I messed up bad

  • Thread starter SELFMADE
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Its so hot out and she hates heat. She has to go to work during afternoons when its scorching. When she gets on a bus sweaty with AC turned on she can get sick. I used to give her rides to work. I had nothing better to do. I don't have nothing better to do right now! I wish I could still give her rides when she needs em most. She's moving in Oct and I won't be able to do it then. She never goes shopping I wanted to take her some place but never had the opportunity. Only if I could take her and spend little that I got, I would do it only for her smile.
 

DaveC426913

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You know, guys, there's absolutely no reason to disparage the young lady in question.
Sure there is. He is here for assurance that his life will recover. Everyone is counselling him to make her smaller in his life; that is what is best for him. There is no need in this kind of situation to be "fair" to an absent non-person.
 
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Even if you say you're sorry, that's not going to be any good. When a man tries to get a woman to give sex to pay a bill, that's a drop-dead deal-breaker for her and nothing is going to fix it (in my opinion).

This is what I suggest for damage control: just be nice to her without expectations of love, sex, dates, or anything like that and don't get angry if she tries to avoid you. Pass in the hall, just smile and say hi. Nothing more unless she want's to engage you. Don't bug her. If she comes to you for some help, treat it just as help and nothing more. Don't be mean to her just to get revenge. Treat her fairly and don't make any comments about love, sex, dating or how you feel. If you see her with someone else, try your best not to get enraged or angry or vengeful. Focus on your life and how to improve it yourself. I think it doubtful she'll be able to repay the money you gave her. I could be wrong and if she can that's fine. I'm pessimistic though and try to not let that be a serious issue for you. Just let her have it before it enrages you to do something bad. Remember the words of a great modern-day philosopher:

"you can't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need"
 

DaveC426913

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I just want the friendship back, nothing more.
Anything you do right now will make it worse. What she needs is distance. She needs to know that you can back off.
 
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I am so loving this right now. Does this happen here often? :D What a break from proposal writing! Thank God I don't have kids yet.

Is this really a serious thread, or are the ops here just trying to boost visitor counts?
 

cronxeh

Gold Member
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Ok its been two days of no contact. I really appreciate the seriousness of the advices. I get the message. I am not doing this for the attention; I just don't have no one else to consult and I am having deep second thoughts. Some part of me really want to communicate that I am sorry for what I proposed and I just want what we had: just the friendship. She's really a good person. She's having a tough time right now and I am really ashamed to be becoming extra burden on her. She's trying to get into a grad school by herself. One of her dreams is to open a school for children. She used to say her childhood was stolen, her parents weren't with her when she was young and now she doesn't want to be with them because of that. Really stupid of me to demand from someone like her to sell herself. I didn't have much of a childhood myself, maybe that is why I do such stupid ****, maybe that is why she resonates with me. Now I just wish we would be just friends again. She needs so much help! But she never asks for anything. She's just a little doll trying to make it in this world. God, what have I done. I just can't act like a monster and not talk to anymore! I am not a monster.

Is it really bad for me to apologize for what I proposed? She used to say my apologies are good as nothing to her and that I always backtrace, not to mention that I am a coward.
that has got to be the most repulsive thing any guy could be to a woman. You need to quit all this moping and sobbing right now, you acting pathetic. no woman wants to date a guy like that. why dont you join the military and make something of yourself, because i really doubt you can change just by listening to our advice.
 
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No it's not. Some guys kill when rejected. We see that happening in the news regularly.

I don't understand why you guys are so hard on him not to mention the thread may get locked cus' you guys are gettin' hostile on him. I see nothing inconsistent with human nature in his behavior. In fact, as I alluded to above, it could get much worst than this. It is after all a "relationship" thread and many, many people have problems in their relationship that to us may seem easily solved by simply changing behavior. That's often not easy for someone to do especially when feelings are involved. Personally, I think he's sincere and do not feel this is some joke thread. Lots of people need help. Often they do not get it
 

Pengwuino

Gold Member
4,854
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Look, this girl has 0 interest in EVER being with you. She doesn't owe you anything for you buying her drinks or movie tickets, that's your gamble in hopes of sparking something with her and it failed. The $1500 was just stupid. You make it sound like she thinks you're a creep and if that's true, you've lost the friendship. "No means No" as they say. I have a feeling you're on the verge of a restraining order.

