Im extremely intelligent, and the good amount of german in me always had me trying and trying until what i was after was perfect or nearly so. This included school projects, personal projects, just riding a single speed bike very far to hang with friends. Im a freshman now in college, mechanical engineering, and it seems like im just the same as everyone else anymore. Im content with failure more and more, i sleep alot, im selfish, and looking deeply into my daily tasks- i can see nothing of merit. No stellar works amaze me as i look back at them, my ever inquisitive mind remains idle, its like i gave up but for no reason. I see life, and i see its end. But when life is over, i dont see anything else. Everyone is so ignorant and they are more content to be fake and grouped than single and opinionated. I know this is llife, and how humans act...but its all for nothing. If you are happy or if you are sad its only a state of chemical being; if you take a 3rd person view on yourself, life is still moving and no one cares. What bothers me most is that tomorrow i wont care either, ill think about getting this or talking to her or eating or sleeping. life just makes me sick sometimes, with its ever progressing stoic attitude towards people. everything is able to be taken down to chemicals. the way a girl smells, how you feel after you smoke or work out. i just dont see a point, im feeling very average, and as condescending as this sounds i really hate not being better than most. the ONLY thing i care about in life is this strange place i find myself in sometimes, and it seems like some people are there also. Its a creative place of thoughts and imagination. like how you feel when you meet up with estranged family at a funeral, but then the next week you go back to your distant relations and blunt nosed approach to life.