I saw this image when I was a kid. The photograph of Jupiter taken by NASA's Voyager. Beautiful. But nothing special until shown in rapid succession. Suddenly Jupiter was alive. Breathing. I was hypnotized. I was stuck in this..overwhelming..magnetic..trance. Astrophysics, with its hybrid mixture of Math and Physics and Astronomy, etc., has always made me feel humble and happy but I'm constantly overwhelmed by all the knowledge and hardship it can bring..I sometimes think that I can never learn or experience it all. That's when I stop trying at all and try to ignore it..trying something else. But I just can't..it's too endearing to let go. I continually feel like I should read and read and read and soak up has much has possible but it makes me feel so..fake. Like I'm forcing myself..when I should just want it..and I do..I then sense that there's other people who are smarter and faster and overall better than me at this and that's when I feel belittled and senseless again. Maybe I'm just being stupid..but it does make me feel less confident. I know I could do this but I just question it sometimes whether I truly want it or not. I'm just scared that this 'field' will eat me alive. I'm always stuck in my head and over thinking things that should be rational and simple..but nothing ever is. Sorry if this became some sort of self loathing post but I just need a little bit of guidance and strategy on where to begin. I've been reading some posts on this forum and everyone seems so insightful and wonderful. So please guide and amaze me!