I need a new group of friends, but I don't know how

In summary, the speaker is a sophomore in college living in a dorm with friendly but not very interesting roommates and hallmates. They have tried to organize group activities, but their friends are always busy and they end up not going. The speaker is considering joining an adventure club to find people who share their interests in outdoor activities. They are also considering finding a new group of friends, but worry about awkwardness with their current roommates.
  • #1
Null_
231
0
I'm a sophomore in college and live in the dorm. I have a friendly roommate and hallmates, most of whom I met and socialized with last year. Now that we're all living together, though, I see that we are more friends of convenience and not really because we enjoy each other's company. Basically, we hang out in our rooms all the time, whether it be doing homework or watching movies or whatever.

Why I'm fed up with them: I am a very active person and enjoy running, hiking, and biking. I try to get a group organized to go somewhere (anywhere, and I'm open to suggestions), but they always say they're busy. Then I won't go because I don't want to go alone, and we just end up sitting around the dorm. I am constantly getting politely declined but never excluded, and I'm getting tired of trying to do anything. They say they do enjoy such activities, but in a year and a half, we've gone out once (and that was at the beginning of last year).

It's hard to make new friends because everyone seems to already have their groups. I don't see many people who do the sorts of things I like doing (I would be up for a camping/kayaking/climbing trip every weekend). I've considered joining the adventure club.


It's not that I don't like my current friends...they're all very nice, but they are just so...boring.


Advice? Should I seek new faces or try to get my current friends to do activities with me?
 
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  • #2
It doesn't sound like one's roommates or friends of convenience could be pursuaded to go running, hiking, and biking. So perhaps one can find an outdoor group/club where folks like to go biking or hiking.

If there is a mountaineering or alpine clud, try that.

Otherwise, I think one would be left doing it alone.
 
  • #3
Okay. I may have emphasized my outdoor activities a little bit. My current friends don't even want to go out to dinner or to clubs or concerts. I'm not sure if it's laziness or what. I don't mind doing different things with different groups of people, but I imagine it will be awkward living with these people if I do find another group to spend a lot of time with.
 
  • #4
Null_ said:
Okay. I may have emphasized my outdoor activities a little bit. My current friends don't even want to go out to dinner or to clubs or concerts. I'm not sure if it's laziness or what. I don't mind doing different things with different groups of people, but I imagine it will be awkward living with these people if I do find another group to spend a lot of time with.
It sounds like you are the odd one in this group. Has their behavior changed? Did they use to be a very outdoorsy/active group? Or has your awareness of what they like to do just come into focus?

They might not care at all if you find someone to do activities with that they don't enjoy.
 
  • #5
I can't really describe the situation without sounding negative and condescending, and I apologize for this.

They act and speak as if they are interested in the outdoors - they wear outdoorsie clothes, have nature pictures around their rooms and computer wallpaper, and talk about environmental awareness. This is why I befriended them last year, and it took me a few months to realize they were fakes. Then, I decided to just enjoy hanging out with them, and tried not to let it bother me.

Now, though, I am getting bored of doing the same thing every day and listening to the same conversations every day. Video games and tv shows/movies bore me. I suppose it is actually me who has changed.
 
  • #6
Null_ said:
It's hard to make new friends because everyone seems to already have their groups.
This is probably a misperception, a box you've assumed yourself into. It's my experience that groups are in constant flux, and someone new is often very welcome.

Null_ said:
...but I imagine it will be awkward living with these people if I do find another group to spend a lot of time with.
Another assumption that probably holds no water. It's my experience that the less housemates interact, the more they keep to themselves, the less drama results.

I would suggest you go out running where people run and see who else is there. Chances are people who run are also amenable to hiking and spelunking and such.
 
  • #7
Null, I think you have the answer right in front of you: try joining a club that does outdoorsy things (running, hiking, kayaking, etc), or other clubs that relate to your current interests (environmental club? music appreciation club? a political club?). If you don't enjoy hanging out with those new people, you can always quit the club.

Also, keep on being nice to your current friends/roommates. Just because you guys have developed different interests doesn't mean you can't be friendly or at the very least civil to one another. If you guys end up drifting apart as friends but remain good roommates/hallmates, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
 
  • #8
Null_ said:
I can't really describe the situation without sounding negative and condescending, and I apologize for this.

They act and speak as if they are interested in the outdoors - they wear outdoorsie clothes, have nature pictures around their rooms and computer wallpaper, and talk about environmental awareness. This is why I befriended them last year, and it took me a few months to realize they were fakes. Then, I decided to just enjoy hanging out with them, and tried not to let it bother me.

Now, though, I am getting bored of doing the same thing every day and listening to the same conversations every day. Video games and tv shows/movies bore me. I suppose it is actually me who has changed.

Hi Null_,

If you'll allow me to make a few inferences about your situation, I think it might help nail-down the issue more precisely. :smile:

You mentioned that you might've overemphasized the importance of outdoor activities, and then you expressed your disappointment with their disingenuousness regarding their hobbies and worldview. Because of this, I think it might be possible that your primary desire is to find a group of genuine, honest people, even if they don't have a passion for outdoorsy things. Is this correct?
 
  • #9
Null_ said:
It's hard to make new friends because everyone seems to already have their groups. I don't see many people who do the sorts of things I like doing (I would be up for a camping/kayaking/climbing trip every weekend). I've considered joining the adventure club.


It's not that I don't like my current friends...they're all very nice, but they are just so...boring.


Advice? Should I seek new faces or try to get my current friends to do activities with me?

Hi Null:smile: I think you'll make 'a new group of friends' by 'joining the adventure club'. Sounds like a lot of fun! Exercise is extremely important for a healthy body and mind. You might even influence your current friends to join. Good luck on your journey.:smile: It's your life so LIVE IT! (lol) I should mention that I never have been one of those types that follow the herd. :biggrin: I'm a pretty independant woman and encourage young people to stay mentally and physically fit. Start now and you will continue on that road of success until you die. Hopefully, I'll last until I'm 100 years old or older!:biggrin: Life is worth living!
 

1. How do I know if I need a new group of friends?

If you feel consistently unhappy or unfulfilled in your current friendships, if they don't align with your values or interests, or if they are negatively impacting your well-being, it may be a sign that you need to find a new group of friends.

2. How do I find a new group of friends?

One way to find a new group of friends is to join clubs or organizations that align with your interests. You can also try attending events or activities in your community, reaching out to acquaintances or coworkers, or joining online communities related to your hobbies or passions.

3. How do I approach potential new friends?

Be genuine and friendly, and try to find common ground. Ask open-ended questions and actively listen to their responses. You can also offer to participate in activities together or invite them to join you in something you enjoy.

4. What if I don't have any common interests with potential new friends?

It's okay if you don't have everything in common with potential new friends. Focus on finding a few shared interests or values and build from there. You can also try being open-minded and trying new things together to discover common ground.

5. How do I maintain and nurture new friendships?

Communication and effort are key in maintaining and nurturing new friendships. Make sure to keep in touch regularly, make plans to hang out, and show genuine interest and support in your friends' lives. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and open up to deepen your friendships as well.

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