# Is it possible to date while unemployed?

#### brainstorm

If you are unemployed and pinching every penny, is there any way to date. Can you invite someone over and make them a meal for a first date? It seems that if you're not going to go out and spread some money around, you're not going to be able to impress a date. Is this perspective too cynical?

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#### lisab

Staff Emeritus
Gold Member
Yeah, that makes it tough. But not impossible.

Me, if I didn't know a guy well and he asked me to his house, I'd be a bit hesitant. It's just too soon to be alone with him, in his house, on the first date.

But a picnic would be nice. You could put together something simple: sandwiches, a bit of cheese, fruit, maybe wine. That would be cheap, and kind of romantic.

#### brainstorm

Yeah, that makes it tough. But not impossible.

Me, if I didn't know a guy well and he asked me to his house, I'd be a bit hesitant. It's just too soon to be alone with him, in his house, on the first date.

But a picnic would be nice. You could put together something simple: sandwiches, a bit of cheese, fruit, maybe wine. That would be cheap, and kind of romantic.
Good idea, but where would you picknick that wouldn't be to secluded as to generate fear?

#### FrancisZ

Good idea, but where would you picknick that wouldn't be to secluded as to generate fear?
Public park, during the day, perhaps.

#### Pengwuino

Gold Member
Good idea, but where would you picknick that wouldn't be to secluded as to generate fear?
Parks. There are plenty of places in a park that aren't going to make a girl nervous

#### brainstorm

Ok, here's a slightly more theoretical question. Why can't dates be completely without consumption, even picnicking?

#### Math Is Hard

Staff Emeritus
Gold Member
Ok, here's a slightly more theoretical question. Why can't dates be completely without consumption, even picnicking?
They can be.

There's a museum in my city that has free admission on certain hours on certain days. You could look for something like that.

#### Evo

Mentor
Ok, here's a slightly more theoretical question. Why can't dates be completely without consumption, even picnicking?
Because having something to do with your hands helps to reduce stress. If you are confronted with an unfamilar situation, especially with meeting another person with hopes of a romance, having a distraction such as eating or drinking will help alleviate the tension.

I don't think something as constructed and requiring planning, such as a picnic, is a good choice for a first meeting. A cup of coffee, ice cream, or other such meeting which can be easily and quickly ended, or can lead to something more is much less stressful and therefor more likely to give a better impression of who you really are.

#### brainstorm

Because having something to do with your hands helps to reduce stress. If you are confronted with an unfamilar situation, especially with meeting another person with hopes of a romance, having a distraction such as eating or drinking will help alleviate the tension.

I don't think something as constructed and requiring planning, such as a picnic, is a good choice for a first meeting. A cup of coffee, ice cream, or other such meeting which can be easily and quickly ended, or can lead to something more is much less stressful and therefor more likely to give a better impression of who you really are.
All these posts are good insights and suggestions. On another level, though, I just think "why does dating have to be more complicated and tense than meeting a professor in their office?" I guess once you get over that tension, it doesn't seem like anything else should be so difficult. Is dating higher stress than scholarly interaction?

#### airborne18

All these posts are good insights and suggestions. On another level, though, I just think "why does dating have to be more complicated and tense than meeting a professor in their office?" I guess once you get over that tension, it doesn't seem like anything else should be so difficult. Is dating higher stress than scholarly interaction?
I think that depends on the person, and the type of person. If you can't break the tension in a date within the first 10 mins or so, you are done anyway. But personally I was never the cold call dater. I usually knew the person for a while.

#### nucleargirl

Its totally ok to date while being unemployed! I've got no job and I am dating! ok some ideas:
drawing! that was my first date with the bf - pack some colour pencils and go to a park and draw stuff together! taking photos with an existing camera is also good.
like the others said, picnics and museums are good.
cycle trips! sight seeing somewhere nearby together on a bike!
Hiking! walk together on a hill or along a river!
Fishing! we tried to go crayfish fishing... but there were no crayfish to be caught, not even one.
feeding the ducks! buy some discount bread and go to the park!
chess! there was this giant chess set in the city, and we played chess!
and if you want to spend a little money, there are loads of vouchers online for eating out/cinema!
fun!
lol! there's more!
visiting friends! yours or theirs, go to a friends place and talk :) and if you have talented friends they might even perform for you!
if really desperate for money/food, you could even go bin-diving together... but maybe not on the first few dates...
and you could always look for jobs/help each other with your CV together :)
Yeah, find some common interest between you two and do that!