Why would she be with someone who doesn't listen to a simple request to stop acting like a creep to her? Relationships don't start out that way. You'll never find a girl who speaks of how she came to be with her significant other starting with "Well, at first I told him I'd never be with him even if he was the last person on Earth and to stop telling me he loved me."
 
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1500 US$ is way too much for medium prices whores. If you want to pay for sex
do yourself a favor and find cheaper prostitutes. Unless your name is Spitzer of course :P
You'll get 3-4 at the price of one in 1.5k - 2k range :P
 
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You make it sound like she thinks you're a creep and if that's true, you've lost the friendship. "No means No" as they say. I have a feeling you're on the verge of a restraining order.

Why would she be with someone who doesn't listen to a simple request to stop acting like a creep to her?"
You are way too hard. A women who strings a man and tap him of 1500 US$ deserve no respect. Besides, many of the girls from this group will also spread for money, although they doit a bit more masked than a prostitute. So it's not really something "creepy" to ask for sex for the money. Sex can be and is used pretty much as a currency all the time. The whole world knows it. From the homeless to congressman.

This guy has only one problem. He fallen for what appears to be a women pretty well versed in tapping money from man, and he failed to put the problem right from start :P He aint creepy, just naive.
 
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I honestly don't know what's worse, wasting 1.5K on a girl who will use the funds to meet other guys, or still wanting to apologize and be friends with that girl who took advantage of you.
 

cronxeh

Gold Member
949
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1500 US$ is way too much for medium prices whores. If you want to pay for sex
do yourself a favor and find cheaper prostitutes. Unless your name is Spitzer of course :P
You'll get 3-4 at the price of one in 1.5k - 2k range :P
haha i woulda offered her 20 bucks as my opening bid, you know with economy and all. And to knock her down a peg.

You really are a tard for offering her so much. you elevated her to ridiculous heights, but guess what? You made it really easy for guys like me to bag her though :rofl:
 
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haha i woulda offered her 20 bucks as my opening bid, you know with economy and all. And to knock her down a peg.
what do you get for that in NY nowadays ? A bj hidden beyond your ambulance during graveyard shift ? Is it enough for a quicky ?
 

Borg

Science Advisor
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This is a quote that I heard a long time ago.

A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.

In her case, I dare say that she won't forget you but, it won't be for the reasons that you want. This relationship is over - no friendship, no love, nothing. She is very likely sorry that she ever spoke to you and is probably terrified of your "next move". The only thing that you can do is to learn from this and back off, no matter how hard it may be for you. Personally, I wouldn't consider dating for a significant amount of time (at least a year after you stop having this desire). And, when another opportunity comes along, make sure that it isn't with someone that you think needs rescuing.
I honestly don't know what's worse, wasting 1.5K on a girl who will use the funds to meet other guys, or still wanting to apologize and be friends with that girl who took advantage of you.
I have to agree with this as well. SELFMADE needs to find another hobby.
 
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She is very likely sorry that she ever spoke to you and is probably terrified of your "next move".
Oh, really, poor innocent thing , she is so scared :P Most of those girls who tap money from man are not so easily terrified. My heart is almost breaking for both the OP and miss 1500 US$ :P

The only thing that you can do is to learn from this and back off, no matter how hard it may be for you.
The thing he should learn is how to make his money worth and how to laugh in the face of women who ask you to borrow them money and direct them to the nearest bank :P

Personally, I wouldn't consider dating for a significant amount of time (at least a year after you stop having this desire). And, when another opportunity comes along, make sure that it isn't with someone that you think needs rescueing.
Luckily, most of humans ain't you :devil:
 

Borg

Science Advisor
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1500 US$ is way too much for medium prices whores. If you want to pay for sex
do yourself a favor and find cheaper prostitutes. Unless your name is Spitzer of course :P
You'll get 3-4 at the price of one in 1.5k - 2k range :P
Oh, really, poor innocent thing , she is so scared :P Most of those girls who tap money from man are not so easily terrified. My heart is almost breaking for both the OP and miss 1500 US$ :P

The thing he should learn is how to make his money worth and how to laugh in the face of women who ask you to borrow them money and direct them to the nearest bank :P
I guess that I'm not as familiar with this type of woman as you seem to be.
 
