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Is it okay if your significant other cuddles with someone else?

  1. Yes

    13 vote(s)
  2. No

    44 vote(s)
  1. Jul 8, 2007 #1
    Say your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife has a friend which is attracted to them and wants to date them. Is it okay with you if they cuddle together?
  2. jcsd
  3. Jul 8, 2007 #2
    Umm, are you joking? This is even bad for the friend.
  4. Jul 8, 2007 #3
    If you're a swinger then yes, but most people aren't so I'm going to go with no :smile:

    Odd question, are you thinking of a free relationship yourself maybe? Ie if you let your other half do it, then what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander... Just guessing :tongue2:
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2007
  5. Jul 8, 2007 #4
    Excuse me, as I have to laugh at this:


    Let me rephrase your question more correctly, do you mind if your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife is banging your friend.
  6. Jul 8, 2007 #5


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    This isn't definitively wrong or right, cyrus. There are in fact many different kinds of relationships, some of which can happily support this kind of exploration, and some which can't. Like all human behaviors, there's a spectrum.

    If it makes you uncomfortable, then you need to say so, and you need to have your demands met. On the other hand, if you enjoy it, then don't worry yourself about it.

    - Warren
  7. Jul 8, 2007 #6
    If I was trying to have a monogamous relationship, that would be a serious problem.
  8. Jul 8, 2007 #7


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    hmmm... somehow I think if one's partner wants to date someone else it usually means s/he's not happy enough with his/her partner right now! :rolleyes:
  9. Jul 8, 2007 #8
    I voted yes before I read the attracted part. if there's a sexual attraction, then OBVIOUSLY N - O: NAY. ... and you should probably work on the relationship... but if they're just friends then why not. ... what kind of cuddling are we talking about? ... if someone had a bad day or something and needs a long hug, then why not.

    I guess there's a lot of grey area.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2007
  10. Jul 8, 2007 #9


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    I vote 'yes'. We don't own each other.
  11. Jul 8, 2007 #10
    lol, this is a funny question.

    Are you asking whether society should be this way or if in your particular situation you should allow it? If it's about you and your situation, then a lot more details would be needed, and even then what is "right" and "wrong" is very subjective.

    There really aren't many studies out there that explore this sort of problem. Perhaps a lot of theories not based on studies though. You will take a gamble no matter what you do and will probably not have a very clear understanding of what you're getting yourself into. You can look at some intimacy psychological studies and some perhaps find some sociological studies about people's viewpoints on this sort of thing though, which may help.

    If you do go into this, like I said, it would be a risk. But then again, the traditional serial monogamy relationship model is a gamble as well. There are a lot of unspoken "rules" about certain types of relationships and there is a complex web of interactions between us as people. Understanding that web would be a good start in determining if you'd like to change the rules of your relationship to a nonstandard model (or a 'weird' one). If the goal is to be fair and happy, then I suggest you think about the rights you have to tell your significant other what they can do and what feelings they might cause in you and whether they are responsible and have to answer for those. You'd also want to think about how it would make you feel and how it would change the dynamics of your relationship, complexifying it in a society that has instilled upon you certain inhibitions, which are reinforced by judgements on you, your spouse, and the other person. You'd also have to be open to losing your spouse, should they decide to be with the other person rather than you, cutting things off because of pressure to only be with one person by society or the situation. "Cuddling" might lead to more, it might not. My thoughts are that it would.

    Now, if this is a personal problem of yours, I would think that if the person who wants to cuddle with your significant other, and your significant other had the guts to ask if they could.. I'm guessing there is a spark between them.

    Ok, well, I have a date in a bit. Good luck if this is a personal problem of yours. Matters of the heart are never as simplistic as they seem.


    P.S. Most of the people you date will not become your wife. I'm not saying to sabotage relationships, but some experimentation may be worth the trouble (or maybe it won't). It's up to you to decide if you'd want to put your relationship on uncertain grounds.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2007
  12. Jul 8, 2007 #11
    quoted for the truth
  13. Jul 8, 2007 #12
    Quoted for a silver star.

    Or at the very least the purple heart. :smile:

    Last edited: Jul 8, 2007
  14. Jul 8, 2007 #13
    Its the fact that the friend wants to date your significant other that makes it very, very, iffy.
  15. Jul 8, 2007 #14
    Same here, voted yes then read the post. I agree with you completely ^^^
  16. Jul 8, 2007 #15
    Well, there's only a couple things that could be going on, for example:

    Assumptions: Exclusive Relationship (otherwise it's meaningless, if you can sleep with other people, cuddling isn't a problem.)

    Either, 1. your partner doesn't know the other person is attracted to them, and thinks their just friends.
    Or, 2. your partner does know and is also attracted to them, in which case you should feel threatened.
    Or, 3. your partner does know and is just teasing them cruelly. (In which case, you should destroy them for being a horrible person.)

    Each scenario is it's own topic, really.
  17. Jul 8, 2007 #16
    The question asked, is it ok with you? I said no, its not ok with me. If a guy were attracted to my girl and was cuddling with her, its because he wants to get in her pants. You would have to be pretty naive to think otherwise. But then again, if you are letting your girl cuddle with another guy you know likes her, you already are pretty naive.

    I voted a big ole hell no.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2007
  18. Jul 8, 2007 #17


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    There really isn't enough information in the original post to make any kind of statement about whether this particular situation is okay or not in general. There isn't even enough information for me to say whether or not it'd be okay to me. It might take a two-hour long conversation for a couple to really come to a satisfying conclusion about it. As a result, it's sorta meaningless to ask us what we think.

    For the majority of couples, the answer is clearly no; but, for some percentage of couples, it would be fine.

    - Warren
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2007
  19. Jul 8, 2007 #18
    I mean, if shes getting some on the side w/o telling you, thats one thing. If shes all over other guys infront of your face, pardon my french but you're basically her *****. "Hey look at me, im all over your best friend and you dont even have the balls to stand up to me!"
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2007
  20. Jul 8, 2007 #19
    Nieve isn't a word. You're thinking Naive.
  21. Jul 8, 2007 #20
    :rofl: how naive of me! I tried to spell check using google and it spat that back at me, dooough.
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