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I think i lost myself someplace

  1. Apr 18, 2005 #1
    Im extremely intelligent, and the good amount of german in me always had me trying and trying until what i was after was perfect or nearly so. This included school projects, personal projects, just riding a single speed bike very far to hang with friends. Im a freshman now in college, mechanical engineering, and it seems like im just the same as everyone else anymore. Im content with failure more and more, i sleep alot, im selfish, and looking deeply into my daily tasks- i can see nothing of merit. No stellar works amaze me as i look back at them, my ever inquisitive mind remains idle, its like i gave up but for no reason.

    I see life, and i see its end. But when life is over, i dont see anything else. Everyone is so ignorant and they are more content to be fake and grouped than single and opinionated. I know this is llife, and how humans act...but its all for nothing. If you are happy or if you are sad its only a state of chemical being; if you take a 3rd person view on yourself, life is still moving and no one cares. What bothers me most is that tomorrow i wont care either, ill think about getting this or talking to her or eating or sleeping. life just makes me sick sometimes, with its ever progressing stoic attitude towards people.

    everything is able to be taken down to chemicals. the way a girl smells, how you feel after you smoke or work out. i just dont see a point, im feeling very average, and as condescending as this sounds i really hate not being better than most. the ONLY thing i care about in life is this strange place i find myself in sometimes, and it seems like some people are there also. Its a creative place of thoughts and imagination. like how you feel when you meet up with estranged family at a funeral, but then the next week you go back to your distant relations and blunt nosed approach to life. :frown:
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  3. Apr 18, 2005 #2

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    hmm.. this is exactly how I felt between the ages of 18 and 19. But then I changed. I suppose entering the work force left less time for introspection!
    If you think back to a time when you didn't feel this way, when was that? How old were you? What was it that invoked a sense of wonder in you at that time? Is there anything that invokes that same sense in you now, or do you feel that you know all there is to know and that there's nothing left to discover or experience?
  4. Apr 18, 2005 #3

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    Reading your post a second time, I see that you are obviously depressed over a girl. What happened? Was this your first love?
  5. Apr 19, 2005 #4
    it seems you have gained wisdom at a young age.

    Now do not go and lose it like many people.

    when one becomes so wise, he will relize life and wisdom is pointless for all. No matter what you do, it will not affect the end. NO matter what you do you will die, and all your works on earth will be slowly destroyed, maybe fast if some one living does not like them.

    I know a good book you can read.

    It is ececlelasties (i know i mispelled it) It is located after proverbs in the Bible. It agrees with you. I suggest you read it, it will answer the question is everything pointless.
  6. Apr 19, 2005 #5
    Hi, oldunion,
    Hang in there. I remember going through something similar when i was much younger than I am now. It gets easier. The long hard slog of college can feel like 'selling out', but it's not, it's just something you have to go through, to be allowed to dream later, instead of ending up in a dead end job where all your dreams are of winning the lottery. Just don't lose your sense of wonder, you'll be okay.
  7. Apr 19, 2005 #6
    *nod* i occasionaly gt tat same process, but just try and start a project up, i dont know what you like to do, but make something that you dont know how to make, and when you finish it you can use that to hold yourself together until you improove it and improove your knowlage in that area of study. At least this is what i do, is anytime i feel like what am i doing with my time, i just sort out and search for some equation to develope or to enhance an already made one, just personal gratification is the best thing in the world in my opinion...
  8. Apr 20, 2005 #7
    Theres always some girl messing with my head, but im not concerned with that. Thats interesting you mention wisdom at a young age. I am considering several things in my future which are obvious to me as unwise, yet i seek their end to allow for myself to travel to that delicious imaginary place where i am who i want to be.

    It seems like to be that strange genius, who is secluded, obsessed with his studies, and is misunderstood is tempting. Also, to be the cool person who doesn't care, who uses women, and does what he wants to get money is also tempting. the thing is, almost everyone i know does not understand the first, and likes or can associate with the latter. this is my dilemma. seclusion is a dreary prospect, and in the end when i have done everything i wanted i will have passed by the people i should have been mingling with. NO ONE understands me when im in genius mode, so why be like that at all.

    On another note, im at a college right now because it is free which im not thinking is a very good school uncc, mechanical engineering. i did not do well in high school, and im worrying now if ill ever get a nicely paying job.
  9. Apr 20, 2005 #8

    You are looking in the wrong place for help. This is the easy way out. Some impersonal advice and maybe you feel a little better for a while, but nobody really knows you and you can still feel anonymous and unappreciated. If half of what you say here is true then you should attempt to seek help. You may find it difficult to take a first step. You may feel confused. It's simple.

    Talk to your parents.
    Keep relationships with friends that are healthy for you.
    Make an appointment with a school counselor and don't miss it. Just print out your post and give it to him/her. She can at least guide you to the help that you need.

    Many young adults go through these feelings and sometimes they turn out just fine all by themselves. I think it will be easier for you to deal with if you realize you are not alone. Your councilor will be able to help you with that. If this is something more serious, and the brown text makes me think it might be, then I plead with you to get help.

    Peace and long life, my friend
  10. Apr 21, 2005 #9


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    Welcome to the world of Nihilism.

    [I've decided to cut all the middle bits out for the sake of simplicity]

    Action and strength or inaction and weakness - your choice.
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2005
  11. Apr 21, 2005 #10
    ability to go with little or no sleep for days without feeling tired

    distractibility - the teen's attention moves constantly from one thing to the next

    repeated high risk-taking behavior; such as, abusing alcohol and drugs, reckless driving, or sexual promiscuity

    Social isolation, poor communication

    Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure

    Difficulty with relationships

    Poor concentration

    some* of the things i highlighted from those links. Maybe i will look into it. I dont much like the thought of taking a drug to alter my mind. No issue i have with myself is problematic enough that i find it unmanageable.
  12. Apr 21, 2005 #11
    Yeah, just talk in person with someone qualified. You might not need drugs at all. You may not have those conditions. Many young adults experience similar emotions. I believe it is important that you identify the cause of them. A councilor will probably help you with that. It's worth atleast looking into I think. It could be important.
  13. Apr 21, 2005 #12
    i love you! lol i have the same opinion - and on similiar not, most, and note the word most, psychological drugs dont actually help, they just mask the problem, making you dependant on the medicine then making the problem worse
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