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I guess that I'm not as familiar with this type of woman as you seem to be.
I suggest then get acquainted :P
 

cristo

Staff Emeritus
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There's a lesson to be learnt here: don't lend someone you've known for only three months $1500!
 

cronxeh

Gold Member
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what do you get for that in NY nowadays ? A bj hidden beyond your ambulance during graveyard shift ? Is it enough for a quicky ?
hey you want new shoes, gotta work for it :biggrin:
 
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You know, guys, there's absolutely no reason to disparage the young lady in question. This young fellow has told us his side of the story, words of hers (that she may or may not have even said) out of context. The only character we are certain of, here, concretely, is his. So no need to put her down.
She went on dinners and movies with this person, never paying a dime and took $1400 from someone who was clearly obsessed with her. No decent human being would take that much money from someone who was obsessed with them and had no intention of returning those feelings. She used him, plain and simple and that speak volumes about the "lady" in question.
 
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SELFMADE, take comfort in knowing that other people had it much much worse than you.

There are men that lost their houses, and cars, and life savings to wives and girlfriends. Once kids are involved, it's nightmare trying to get custody, and paying tons on child support, divorce, and dozens of lawyers. Mel Gibson rings a bell?

Your little incident is nothing. Imagine not being able go on a date because of health issues and disability, or an accident. Then come back.

Needless to say, consider your incident a transaction. You put money in, and get something out. What you got out is valuable insights into yourself, and knowledge of the kinds of people are OUT there, lurking and preying on someone to take advantage.
 

cronxeh

Gold Member
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She went on dinners and movies with this person, never paying a dime and took $1400 from someone who was clearly obsessed with her. No decent human being would take that much money from someone who was obsessed with them and had no intention of returning those feelings. She used him, plain and simple and that speak volumes about the "lady" in question.
I pretty much stopped bothering to reply to her a few months ago, but it is curious to find out why a post-menopausal woman would chip in about relationships
 
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I pretty much stopped bothering to reply to her a few months ago, but it is curious to find out why a post-menopausal woman would chip in about relationships
OP's pseudo-girlfriend was post-menopausal ?:confused:
 

BobG

Science Advisor
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I agree with Dan and anubis on this one.

She knew you wanted to be more than friends. She played on that to get the $1500 she needed. The reason she'll give for not talking to you is that she feels guilty about not being able to pay you back, but the real reason is that she thinks the well has run dry and really doesn't want to have to listen to you whine about getting your money back.

The fact that you can't contact her any more is your clue. Otherwise, she'd think about things and give you a realistic plan to pay you back; not cut off contact.

You're no use to her any more because she can't believe anyone would be dumb enough to come back for more abuse after what she's done to you. Which, considering your posts here, just shows she has little imagination, because I think she could take you for another grand or so, at least.

Your suggestion for her to "work it off" is insulting only because she's smarter than a prostitute. But don't give her credit for some kind of purity that she just doesn't have.
 
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Sure there is. He is here for assurance that his life will recover. Everyone is counselling him to make her smaller in his life; that is what is best for him. There is no need in this kind of situation to be "fair" to an absent non-person.
I can appreciate that concept because women commiserate in similar ways, but they've at least usually been introduced to the cowardly, cad, jerk in question and have room for comment.

However. It has huge potential to backfire on the name-callers should the fellow with the unfortunate verbal spewing techniques somehow (magically) manage to win the young lady back over. And, also, it speaks to the character of the people engaging in bashing someone they don't know at all.

Back to read the balance of the discussion, because I gather we have updates in the saga.
 

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