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#### Klockan3

Its totally ok to date while being unemployed! I've got no job and I am dating!
He meant as a male, being unemployed isn't nearly as stigmatized for females.

#### xxChrisxx

It seems that if you're not going to go out and spread some money around, you're not going to be able to impress a date.
Most women are dating to size you up as a postective mate, not your wallet. Those who are solely interested in the latter are called gold diggers.

It doesn't matter how much money you've got if you are able to show her a good time. Infact it's more of a challenge to do something in a thrifty manner becuase you can't hide behind money. Free things require substanically more effort to pull off, and effort is seen as romantic as it shows you've thought about them and what they want. Women like that.

#### nucleargirl

He meant as a male, being unemployed isn't nearly as stigmatized for females.
everyone gets unemployed at some point in their lives! its ok!
I think as long as you are trying to find a job its ok - it takes time, girls will understand.
we were both students and so had no money at all. I think its best to meet when you are both poor, and then get rich together.

#### TheStatutoryApe

I have had friends who dated when they were unemployed. They just found women willing to pay for everything, which is surprisingly less difficult than you might think.

$10 for coffee?!? I'm still in shock that it's more than$1/cup for regular and $2 for fancy. #### xxChrisxx$10 for coffee?!? I'm still in shock that it's more than $1/cup for regular and$2 for fancy.
That's clearly for the outing. A couple of cups, a nice slice of carrot cake etc etc etc.

#### George Jones

Staff Emeritus
Gold Member
That's clearly for the outing. A couple of cups, a nice slice of carrot cake etc etc etc.
Right. At Tim Hortons here, a medium coffee/tea is $1.34 (large is$1.62). Add a small desert or two (doughnuts, danishes, etc.) and the cost is roughly in the $4 -$7 range.

#### TheStatutoryApe

Right. At Tim Hortons here, a medium coffee/tea is $1.34 (large is$1.62). Add a small desert or two (doughnuts, danishes, etc.) and the cost is roughly in the $4 -$7 range.
That's assuming that she doesn't want a venti ice blended caramel macchiato with soy. And what's this "medium" and "large"? Speak a language I can understand man!

Brainstorm said:
There's no such thing as a free drink. Seriously, though, it doesn't matter if you're male or female; when someone else is paying your way it puts you in the position of wanting to reciprocate and, if you're not in the position to b/c your income is limited, it is a recipe for feelings of embarrassment and inadequacy.
I suppose this would depend on if you are really concerned with such things. The persons I mention were not.

I would assume that the OP is concerned with such things though. At the same time I have been in financial straights while dating and found my partner quite willing to pay for things as well as annoyed that I was rather uncomfortable with it.

#### xxChrisxx

That's assuming that she doesn't want a venti ice blended caramel macchiato with soy.
Why is everything so bloody complicated over there? It's like ordering eggs, probably the most simple meal in the universe, yet requires at least two A4 pages of description as to how you like it cooked.

#### wasteofo2

You shouldn't spend money on dates, the girl gets to spend time with you, and that's enough.

Do fun things, make sure you're having a good time. That needn't involve any money. In fact, most girls will respect you more for NOT trying to buy their affection. Setting up something interesting/fun/memorable is way more valuable.

For instance, some recent first dates:

Pick up the girl from her dorm, drive her to a park near a river at night, walk around, take in the view, chat, kiss her...

Pick up the girl from the bus stop, walk her to my appt, build a fire, sip tea by the fire, kiss her...

Go to a free concert, go back to her place, watch some flight of the conchords on her laptop, kiss her...

Each night involved something different than the normal dinner/movie/bar date, and for that was worth alot more than \$40 worth of drinks or food or whatever.