. Six years is quite a long time, enough to live many things, to be friends with each other, and to realise that you like her. At times, she was flirtatious, but I always ended up thinking I had nothing to do, which was quite frustrating. More and more everyday, I let her know that I liked her, but to no avail, I thought.

    However, that night, things were very different: we ended up kissing each other in the lift of the hotel. And after that, we went to her room. Oh, dear, it was sweet. I can't stop thinking about her lips, her hands, her looks, everything. She asked me if I had ever dreamed of that happening. I said that I hadn't dreamed, but had wished it a lot of times. When I asked what about her, she said: "I'd better not tell you. I've dreamed about this a lot of times".

    Sleeping with her was a beautiful experience, and so was waking up next to her. We only slept for 1.5 hours because we had to go back to the airport.

    In the plane, the same again: being very careful not to be seen by our colleagues, we kissed a few times. When we said goodbye, back in our home town, I started feeling bad. We were back, I didn't know if this would go on.

    Next Monday, we had to stay at work until late in the evening. One hour or so before we left, I asked her to kiss me, but she refused, saying that that happened during our trip, and that was it. I became a bit angry, but after reflecting a bit, I gave her a hug asking her to forgive me. And in the middle of the hug, she moved apart from me, looked at me, and gave me a stunning kiss. I could have died right there and right then.

    Some days/weeks later, I told her that I wanted more. Now that we had found each other, why not go on? Again, she said that that had happened far away, and that it wouldn't work here. She left her boyfriend nearly one year ago, and now that she has found peace, she doesn't want a clandestine relationship. Yes, I am married. And no, for some reasons that I won't explain here, I didn't feel bad. Please don't judge for these words.

    Of course, I had to push her. I said it was a stupid reason. What do you mean it wouldn't work? Yes, you are my boss, so what? She repeated that she didn't want a clandestine relationship and that besides, she probably doesn't like me enough to start one. And she added that "if this had happened last year when I was in trouble with my ex-boyfriend, I would probably have said yes".

    Oh, dear.

    I have reasons to believe that she had a relationship with some other guy while she was breaking up with her boyfriend. Most surely, that's the reason why she doesn't want to start anything with me. That, together with the fact that she doesn't like me enough (how to forget this).

    If you don't like me enough, please don't give the tenderness you gave me. If you don't like me enough, please don't kiss me the next day in the plane. If you don't like me enough, please don't kiss me the next weekday at work. If you don't like me enough, please don't move your head so slowly with your eyes closed as I caress it.

    I think it's tenderness that kills me now. Remembering all the things that happened: having her in my arms, seeing her face, touching it. And yes, there's one more thing that kills me: the everyday. What can I expect from our relationship now? She's always expected me to go to her: she doesn't do much to see me, although she claims if I don't go to her. What's the point in going now? Seeing her lips so far away from mine? I don't know if it is easy for her, but she acts as if NOTHING had happened. That day she gracefully told me goodbye she said it wasn't easy, that she remembered every morning when we had coffee with our colleagues. Yes, but it is you who knows that; I don't know how you feel. I keep here, sitting at my desk, going to yours, and wondering if you really don't want a thing with me or if you are just pretending. After all, I thought you never thought of me and you had dreamed of what happened many times.

    How funny, I used to feel sad because I thought that I was light years away from her. And now that I've been with her, I'm still sad; I thought I had it made, but I don't know where I am.

    She looks just fine without me, but she also did before that thing happened. Loves me, loves me not, loves me, loves me not... Yikes! I've ran out of daisies.
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 27, 2010 #2


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    Probably not what you want to hear, but my suggestion: get over it.

    You are married, she doesn't want a relationship with you (for whatever reason) and you have to work with each other daily.
    Clearly, there is some kind of physical attraction, and it may be hard to resist that. But nothing happened for 6.5 years, and you both lived. So if you stop now, you'll both live as well.

    Unless you are planning to leave your wife and in the worst/best case scenario be prepared to give up your job, in the long run it will be better to stay colleagues at work and close friends outside of that, but nothing more.
  4. Mar 27, 2010 #3
    The above person gives give advice.

    Now assuming she doesn't have a problem being the other women which she probably does, the fact of the matter is that it would be highly inappropriate for a boss to date an employee and if anyone found out you could both lose your jobs. And trying to hide the relationship wont work because eventually someone will find out and this will cause problems for both of you at work.

    So just take a moment and think, is the women worth possibly losing your job, wife, and house. It seems she doesn't think so, I think you should try to put this incident behind you.
  5. Mar 27, 2010 #4


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    Good advice. Forget the boss.

    One made a promise to one's wife.
  6. Mar 27, 2010 #5


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    98whbf, I'd also suggest apologizing to your wife for breaking that promise.
  7. Mar 27, 2010 #6

    Vanadium 50

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    It sounds like there are at least two factors, in addition to the complication that she is your boss. One is that she seems not to want to be "the other woman", and the other is that she doesn't see a long-term future with someone who cheats on his wife. In any event, she's made her decision.
  8. Mar 27, 2010 #7
    You should consider getting a new job.

    Faster you act, the better.
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