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Is This Girl Giving Me Signals?

  1. Nov 18, 2014 #1
    I never thought I'd one day use this site to ask for dating advise. However my situation is such that I have to ask somewhere, and I feel everyone here would understand my way of thinking about such issues, which is helpful.

    Anyway, I went to the same primary school as the girl in question for exactly one year. She was a class above me and I don't think I ever talked to her, but it was a small village school where everyone knew everyone. That was 7.5 - 8.5 years ago. Now in 2nd year of college she is the only person I have seen on campus who I have known from this primary school. I saw her around a few times last year but we never said hi or anything.

    Now during the past few weeks, the Poisson distribution struck in such a way that we saw each other unusually often in different places, and she gave me "the look" about four times. By "the look" I mean an occurrence whereby she looked at me, and upon me making eye contact, did not look away, like people normally do when that happens. And although I'm not sure I don't think she looked away until I left her visual field.

    Statistics tells me I shouldn't consider four such occurrences as something significant, especially since there are other possible explanations for this behaviour. I have changed a lot since primary school so the striking difference between her memory and reality may seem strange to her. I know myself, that I tend to stare a lot at things that look strange. But my common sense tells me that if she is giving me signals, she will get bored eventually if I don't do anything.

    Many of you may think that since as I already know her, why don't I just go and talk to her and see how it goes, and I give you this answer: I'm very awkward socially. So awkward that I tend to creep girls out just by talking to them. Doesn't mean that I have low self-esteem though, quite the opposite, but I'm very cautious of talking to girls. I won't do it without good reason.

    So, what do the romantically experienced members of this forum think. Signals or unlikely?
  2. jcsd
  3. Nov 18, 2014 #2
    Go for it! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.Good luck!!
  4. Nov 18, 2014 #3


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    As a general rule a girl looking at you is not a signal that she's romantically interested.

    Based on what you've written, I suspect there's a good chance she recognizes you, but can't place you. Or maybe she can place you, but doesn't think you will remember her. Or maybe she's shy as well. There's lots of reasons she could be staring at you.

    Even if you have somehow caught her eye, it's actually a long jump from there to a romantic interest. It's easy to find someone attractive, but to go from that to the pursuit of a healthy relationship requires that the two o you spend time with each other, explore mutual interests, talk, and generally learn about each other. The world is full of stories about packages that look good on the outside, but turn into nightmares once you get below the surface. Unfortunately, the only way to find that out is to start digging.

    The only way to get socially un-awkward is through practice. I would recommend the next time you see her, go out of your way to talk to her. Just tell her that you remember her from years ago, and wanted to say hello. It's even okay to tell her you were a little shy about doing so. If things go well, ask her if she'd be interested in catching up over a coffee. If they don't, well, at least you said hello. And that will make it easier the next time something like this happens.
  5. Nov 18, 2014 #4
    I agree with Choppy. do you remember her name? even if you don't you could look it up to break the ice by asking if she is {enter name here} and that you recognized her from years before. how has she been doing ? how is school treating her...etc... inquire about her and be willing to listen.
  6. Nov 19, 2014 #5
    Thanks this is what I wanted clarification on.

    Oh, I'm aware of this. I know that compatibility would also have to be there before a relationship. At the moment, I'm really just trying to discern whether I have any reasonable chance.
  7. Nov 22, 2014 #6


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    The chance will be nil if one doesn't interact with the person of interest.

    Go with dragoneyes advice, approach her and say 'hi', indicate that you remember her from primary school, and then . . . .

    Even if it doesn't work out, one will know years later that you took the opportunity. On the other hand, it might work out as a friendship, or more.
  8. Dec 9, 2014 #7
    Better indicators would be she runs her hand through her hair when she talks to you, she leans towards you, or when she squeezes when holding hands. The curious deer in the headlights look can be a sign of attraction. These are just first-impression indicators though, like the resume that gets you the interview. You won't know how you'll click until you talk to her and involve yourself a bit more in her life - and it's not always about "finding out" whether you are compatible, but building a relationship as well, pushing through the difficult times when they arrive, giving space when needed, in other words, adapting to the situation as it changes and it needs to be a mutual effort. Kind of hard to win someone over who is hell bent on turning you down/pushing you away. Just my 2 cents.
  9. Dec 25, 2014 #8
    I think maybe she's giving you the look because you look familiar... That could also be the look that she gives someone when she wants them to talk to her. At least she looks, worse case scenario is she spits at you but I believe that is highly unlikely. One it's inappropriate to spit and two she doesn't have a reason. The best case scenario she wants to be friends and further. 1+1= 10 in my book 10 things can happen.
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