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Is it wrong to have a back-up arranged before a breakup?

  1. Aug 26, 2011 #1
    Is it wrong to have another person in mind that you could date, before you break up with someone?
  2. jcsd
  3. Aug 26, 2011 #2


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    I don't see why not. It's not like you're actively pursuing them while you're with someone, it's just a thought in your head.
  4. Aug 26, 2011 #3


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    Not at all. That's a good idea.

    Alternatively, if you want to break up and don't have a back-up, remember to get laid one last time before you break up with her since it could be a while before it happens again. Just like this guy:


    (There is just something seriously wrong with this song. :rofl:)

    (And why did the guy that posted this feel it so necessary to correct "it" to "in" when there were so many other misspellings?)
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 25, 2014
  5. Aug 31, 2011 #4
    You should already have dumped the poor girl before you decided to look elsewhere.
    as a girl id find that extremely unattractive. Id also refuse to date you because if I did, then youd be likely to look elsewhere while youre dating me.
  6. Aug 31, 2011 #5
    I consider that wrong. If you're not longer interested, then end the relationship. But waiting to end the relationship just to find a new partner... That's low...
  7. Aug 31, 2011 #6
    No you should start dating the other person without breaking up with the current one. If it works out then you dump the current one.:devil:
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2011
  8. Aug 31, 2011 #7
    What happens if it doesn't work out with the other one? Would you still break up with the one you are presently with? Why would you wait?

    To the OP: I say it is. If it isn't working out, then its time to end it and pursue a new relationship.
  9. Sep 1, 2011 #8
    It depends. If you decided that you should probably break up with this person because you realized that you were more interested in other people, including your "back-up", then its not so bad. I broke up with my first girlfriend when I found that I was looking at other women and thinking about chatting them up as if I didn't even have a girlfriend. I didn't have a "back-up" though.

    If you have been thinking about breaking up with this person and are now deciding its a good time because you have your sights set on someone else then that's pretty crappy of you.
  10. Sep 1, 2011 #9
    I think that's dependant on the basis for the relationship. If your current mate is expecting a ring and you're thinking about other women (specifically or not) then I think that it's probably not a good idea to wait to break up. BUT... if you and your girl-friend aren't very forward looking and in a relationship 'in the moment', waiting to find another girl to persue doesn't seem so bad.

    This, like many relationship questions, is really just: 'it depends'. Personally, I've been on a few different ends of this. I dated a girl for almost 2 years (she lived with me even), and I wasn't that into the relationship. We were pretty stable just being together and didn't rock the boat talking about anything more than what was for dinner the next night. Not a horribly deep relationship, but I still look on it fondly. Knowing that I didn't want her for life, once the next best thing came along, I moved on. I thought about breakingup with her earlier, but she was legitimately happy with me - even in our current state. We weren't degenerate, and she wasn't a drain on my life so I conciously stayed in the relationship knowing I would likely end the relationship once another serious woman came along. When we did break up, of course there was a month or so cooling down period before any real talking began - and I asked her point blank if she would have prefered that I dumped her earlier, she said no that she was still happy until the (somewhat blunt) end to our relationship. Your mileage may vary, but not all relationships are destined to be for life - and I think it's important to realize that.
  11. Sep 2, 2011 #10
    All of the people I have ever known that have done that, are painfully needy or codependent.

    Are you afraid of being single?
  12. Sep 29, 2011 #11
    Definitely a positive thing to have backups in mind.

    A man with options is a free man. If you are only staying with a girl because you have no other options, you're doing it out of desperation.

    If you have other options, and break up with a girl, it's because she wasn't the best option. Too bad for her, but you deserve better.

    In fact, even just having options without intending to break up can be good. A girl sees that other girls are attracted to you, and she knows she has to bring her A-game and won't take you for granted.

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