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Intentional abuse.

  1. Jun 11, 2012 #1


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    I have an acquaintance (not a friend) who moved up here from Mass like many others in this area. His former GF moved in with him recently. She is younger than him, a bit overweight (that didn't matter to him before), and is pleasant and nice as can be. She spent all of her savings to move up here and she got a job in a local truck-stop. Now he is picking fights with her, and says crap like "move back to Mass if you don't like it". She doesn't have the money to move back down there, and has no attachment to that area anyway. I feel so sorry for her. That kind of treatment is cruel, IMO. She moved here to be with him, and found work right away to support herself, and he is acting like a jerk. I used to tolerate him, but I'll find that tough in the future. His GF is a sweet lady and she shouldn't be treated so callously.

    Relationships can be lovely, with warm bonds, but hateful people can turn those bonds into cold chains. I feel so lucky to have hooked up with my wife. We are closing in on 40 years together. I think I'll keep her.
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2012
  2. jcsd
  3. Jun 11, 2012 #2
    You and I are very similar. We have excellent relationships with wonderful women, who we have been with for many decades. We are also saddened when we see stuff like this. The hardest lesson for me to learn was that I cannot do anything about it. Everyone must live their own life the best way they can. Only if they ask for help can we offer help. The older I get, the more often I find people asking.
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2012
  4. Jun 11, 2012 #3
    You could lend her some money to move out of there, even if its just to somewhere else in town.
  5. Jun 12, 2012 #4
    Turbo -
    Not to sound like the Penthouse forums but what is Her story / His story.
    Not to be stereotyping, but is she whinning about few friends, too country-ish, don't go out enough, or anything else that she might miss.. It is probably not what she expected and that could be making her feel ill at ease in her new location. He might be not such a bad guy afterall, since his retorts seem somewhat defensive if they are as what you describe. Perhaps she imposed on him rather than accepted an invite and it is not working out as they had hoped.
  6. Jun 12, 2012 #5


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    She has visited this area before a number of times and is well-liked by the neighbors. Now that she has spent her savings to move up here, her jerk "boyfriend" is treating her poorly. There is no excuse for that. I have never been too fond of him, but I'm even less inclined to treat him politely, now. And no, his GF doesn't expect much. She is quite happy to go to an occasional cook-out or to a a birthday party for a neighborhood kid. Nothing fancy, and no need for night-life - nice simple living is fine with her, AFAIK.

    I would gladly loan her money if she would use it to go back to Mass, but it would be money wasted, since she would eventually end up back here anyway, IMO, and probably back in his clutches. Not a good situation. She has friends here (friends made on short visits, because she is such a pleasant person), and would like to live here, but her BF is a jerk and is treating her poorly.
  7. Jun 16, 2012 #6
    It is really too bad then. The guy should step back a bit to converse and discuss with her in a more useful and suitable manner.
  8. Jun 16, 2012 #7


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    My wife and I are friends with a couple who have been having some problems. I usually don't like getting involved in other peoples' relationships, but the husband crossed the line last time. We invited the wife to stay at our place while he cooled down, and I went over to their house to have a serious talk with him. He is a disabled marine who likes to drink, so I was as calm and non-threatening as I could be without sacrificing seriousness. I was frank with him about his behavior and he seemed to respond pretty well. I also told him that if he needs to vent, then he can do it with me, not his wife. They are also seeing a counselor together.

    I hope your acquaintances either break it off or seek professional help. Abusive relationships can become very dangerous for both parties.
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